A BIT OF SELF ANALYSIS

Well there is no doubt that this week has been one of some challenging mind games. As I reflect back over it all I put the pieces of the puzzle together and realise that it stems from my under-eating at the beginning of the week.

Eating mindfully or intuitively is tricky. No point asking myself at lunch time what do I feel like eating? Lunch is made the night before, packed and brought to work with me. If I didn’t do this I’d spend a small fortune buying something every day from city food outlets. No thank you. I’d rather spend my money on more worthwhile things. And I find that I genuinely don’t get properly hungry at those previous 3 hourly intervals. I thought I was doing great and feeling fine eating a bit less. My body thought otherwise and then sent some crazy signals to my brain like “ warning warning starvation alert” (well not exactly but you get the gist).

This set the old diet/binge mentality back into action, hence the struggles I’ve had this week coupled with the feeling of incredible tiredness. Yep this was my life when I was on the diet merry-go-round earlier this year. It was a pretty miserable existence as I constantly binged, beat myself up over it and punished myself with more and more restrictive dieting. Breaking free from this cycle around the middle of the year was life changing for me.

But I realise that moving on from that behaviour to my current lifestyle is not as simple as closing one door behind me and then living happily ever after in my “new place”. Many years ago I read a statement written by Dr Phil in his weight loss/management book (sorry I forgot the title of it but it was very good as it focussed as much on the psychology of it all rather than just eat this / don’t eat that and move more). Dr Phil’s statement was along the lines of “overweight is never cured. Its managed” and I believe its totally correct.

If you have been overweight and lived on the diet merry-go-round you’ll know that losing weight and keeping it off is something that you must work at constantly. There is never a day where you can say, “I’m not at any risk of regaining the weight I’ve lost” or “No matter what I do today or over the next three months my weight will remain stable”. Deep in our subconscious we engage the strategies we use to manage our weight at a level we find acceptable. Those strategies may be physical ones like dieting and/or training a certain way or they may be mental strategies we use to manage our eating through internal mindful processes rather than external control.

So this week has seen me peeking back through that door I thought was closed behind me. It’s ajar and I’ve poked my nose back into that room only to be reminded of what a painful place that was. Its also driven home the point that I can’t take my new place for granted. There are things I must do on an ongoing basis to remain happy in this place.

I have chosen to step off the diet merry-go-round and with this comes a new set of responsibilities and actions to ensure that I don’t end up looking like the Michelin Man. I’ve explored what feels right for me. I’ve tested it over a few months. I take responsibility for my decisions and I maintain control over what I do. Mind games may come to tease me every so often but if I stay true to me those challenges can be faced and conquered.

Magda

ORDINARY VS TOTALLY CR*PPY

Today I just have to accept that I feel ordinary. Not great, nor good just ordinary. If I was honest I'd describe it as a "fat day". You known when you look down and your stomach looks 5 months preggo or your thighs look like big fat slabs of lard LOL. Well I had a stomach moment this morning. Silly isnt it?

My mood has been soso and some unexpected events had some of my destructive old thought patterns return with a vengeance. Although I had my lunch with me today, I got invited to a lunch meeting and my colleague and I talked through some really important work issues over lunch at a nearby pub. I ate well, mindful of my recent undereating and then found myself craving sweets after. And I dont mean a sweet I mean several. Like I wanted to have a binge. WTF!!!???? Not hungry. Just wanted to eat lots of sweets.

I didnt do it because I knew I didnt really want them and decided to just acknowledge and then ride with the feeling. Luckily I had a meeting take up a lot of my afternoon and then I could come home a bit earlier than normal and get stuck into domestic chores. Lo and behold by 6pm I was hungry for dinner which was just ideal.

This is a massive achievement for me. I have rarely had the urge to binge since adopting the "no-diet-approach" so it was unexpected and a bit unsettling today. It would have been so easy to just give in and stuff myself because thats a coping mechanism I'm used to but I wanted a different outcome so different actions were in order.

Hence I sit here tonight still feeling ordinary but happy in myself that I didnt turn the ordinary into "totally cr*ppy".

:-) Magda

TRIAL AND ERROR

When I left work today I felt flat. Really flat. Energy levels were rock bottom and I had that awful feeling that I lived with during my comp prep where you drag yourself around in a semi starved state with no energy at all.

So I thought through why I might be feeling this way. I had been out of the office today and had the benefit of movement during the day (some days I'm desk and computer bound and I find that very tiring) so it wasnt that. Then I thought through what I'd eaten over the last couple of days and VOILA!! there it was. I havent eaten enough.

In my quest to eat mindfully and not overeat, I've swung the other way and not had enough and still managed some pretty tough training. So although I had a decent brekkie I missed my 10am skim cappuccino as I was heading out to a site visit. Lunch was bolted down just before 12 as I was famished by then. And it filled me up but didnt keep me full. I had stir fried brocolli with left over lean roast pork, coriander and some flax oil. Yep it looked like comp food and sort of was but funnily enough I like it, its quick to prepare and I havent had the inspiration to be creative with my lunches. I was hungry for a snack in the afternoon and had my usual low fat creamed cottage cheese with cinnamon and Splenda and today I had some mango with it. Was famished for dinner though so the atlantic salmon was devoured with gusto.

Yesterday was light on for lunch as it was leftovers and there wasnt that much of them. I'm better prepared for tomorrow though with brown rice added to my lunch of brocolli, tandoori chicken and coriander.

Trial and error and I'll get it right. Some days you eat more, some you eat less but 2 days of less in a row and I'm not feeling so (physically) good anymore. Thank goodness the fish and salad for dinner was a decent serve and my tummy is happily satisfied and the energy levels have come back up.

:-) M

JUST HAPPY

I have decided to have a wonderful day today. I decided this at 4.50am when my alarm went off and it was time to train upper body. I didn’t even have the split second thought of “oh I don’t want to get up”. I just got up and got into it.

Today I increased some more weights for a really punishing session. Poor triceps don’t get done til near the end and they are so tired by then that its hard to isolate them. I can feel all the surrounding muscles chipping in to help coz the tris are screaming “help us, we cant do this on our own” LOL. I down a small shake straight after and then hit the shower to get ready for work.

On days that I weight train I have a blueberry pancake for breakfast. Its to die for and here’s how I make it.

Beat 2 egg whites with a fork and add approx 60g of low fat creamed cottage cheese and a generous sprinkle of cinnamon. Beat all this together some more. Add ½ punnet of blueberries, 1/3c oats and a generous tablespoon of unprocessed bran. Mix well and then cook in a non-stick pan (in my older pans I use a light spray of oil or in a Scanpan you need nothing). It takes a few minutes each side as I make mine quite thick. I serve it with sugar free maple syrup and a sprinkle of LSA. Try it and tell me what you think.

Its cooler today (well under 35 degrees) so Peter is walking to and from work which means I drop off and pick up our boy. We have the funniest conversations in the car. They are just gold (like how he wants his nana to make a violin cake for his birthday next April LOL). This evening I’ll see my parents when I pick him up from their place and that’ll be nice too.

I got a call today regarding progress on the sh*tty issue in our lives now. We should have something back in writing by the end of the week. I was calm and unemotional during the call and then let it go instead of stewing over it for the rest of the day. I reminded myself that I was choosing to have a wonderful day.

Dinner tonight is Atlantic salmon done on the BBQ with a salad of spinach leaves, roasted pumpkin, semi dried tomatoes, pine nuts and low fat feta. A wine would go nicely with it but I wont indulge until Thursday and I’m ok with that. Its my choice and not a rule dictated to me by some-one else.

When I go to bed tonight I know I’ll be looking forward to getting up tomorrow and nailing my jog/run session and I might even walk to work as a bonus. Happy on the outside. Happy on the inside. Just happy.

M

COULD THIS BE TRUE?

I've now done my 60 minute easy paced jog about 3 times and it is getting easier each time. As I hit the pavement (not literally) I tune into my iPod and slip easily into my "zone". The pace is easy yet today my HRM told me that I had only spent between 1 and 2 minutes in my training zone. The rest of the time my pulse was higher and I burned a whopping 670 calories. It didnt feel that hard, honestly. I think my pulse may have been up due to the heat.

If you'd have said to me a year ago that I would again willingly run for anything more than 30 minutes I would have told you "no bloody way". Doing the City to Bay (12kms) was a huge achievement for me but after completing it I had no desire to repeat it or anything even remotely similar. Yet now I find myself itching to know what distance I cover in 60 minutes (I'm all over the side streets and through the carpark of my local shopping centre) and there is a little voice in my head whispering "enter another event and see how you go".

Hmmm something to ponder during those long zenlike sessions.

:-) Magda

FOCUSSING ON THE GOOD STUFF

Today’s post will just be a boring round up of my fantastic weekend. Sorry I have nothing more inspiring, groundbreaking, spiritually moving or deliciously tantalising to write about.

Saturday started with a mini training session, as time was very short. So it was 20 minutes of leg training incorporating 4 sets of split squats and then 5 sets of stiff legged deadlifts (one of my favourite exercises). I cracked the 40kgs+ on my deadlifts, which I think is a first for me. (Hey you Superwomen who lift heavy shit just stop laughing right now. It was heavy for me LOL). Took my son to swimming and was very proud of him getting an achievement certificate. He is struggling with his swimming, as he is phobic about putting his head underwater so progress is very slow. The afternoon was spent doing domestic stuff both at home and out. More about all that down the track.

On Saturday night we dropped our son to his auntie’s house for a sleep over while we went to the Seal concert at the Enter Centre. Geez he was good. We really enjoyed it. We had dinner out first so we made a night of it sort of like a date (except at the end we went home and went to sleep as we were both so tired LOL).

Sunday started with a sleep-in which is very rare in our household. Peter headed out for a run in the scorching heat while I waited for our boy to be dropped off. Hence there was no training time for me as we wanted to go to the beach and wanted to get away as early as possible. I don’t normally like the beach but I really enjoyed it yesterday. Yes I wore my bikini and felt quite good in it. I even went right in the water which I rarely do as I hate it cold. Then I spent the afternoon lying on my towel under an umbrella and reading the paper while Peter built sand castles with our boy and then romped in the sea with him. We all had ice creams before going home and ending a great day.

Last night we sat outside and had a Corona and a few nibbles before dinner and both commented on what a great weekend it had been and how good we both felt. There may be some sh*t in our lives that we desperately want to get sorted and finalised but we managed to put that aside and focus on all the good stuff that surrounds us as well.

Cheers

Magda

BLESSED WITH A WONDERFUL LIFE

Every second Friday I leave work at 3pm and pick my son up from school. Its my favourite time of the fortnight. I raced to his school today having been caught in traffic due to some city road closures. Luckily he was late getting out so my arriving late didnt matter. He excitedly showed me a microscope he'd bought at the school's Giant Sale and carefully returned the change from his unspent money. The sale was to raise money to send to a poor nation overseas and he commented that the best thing about the sale was that poor people would get money. On the way to the car I asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee and a biscuit or ice cream.

Ice cream won hands down (it was 39 degrees here) so we headed to Cibo at Norwood and indulged in some gelati. Chocolate for my boy and roasted almond for me. He's such a slow eater but today I enjoyed every miunte of watching him slowly lick his icecream til it was finished and he had chocolate smears all over his face :-). Then we chatted about his day before heading back into the city to pick Peter up and head off home.

Such a simple thing yet so incredibly enjoyable. I am so lucky and so blessed to have such a wonderful life. And the weekend is here. Yippee!! And its a hot one. Double yippee!!

M

OH I DO LOVE SUMMER

Check out Kek’s blog for her opinion about the warm (hot) weather we’re having. I’m 110% behind her and couldn’t agree more completely.

Yes the mercury has climbed into the 30s and here in Adelaide it’ll hit the 40s by Sunday and the stream of complaints is already in full swing. “Oh I can’t stand the heat. I wish it’d cool down”. Or people looking for an ally in their quest to hate the heat saying “So how are you liking/handling this heat?” Boy do they get a surprise when I beam from ear to ear and tell them that I (genuinely) love it and it’s about time the cold miserable winter ended and it was HOT. They look at me like I’ve got 3 heads and no brains in any of them. So I go on and I tell them that I hate winter. I hate being cold and this is MY time of year. “You wont find me complaining about the heat,” I tell them and I don’t.

When its hot I love:

Getting out early and running in the warmth wearing shorts and a tank top. When the sweat trickles down my face I know I’m working. Its like I have the proof of my efforts right there.

Wearing open toed sandals and showing off pretty bright pink or dark red toenails (note to self: get that pedicure done NOW).

Wearing sleeveless tops and showing off my nicely toned arms and my broad shoulders. Yes I’m lucky to have a decent set of shoulders with nice width and pretty good muscle tone. Shame that I wasn’t blessed with good thighs to match LOL.

Feeling warm where warm = comfortable = happy.

Balmy evenings. Sitting outside for a drink on a Friday night. Peter cooking dinner on the BBQ. Eating more salad. Eating outside. Chatting away and unwinding.

Having an icy cold Corona with a lime wedge. Just one will do as I’m not normally a beer lover but one on a hot day hits the spot.

Having BBQs with friends or family. I don’t have to cook and I get to eat yummy food that I love.

Being on holidays. Packing lightly. Getting onto a beach or into a pool. Beer-o’clock. Late nights.

Oh I do love summer.

Magda

CARDIO FREE DAY AND WARDROBE WONDERLAND

Yay today is a cardio free day. Not that I have a problem with cardio. In fact I love it but the old legs will welcome the rest. Yesterday I did my jog/run and walked both to and from work. Mind you in the afternoon my pace couldn’t really count as cardio. It was just too hot to power it up so I kept it moderate and arrived home sane and not too sweaty.

This morning I trained upper body and abs. Increased some of my weights and by the end of the session I could barely hold a 7.5kg dumbbell. How pissweak am I??? LOL. But I’m not stupid enough to think that I need to lift as heavy as some of you other Superwomen. I know it has to be hard for me. And if that’s 10kgs and not 15 or 17 then so be it. I’m mindful of using proper form and I wont ramp up the weights if my form then goes to cr*p.

I’m in a good place emotionally. I’m not letting that issue spoil my mood or drag me down. Sure its annoying but its pushed to the back of my mind for the time being and I’ll worry about it when events unfold further. One of my friends had some good advice about it yesterday and I’m going to take it if the need arises, as I’m sure it will.

And to add further fuel to my happiness fire I now have a much wider range of clothes to enjoy since my weight has come down to a “looking good” level. I bought some white pants in a size 10 after the 2007 comps. I reckon I wore them once before I put on too much weight and couldn’t wear them any more. Well I wore them on Monday and they looked great. Many years ago in Singapore I bought a DKNY red skirt, which looks fantastic. Again its small and I’ve hardly ever worn it. I have it on today. And I even tried on the bikini I bought straight after the 2007 comps. Silly me got all excited that I could fit into a size 8 and bought it when I should have bought the 10 knowing that I’d put on weight. Well I tried the size 8 bikini on and while it feels tight in places, it doesn’t look tight and I’ll be able to wear it this summer. How fanbloodytastic is that??!!

M

RAMPING UP THE RUNNING

This morning I set out at 5.15am and did my jog/run training session. It was fantastic. I did at least 10 intervals of running approx 1 minute and sometimes more. The jogs were my rest periods. It was a full on session with my heart rate really getting up and the sweat pouring off me. We are having a major heatwave here (yippee!!) and it took ages for me to cool down.

Then I walked into the Central Market and had breakfast with a couple of friends before going to work. What an excellent start to the day. For brekkie I chose the "raisin sensation". It was a thick slice of toasted raisin bread with ricotta cheese, a poached pear, strawberries, slivered almonds and a light dusting of icing sugar. It came with vanilla syrup which I asked for on the side and didnt end up having. The dish didnt need more sweetness.

So when my diet is mainly clean but unrestricted and I eat what feels right for me and I keep up my training doing stuff I love the result is a feeling of true health, wellbeing and happiness. Why would you choose to live any other way?

M