Sunday, December 30, 2007
Tonight we had dinner at my S+BIL's and I stayed off the grog again and ate very moderately. We had a baked snapper stuffed with a mixture of bacon, mushrooms, prawns and smoked oysters with various salads (not the healthiest but not too deadly). Desert was fruit and endless types of chocolate and I managed to stay saintly and have only the fruit.
The family is going for a holiday to Fiji in March and everyone (except me) is desperate to lose weight before we go. They're all setting 5 or 10 kilo target losses and calling it "The Biggest Loser - Fiji". I'm quietly chuckling to myself at what they believe they can do or need to do to lose the weight. Only my WH knows the cold hard facts and I'm hoping he takes out the prize (winner gets their duty free purchased for them on the way home).
Saturday, December 29, 2007
For breakfast today I had 1/2 a 9 grain muffin with a small piece of lean grilled bacon, an egg and mushrooms on the side. Very nice!!
BS and Iwent out briefly to take care of some chores and then home for lunch. Today I stirfried a leftover packet of coleslaw veggies in chicken stock, low salt soy sauce, ginger and chilli and had some with tuna and brown rice. Another yummy and satisfying meal. Then I dragged out my overflowing ironing basket and got stuck into it all. Its empty now which is a great feeling. BS and I also played Trouble (I love that game and remember playing it when I was a little girl) and Uno. He won both games :-)
I've just polished off a Nestle Diet Lite peach and mango yogurt with a chopped peach and a sprinkle of chopped walnuts. My water intake has been excellent.
So with all those runs on my board I'm planning to not get out the minute we land at my friend's house for dinner tonight. She always has the yummiest food and I find it VERY hard to resist.
My plan: NO ALCOHOL and enjoy the food in moderation. Sounds easy but for someone who automatically goes back for seconds when they love what they've had, thats a big ask. But that is my intention.
I want to walk away from the visit feeling satisfied, happy and pleased that I didnt lose control and end up stuffing myself silly, or having too much to drink.
Stay tuned to hear how I went.
Friday, December 28, 2007
JANUARY: I started the year with a dose of post-Christmas weight gain after a week away and doing my bit for finishing off Christmas leftovers. Hmmm had to train extra hard to get back to where I was before the Christmas holiday and I did it. This year I stopped eating anything junky on Boxing Day and therefore minimised any Christmas weight gain. Score One for me for Jan 2008 (when it rolls around).
FEBRUARY: The family travelled to Sydney to celebrate SIL's 40th birthday. We had a fantastic time staying in a luxurious 3 bedroom apartment in the city and seeing Priscilla Queen of the Desert was certainly a highlight that weekend. Training suffered a bit on that holiday but nothing that couldnt be made up quickly once back home.
MARCH: My SIL and her (then) fiance arrived in Adelaide and had bought a house a couple of suburbs away from where we live. Our social life kicked into overdrive with regular barbies, nights out at The Fringe and casual get-togethers. Things became a little more challenging when it came to eating clean but I persevered.
In late March we had another Sydney holiday this time with my best friend and her husband. More eating out, drinking, shopping and neglected training - which came as a bit of a godsend anyway as I had fallen over on one of my runs and had hurt my knee so a bit of forced rest was good.
APRIL: BS turns 5. We have all of our friends over for a celebration and for the first time I dont overeat in a social setting and I DRINK NO ALCOHOL. OMG I actually can do it if I really want to. Somewhere in there Easter happens but as I'm not a chocolate lover my only temptation is hot cross buns, toasted with butter. I buy VERY few and survive it basically unscathed. Going strong.
MAY: By now my training is really ticking along. I am so much leaner and am feeling some muscles growing. I hit 61.5 kilos at the end of May and it feels fantastic after starting off at 72.6 the previous December. Then I have a week of just not wanting to do the diet stuff anymore and I eat what I want, only confessing this to Josh (my trainer) once I've done it. The good thing is that after that week I'm ready to hop straight back onto my diet and training plan.
JUNE: In early June I crack the "under 30 mins" for my 5k run. I now have an early morning training partner too - hi Kristy :-) - and its so motivating having someone slog it out with you on those cold dark mornings. My mood is generally good but I have my down days and my hard times but I'm getting really excited about being 12 weeks out from comp at the end of June. So on the eve of 12 weeks I have a girls night in with my beautiful SIL and we share a pizza and a bottle of red wine. Now I'm ready to crank up the dieting and training. BRING IT ON!!
JULY: I start my comp prep really strong despite my mum having a heartattack (she is ok after it) and being broken into whilst we were home asleep - all in 1 day. My meals are pre-prepared and I just get on with it. Josh was happy with where my weight was at 12 weeks out and its all systems go. My birthday dinner at The Manse is superb and I have permission to eat what I want, including cake but not to stuff myself. I do as I'm told LOL. Things get a bit wobbly after this and I panic that I've blown my chances of competing. Luckily Deb and Alicia come to my rescue and put my mind at ease about my slip-up.
AUGUST: A difficult month. At the 57kg mark I hit a major mental hurdle. WH doesnt like the way I'm looking and so emotionally I'm a mess. I lose some weight, I regain it and I do this over and over again until I tell myself that I have to put aside WH's feelings and do what needs to be done. Not easy but I manage it. I think its was in August too that I got the opportunity to compete at the Championships in Sydney and after much debate we agree that I (we) should go. YIPPEE!!
SEPTEMBER: Last month before the comps in early October. I'm struggling along. Feeling the cold terribly. Tired. Cranky. The diet is STRICT and the training is punishing but the finish line is near. I have some posing coaching and my routine professionally choreographed and I practice heaps. WH has his birthday and I have a small indulgence. Josh is NOT pleased but WH is and that matters more right now.
OCTOBER: Well its finally here. On October 6th I make my Figure debut in the SA WNBF titles. Its a small show with very few female competitors but I cant control that. The night before the comp I'm overcome with emotion that I have done it. I have made it from Fat Girl at 72.6kgs to Figure Girl at 55kgs. I'm happy with how I look and I'm darned proud of what I've achieved so on the day I'm beaming from ear to ear every second that I'm on that stage.
This is followed up with the Championships (which I actually did qualify for in the end) in Sydney a week later and another awesome experience on stage with some VERY tough competition.
We finish October with the best holiday ever and I eat and drink without stressing about how I'm going to have to work it off. Life is great.
NOVEMBER: Post comp is a funny time. At first I enjoy not having the pressure to train or diet but I find it hard to find my "happy place". I have my ups and downs but I finish the month within the weight limit I wanted to maintain.
DECEMBER: I wish I could write a heap of really good things about this month but in all honesty I cant. I have struggled with my eating and my motivation for training has been dismal at times. I gained more weight than I wanted to but it was the emotional struggle that affected me the most. I'm so lucky that Liz (Nelson) came to my rescue and started to help me out of my hole. As I sit here typing away a few days after Christmas I can proudly say that athough I didnt eat clean or healthy on Christmas Day, I got straight into it on Boxing Day. I've NEVER done that before. Score another one for me.
So there is my recount of 2007. Interspersed with all that I recall times sitting in my exercise room crying my eyes out and wondering if I'd ever make it. My posing coach kicked off our working relationship with some negative comments about my body/weight, sending me off on a binge just to make what was already tough, even tougher. My poor WH could not believe what a comp prep actaully involved and many a time he struggled with it far more than I did.
Along the way I learnt many things like:
You cant expect to conque
r binge eating when you are dieting strictly. The diet fuels the binges and it is clearly a no-win situation.
Very few people understand what body building competitions involve. 99.9% of them will think you're crazy for doing it.
I actually like brussel sprouts (just prefer to NOT have them for breakfast!!LOL!!!)
There is the best support network in the bodybuilding world both through blogging and Josh's forum. I made some wonderful new friends (hi Kerry, Stacy, Cheryl, Tania, Deb, Alicia, Liz, Fern and more!!) and I love having these people to talk all things competing, training and dieting.
In the end despite all the hardship and tough times I NEVER GAVE UP and I proved to myself that I had it in me to take on something tough and apply myself with guts and determination and ACHIEVE MY GOAL.
I'm really looking forward to 2008 where I want to learn another way to prepare for comps and hopefully bring an even better package to thes tage in my 2nd year.
In the end though, making the decision to compete was more a mental thing and a test of my determination, and dedication to getting the job done and that was what my WH was supporting and respecting. It meant a lot to me knowing that I had it in me to see it through no matter how hard it got.
Cat: I also believe in leading by example but I'm not getting any followers. Unfortunately everyone in my family lives to eat and eats for pleasure and WILL NOT give up the foods they enjoy. So I'm a bit of an island there but on the other hand I'm also the island when it comes to being fit, slim and toned (most of the time). So I can live with that :-)
Rene: thank you so much for that lovely compliment. Its really put a smile on my face today (not that I was sad before). I guess I'm a victim of being my own worst critic but am working on overcoming that.
Rae: yes 2008 is looking brighter already and god knows we can all use less stress in our lives when we are preparing for comps LOL!! I checked out your blog today and loved the slide show!! Arent you AND Sheree a couple of hotties. (I cant believe your single).
Thursday, December 27, 2007
After just one day of eating 99% clean and drinking over 5 litres of water I weighed in 2kgs lighter this morning. Thats a good dose of post-Christamas bloat gone and I'm feeling better already. I think from here on any loss should be fat so thats encouraging.
As intended I ran this morning and was puffing pretty hard even though I wasnt cracking any earth shattering speeds. My average heart rate for the 34 min session was 153 BPM. YOWSER!! No wonder that run felt so hard. I felt great having achieved it though as training has been sporadic lately so I cant expect any miraculous results.
Eating wise I had another good day with more fish, veges and my yummy protein pancake with banana and sugar free maple syrup for breakfast. A bit high in calories but all good ones and just too delicious for words :-)
Today I made my MIL and BS walk to our local shops. We only needed a few things and it was such a lovely day that I refused to use the car and be so lazy. Plus both MIL and BS could well use the (little bit of) exercise. BS whinged all the way as he had been dragged off his X Box and I'm not sure how much my MIL enjoyed it as I later found out that she thought it had been too hot to walk. (Honestly!!We dawdled for 10 mins there and 10 mins on the way back).
Then the rest of the day was spent catching up on Women's Health and Women's Health and Fitness magazines, reading blogs, playing with BS and pottering around home. For 2 days I've lived in shorts and a T shirt with NO MAKE - UP. I've relly enjoyed it.
Today I received more info about how my nutrition and training will look over the following year and this is really exciting. Some changes are in store from how I prepped this year so I'll be very curious to see how I go and just how much I can improve. Oh and WH is just taking it all in his stride when I say no to the alcohol, junk food etc so making the sacrifice is just that little bit easier. Life is pretty good right now!!
My ILs are staying with us (they are from Brissie) and the days are busy and long - hence why last night I was up past 11pm blogging. Its my "unwind/me" time and I'm not working so the late nights are managable. (I may be doing my ironing tonight though Lia LOL!!!)
So back to the big day ..... my WH surprised me yet again with a very thoughtful comment that just meant so much to me. We were awake early and talking about Xmas pressies. I had (jokingly) put a smith rack on my Xmas list :-) and so I asked him if he'd bought it for me. He said no but that I could get one. I thought he was joking but he insisted he wasnt and said that he knew how much I wanted to compete again and having this piece of equiment at home would really help with my training. He was totally ok with me training to compete again and this is what meant SOOOO much to me.
You see 2007 was a very tough year for us. My WH is NOT into bodybuilding at all. He has no interest in it and it went as far as him hating what I did in order to be able to compete. There were some very tough times where I had to put all that aside and just keep pushing on, knowing how he felt about it. But being the WH that he truly is, he supported me in both shows and in Sydney he was changing his (negative) tune.
So I've let it all lie the last few months, not wanting to rush back into the "yes I'm competing again (whether you like it or not)" scenario and now I dont have to. I feel like I have his blessing and that means EVERYTHING to me. Oh and I'll be shopping for that smith rack as soon as the folks go home and things settle back down to true normality.
He also said there was another thing that I could get that I've wanted for a long time but I'll keep that under wraps as its well into the future and no point getting prematurely excited now.
God I feel so lucky and so blessed to have such a wonderful family.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
I had a fantastic Christmas where I was thoroughly spoilt with wonderful, generous presents. I ate what I wanted and tried to not have too much but weakened when it came to some of my favourites. I'm glad the eating is over (that sounds odd doesnt it!!).
Today our family got together to share the leftovers, have a few more drinks, talk and play games. I resisted all the goodies that I knew werent going to help me achieve my golas and stuck to the leftover seafood and salads. I drank over 5 litres of water / white tea as well and already feel a heap better than I did this morning or last night.
WH and I got out for a walk as well. Very light - moderate exercise for me but a good way to ease back in after a day ort two of indulging. Tomorrow will be a jog and maybe some weights as well. I expect to drop a kilo or 2 fairly easily and then I have about 2-3 kgs to lose to get to a weight that Liz has set as an initial goal.
Will write more tomorrow as my bed is beckoing at this late hour.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmas Eve at our house. I hosted my 2nd dinner for 10 people within a week. I love this pic of us as it really captures our fun spirits and love for each other. Our whole family was together sharing good food, a few drinks and lots of fun and laughter. What more could you ask for?
My WH organised this surprise gift for me. My dad made the frame and WH provided the comp photo. Now that I know about it, my medals will be fitted around the photo and my 2007 comp achievements will be forever immortalised. I've decided to place it in my exercise room so that it spurs me on to even greater things in 2008.
Friday, December 21, 2007
In case I dont get to blog before then I'd like to wish everybody in blogland a very Merry Christmas and a fit and healthy New Year. Thanks to everyone who has taken interest in my blog and left comments of support and encouragement during this amazing year. Its been one helluva ride and 2008 is shaping up to be even more challenging and exciting.
I have some very specific goals for next year and am looking forward to taking the first steps towards them. I wish you all best in your health and fitness endeavours and hope that you experience the joy of achieveing all you set out to do.
Cheers for now
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I still have very sore legs but I got up early and ran – well dragged myself along – for 30 minutes. Yowser I felt heavy, unfit and lethargic. There’s no doubt that I’ve lost fitness with the extra weight, poor eating and inconsistent training.
This will all change starting on December 26th. Yes my new training program, my new (and hopefully final) attempt at embracing a permanently healthy lifestyle kicks off on Boxing Day which I have renamed “Operation Overhaul” (OO) Day. I’m feeling very positive about starting on that day. Firstly, its not a Monday. The old “starting a diet on Monday” mentality is doomed for failure in my opinion. Its also NOT a new year’s resolution (another mentality that’s doomed for failure). Being off work will make a big difference too and I’m determined to manage my social life in with my goals while my ILs are here. I’m not letting that be an excuse to further delay starting. Its also 37 1/2 weeks to the WNBF comp in Adelaide and time to get cracking on building a nice round booty.
I’m hosting dinner for 10 people tonight. WH will do most of it on the barbie though – love steaks and chicken kebabs – and I’m resorting to The Cheesecake Shop for dessert (I still have to work all day). We have a new outdoor setting to assemble before people arrive. Plus salads and veges to get ready. I expect I’ll be really buggered when its all over.
PS Thanks to those who left comments on my last post. Now I know just who the other blogger tragics are LOL
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Despite being so sore I got up at 4.50am again and did a chest/tris workout and a short cardio session on my exercise bike. Whilst my diet may not be great, at least I’m training and not letting myself become a total sloth. The ILs are arriving from Brissie this evening and we’re all having dinner at SIL’s tonight. It should be a great evening as the family gets together for the first time since Feb this year.
This morning I was really looking forward to getting to work (very unusual!!). I was hoping that Liz had replied to my email yesterday and she had!! YIPPEE!!! I’m so excited about what is around the corner for me. More on that soon.
I notice that blog posts have really dropped off lately which is understandable at this time of year. However I do feel disappointed when I check my favourite bloggers and there is no update. So ladies if you have a spare minute, whack something in your blog to keep the likes of tragic blog addicts like myself happy.
I’ve still got to arrange a pic of my new do. Maybe I’ll get a snap tonight. Some family happy snaps may be in order too.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Funnily today the training left me totally lacking energy despite eating VERY well for breakfast. I arrived at work feeling totally exhausted and even one of my colleagues asked if I was ok because I looked “tired in the face”. I tell you I would have given my right arm to be able to go home and go back to sleep. I think my “newly flowing energy” just flowed right out of my body overnight.
I wonder if this is connected to my killer massage. Today I can feel bruises in all the spots where I was massaged very firmly. There are hundreds and many are sore to touch. So physically I’m not feeling too good today, in fact I’m struggling through the day as I write this.
But on a happier note, I’ll be kicking off my formal training soon. I’m looking forward to having a structured program and somebody to guide me who I’m accountable to. I get excited just thinking about it and am keen to get stuck into day one in the week after Christmas when I’m off work. (Hopefully that’s not putting too much pressure on my new trainer!!)
Well I better sign off and focus again on feeling sorry for myself LOL. I guess I better toughen up though as this pain is but a warm-up to what I’m about to experience over the next 9 months I suspect :-) :-)
Monday, December 17, 2007
Then I managed to get an appointment with the masseure for the afternoon and I had a SERIOUS session of releasing tight muscles and working on the meridians (or chakras) to free up my flow of energy. The treatment was agonising again but when it was over I felt fantastic. I actually did feel like I had more energy. I drank heaps of extra water like the massuere recommended and I found myself not craving sweets and junky food as much as I have been lately. The masseure explained that I would be detoxing after the treatment which I figured was a good thing as my diet hasnt been great lately.
In between these times of torture I also got my hair coloured and cut into a slightly different style. I didnt want it cut short as I'm enjoying it being longer but I felt it was looking a bit ratty and in need of a lift. I love my new do. Its more of a bob and I now have a hair straightener to get the look right (I hope!!). If I didnt look so crappy right now, I'd take a snap and post it up but the end of the day is not my "best time" so you'll have to wait until I'm looking better before I share it with you.
Diet and training still not where I want them to be but I have better intentions for tomorrow which will be a bit more of a normal day. At this really hectic time of year I'm now aiming for 30-60 minutes of exercise a day and fitting it in in the morning before work. Mind you, as of Wednesday night the in-laws will be here so using the exercise room in the morning wont be an option (too noisy for them) so some creative thinking will be required to come up with an effective outdoor session (or two).
Sunday, December 16, 2007
BS has been enjoying a new X Box game which we hired for the week. The oompaloompas are in the game. Thats as much as I know about that.
This afternoon WH is talking to BS about the game and the "oompaloompa" term comes up. I ask about it and get the explanation given above. So then WH says to BS "Do you think mummy is an oompaloompa?" and the cheeky little so and so says loudly "YES" :-0
Ok its time to stop making excuses, stop playing the poor victim, stop living like there's no tomorrow and eat clean, train hard and join the ranks of the non-oompaloompas once again.
BS has spoken and should not be ignored.
Cheers all :-) :-)
Thursday, December 13, 2007
7. Our inability to finish things.
We start jogging. We stop. GUILTY
We go on a diet. We go off it. DOUBLE GUILTY
We join a gym. We go five times. PHEW, NOT GUILTY ON THIS ONE (I TRAIN AT HOME)
We make resolutions. We don't follow through. PREVIOUSLY, VERY GUILTY
We lose fat. We regain it. LOST COUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES - PROBABLY A SQUILLION (WHICH IS THE WORLD"S BIGGEST NUMBER)
We start. We stop. ABSOLUTELY GUILTY - WOULD WIN THE GOLD FOR THIS ONE
We get fit. We get unfit. A LITTLE GUILTY - NOT MY WORST OFFENCE
We operate on emotion. IS THERE ANOTHER WAY??
We always find a 'reason' to give up. PREVIOUSLY - YES!!
We experience momentary motivation, but we never truly commit. Real commitment ("I will do this no matter what") creates life-long change, not temporary weight loss or occasional fitness. TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN.
Thank you Mr Harper. Once again, you've hit the nail on the head.
I set out for my run this morning and CHOSE to do sprints. No “oh I better do sprints” or “I’m only sprinting only coz I feel I have to”. I pounded my little sprint track of approximately 100 metres 14 times for a total of 20 minutes. Perfect as I had an earlier start to travel to the country for work.
Food wise I was strong and in control today. A visit to a country bakery to buy a cool drink saw me buying just that. No cakes. No hot food. Nothing else junky. Just a cool drink. I had packed a nice salad of various veges, wholemeal pasta, a nice flavoured tuna and very light dressing of low fat mayo / BBQ sauce / sweet chilli sauce. It was delicious. That was a win for me.
My only downfall today is the 3 cans of Diet Coke I had to keep me awake on the country drive. No matter what, I get really sleepy when doing country driving on my own and so I drink (cold) Diet Coke for the caffeine hit which does keep me alert. I know its bad for my insides but I figure its better to have bad insides than to be dead from falling asleep at the wheel (which has happened to me once before).
Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I weighed myself this morning. I’m heavier than I want to be as my weight has gone up again but I’m not surprised and maybe that’s why I’m not having a negative reaction to it. So even with this I’m still in my Happy Zone. How good is that??!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I've been wondering if this is still the effect of the post-comp-slump that you hear so much about or is it just me - going round in circles coz I havent chosen a direction that I want to travel, a destination that I want to reach. Or maybe I have chosen it but am not ready to go public with it just yet.
There are times when my mind works over-time analysing everything to the nth degree (I think thats the Virgo in my WH rubbing off on me LOL) and last night was one of those times. I lay in bed and thought through all the emotions, actions, beliefs and outcomes of the last couple of weeks and came to realise some key things:
1. I have the tools to make this work, to gain control over my eating and to maintain that control at a level that is healthy and good for me. I'm not saying that I can go it entirely alone - I plan to get help with it but having that self belief is the most important thing right now.
2. I need to have a goal and I will feel good working towards achieving it. I need a plan to achieve that goal and structure in my training and nutrition. This "lost soul" feeling doesnt sit well with me and I dont want to live my life from day to day just doing a bit of this or a bit of that.
3. I too must put the bad events of the last few weeks behind me and look forward. I've had my good times when I felt strong and in control but when that feeling went, I didnt cope or handle things well at all. Now I must strive to not dwell on that but build small positive steps forward.
I'm amazed at how much I get from reading other people's blogs. When somebody writes about how good they are feeling or how well they are progressing I'm genuinely lifted up along with them. If I read about personal struggles I can empathise and I realise I'm not alone. Whilst I feel sad for that person, I feel a little less sad for myself.
So tomorrow I tackle another day. I plan to run in the morning and then I'm travelling to the country for work. On Friday is my work's Christmas lunch and this year I will eat well and have a few drinks. I chose not to last year and I felt like I had "missed out". Socially it'll be a busy time leading up to Christmas and my goal will merely be to not gain any more weight. Then I plan to get stuck into a new training and nutrition program with a huge smile on my face.
Oh and I plan to blog more regularly ... but not with a heap of negative cr*p :-)
Monday, December 10, 2007
What I've decided though is to stay in the side/back streets and not venture too far from home. I will only use the main roads at busier times (like on weekends when I run later). So I picked a nice circular route that took me no more than 1-1.5kms from home and repeated it 3 times. I felt ok until I heard a hotted up car rev its engine some distance from me but then realised that it wasnt nearby and was not a threat. I calmed back down then. I guess I'll be a little bit edgy for a while but thats understandable.
Thanks again to everyone who left good suggestions and advice for me. I really appreciate your help and your concern.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Today I was the "Queen of Clean" as I tackled my annual spring/Christmas clean. I have worn the nail polish off most of my (acrylic) nails on my right hand :-( and I have aching shoulders, middle and lower back and hip flexors that are as tight as a cat's bum. I attacked the window tracks, cleaned windows and dusted the venetians. I gave the ensuite a really good going over and cleaned every inch of the study, master bedroom and lounge room. I have finished 1/3 of the house :-( My lord there is still so much to do!!
My training has really taken a back seat the last few days. I have done nothing for 3 days and am feeling less that "ideal" for it. Couple that with some less than ideal eating and I'm confessing that there's plenty of room for improvement in this camp. Yes things have slipped into a not so good pattern but I will turn it around and make my fitness and health the highest priority again(which I admit it always should be).
Over the next 2 or so weeks it'll come down to some clever time management. Fitting in: work,
training, finishing the cleaning, finishing the Christmas shopping and wrapping presents, finalising the Christmas celebration preps etc etc.....I can feel a list coming on.
I hope everyone is better organsied than I am ... or should I say "better advanced than I am". I'm not disorganised, just in need of an extra couple of weeks thanks.
Friday, December 07, 2007
PLEASE NOTE: I LIVE IN A MIDDLE CLASS SUBURB WITH NICE HOMES IN IT. ITS NOT POSH OR UPPER CRUST AND YOU WOULDNT EXPECT IT TO HAVE A HIGH CRIME RATE ..... BUT IT DOES.
Yesterday morning I was out for one of my usual early morning runs. It was around 5.45am and broad daylight. I was on a semi-main road (one connecting 2 main roads) in my suburb when I got hollered at by some hoons in what was like a hoon version of wolf whistles. It unsettled me a little as its pretty deserted around that time of day even though there are homes nearby (as I never run in totally deserted/uninhabited areas). I picked up my pace and was not far from home anyway.
A little bit later I decided to run a little longer and was in a side street tucked well away in my suburb. The same car drove up to me, slowed down and the scruffy, unsavoury looking male passenger asked me if I knew where there was a public phone box. A second car very similar to the first was behind and had also slowed down.
OMG I DIDNT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!!!!!!! (I answered no twice and kept running and they drove off). I picked up my pace and ran FAST to my home which was only a couple of minutes away by then. So many (negative) thought were racing through my mind and I was quite frightened.
I would just like to add the following:
1. I was not dressed in a revealing or "put it out there" way. No shorts, no crop top just long pants and a long sleeved T shirt. Very ordinary if you ask me.
2. To drive past me the 2nd time they would have had to look for me. That was no coincidence. And who uses public phones these days?? NOBODY!! Everybody has a mobile and if there are 2 of you and 1 has a flat battery the chances are the other one doesnt.
3. I was honestly contemplating hopping into a house about 100-200 metres away as one of my work colleagues lives there and I knew she would understand if I needed a refuge.
Mind you after seeing me close up - no make-up, hot, sweaty, very unglam they probably were happy to just drive off LOL!!
Then to really put the icing on the cake I was lying in bed last night with the front door open and only the security door locked for protection and I could hear in the not too far distance lots of yelling, tyres screeching and hoon carry on. It disturbed me and left me feeling not quite 100% safe.
So do I ignore this incident and keep running early as I've been doing up to now, sometimes getting 3-4 kms away from home? Do I keep running early but stay MUCH closer to home (eg street sprints)? Or do I limit myself to cardio on my exercise bike and rower? (I'm not a gym goer so thats not an option for me).
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Anyway to cut a long (and probably boring to you) story short, I left my unhappy marriage and started "dating" him. The rest is history. We've been together since December 1989 and married since March 1995. I'm very lucky to have man who has the greatest integrity you can imagine. He is as honest as the day is long and has the highest morals and standards for EVERYTHING!! Being a Virgo he isnt impulsive but he is an excellent planner, analyser and organiser. In our relationship he is the "head thinker" whilst I'm the "heart thinker". It works well.
Ok now that I've sung his praises I will add though that he definitely DOESNT share my passion for fitness/training and especially competing. He found this year VERY hard (probabaly harder than me!!) and that put an extra strain on me and on us. But I guess we cant have it all.
I will also say that my WH is not what you call "hot" but I'm sure that if he was "available" many a smart woman would snap him up.....just as I did LOL
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tomorrow I will be attending his graduation and I know I’ll be so proud of him. Next year he’ll be a school-boy with a new set of adventures and challenges ahead of him. I hope it continues to be a happy experience and that he feels successful in everything he takes on.
To every mother who reads this I know you share my thoughts, concerns, wishes etc. For what would life be like without our most precious gifts?
This morning in the rush to leave for work and Before School Care, I asked BS to come to me so I could put his shoes on and tie the laces (he was checking out a new, very beautiful Xmas card). One request: no response; two requests: no response. On the 3rd request I’m getting grumpy and ready to issue the first “If you don’t come here now I’ll…..” when he marches over, sits down in front of me, takes my face into his little hands and gives me a kiss on the lips. Now try and stay angry after that :-)
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Training has suffered a little as we had an unexpected visitor last night and as I hadnt seen this person for some time I enjoyed sitting down and just chatting away. No training this morning with BS waking too early and then settling back in our bed. I plan to hit the exercise room soon as I have a bit of catching up to do.
I'm slowly getting through "If not dieting" and the more I read the more I feel that Dr Rick has jumped into my head and knows exactly what I'm thinking and feeling about food and diet. Its opening my eyes to a few things that I had conveniently chosen to ignore. I hope it offers some good solution strategies too (or maybe it already has and they just havent sunk in yet). Its a great read nevertheless and I would highly recommend it to anyone who is battling food/diet issues.
So I'm going to wrap up there as I have cleaning up to do, a BS to get off to bed and then some training to blitz through.
Still not feeling great but not as fragile as this morning.
She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words! Maya Angelou said this:
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."
"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
I read this today and it brought a tear to my eye. I'm feeling a bit delicate, emotional and unsettled right now. Its a challenging time.
Will post more later.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
So how did I go? Well I was pleasantly surprised as the increase was not as much as I had dreaded. God knows my eating has been REALLY bad over the last week or so and its showing on both me and the scales but I’m pleased to say that I’m not “grossly overweight” as I had feared. LOL.
But even before I stepped on those scales I felt so much better than I have over the last week. Its like a huge weight has been lifted off me (sorry about that pun) and I’m feeling positive and optimistic about the future. I can see a way forward and I’m moving in the right direction just taking slow steps for now.
I’m slowly reading “If not dieting, then what” which is just brilliant. Its like Dr Rick is describing my life to a T and although I’m only at the very beginning, already I’m understanding things so much better and am not feeling like some out-of-control-freak (a feeling that I’ve lived with this last week).
I headed out nice and early for a sprint session at my local oval. It was a glorious morning – mild temperature, no wind and I was enjoying the peace and solitude. I ran my sprints with just a little extra spring and speed in my steps and felt great when I got home hot and tired. YEEEHA. I love cardio.
Food wise I’m going to remind myself daily WHY I choose to eat clean and healthy most of the time. I don’t want to be stressing about good food / bad food, should I have this / should I have that. Life is too short and along with good food, its there to be enjoyed.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Today I bought "If not dieting, then what?" by Rick Kausman and have started reading it in an attempt to turn around some of my very bad habits/behaviours. I'm determined to get off this negative merry-go-round, this destructive Groundhog Day cycle no matter how hard it is. I've tackled hard things before and I've conquered them so I know I have it in me. I just think I've been going about it all the wrong way up til now. Sometimes you have hit the bottom before you can bounce back up again and I'm pleased to say I'm creeping up ... albeit it slowly.
I'm not going to say any more tonight. I have some more thinking to do and some planning for how to tackle things slowly from here on. And I'm looking forward to getting back to my book.
To everyone that has also offered support through their words of wisdom I say thank you for taking the time to help. It all does make a difference!!
Yesterday I was still in my negative rut. I wrote this in my daily summary in my Training Journal.
"In all honesty I feel stuck in a negative rut. I seem to have lost my belief in myself – my motivation – my dedication to doing the right things.
I’m sick of dieting.
I’m sick of being 100% obsessed with what to eat / what not to eat.
I'm sick of this Groundhog Day cycle that has always taken hold of my life. - You know the one: Diet/eat well, lose weight; Do a 180 degree turn, eat crap, gain weight; repeat over and over like a mouse in a cage with nowhere else to go"
I have some major issues to sort out right now.
But worst of all I’m feeling fat and bloated and I’m terrified that my lovely slim and toned body will disappear any day now."
Thanks Stacy and Hilary for your supportive comments. Yes I probabaly need one huge vent/rant to get it all off my chest and then be able to move on. Hilary I have tried self hypnosis before and had some success with it. Perhaps after I've dumped my frustrations I'll be more open to taking positive steps forward.
PS I think thats the vent/rant I needed.
Monday, November 26, 2007
On Friday night I had big plans and the best intentions to clean up my eating and get back on track. Saturday afternoon spent in a play cafe with millions of screaming kids running feral soon fixed that intention. (NOTE: If you are contemplating whether or not to have children, AVOID PLAY CAFES AT ALL COSTS!!!! ) My BS had a fantastic play while I slowly went around the bend from the noise and excessive activity around me. On the way home we stopped at our local cafe so I could chill out with a coffee....and an almond biscuit. It was basically downhill from there on.
So I sit here tonight and as much as I want to turn things around, I'm stuck in a negative quagmire. For some reason I'm overcome with self doubts and a "losing attitude". I need to break out of this but I just cant seem to gain any forward momentum. I would love to indulge in a day or two of just "me-time" but thats out of the question this week....well maybe not. Maybe I should just make it my number one priority and bugger the stuff I'm putting ahead of it.
Will think about this some more.
I met my WH through work and I “chose” him. He started work in my section and although I was (unhappily) married at the time something he said to me made me realise how many great qualities he had. So I decided to quickly snap him up before someone else did – hey a good man is hard to find and there aren’t that many fish in the sea. Then we worked apart for several years and we are now back working in the same section again (but not the same section we met in).
I am a princess of the highest order but in 1996 my WH and I did a camping tour through south west USA. So I lived in dirty jeans, hair in a pony tail and no make up for 3 weeks and I HAD A BALL!!!! I even had a few odd days where I didn’t shower – in fact nobody in our group did as we were camping in the Arizona desert.
I am a coffee snob. I no longer touch instant coffee and will only drink coffee if out and somebody makes it for me (eg if I buy it). I always have a “weak skinny cappuccino” – and don’t be stingy with the chocolate topping.
I’m the only person I know who doesn’t like chocolate. I will occasionally eat chocolate if it has something in it that I like (Ferrero Rochers, Kit Kats, or other nutty or biscuity fillings). I NEVER eat chocolate ice cream, chocolate mousse, chocolate mud cake or other chocolate cakes. A block of plain chocolate has absolutely no attraction or temptation for me. I’m no saint though – I have other vices!!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Well this last week has just been totaly off the rails and I feel fat, bloated and blaaaaah. So my plan is to do a mini detox over the next 3 days. I've chosen to start it tomorrow as its not a work day and some of my biggest challenges/issues have arisen from work this week. (This in itself coud be a long winded post but the less said the better). So here's my plan for Saturday:
1. Upon rising have 400ml hot lemon drink (approx 1T of fresh lemon juice + warm water) I actually do this every day and I love it.
2. Follow up with WPI shake before weight training (legs/shoulders/bis)
3. 30 minutes cardio either straight after weights or in the afternoon depending on how family stuff pans out.
4. PWO will be a WPI shake + apple.
5. Meals all 100% clean with NO processed food/no alcohol/no diet soft drinks or anything else remotely crappy. So its lean protein + salad/veg + good fats. Eating only when hungry!!!
6. Water intake target = 5-6 litres (with fresh lime slices).
7. Extra doses of fibre supps to move things along :-)
This is not a traditional detox but I know that after 3 days of eating 100% clean I'll just feel 100% great.
We have future BIL coming over for a BBQ tomorrow (SIL is visiting friends in Sydney) and the menu is suitably clean and healthy and I'll leave the boys to hoe into the beers and wine. I may even sneak off for an early night.
So thats my plan to get things back on track. After a successful Saturday (which I just know it will be because I've made up my mind about it) I then repeat this on Sunday and Monday with just a slight modification to the training.
Looking forward to feeling a whole lot better in a few days time.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
I know this negativity will pass (it always does) and then LOOK OUT as I bounce back stronger and more determined than ever :-)
I have some work to do in this regard and I think I'll kick it off tonight. Thanks to the brilliant Craig Harper who's blog today is just what I needed to be reminded of some hard and fast facts. I love it when Craig tells it like it is as I'm one of those people who can do with a gentle (or downright forthright) reminder every now and then.
And I agree....its better to keep blogging through the good and bad and the ups and downs. So thats what I'll aim to do. Tell it like it is, "warts and all".
I feel better just having put that out there.
I hate it when these down times hit. Sometimes I’m really strong and I stay on top of them. This hasn’t been one of those times.
There are some things that I’m not happy with at the moment and its very hard to focus on the glass being half full when I’m in such a negative place with this issue. I wish I could write more about it but this is not the time or place so I’ll try to work through this myself and see if I can turn things around.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
we had a fantastic get-together today. I was having such a good time with all the talk, laughter and food that I didnt get a chance to take any pics. Sorry. Will get some next time. It was so good to just talk training, competing and training, competing with people who share the same interest and passion for the sport. Nobody in my other circle of friends could put up with that sort of conversation for that long. There are some things that only certain people understand.
So its been a hugely social weekend with its fair share of eating and drinking. On a positive note I can say that although I drank on 3 days this week (I usually limit myself to 2) I only ever had a couple of drinks at a time which is very good for me. I'm not even craving more. Eating wise ..... well I could have/should have eaten less at times but I enjoyed what I had and like last weekend, I'm not beating myself up over it. I feel like I'm treading water .... not improving or moving forward but not sinking either. Right now thats sitting ok with me.
Training has been good with a cardio session on the rower yesterday and a chest/tris session this morning followed by 30 mins on the ex bike. Still undecided if I'll train early tomorrow (I dont usually on Mondays) but the mornings are so nice now with the hotter weather that its a shame to waste them.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
its Saturday arvo and I'm just home from helping my mum do her Xmas shopping. Its only mid November and already the local Westfield is like a brothel on a free night LOL!! We are tackling in ours in 2 weeks time so imagine what it'll be like then :-( At least we are taking a Friday off work and doing it all in one foul swoop. We're then going to treat ourselves to a lovely Malaysian lunch at one of our fave eateries. We will feel like we'd earnt that treat!!
Mum and I had a nice lunch out with a glass of wine and a long talk. We are really close but with busy lives (well me mainly) and a BS who invariably is the centre of attention, its hard for mum and I to spend quality time together. Days like today are therefore precious.
Tonight we are going to our bosses place for pre-Xmas drinks. Yes WH and I work in the same place and as he is a Manager there, he (and therefore we) get to hobnob with the "management crowd" - woohoo (insert sarcastic tone). No its all good. Our boss is a lot of fun and I expect it to be a good night. Anyways I'm on driving duty so I have to behave and I've reminded WH that he cant afford to disgrace himself either .......as if he (Mr Everything Right Virgo) ever would :-)
Then tomorrow the Adelaide Figure Girls are meeting for lunch. Stay tuned for that report + photos. I cant wait :-)
Cheers all and have a fantastic weekend.
Friday, November 16, 2007
1. My oats for breakfast - perfect start to the day
2. Chill con carne - a fave with WH
3. Wokful of stir fried veges - usually as part of my comp prep
4. Carrot cake - but cant remember the last time I made one
Four qualities I love in people:
4. Positive attitude
Four Places I have been:
1. New York
4. Grand Canyon
Four things in my bedroom:
1. A TV - I know its bad feng shui but I MUST wake up with Kochie and Mel on weekday mornings
2. My comp medals - still on a high and I like to be reminded daily of what I achieved
3. Dust - yep its time to clean again
4. Miss Moneypenny (our cat) usually snuggled up on our bed with us :-)
Four dirty words I like to use:
2.f*** (at chosen times only)
4.gee I better stop there....thats a bit embarassing!!
So I had a good day today. Trained short, sharp legs this morning. Caught up with a friend at lunch time and had a warm chook salad of which I ate most of it but that lasted til dinner time (which is an accomplishment in itself!!). Then had a (large) salmon steak BBQed for dinner with a bit of an indulgent salad (spinach leaves, fat free semi dried tomatoes, roasted pumpkin, low fat feta and pine nuts) + a couple glasses of white wine. I'm all good with that now just need to power through the next 2 days so that I enjoy what I have but keep it all under control. Indulge a little but dont go overboard.
Time for bed. Cheers
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Training: sprint session this morning. AWESOME!!
Nutrition: all on track. Big pat on the back for not devouring a heap of junk in between getting home and feeling hungry and having dinner MUCH later as WH was travelling back from the country. I raided the pickled veges, had a few mouthfuls (yummy cold and sour!!) and then waited for WH to get home so we could eat steak and veges together :-)
Weight check: WINNER WINNER!! The scales are still down where they were last Friday (even though they would have been up a bit after the weekend) so I'm still happy.
How am I feeling about myself? Pretty good actually. I've faced some challenges this week and I've handled them well. Nothing earth shattering but add up all the little things and they make a BIG difference.
I have tomorrow off and will be enjoying the company of my BS as we tend to chores such as grocery shopping with some fun thrown in (visit to Gloria Jeans for a coffee for me and a biscuit for him, lunch out somewhere) and a catch up with a friend + some business as well. In the afternoon my BS does Aussie Hoops (basketball skills) which is a challenge getting him to participate but its worth it when he does.
I'm hoping to blog tomorrow as I have a big busy and social weekend coming up and I dont want to fall in a heap with my progress past comp phase.
Take care all and stay tuned
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Today I was up mega early from another night of bad sleep but I used the time to do a weights session followed by 40 mins of cardio. When I had finished exercising I felt fantastic. What a contrast in the 2 days that could have been a repeat of each other.
With my mood yesterday I knew I was particularly vulnerable to eat off plan believing that it would “make me feel better”. It took all my resolve to acknowledge how I felt and remind myself that eating crap would NOT make me feel better. I chose to accept how I felt and just ride it out. I went to bed last night feeling like a winner as I’d made good choices which would not sabotage my longer term goals.
Needless to say, today everything is well under control and I’m not feeling like I could tip over into “sin now pray later” mode. This is such destructive behaviour as it forces me to continue on the diet/binge/diet cycle which I’m well and truly fed up with.
I’m a bit of a sucker for horoscopes and today I feel mine is particularly relevant:
CANCER (June 21 – July 22): Ever since late September you’ve been benefiting from the influence of Mars in Cancer. You’ve tackled numerous challenging situations and made remarkable progress in many. Now that its going retrograde, you’ve a chance to focus on those in which there’s been less progress, and find ways to overcome any limitations or restrictions in these as well.
And lo and behold that’s exactly what I’m working on now. I’ve succeeded in making it to the Figure stage in pretty good shape but I still have work to do on getting my eating habits where I’m happy with them most of the time. Small steps, putting one foot in front of the other, choosing beneficial behaviours and just never giving up will see me succeed, I’m sure.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Training: 100% spot on. I achieved what I had planned to do :-)
Nutrition: My wins were:
Moderating my alcohol intake - especially on Saturday night in a big social setting where normally I would have easily had 7-8 drinks (over several hours) but I think I had 3-4. Happy with that. I find I'm no longer enjoying large amounts of alcohol and stopping after 3 or 4 drinks is quite easy. Plus I'm only having alcohol twice a week and often not even having as many as the 3-4 drinks.
Lunch out on Saturday. I ordered a small gourmet yiros pizza and only ate til I was satisfied. WH had a piece and then when he saw I was leaving some -and after giving me a fair bit of grief about it :-( he finished off what I left. I mean honestly...we are NOT 5 years old where we have no choice but to finish everything on our plate!!!!!!
Good healthy clean breakfasts on both days + a healthy lunch on Sunday.Where I could have done better was with how much I ate Saturday night, the freshly baked cookies indulgence on Sunday arvo + my addiction to the crusts of fresh bread.
But you know what, instead of lying there and beating myself up over this, I just admitted I could have done better and then let it go. I did think of ways to better manage some of these situations in future and will give them a go when the situation arises again. Enough said about that.
Eats have been good today (I knew they would be) and tonight I trained back and abs at home. A short but hard session which I think I'll feel tomorrow :-)
Cheers all and thank you Charlotte, Little Rene, Splice and Lia for taking the time to see how I'm going and leave encouraging comments. I'm slowly learning to give myself more credit for what I've achieved and what I'm capable of. And I'm working on not beating myself up over (relatively insignificant) mistakes. This journey is a great learning process and I'm an eager and interested student.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Today was a day of catching up with domestic chores, amusing BS and getting organised for the week. In the morning I thought I didnt really have much to do so why is it that its only just finished now around 9pm??!!
I had no training scheduled for yesterday which was sensible and today I did my cardio which was all I really set out to do (weights would have been a bonus but not essential today). Eating wise is where the title of my blog applies. In some ways I did really well but in others I could have been a lot better. Baking cookies with my BS in the afternoon was probably not a great idea as I did indulge in some and I fell down in a couple of other areas as well but I'm not beating myself up over it.
My weight on Saturday morning was about 2.5kgs above my Adelaide comp weight and you know what.... I was pretty happy with that. Hence the "relaxing" somewhat with the eating. Tomorrow its back into the lean and clean eating and throwing some weights around and all will be 100% back on track.
Well I'm going to sign off now and see how everyon else is. Hope you've all had a good weekend.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Today I was itching to train again so I hit chest/tris and only eased back on some of the weights slightly. After the session was over I had that nice tight feeling through my arms and I could swear that my quads were showing through again today :-)
What I thought would be a danger-day for eating didnt turn out that way at all. You see every Friday our floor gets together for a morning tea which a small group is rostered to provide. On a good day there'll be some fruit and a few other remotely healthy odds and ends but its usually 90%+ junk food. Often I find that if I indulge, I just cant stop and end up scoffing heaps of the crap on offer. Lucky me!! Today I got caught up on a call and by the time I made it to morning tea most of the food had gone and the left-overs didnt look too appealing. Plus a planned trip to the Adelaide Central Market (another serious danger zone) didnt eventuate as I was just too busy at work. So we have no fish for next week BUT I also missed out on having to resist all the ACM goodies.
So thats the working week over and 5 days of pretty clean and healthy eating in the bag. Weekends can be a bit more challenging but I'm approaching it with a quiet determination to keep things positive and moving forward.
Have a great weekend guys and cheers from
Thursday, November 08, 2007
I followed this up with a 30 min row on our super-duper new rower and by the end of it all I had worked up a fine sweat. Then follow this up with my favourite breakfast and it makes for the perfect start to the day.
I love these times when I’m in a happy and positive place. My eating has been good and I really feel like I’m using all the tools available to me to make it work. My work time meals are all made the day before and are on hand for when I get hungry. Last night I was a bit undecided about what to have for dinner as I’m still getting used to having the freedom to choose from a wider variety of foods. So I made a favourite healthy dish which I love. Here it is if you’re interested:
Take a handful of either wholemeal or multi-grain pasta such as penne or spirals and boil. Slice a mushroom or two and some red or brown onion and “fry” in a pan sprayed with oil. (You can add other veges depending on what you like and have on hand). Then open a can of Sole Mare tuna with beans and drain off the oil. !/2 the can should be enough unless you’re really hungry and then chuck it all into the drained pasta with the veges. Or you can cook up double the pasta and veges, add the whole can of tuna and then divide it into 2 or 3 (small) portions. Its nice too with a good sprinkle of freshly cracked black pepper and a handful of freshly chopped continental (flat leaf) parsley. I’m having a light sprinkle of parmy cheese on it because I’m not in “diet mode” and its superb.
So that’s it for me today.
Cruising along nicely.
Making the right choices.
Moving forward one step at a time.
Life is good.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
So I’ve put all the pieces together and come up with a revised plan that I’m happier with. I’ll be trialling it til Xmas and if its working well and moving me towards my goals then GREAT. Otherwise its bye, bye and time for a new strategy.
I’m finding this post-comp time really interesting. Its full of ups and downs, more challenges (albeit different ones), uncertainty and requires a change in direction and thinking. On the other hand (looking at the glass half full) its great to have no pressure to train at high volumes and follow a strict and limited diet. Its also the perfect opportunity to consolidate the hard work of the last few months and reap the benefits of having a leaner and more toned body for summer. And lets not overlook the opportunity to keep learning about ourselves and new ways of training and eating.
So on that note I’m embracing this time by enjoying a wide variety of (mainly) clean and healthy foods and taking a fresh approach to my training. I’m also treating my mind as a muscle (technically I don’t think it is) and exercising it daily to keep it working for me and not against me. I’m determined to get things right.
Before I sign off I want to share a little story with you. A couple of days after the Sydney comp someone quite close to me said “oh my goodness, look at you, you’re all skin and bones”. I almost replied with “you need to put your glasses on as you obviously cant see my broad and muscley shoulders and the still very obvious muscles on my arms”, but I just smiled politely. Thinking about this comment my opinion is this. If you are 10-20 kilos overweight then yes I’m going to look like “skin and bones” to you. But I ask this: “Are you happy with how you look?” I suspect not. “Am I happy with how I look?” ABSOLUTELY!!! Subject closed.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Kerry is the picture of happiness. She has gained a little weight (not enough by her accounts) and is enjoying her “rest time”. She does a little cardio each week (much less than what I’m doing) and has resumed training with weights but quite differently to what we did leading up to the comps. She’s eating what she wants but in moderate quantities and if she feels like a bit of crap food, she has it.
I, on the other hand am now well within the weight range I set myself post-comp. It took me an instant to get there and now I’m terrified of gaining more weight. I’m pelting out 2 long cardio sessions and 2 shorter ones each week but I love my runs and am enjoying this part of my training. I’ve just drafted my new weights program and in hindsight its probably a bit gruelling with 4 days of really solid sessions similar to how I trained pre-comp.
Hmmm am I a bit lost? I didn’t think I was but now I’m wondering if my new training and approach to diet (which hasn’t changed much from the pre-comp training) is the right thing at this point in time.
THE GREATEST MOTIVATOR
Last night my letterbox had the DVD of the Asia Pacific Championships waiting for me and I had the best trip down memory lane as I watched my divisions. It was my first good look at the line-ups and a chance to compare myself to the other competitors. In one category I agree with my placing and in the other I don’t – not that it matters now but that’s my honest opinion. I was really happy with my upper body and quads but my abs and glutes were sadly lacking.
The one thing that really stood out though was how I constantly smiled or glowed whilst on stage. Its like I was made to be there and this was “my sport”. How can I possibly NOT compete again????
So on that note I’ll happily report that I had a good eating day yesterday and will chalk up another one today. I’m back in a good positive place and I like it. Now if I could just permanently join “the-other-half” I’d be totally happy.
Thank you for comments left after my last post. I have commented on each person's blog individually but forgot to tell Rae that her "Finish Strong" message sent to me in the lead up to the Adelaide comps took a permanent place on the cover of my Training Diary and got me to and through the last few tough weeks. Thanks Rae :-)
Monday, November 05, 2007
After I made my post last night I caught up on other blogs and found this very wise bit of advice from Rae to Lia. It was in response to Lia’s negative vent over her elimination diet and whilst my current situation is a bit different there was a clear message that was very appropriate to me as well.
Here’s what I took from Rae’s comment:
Make the choice for what it is you want to do. (In my case it comes down to whether I see myself as an ongoing Figure Competitor or whether I’ll cave to pressures around me and not pursue it).
Once you’ve made the choice, success comes from focus and commitment. (Yep its that simple. I have all the tools I need to succeed. They are all in the garage, now I just have to get out there and use them – thanks for that great saying Donna).
Remember: Anything worth having or achieving has a price.
We have to decide if we are willing to pay that price.
I lay awake for a long time last night pondering over my history, actions and thoughts. I’ll share some of these with you as I know that some of you will relate to what I’m saying.
My history is not good but I cant change it. I can only use it to learn from and move forwards in a more positive way. On the up-side I started doing that this year when I achieved my goal of competing. Now I need to build on that and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one meal at a time if need be.
My actions have been very destructive last week. Right now I’m having major problems with some “occasional / red-light / trigger” foods. Its sort of like emotional eating but I’m not even sure what emotions are associated with them. I just know that with these foods its very much a case of “one bite is too much and a thousand are not enough”. (That’s a Lizism and I love it). I may not always be this way but I’m very vulnerable right now so I’ve decided to avoid these foods all together until I feel stronger and more in control.
My thoughts have been in quite a negative place too and this is undermining me no end. You know when you convince yourself that you cant do something and in doing so you guarantee failure. Couple that with a good healthy dose of “Its ok, I’ll diet tomorrow” and other self defeating excuses and I’ve been firmly entrenched on the path leading back to the “Fat Magda”.
So I guess its time to face up to these issues and make a plan to move forward.
Step One: I have decided that I want to be within 5kgs of my comp weight during the “off-season”. That’s a limit of 60kgs. This will put me in a good position to prepare for a comp next year IF I DECIDE TO COMPETE AGAIN.
Step Two: Work out my broad 12 week training and nutrition plan. Commence another Training Journal and keep it up to date.
Step Three: Get the mind stuff sorted out. Acknowledge whats working and whats not, reflect, soul search and don’t give up til I get it right.
If you’re still reading this then I say a big thank you. It’s a bit of a “heart on my sleeve” post again but I find it helps me to sort out where I’m at and where I want to be going.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
I have followed your journey since I first came to blogland and you have always been such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing more of yourself and making me feel less alone. Your elimination diet sounds like its a real grind and I can well understand your frustration with it. But I know you are a strong and determined person and will conquer it and other challenges which present themselves.
thanks for your offer of help and I will take you up on it as I have indicated in an email back to you (but not sure if its gone thru). I know you really struggled with the same problem but you have gotten on top of it so I'm hoping I can learn from you.
Everything you wrote in your comment could have been written by me - although I tend to keep up the exercise just not as often or as intensely. Its good to know I'm not alone yet I still have to find my way of dealing with this. I will take your advice and try to put it into practice as you always write in a way that strikes a chord to which I can truly relate.
We are strange creatures arent we? Knowing what to do but for some reason not doing it.
I often ponder why it is I'm not doing what I know I should be doing to achieve my short term and longer term goals. I have a weight that I want to maintain so if I decide to compete again then I havent got tons of weight to lose. I also want to maintain my chosen weight so that I look and feel good in the meantime. You know I sweated blood to achieve my goal of competing this year and now I just feel like all that hard work could mean nothing if I continue doing what I'm doing.
Maybe deep down I havent adjusted to myself as a lean person?
Maybe I'm so used to dieting that I dont know life in another form?
Maybe I just feel this overwhelming sense of wanting to "indulge/enjoy/lash out" after 10 months of being in "comp prep mode"?
Maybe its all of the above to some extent?
Oh God, where do I start to try and sort this all out for myself and get back on track sooner rather than later.
Friday, November 02, 2007
But here are some of the things that challenge me:
Many years ago when I was a teenager struggling with my weight, my doctor (who knew me really well) said I was an "all or nothing person". I've found that to be quite true. Most of my life has been spent either dieting or feasting. There's not much in between for me. I want it but that "middle ground" just keeps slipping out of my reach.
Commitment: is it where it should be or is it fluffing around in lala land?
Deep down I havent convinced myself that I can get on top of this. I know what to do. I believe it'll work for me yet I constantly sabotage my efforts and do the opposite of what I plan. I use affirmations at various times and sometimes that works for me but not always.
Consistency: If it works then do it and keep doing it.
Man I've eaten some SERIOUS crap this week :-( I'm not feeling very good both physically and mentally. The size 9 jeans are tight and ..... well I could go on and on but I'll spare you the whinge. IT IS NOW ABSOLUTELY TIME TO REIGN IT IN, STOP THE "WOE IS ME ATTITUDE" AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES OF HEALTHY EATING AND REGULAR TRAINING.
Crap food + little exercise = fat + unhappy Magda
Good healthy food + effective exercise = lean + happy Magda
So which will it be?
I've been a bit slack in getting my new training program up and running but will endeavour to do so soon, along with my November goals (which start with cutting the crap food NOW).
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I'm letting too many treats pass these lips and I'm having some struggles with portion control. There are times when I could just eat and eat and eat.
So I'm trying some strategies to get myself on the path I want to travel and then stay on it. But if anybody has some words of wisdom from their experience that could help me I'M ALL EARS.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
My BS dressed up in his Pirates of the Carribean outfit after a day at the Royal Show.
Monday, October 29, 2007
yes I must confess that I've had a couple of days where my number 1 goal for October (you know the one with that horrible "B" word in it) has not been achieved. Hmm how did this happen? Well I had an awesome week last week. I felt great and was right on top of my eating and exercising as I had planned. On Friday I weighed myself and was just OVER THE MOON with where my weight was at. I thought it would have been higher so seeing the numbers a little over my comp weight had me on cloud nine.
So Saturday starts of great. I go for a 53 minute jog and eat sensibly but enjoy some things I wouldnt normally have during the week. Then on Saturday night we eat out and I have a big meal but I plan to do a run Sunday morning and get back on track. Except the weather is crap and I laze around in bed, have toast (as planned) for breakfast but then lunch is a bit indulgent too and its all downhill from there.
Well enough of that and whats done is done. Now I just have to move forward from here. I believe I have it in me to get past this and continue to work at getting this part of my life under control. I just think that it'll be a work in progress, something that I have to be aware of daily, especially when triggers present themselves. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh opportunity to be the person I want to be, living my life as I want to live it.
I'm currently working on my training program which will start in November. I'm going to be training myself for a while at least so it'll be interesting to see how I fare when I'm not accountable to anyone but moi. First step is to list my training priorities/goals and then program accordingly. Its quite exciting planning out something which is so important if I'm going to compete again and do so in much better condition than I was this year.
I have lots of research to do so on that note I'm going to sign off and get back to it. Looking forward to a great day tomorrow where I kick those bad old habits right up their ar*e and send them on their way :-)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
This pic is from the Adelaide show. Its the start of my routine. Aaaah what fond memories.
Well things have been busy since I last posted. The luxury of being able to hop on the net during my lunch break and catch up on blogs and update mine is a thing of the past :-(
I will keep following everyone's blog but I may not leave comments as often as I'd like to. I'm hoping to keep blogging as regularly as possible though.
October is nearly over and I have some goals/plans brewing for November. I will share them with you over the next few days. I'll also report in on how I went with my October goals (some good and some could have been better!!).
Tonight I've had some fun updating the look of my blog but have not changed my template as most of the standard templates are so boring anyway. At least my blurbs are up to date and relevant now. And I'm really enjoying reading about how other competitors are doing now that the comps are over. Thats another challenge in itself.
Well I should try to get some sleep as its very late now but my body thinks its still that hour earlier. G'night all.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Figure Novice Tall rear double biceps. I'm 2nd from the left. The girl on the far left (gold bikini came first and 3rd from the right came 2nd).
Before the comps rolled around I had given some thought to what I’d do when they were over. I was well aware that some competitors had some major struggles with food/body image etc after the comps were over and I could well see myself having problems in this area too.
So I devised a plan in my head and set myself some little goals around what I wanted to achieve just in the short term. I’d like to share these with you now.
The most important goal that I had for the month of October was to NOT BINGE. Now leading up to the 2 comps this was easy as I wouldn’t dream of sabotaging all my hard work with something so stupid, so close to the big day. But afterwards was another matter. I could very easily have lapsed back into the habit of letting that mindless, secretive, out of control eating creep back in. I’m trying to stay strong on this one.
Whilst on holidays I knew I would eat foods that I wouldn’t normally eat (treats/indulgences) and I’d eat them in quantities greater than normal. I’m ok with that. This behaviour does not constitute a binge so its all good (for a short period).
My post comp meal would be totally indulgent and decadent with NO consideration for whats good for me. Its all about what I ultimately want and will enjoy WITH NO GUILT WHATSOEVER.
Then as life went back to “normal” I’d establish an eating style that was fairly clean and moderate in calories during the week , enabling me relax a little on weekends and enjoy the “sometimes” foods (or treats) in moderation.
October would see me continuing moderate intensity cardio at 3-5 times /week (depending on how I felt and how it fitted in).
No weight training for the rest of this month.
So that was my plan and I’m pleased to report that I’m holding strong on number 1, number 2 went as planned as did number 3 (evidenced by my last post). Number 4 is a work in progress. Its early days and its working well so far. Numbers 5 and 6 are my “rest period” activities. Although I must confess that I did an upper body circuit workout in the gym in Noosa just coz it was such a great gym.
I’ve put some weight back on (yes I did indulge in Noosa) but I needed to as ribs poking out are not very sexy. I’ll check my weight towards the end of the week but it feels ok. I have a goal weight in mind and if I’m on/near it (which I think I am) then I’ll be real happy. And I’ll stay happy if I can stay on/near it too. That’ll be an even bigger challenge.
So there are my thoughts for managing this aspect of life after comps. I feel good knowing that I have this plan in place.