Friday, February 29, 2008
So I’m looking at tomorrow as a new beginning. A new month, a new season hopefully a new era. I’m not making any grand promises or setting challenging goals that will stress me and set me up for failure. But I’m looking for improvement. Better food choices and eating habits. Regular training. Moderation . A positive and happy outlook.
Whilst I don’t like the weight I’ve gained, I accept it and I know that if I achieve what I set out to do then it’ll come down again. I know that to dwell on the past is counter-productive so I’m looking forward.
How are you approaching the new season?
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I didn’t pursue it then but circumstances earlier this year meant that I now could and even my WH was supporting me in this endeavour. (His initial reaction had NOT been positive!!). So I started to find out all I could about the Real Estate world and what the life of a Sales Agent was really like. I have a friend in RE and he told me heaps but I also met with RE recruitment and training people and franchise owners. I really did my home-work.
I found out about the good (potential earnings) the bad (realistic earnings when you start out) and the downright ugly (cold-calling, door-knocking, rejections, the possibility of no earnings if you don’t secure listings and I have more that I could add to that list). Then there was all the personal stuff like how it would affect my family and I eventually came to the decision that I wouldn’t do it.
It took weeks of feeling good and positive about it and then swinging to having lots of doubts and second thoughts before I realised that I had to (wanted to) put my family first and not subject us all to such financial stress and uncertainty. Add to that the evening and weekend work and I knew deep down that it wouldn’t sit well with my WH and my BS needs me at those times.
I’m a smidge disappointed (about 5%) but I’m 95% really happy and comfortable with the decision I made. Further to this, WH and I talked about how I could work towards being better at my current job, how to get more satisfaction from it and what other job opportunities I could pursue within government. I’m feeling good about that and I’m making myself come to work with an improved attitude.
Now that this decision has been made I don’t feel so lost and drained and in a constant state of upheaval. I’m hoping that this reflects positively on other areas of my life. I have some other decisions to make (to compete this year or put it off to next year) but I’m going to give myself some time to just see how things pan out and how I really feel about it.
Bring on some happier times. I’m ready.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Small steps but progress in the right direction.
I’m taking Combat Girl’s advice and just setting myself some weekly goals. Nothing earth-shattering just some things that I’ll try to bring back into my life. Things that should never have slipped but I wont dwell on that.
So this morning I trained again and followed it up with a nice healthy breakfast. I was in a better mood already. More patient and even looking forward to the day (well as much as you look forward to a work day LOL).
Maybe the silver lining is just coming through on those dark clouds.
I certainly feel better having decided about my work/career goals. (More on that soon). I know other bloggers (hi Raechelle) are having similar issues and like me, are finding the indecisiveness very unsettling. Whilst I acknowledge that its not a valid excuse for eating badly and missing training, I know for me it certainly makes things harder and in my recent frame of mind I was just giving in too quickly and too easily.
Today Cat’s post about depression really got me thinking about why I feel so down. The truth is that I actually have a great life. I have a good job, a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, I’m healthy and I’m even the envy of many overweight and unfit ladies who work on my floor. So how do I explain why I’m feeling so down? Its my struggle with food, making good choices consistently and being able to maintain a reasonable weight (and I don’t mean anything close to my comp weight). These things challenge me constantly and there are just too many times when they beat me for a whole range of reasons (excuses????)
But I refuse to give up because that’s not the person I want to be. When I read Lisa’s post “I’m just doing it” I realised that this is what I want to be able to say in the (not too distant) future. It truly gives me hope and inspiration.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
RESULT: Depressed and miserable. I knew it wouldnt be good and I was right.
After suffering with all sorts of aches and tightness and pain and loss of mobility yesterday, I saw the chiro today for some overdue treatment and relief. Then I caught up with the Lovely Miss Kerry who was kind enough to pay me (undeserved) compliments when I'm feeling so down. If I let myself believe them, I actually feel good for a while. We talked all things training, dieting and competing which I always love.
The reality for me is that I have no direction this year. All my goals are on hold until I decide what I'll do on the job front. So much hinges on that and I'm suffering under the pressure of it all.
I had another meeting in relation to the job issue this afternoon and I left it feeling positive but the reality is that I swing from positive to negative over and over. Its just draining. WH and I talked very frankly about it again and I'm 90% decided but I just need to work out a few more things before I feel comfortable with my (our) decision.
I will post more on this soon.
Monday, February 25, 2008
What sets apart a winner from some-one who plugs away but never makes real progress?
Why do some people succeed at making permanent changes to their lives while others make short-lived changes and then revert back to their old ways?
How can mindsets and beliefs be challenged to the point where they are changed?
How often do we sit down, take stock and decide that things need to change? So we plan our strategy, decide on our course of action and away we go improving ourselves, our lives. Then at some point down the track we slip up, we fall over and whoa its all too hard and we give up until its time to sit down, take stock and decide that things need to change.
This is the rut I’m trying to break out of.
OK I’ve achieved some big things in my life:
Good job with travel around the state and physical evidence of what I do/produce.
With WH I adopted a beautiful boy from South Korea.
I’ve travelled extensively both overseas and within Australia.
I own a beautiful home (well in partnership with the bank LOL) and have a nice car.
Training for, competing and winning in my first Figure Comp last year.
Now the next thing I want to add to my list of achievements is to make clean, healthy eating and regular training a lifetime commitment.
Not for a few days, a few weeks, until its holiday time or until I’m feeling stressed/bored/frustrated/anxious etc but for a lifetime. (Oh and then to just shut up and get on with it and not feel like I deserve a medal because I’m doing it).
That’s where I want to be.
Where are you and where do you want to be?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I ended 2007 with a 110% effort to clean up my diet and tackle my food demons. January saw me going strong for the first half and then some bad days started creeping back in. I'm ashamed to admit that February has been a struggle. The good days have been few and far between. Yet with every bad eating episode Liz took the time to explain what was happening, why it was happening and gave me strategies to deal with the challenges. When I dreaded "confessing" another bad eating episode, she'd write something that inevitably made me feel better and I'm so grateful for that.
So now its up to me. I must take stock of everything I've learnt - about the physical, about the emotional and about myself and start taking positive steps once again. A friend once told me this saying and its very true: Magda you have all the tools in your shed, now its time to use them. Its time to stop reading the self help books/articles, stop searching for the magic system and its time TO DO. Only I can make the changes which will allow me to live the life I want to live.
THANK YOU LIZ FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. YOU'RE A LEGEND :-)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
When you choose to become a BB/FC you choose a sport that is in fact a lifestyle. Training is paramount and requires a high level of dedication not only to make sure that you do every scheduled session but that you give it 100% of your effort both physically and mentally. Yep that’s easy to write but put it into practice and it becomes a LOT HARDER. Life will always throw up events and situations that will intrude on your training time so you need to be flexible and willing to change your routine if that happens. There will be times when you just don’t feel like training. Bad luck!! Suck it up and just do it. You cant afford to be giving yourself days off because you don’t feel like sweating or grunting that day.
Then there’s the diet. A big challenge for many FCs. In the off-season there is some flexibility but the basic principles still apply. If you’re training for muscle growth your diet must support this. If you’re leaning down for comps then again your diet must support that. The restricted diet affects your social life (Friday happy hour at the pub after work??? – NOT LIKELY!! - unless your comfortable having diet soft drinks/soda etc and just watch everyone else drinking). It affects your free time as your food prep becomes more time consuming (Grab a protein bar + an apple for a snack – NOT LIKELY). It affects you mentally as you may suffer cravings, or you might be fighting feelings of deprivation or you might just be starving hungry. At some stage you’ll probably cheat and then you’ll beat yourself up over it. Yep on many levels the diet is tough.
What about all the other factors around BB? Are you lucky enough to have a partner who’s also into the sport and has some understanding of what is required to be successful? If not, you may still have a partner who is there with you and supporting you all the way – maybe training with you, eating similar to you – all those little things help. But what if your partner has no interest in the sport and no intention of supporting you with your diet or training? They may resent the time you spend training because its time you’re not spending with them. They may miss being able to sit down to a normal meal together and maybe having a glass of wine together. They may look at your shrinking size / loss of boobs / muscles appearing and they may not like how you look. How do you deal with all these challenges and this negativity?
Its important to understand that BB/FC is an “its all about me” sport. At the end of the day you have to decide how much of “you” you give to it. Yep there are stages at which you have to give a LOT of your time to it but there should always be some balance between that and your family life. Partners need to feel like they still matter and that you still enjoy spending time with them. Listen to what they have to say and negotiate a happy middle ground if you need to. Sometimes you may just have to say “If you cant be positive then please keep your opinions to yourself.” It may sound brutal but if it avoids an argument and lots of bad feelings then it’s a good thing.
Finally to be successful, never never never lose sight of your goals. Have your end date (comp day) firmly in mind and physically noted on your calendar, in your dairy, on your blog …. EVERYWHERE. Count down to it on a weekly or even daily basis.
Feeling a bit down or overwhelmed? Get out those progress pics and take a good long look at them. Cringe at your starting pics and then take major delight in your most recent pics.
Read back over your Training Journal and take pride in your level of commitment to that point. Give yourself a big pat on the back for how far you’ve come.
And keep going … one small step at a time. Get to the next meal, have it, stay on track. Next training session: visualise the muscles working, imagine how good they’ll look on comp day. Smile (even if you feel like cr*p).
Remind yourself that you are a strong, determined and focussed person who doesn’t give up when the going gets tough.
Remind yourself that the harder the task, the more rewarding the achievement.
Remind yourself that you’re on a journey and its just as important to enjoy the journey and not just the destination.
The glass can be half full or half empty. You choose how you view it on any given day. Make the right choice and you’ll succeed.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I’ve missed putting my thoughts, experiences, hopes and aspirations in writing each day. In the meantime I’ve enjoyed reading what everyone else has been up to. Some are going great guns, some are struggling, some are sharing words of wisdom and some are absent (as we all need to be from time to time).
So where am I at now? Well I cant boast that I’m feeling magnificent or invincible or that I’m firing on all cylinders but I’m ok. I’ve had some very dark days and some pretty good ones too. I’m just riding with it all for now as I know that I’m not in the right place to be making big bold statements about all the incredible things I’m planning to achieve. That will come but I’m not ready for it now.
On the career front I have yet to make the decision whether to take the plunge or not. This uncertainty is unsettling in itself as it impacts on so many other aspects of my life and my family. Maybe my lack of decision is the decision itself? Having said that, I’m still researching things so that my eventual decision is an informed one. (I swear I’m turning into a Virgo with all this fact finding and analysis going on – its just SO NOT Cancerian LOL).
Training wise I’ve tried to be consistent and do my scheduled workouts whether I feel like it or not. In fact last week, in a period of sky high motivation I even trained twice a day on most days. GO ME!! But this week its back to mornings only as the evening routines are all out of whack with other stuff going on.
Diet is where I fall down though. Last week was great. This week not so. I suspect I know why but wont try to justify my actions with excuses. Subject closed because the tide will turn.
So that’s me on Wednesday 20th Feb. Honest about where I’m at. Thanks for all your comments of support on my last post. I haven’t responded individually but will do so again from now on.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Thanks to everybody for your never-ending support and understanding. It really means a lot to me.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Hence ths morning I slept in til 7 (luckily I was having the day off) and then it was a mad rush to be out the door at 8 to take BS to school. As I was in the shower my plans for the day changed (my friend Miss G cancelled lunch) so I arranged to catch up with another friend Miss E before I did my shopping.
Now Miss E is my best friend and a one on one session like today can take up some time. Well we met at 9.15 and had breakfast and got talking. Then we had a 2nd coffee each and kept talking. A little later she had a juice, I had my 3rd coffee and yep you guessed it, still talking LOL. At 12 o'clock I said "if we keep going any longer we better find a lunch venue and keep talking there". But alas we both had jobs to do and we parted with a "gee that was a great catch-up. We must do that again."
OMG I spent the rest of the day in a mad rush to get all my jobs done (none of which were at home) and even had to resort to lunch from a drive thru as I had so little time before I had to pick BS up from school.
So in summary today I:
- missed training
- ate no protein for breakfast
- didnt have anywhere near 2 litres of water
- had fast food for lunch after having no food for 5 hours
- had wine with dinner .... GO ME....NOT!!!!
On the up-side though my WH and I are really thrashing this through and looking at it from every angle which is very important. Tonight he questioned whether I had the mental toughness, the internal steel and drive to push through the hard times that will inevitably come with this job. I believe I have but I want to demonstrate it to him before we make the decision to jump in. I'd like to know what you think I could/should do to show him that I have it in me. Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated .... I guess I'm looking for a bit of a personal challenge, an avenue through which to set myself a goal/challenge and achieve it (although not one over a long time frame so we can make final decision sooner rather than later).
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
...... as you know I've been in a funny place this week with things not being on track for me. I've tried hard to stay ok about it all thinking "it'll pass and all will be good again" but it just wasnt happening. Its only through the exchange of a couple of emails with Liz that I understand whats going on and feel ready to tackle it HEAD ON.
I've always been honest about the struggles I have with food whether I'm in comp prep, off season or just trying to live a normal life. At this point you may well be thinking "yeah we all know so just build that bridge and get over it" - I often feel that way myself. But I also know that some of you have the same or very similar issues and sharing what we know and how we deal with our personal challenges may just help somebody else. I certainly hope so. I'd like to share some of the advice given to me by Liz just recently.
"..... your “Feast Beast” (is) telling you some huge sob story that you’re “gonna miss out if you don’t have any of that yummy pizza” and “heck, because I’ve just “sinned” and chowed down this pizza, I may as well go whole hog all afternoon and send accountability out the window”. When your inner Beast grabs hold of you and tells you those things, you’ve developed a pattern where you’ll listen to anything it tells you to. It’s actually telling you a huge lie – that eating junk food is the only way to happiness for Magda and when you see it written like that, it’s so embarrassingly obvious this isn’t the case at all"
"You’re succumbing to the belief that once you develop a pattern you keep it with you for life. ... At some point you’re believing that by continuing this behaviour, it is again giving you comfort. This is your Beast telling you another big fat lie. What if you told it that you were on to it and immediate gratification with crap isn’t leading to your long term contentment. Tell it you’re no longer going to buy into that game. Yeah the Beast will win some rounds, but keep punching and it’s you that comes out on top."
So its time to fight back and not let that FB win. Yes there are times when she is strong and fierce but I can be too. So with this knowledge and a bit of a strategy for handling the difficult situations I may just win a few rounds. Thats certainly what I'm aiming for :-)
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
I'm still in a funny place with things diet wise, prep wise and just with my overall attitude. Trying to sort through some stuff but life gets in the way. I'm sure it'll pass soon.
Monday, February 04, 2008
My pictures from the WNBF Asia Pacific Championships in Sydney (October 2007) arrived today (Yes they were VERY late). I have been checking them out and reminiscing and now I'm feeling all funny. So many things are going through my mind right now but its late and I'm not up to blogging about them tonight.
I have a trip to one of my country sites tomorrow with many hours spent driving. At times like that I drink too much Diet Coke as its the only thing that keeps me awake. I know its not good for me but better that then falling asleep at the wheel.
Talk again soon guys when I'm in a better place to share my thoughts with you.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Hmmm not the best photo but this "no added fat chicken parmy" was just superb for dinner tonight. I added more veges of course and WH was singing my praises saying it was delicious, substantial and almost indulgent. This one was his and I had one a little smaller and mine had 380 calories with a macronutrient breakdown of (including green beans on the side):
I made my own parmy sauce with various veges cooked with tinned diced tomatoes and lots of herbs and pepper added. I "crumbed" the chicken breast fillets in egg white and wholemeal breadcrumbs (which I had made from old stale bread). Then I sprayed the crumbed chicken with a little cooking spray and baked it in the oven. When ready, add a generous layer of the parmy sauce and a small amount of low fat cheese (I used Shape which isnt great to eat but is quite low in fat and a little of it melts ok). Pop it under a hot grill so the cheese melts and VOILA you have a mighty healthy chicken parmy which tastes clean and will keep you lean.
Quite the Domestic Goddess arent I??? LOL!!!!!
I love cooking clean and healthy meals that are more than a spiced piece of meat with salad or veg on the side. Those are ok for week nights when time is scarce but weekends call for something a bit more special.
So all up eats have been very good again today and I even managed a 30 minute row using one of the more challenging programs this morning. WH had a sleep in and I was up with BS so I put the time to good use. Plus I find that if I wake up tired and cranky then a good cardio session just sets me up for feeling good for the rest of the day ... well most of the time.
Well I'm looking forward to the week thats ahead and I hope you all are too.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
So on Thursday I had lunch with a friend who works in this industry and while he talked I listened and asked questions in my thirst for knowledge. I've made several phone calls to various people and sat and calculated a heap of critical info. Last night WH and I had a couple of drinks with dinner and the conversation flowed (as it needed to). At the end of it I said " so the door is still open?" (knowing how difficult this change will be) to which WH replied "yes its open and you've got one foot in already".
At the risk of repeating myself yet again I will say that its scary and exciting - but hey if you dont live on the edge you are taking up too much space LOL.
Now onto things other than careers. Through all this I have trained consistently of which I'm very proud. I have settled into my new program quickly and in my 2nd upper body session I already (unknowingly) increased my weights in one exercise. GO ME!! I'm loving my cardio especially variations on running/jogging/sprinting. From somebody who wasnt very fond of anything that resembled running (and for ages I just maintained my trusty old "Cliff Young Shuffle") I'm now quite happy with my running ability and rarely dread heading out for a run of some sort. Its only when the weather is crap that I dont feel good running.
Diet has suffered a bit but instead of dissolving into a "woe is me I've stuffed up again" headset I've just picked myself up and today has been great. In fact I woke up feeling a bit ordinary (read that awful!!) ... you know when you havent eaten clean (too many carbs and fats), topped off with a cointreau (yummo!!) and a glass of wine and being woken up early ..... but decided that I would NOT spend the day moping around feeling sorry for myself. So I decided to CARPE DIEM (sieze the day) and started faking that I was feeling good and before long I was bouncing around without effort. By the time I headed out for my morning cardio I felt great and really enjoyed the half hour intense session. Follow it up with a clean and healthy breakfast, washing well under way and grocery shopping to tackle and there was no stopping me.
Poor WH though is not feeling good so we skipped going to the movies today and I have another date with trusty old Blogger tonight LOL. Never mind its good to catch up as I havent been near the computer much over the last few days.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend. Stay tuned for more in my ever-changing world.