Saturday, September 29, 2007
Over the last couple of days I've had some really difficult issues to deal with and I havent handled them as well as I should have. I cant write more about that now as my head isnt in the right place and I'm struggling for words that make sense. (I have deleted and rewritten these few lines over and over)
My number one priority now is to get myself back on track (diet and training have both suffered) both in my actions and thoughts/beliefs. I feel that once again its "crunch time" and I have 6 days til the comp to once again do the best I can.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Today I was walking to BS's school to watch him in his sports day and on the way I was entertaining thoughts of frothy cappucinos with hot buttered toasted fruit bread. Oh and it has to be the really good quality fruit bread that is really dense and chewy with figs or other such exotic fruit in it. You only need a couple of small slices and its total bliss.
But thats as far as that went. I raced back to work and ate my atlantic salmon + veges and had a big mug of herbal tea. Today was the last heavy weights session too and it felt so good to finish it. I'm looking forward to having a different program for next week even though I now there'll still be ample cardio.
So once again just a quick short post as bedtime is calling. Looking forward to saying a lot more but not at this late hour. Til next time folks.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
just a quick post as I dont have much time tonight. BS needs to be put to bed, then there's some more cardio to try and knock off a bit more body fat. Oh and lets not forget the posing and routine practice before getting an early night so I can be up at 5am to do my FINAL heavy weights session before the comp. WOOHOO!!
This week has been all out of whack with travel for work, lots of time spent out of the office and a routine that was just "out the window". Nutrition has suffered a little - some of it within my control and some totally out of my control. No major dramas though so I'm happy with where things are at. Josh and I talked about my "2 weeks out" pics and he's happy with them (or so he says!!) so I will try to be less harsh on myself and give myslef more credit for what I've achieved.
Training has been good although Monday night was a no-go due to a LONG day at work, getting home late and suffering a headache and a generally BLAH feeling. I've learnt that at those times its best to give myself a break. Rest, sleep and recover so that I can hit it hard again the next day rather than trying to drag myself around like the living dead. Tuesday I was back in 100% full form so I know I made the right decision.
So as af tomorrow its 9 DAYS TIL COMP. Thats single digits everyone... yes SINGLE DIGITS. I'm just blown away that its so close now.
I have so much more that I want to say but now is not the time so I'll store it away til the time is right.
Thanks to all those comments of support and encouragement that keep coming through. They really lift me up if I'm feeling down and nudge me alaong if I'm flailing. They mean a lot to me so again. THANK YOU :-)
Sunday, September 23, 2007
I had my body fat done on Friday afternoon. There was a small drop but I had expected it to be greater as I really felt like it had dropped more. Oh well the funny things that happen and how our mind/eyes perceive them.
Friday night was a bit of a drag at home. Managing tension on top of managing all the personal challenges just adds another (unnecessary) dimension to comp prep. I'm lucky that I have heaps of energy to channell into these extra activities LOL!!
I woke up early on Saturday so put the time to good use and got my leg training + cardio done. I think I was finished before 8am which left me on a real high. Go figure!! The day before I was struggling big time and then yesterday I'm back in happy land. Until I went to my girlfriend's place and we ended up having a chat about not so positive things which put me back into blah land. Then I cooked a Mexican dinner for SIL and her partner and displayed will power of steel in not touching the corn chips or dips that they all hoed in to. (And I LUUUUURVE corn chips!!).
It was a good night despite being hungry very soon after dinner but I'm sort of getting used to that.
This morning I downloaded my progress pics to the computer, checked them out (girlfriend took them yesterday arvo) and emailed them to Josh. Well I must say I hated them. I wont rave on as to why but I was disappointed in them and not at all happy with how I was looking and posing etc. Josh and I are due to talk about them tomorrow. It'll be interesting to hear what he has to say.
So today has been a difficult day mentally and I've had many thoughts of "I cant wait for this to be over" but right now I'm feeling ok. So the up and down ride continues. I will stick it out, no matter how tough it gets and I'll make it to the stage in less than 2 weeks time.
I have a busy week with lots of travel and site visits so my blogging may not be as regular and there'll be the extra challenge of eating 100% on track when mobile. But I'm pretty well prepared so it should be ok.
Well I'm signing off as I have a mountain of washed clothes to sort and fold and then dinner to cook and lunches to make. Hoping to throw in another training session tonight as well.
Cheers all. Less than 2 weeks now and powering on....well sort of :-)
Friday, September 21, 2007
My brain is constantly fuzzy now. I feel like I’m in slo mo with things processing slowly, if at all. A colleague came to speak to me about a problem on one of my projects. I swear I could not understand what he was on about. It just wasn’t registering. So I had to ask him to go through what he needed me to do to fix the problem. Yeeouch how embarrassing is that? I’m not paid to be an airhead which is how I’m feeling right now.
I’ve become really clumsy too. Last night I was packing clean dishes back into the cupboards and my plastic food containers kept falling out of their cupboard…over and over again. It was driving me mad. I mean how hard is it to put a container back in the cupboard without knocking out all the other containers. I’m also bumping into things and am feeling like a bit of an oaf.
I’m always cold now…I guess I must be getting “lean enough” LOL!! Up to now I’ve had times when I’ve been cold but not this much. Last night I did my posing and routine practice in long leggings, gym top and jacket. I just couldn’t bring myself to strip off without cranking up the heating and it was a bit late to do that.
I did my back/legs session in the gym last night and was cursing Josh BIG TIME!! He programmed a weight increase in one of my back exercises (the one I’m the weakest in under the best of conditions) and I made 6 measly reps (instead of 10-12). So I dropped the weight back to what it was last week and struggled for 10 very ordinary reps (as opposed to 12 last week). I know this is due to lower cals/fat but honestly WHAT WAS HE THINKING??!! At least I only had 1 cardio session yesterday as I know I wouldn’t have done any justice to a second session the way I was feeling last night.
So I’m really feeling like the ante has been upped. I guess this is where the real competition takes place. The game gets harder, the body isn’t in a happy place and the mind can go either way….you can cave and admit defeat or you can dig deeper and find the strength to push on even if its one slow step at a time.
15 days and pushing on
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Training as hard as I can.
Posing and routine practice.
Its almost like being on auto pilot but I'm ok with that. The finish line is in sight and I cant afford to fall over again when I'm so close to it. AND I WONT!!
Yesterday I posted a little "mid-week-brag" to Josh in my Training Diary on his PE site telling him of my fantastic drop in weight since last Friday. He replied with a happy face but reminded me that I shouldnt use that as a reason/excuse to ease off. The bugger....he knows me real well now :-) But this time is different. Its 100% on track to that stage.
So last night I ventured out in the cold, blustery evening and repeated my street sprints and then onto more leg work, abs and then posing and routine practice. This morning it was back out for another session of sprints. Sometimes I wonder just what it would take to get legs that I'm really happy with and proud of. Whilst they've improved HEAPS, they still have fat, wobbly bits. Oh well I guess we all have our insecurities and are never 100% happy with the total package.
16 days to go and despite that previous little peeve, I'm in a happy and positive place :-)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
How exciting is that!!!!????
So after tending to all the domestic chores and getting myself organised for today, I took myself off to bed early AND didn’t set my alarm for 5am to do my morning cardio. It’s the best thing I could have done. I actually had a night of reasonable sleep and woke up feeling good. Now I know that the “weird” feeling was just exhaustion although I don’t acknowledge it in case I collapse from it LOL.
This morning I dropped my car in for a service and walked about 5kms to work. The lovely lady who checked my car in asked how I was getting to work and I replied that I’d be walking in. Now get this!! She has a fearful look on her face and says “are you sure you’ll be alright?” What the??!! Do I look so frail that I wouldn’t survive a 5km walk?? I just chuckled away to myself as I enjoyed the walk along Unley Road on this beautiful Adelaide morning. Having said that though I’m now in that “too thin for the average person zone” so I know that I’m approaching “comp standard”.
So its sprints for me tonight, followed by ab work and then posing and routine practice, pretty much like Monday night. The wheels keep turning and its nice to be rolling along and enjoying the ride.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I’m cold and
I’m hungry. But
I’ve just had a nice drop on the scales, my abs are leaner and tighter and the muscles are once again showing in my legs.
WOOHOO Its all worth it!!!
Yesterday I did the double sprints I had planned. Yes out I went at 7.45pm and sprinted laps of my street. Did I care if people saw me and thought I was mad?? NOT AT ALL!! I’m a woman on a mission and that means doing stuff the average (overweight) Joe would never consider. Then it was back home for ab work, posing practice and a run through of my routine. What a great night it was as I strutted around in my undies admiring my leaner midriff (yes I know you’re all laughing but I bet you do it too!!)
I’m tired because I’m not sleeping well at the moment. Too much going through my mind as comp day gets closer. I wake up to pee (all that bloody water and pre-bedtime shake) and then my mind starts going and before I know it I’m awake for hours. This is happening about every 2nd or 3rd night so I’m really starting to feel it.
I’ve made a list of everything I need to do before the comp so I feel more organised and on top of things. This way I can concentrate on my training, being organised with food and keeping my mind in a positive place.
So life goes on and the days are disappearing. 18 to go. I cant wait for it to be here
Monday, September 17, 2007
But I’m doing ok despite these challenges. The second part to this is that I’ve been told to “run as hard and as fast as you can” so double cardio is a requirement whenever possible. I did my sprints this morning and am planning another session just in my street after BS has gone to bed. I hope the neighbours are all ensconced in their TV viewing while I’m out there doing laps of my street LOL.
On Saturday I had a bikini fitting and I was just so excited to see my costume and try it on even though its not ready yet. The fabric is stunning but I have one small concern but I’m hoping that some more weight off and skin tanned dark will fix it. Here’s hoping!! Whilst I had my bikini on I got the dressmaker to take my progress pics and sent them off to Josh. For the first time in about 9-10 months I got the impression he wasn’t happy with them hence the cranking up of diet and training. Mind you, I agree with him as my recent pics weren’t the most flattering in terms of showing up progress.
So with that in mind, I’m fired up to blitz in the last 3 weeks with a 110% effort.
19 days and counting.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Yes its all back on track for me again. Thanks Kristy for a great sprint session this morning. I could have stayed chatting forever. Its nice to share our struggles and challenges with people who understand them.
I have 23 days til Adelaide comp. I have decided to give it my best go (as I said yesterday) and am feeling quite good about what I plan to do. I’m cranking my training up a bit more and have a diet plan that will hopefully deliver some outstanding results. The finish line is so close now that I can smell the Dream Tan LOL!! (Actually I don’t even know what it smells like. I must organise it soon though).
I have a few (extra) challenges over the next 3 days. Tomorrow is WH’s birthday. I will have some diet challenges but I’ve planned my strategy and if I can stick to it I’ll be fine.
And I’m determined to keep blogging so my statement yesterday was more like an incentive for me to stay positive. Plus it goes without saying that comp prep is NOT easy and even more so for us newbies so of-course we’ll have our struggles. But the real winners don’t let those struggles beat them and I want to be …. NO!! I AM A REAL WINNER!!
Til tomorrow folks
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
But I will do it…somehow! I will finish this journey even if at the end I’m not 10% body fat and weighing 52-53kgs when I step on stage. I will NOT throw the towel in now no matter how attractive that seems at times. I know for sure that if I choose this easy way out, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I have spent the afternoon coming up with a bit of a personal eating plan to get me through the remaining 3 ½ weeks. It wont be easy but I will just have to take it one small step at a time and hope I get the results I want.
I have also decided that at the end of each week I will plan all of my training sessions for the following week and post my schedule on my pantry door. I need to see what’s planned and have the satisfaction of ticking it all off as I complete it. No more of just seeing what I feel like (in terms of cardio).
I’ve set myself a personal rule and that is that I will not blog any more negative issues like “oh woe is me, this is so hard” or “oops I’ve stuffed up again”. This is just happening too often and its time to deal with these challenges before they become disasters OR sort them out personally. My blogs will reflect my achievements (no matter how small) or I’ll be quiet.
My last goal is to spend time EACH AND EVERY day looking within and getting my head in the right place. In fact this should be my first goal as its undoubtedly the most important one.
So til I blog tomorrow with a much-improved state of mind its farewell for now.
But before I go I will say a very big thank-you to Combatgirl, Charlotte, Claudine and Nic for your comments which go a long way to explain how I’m feeling, what I’m going through and why this is all happening. Your support and encouragement mean a lot to me so THANK YOU.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I found yesterday’s horoscope quite insightful and relevant even though I couldn’t come back and write more on it til today.
Some of the impact of it has deadened now but I’ll just say “bring on that extraordinary” coz I need all the help and inspiration I can possibly draw on right now.
Can somebody answer me these:
1. When everything is going really really well, why do we put ourselves in situations that will clearly sabotage all of our good work?
2. When we find ourselves in these situations, why do we consciously do as much damage as we possibly can?
3. Why is balance and harmony such an elusive thing?
4. Where has my “happy place” gone and why cant I find it again?
A squillion things are running through my mind right now. I’m trying to work my way back to that happy positive place but it feels like I’m crawling through mud.
25 days to go… and I feel fat, flabby and fed up.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Will post more on this later. Work calls right now.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
On the up side though I had my body fat tested today and yes it has dropped nicely so I'm happy about that. I also learnt the rest of my routine and had some more posing coaching with M. I think my posing is ok so now I need to work on getting it to "good" and then "really good".
I set out to buy a new bikini today after Josh commented that the white one doesnt fit any more and is in fact very unflattering (like tell me something I dont already know...its damn uncomfortable too as it feels like its gonna fall off at any minute). So I'm shopping in my local Westfield (not a great place for choice) and seeing its only September in Adelaide thats still like winter with the odd mild/warm day...hence very little range in the shops yet. So I try Target hoping I can grab something cheap to tide me over til I get to Queensland after the comps (where I can shop to my heart's content for a superb bikini). Verdict: 2-3 styles of bikini (all atrocious) and some nana one pieces. NEXT SHOP!! B & T. Now they have previously served me well so I'm approcahing with a big sense of hope.....only to be let down again. Limited styles, limited sizes ... they are obviously not ready for the swimsuit season with these meagre offerings. NEXT SHOP!! Myer. Ah good old Myer. How can they disappoint. Well on the first account of having enough styles to choose from they did ok. I chose about 5-6 styles and trotted off to the change rooms with BS in tow and the Gameboy fired up while I tried them on.
Oh Lordy!!! I have no boobs and need help in this department. Some styles were ok for this, others were abysmal. Then there were the bottoms. The smallest size being a 10 and for the first time in my life I struggled with them looking/feeling too big. The last pair I tried on were ok until I checked the price tag and just about passed out. VERDICT: I will not pay that much money for something that looks "OK". ACTION: Leave without buying a new bikini. Will have to try in the city maybe.
So I have no new bikini but at least I'm not an obscene amount of money poorer either.
Have a great weekend all
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Despite feeling quite tired last night (I didnt sleep well the night before) I still managed to do a decent sprint session on my exercise bike followed up with my new "extra leg workout (ELW)" which I'll be aiming to complete AT LEAST 5 x / week and some more routine practice. It was another solid hour and 15 minutes and I was really happy with it. I was quite hungry when I finished it but had to be satisfied with a shake and then off to bed.
This morning I was up early (as usual) and hit the road for some more sprint work. I also incorporated my ELW and its a great feeling knowing its done for the day. Can you tell yet that I'm feeling PARTICULARLY good....no GREAT.... right now. Its a bit scary actaully as in the past I've soared quite high only to fall very hard. But those times are history and I have this new opportunity to make a change and do things differently this time.
After all this serious training my appetite has really kicked up a notch. I'm enjoying my food and juggling meal times so that I dont get too ravenous. I'm not tempted to eat off plan as I know that on Saturday night I'll have a guilt free meal of my choice and I know I'll have earnt every mouthful. This is doing things "my way".
To all readers of my blog, I'm sending you a dose of my happy, positive vibes. ENJOY LIFE!!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
So after all this thinking and analysing, I’ve made some decisions about how I’m going to approach the next week and a half. I’m going to do things “my way” and I find this really empowering. Now let me explain that “my way” isn’t anything radical or drastic, it’s a slight variation on what I’m already doing but the big difference is how I perceive things.
First and foremost I acknowledge that staying positive is my main priority. 90% of my success will come from the right mindset so the changes I make have to support this goal (and I’m sure they will!). So I’m going to chat to Josh about this and then give it a go. Life should be happier all round :-)
Last night I belted out an hour and a quarter of training AFTER BS had gone to bed. I tell you I WAS ON FIRE!!!! Then I squeezed in 3 rounds of routine practice after which I had to stop so I could go to bed and be up early for this morning’s session. I think Josh must have had a “mad-moment” when he did my chest program for this week. He programmed a 25% increase in one of the weights and I just laughed (After I recovered from almost killing myself trying to achieve one rep!!). Strength increases are a pipe-dream on my daily intake but its good to test yourself out, I guess.
So I’m still in my happy, positive place and enjoying this journey with only 32 days to WNBF in Adelaide.
Monday, September 03, 2007
So what else to report from the weekend?
As planned Saturday was back into the harder core training. Sprints on the exercise bike in the morning. Leg training (at home) in the afternoon, followed by a jog. We went to SIL’s for dinner and she went to the trouble of preparing a separate meal for me. She bought me a beautiful fillet of atlantic salmon, laid slices of ginger, garlic, chilli and coriander on it and steamed it. The serve was a bit bigger than I’d normally have but it was so delicious that I ate it all and enjoyed every mouthful (with some asian veges as well).
On Sunday I surprised WH with breakfast out and the diet was relaxed a little. Then we had my mum and dad over for dinner that evening and it was a lovely day all round. Yes I spent a lot of time cooking and baking but they’re things I enjoy anyway and I love seeing people eating and enjoying my food. I had a small splurge in the evening too but you know what I’M TOTALLY OK WITH IT!!!
Previously this would have sent me into fits of guilt, shame, depression, feelings of failure etc and I’d be beating myself up over it or wrestling with self doubt and a heap of other negative stuff. But not this time. Have I turned a corner? Maybe. Have I woken up to the fact that I CAN have a small indulgence and keep it under control? Maybe. Have I tapped into a more positive mindset…a “can do” attitude? Maybe. More on this next time……
So this morning I harnessed those extra carbs and calories into an awesome back/heavy legs session and got the day off to a spectacular start. Eating is back to 100% on track and I’m in a happy and positive place. Life is good and I’m doing what I can to keep it this way.
PS If you stopped past my blog, checked out my progress pic and left a comment, I say a big THANK YOU :-)