Monday, March 31, 2008
I had difficulty putting pantyhose on this morning and taking my BS to school and using the stairs there was another experience in sheer pain. Its going to be a long few days while this killer DOMS settles down.
Food is good and back on track after Saturday’s planned treat. At the WNBF seminar yesterday comp preps were discussed. It amazes me as to how many different ways there are to prepare for a comp. What to eat, when to start, how much cardio and what type and when to do it and how often. I came away a little bit dazed and doubting whether what I’m planning will be effective. There were some competitors there who, in my opinion don’t have a lot of weight to lose, yet they are dieting already. And their diets are so strict that it made me sad to think about going so strict at this point out.
But I’ve decided to stick with my plan for April and if I’m not happy with my progress then I’ll up the ante.
Dad goes back into hospital tomorrow to have his angioplasty (he had the dates all mixed up) so all fingers are crossed that everything goes ok and he’s out the next day and recuperating safely at home.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
THE ANNIVERSARY DINNER REVIEW - WELCOMING KILLER LEG DOMS AND THE DAY THAT WENT NOTHING LIKE PLANNED
OK first up the anniversary dinner was superb.
Calories consumed: WAY too many
Enjoyment derived: very high
Guilt suffered: NONE!!
A big pat on the back to myself for:
1. Not treating Saturday as a "oh I'm eating off plan tonight so I might as well start now (first thing in the morning)" day and
2. Getting straight back into lean and clean eating on Sunday.
These are both big achievements for me :-)
Now for the funny bit. I woke up around 4.30am feeling (understandably) somewhat less than 100% in the tummy. This however I could deal with. What was absolutley killing me though was the DOMS which had already taken over my lower body. My glutes were screaming, my quads were sore and EVERYTHNG from the waist down hurt when I moved. Holey moley, it wasnt even 24 hours since I'd trained. Needless to say I've spent the day dreading all forms of movement, especially getting into and out of the car and using a toilet seat. I'm in agony LOL.
Lastly, today has been all topsy turvy with my BIL due to come over to help WH with some jobs around the house. This he did but I didnt realise SIL would come too and I hadnt planned for it. It really through me out with stuff I was going to do today especially as they ended up staying for dinner. I had to attend a seminar that the WNBF ran today (I had committed to it previously) so that took me out for some time and although I felt a bit bad about it I wasnt going to miss the seminar. The only real ill effect from all this though was that I missed my afternoon snack and had too big a gap between lunch and dinner. I can live with that.
Well I have a little more prep to do before I hit the sack tonight so I wil bid farewell and catch up with everybody's blogs tomorrow as this is my one and only venture onto the computer today..... AMAZING LOL!!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
So this morning the new training program came out and I was back in my beloved exercise room doing what I (sort of) love visualising the end result. So here's how it went.
Exercise 1: narrow (traditional) squats with barbell - not too hard
Exercise 2: wide squats with barbell - same as above. Note to self "increase weights at the next session".
Exercise 3: lunges with DBS - OMG!!! I didnt go heavy on the weights as I havent lunged since last year BUT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE. I had trouble balancing and my legs were wobbling andf shaking. Each set was really hard and my legs were screaming at me "Dont do this to us. We dont like it". Did I listen? No I pressed on albeit it almost in tears LOL
After that, nothing was as hard as the lunges and I just got on with it and did it, looking forward to the exercise bike ride (low - moderate intensity) for cardio. My legs felt really wierd when it was all over. I guess thats a good thing.
But the best thing was having my protein/oat pancake with sugar free maple syrup, LSA and a banana as my post workout recovery meal. Thats my idea of sheer heaven :-)
After that I'm keeping my cals down today so I can enjoy a treat meal tonight at our anniversary dinner (oh and a few wines). Since Tuesday I've lost 2.8kgs but before you go "OMG thats outstanding" I'll confess that about 1.5 of that was just post-Easter-bloat. On Easter Monday I did some baking with my BS and had way too many fresh choc chip biscuits, a sandwich for lunch and pasta for dinner. It was a bit of a piggie day LOL.
Cheers all and I hope you're having a great weekend too.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Me: wander over to the cafeteria area with my crispbread, tuna and a peach. Glance at the spread and go to sit well away from it.
Feast Beast (FB) whispering to me: Mmmmm the streusel looks fantastic. You know you want some.
Me: Yes I do but I wont.
FB whispering: What about the cinnamon donuts? You LOVE cinnamon donuts. Go on have some.
FB whispering again: OK then just have some crackers with cheese and kabana. Its almost healthy you know.
Me: Bull sh*t. Shut up and leave me alone. I’ll eat my snack and nothing else. You, Feast Beast will have to starve. So just F*** OFF.
And I did just that and then stayed well clear of that area as much as I could. Now that I've survived the taunting my FB is hibernating again. But I know he’ll be back and probably roaring instead of whispering. But I’m prepared for him. I know the game he plays and the tricks he uses and I can beat him at it.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
5 FAVE SNACK FOODS
I'll try to be reasonable here and not just put down junk foods LOL
Rice cakes with low fat cream cheese, smoked salmon and avocado
Muffin Break bran muffins (a real indulgence)
Cracker biscuits with crunchy peanut butter
Fruit in season
5 FAVE QUOTES
Whether you believe you can or believe you cant, you're right.
Nothing tastes as good as slim feels.
Geez there are so many more but I just cant think of them right now
5 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR JOB
The variety people I work with both in my team in the office and on each of the different project teams.
Seeing physical evidence of what I do
Knowing that I'm improving the learning of students in state schools
Travel around the state
Flexitime (should be first on the list!!)
5 PLACES YOU'D LIKE TO LIVE
New York (for a while but not forever)
5 FAVE TV SHOWS THAT ARE CURRENT
This is a really hard 1 as I hardly watch any TV. But here's my picks.
Dancing With the Stars
Desperate Housewives (will try to get back into it this year)
Kath & Kim
Music channels on Foxtel.
Yesterday was all good with my first bit of training since Fiji. Today I increased my duration and intensity and it felt good. This is just moderate cardio though. Saturday will be my first weight training day with legs scheduled. And boy do they need it. The lack of activity has caused my hammies and glutes to sieze up. Stretching is very painful as is moving around after sitting for extended periods (unavoidable at work).
Diet has been good and I’ve been a bit hungry due to the cooler weather and not being able to just “have a little something when I fancy it”. Its ok though as with every bout of hunger I’m imagining my fat cells being melted away. (I must hold this thought for when the going gets tougher LOL).
Nearly forgot my other BIG NEWS.
I’M GOING TO MELBOURNE FOR THE ALL FEMALES.
Not competing (there’s no way I’d be ready) but cant wait to see all the lovely ladies from Blogland who will be strutting their stuff and those who are going to watch and cheer. I’m really excited about this and I’ll be there with my camera snapping away and soaking up the atmosphere.
I’m keeping this post a bit short but will be back with more soon, including my review of “Taming the Feast Beast” (for Kristy) and my Take 5 (for Stacy).
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
- My starting stats for weight and measurements (DEPRESSING!!) and has room for my stats at the end of April.
- My weight loss goal for the month.
- Weights Program - which body parts get done on which days
- Cardio - different type/intensity/duration
- Weekly Program - how weights and cardio come together
- Diet - cals/day + macronutrient ratios; scheduled treats
- Daily Diet Checklist - foods/behaviours I'm aiming for every day
- Mental Prep - only 2 items but probably THE most important thing on the list.
So on Saturday I'm having a "planned treat" dinner out at a nice Italian restaurant (not your standard pizza, pasta menu) with drinks at one of our fave pubs first. Not a silly "eat as much as you can possibly stuff in" night but a chance to celebrate and enjoy a nice meal together.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
OK enough whinging coz I actually need to vent other stuff that I've been mulling over and over this month......to compete or not compete this year. I've given myself til the end of March to decide once and for all.
Here's what's been going through my head:
- WNBF SA show is on Sunday 21 September. Its 26 weeks from yesterday (thats 6 months).
- I need to lose at least 15kgs to match last year's comp weight. (Ideally I'd like to compete 1 kg lighter but carry more muscle especially in my hammies and glutes.)
- Our financial priorities are such that I have a limited budget for this year's comp season if I choose to compete and if I still want some form of life in the meantime.
- WH will support my decision but once again I cannot rely on him for motivation, inspiration or much else. I DO believe though that he will accept what I need to do and that is all I can ask really and I'm ok with that.
- I have a personal longer term comp goal that is pulling me forwards (albeit it in fits and starts)
- When I stepped off the stage at the end of both the Adelaide and Sydney Championship shows last year I was on a mega high and couldnt wait to do it all again. I truly believed that I had finally found a sport that I loved and could be good at.
- I actually like the discipline of this sport. Its tough for sure and there are times when I just DONT want to do it but achieveing the goal of stepping up on stage in the best condition of your life is rewarding beyond words.
- Very deep down I do believe that once I put my mind to it I can do it. I proved it last year against LOTS of adversity so I know I have it in me.
- OMG How could I let myself put on THIS much weight in the off-season? How hard will it be to diet it all off again? Why have I made it SO hard for myself?
- What f I just cant get it all together? What if I keep having stuff ups and dont progress at the rate I need to?
- Can I make it without a trainer/coach to give me encouragement, feedback, a kick in the bum or a pat on tha back?
- What if I fail?
I guess many other competitors have gone through this same dilemma and maybe even more than once? I dont think I'm alone but I feel like I am right now.
Your comments, thoughts, suggestions, warnings or encouragement will all be welcome.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
My headcold is making sure I enjoy I nice headache 24/7. My throat is dry (but not too sore thank goodness) and my nose is running. I'm very lethargic and once again havent trained today. Cant bear the thought of running. Rowing is out of the question so it leaves walking or riding the exercise bike ... yawn...NOT INSPIRED. One of the things I want to achieve before the break is over is to work out my new weight training program. Job for tomorrow!!
Today I craved soup. I sometimes used to have the Country Ladle Minestrone or Tomato and Vegetable with Pasta. Loved both of these athough they arent exactly clean food (high in carbs, not much protein and VERY salty). But I didnt have any in my pantry and the shops are closed today. I even thought of making my own minestrone and found a recipe but realised it would take over 2 hours to make and it was 1 o'clock already. WH said "have the mushroom whatever cup-a-soup" to which I quickly replied "thats NOT food". He just gave me a wierd look. I'm happy to say that the packet stayed in the pantry waiting for WH to eat that cr*p in the winter.
After lunch I took some painkillers (something I dont do often) and laid down to give them a chance to work. I ended up sleeping for 2 1/2 hours and woke up feeling no better :-( At least BS is well again today. After a huge sleep yesterday and last night he's all good now.
So not much else to share today as you can tell I'm feling a bit down and sorry for myself. Will go to bed hoping that I wake up feeling good once again.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Dinner on the last night was a "No Sulu (sarong), No Dinner" night so we got into the spirit and threw on the sulus and enjoyed a great feed. BS was on his way to Kids Club while the adults had their dinner time.
Thats my SIL in the gren sulu and the big pot in the foreground has kava in it (Its made from taro and tastes foul). Irrespective, we followed Fijian tradition and skulled a cupful ... and then washed it down with a good swig of rum punch :-)
Staff at the resort performed for us on our last night. It was great show with lots of loud singing and dancing and a magical atmosphere. The perfect end to a fantastic holiday.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tomorrow we fly out to Fiji for a week. BS is SOOOOOOOO excited LOL.
I'll be back blogging at Easter.
Take care til then.
PS Dad got his op date wrong and its this coming Tuesday when we're away :-( Nothing we can do about that now just keep our fingers crossed that it all goes ok in our absence.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
During February I agonised over my potential career change and had a very bad month eating wise with some missed training sessions thrown in just to make a bad situation even worse. There was a period there when I really doubted whether I would compete again this year. Firstly because the change in jobs would have been right around comp time and secondly because I had lost my self confidence and didn’t believe I had it in me to drag myself back up from the dark hole I had fallen into. All that dieting and training just seemed insurmountable when my mindset was so negative. It seemed there was no question really but to sit out 2008.
But this month I have dragged myself out of my dark pit and I’m feeling good about things and myself. As you know I’ve been training hard lately and that means I’ve kept my options open. Competing is back on the radar and I have given myself to the end of the month to make a decision about what I’ll do.
Will I compete this year and how will I train? Do I train myself or turn to professional help again? Local or on-line?
Or do I take this year off and use it to make some good gains and then jump back in with a vengeance next year? If I choose this option, will I still have the drive to train hard, watch what I eat but hold out for the extra 12 months?
So many things are going through my mind but this time I’m just going with the flow because I know that give it time and the answer will just come to me. I’m not stressing about it and that’s making a big difference to my well-being.
Monday, March 10, 2008
WH: Out jogging approx 30 mins
Me: Exercise Room: Upper body
WH: Exercise Room: 30 min row
Me: walk/jog for some moderate intensity cardio.
Somebody was always home with our BS but we both took advantage of the glorious morning AND we both trained for approximately an hour. BLISS!!
For some reason I feel very tired today. Lethargic and just unmotivated to tackle the housework (Em we could really use you in our household LOL). Now typically days like this would have me looking for "a little something to pick me up" but I have stayed on track 99%. Why not 100% you ask? Well I cooked BS some home made fresh chiken schitzels made from the tenderloins and I had 1 small (DEVINE!!) mouthful as I was cutting it up for him. But that was it ... I swear!
We had marlin steaks for dinner marinated in a little oil, white wine and fresh chilli, ginger and lemongrass. WH did them on the BBQ and with the spinach/roasted pumpkin/fat free sundried tomato/low fat feta and pine nut salad we had another superb clean and healthy meal. AND I still have about 200 cals for "dessert" to take me up to my 1500 cals / day. (BTW dessert will be some low fat creamed cottage cheese sprinkled with cinnamon and Splenda + a Diet Lite yogurt).
I'm being very careful to eat my required calories every day so as not to slip into the "Diet/Binge" cycle as I have MANY times before. Small steps but all moving in the right direction :-)
Well not much else to report excpet we took BS to the beach today. Its not my favourite place (I'm not a lover of sand everywhere) but he had a ball so it was worth it. Now the long weekend is almost over and tomorrow and its back to work . I can feel a bad case of Mondayitis coming on but having a short week will compensate.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
BUT NOT TODAY. Admittedly we busied ourselves my being out for a good part of the afternoon but there were still opportunities to eat rubbish and I didnt want to. I wasnt even tempted. I did indulge in a Corona with my WH as it was a scorchingly hot day and we had been in and out of the heat all day. I didnt have wine with dinner though. And despite a bit of a debate around getting pizza for dinner we stuck to the planned Chicken with Chilli and Basil stir fry which was delicious. (I used lots of bok choy and red capsicum for our vege intake).
I've also prepped some meals for the week and am sitting pretty to clock up another good week.
I'm actually sitting here (mentally) shaking my head as things have absolutely turned around for me in the last week or so. I like where I am. I like where I'm heading and I'm happy with myself.
(Now to just hold onto all this goodness!!)
Our beloved exercise room. It was here that I did most of my weight training for my comps last year. (There is a barbell and extra dumbbells that you cant see.) In this room I achieved, I worried, I rejoiced, I cried, I sweated and I swore. But this where I transformed myself from Fat Girl to Figure Girl (+ lots of outdoor running) ..... so its a pretty special place.
Eeeegads I look awful but I'm proud of this shot. I had just finished a 1 hour + 5 mins cardio session this morning. I've been redder but today I finished with rowing so it wasnt the most intense block of the session. I was feeling GREAT!!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Lower body training this morning saw me increase my weights on ALL of the exercises - even the dreaded step-ups. Then I followed it up with a 1/2 hour walk/jog as my legs felt a bit tired and heavy. I put my HRM on from the beginning of the leg session and although that didnt get my HR up significantly I'm happy to report that I burned just shy of 400 cals all up.
My scale weight was down a little more today which is good but it could easily be water fluctuations too. Its not the number on the scale that is making me feel so good I know.
Training was followed up by my fave at home breakfast (oats/vanilla soy protein/psyllium husks/egg whites/cinnamon/Splenda cooked into a pancake and served with sugar free maple syrup, LSA and a chopped banana. I think I told my WH no less than 3 times how GREAT I felt.
Then it was domestic chores around the house and grocery shopping where I took my time reading more labels and comparing the nutrition info of some of my fave products. As I was doing this I thought of Cat's post where she wrote about the habits of lean and healthy people. Well I was one of them today!! No junk in my trolley - I tell a lie, I have a son and I do allow him treats AFTER he has eaten his healthy meals. I had a ball though. I even saw the El Paso wholewheat tortillas and immediately thought of Raechelle LOL!!
I didnt manage a photo of it today but I made something really nice (and clean) for dinner tonight. Its modified from the Womens Weekly Easy Spanish Style Cookery book.
CRUMBED SARDINES WITH ROASTED TOMATO SAUCE
7 fresh sardine fillets (these are small-medium butterflied doubles - I had 3 and WH had 4)
1 egg white
70g fresh wholemeal bread crumbs (because the fillets are small you use a fair bit to coat them all)
handful of chopped continental parsley.
I seasoned the fish in a little salt and more pepper, coated them in the egg white and then in the breadcrumbs with the parsley in it. Then I sprayed them with cooking spray and "baked" them in the oven for about 15mins.
ROASTED TOMATO SAUCE
3 medium Roma (egg) tomatoes (about 225g) roughly chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled/crushed
1T red wine vinegar
2t brown sugar (1/2 what the recipe called for)
1 med onion (about 100g) roughly chopped
2t olive oil (1/2 what the recipe called for)
Combine all ingredients in a baking dish . Bake, uncovered in hot oven about 30 mins or until onions are soft. Blend or process until smooth.
Serve the fish fillets with the sauce on the side and a tossed salad. This was delicious and my meal ,with 1 cup of salad was:
Fat: 17g (sardines are a higher fat fish but its all good Omega 3s so dont let this number worry you!!)
If you cant get fresh sardine fillets then tommy roughs are a good substitute.
So I hope you also had a good day and lets all make the most of tomorrow.
Friday, March 07, 2008
For Lisa, my (almost) 6 year old son snapped this tonight so sorry about the quality but here I am at a smidge under 67kgs. Too big and flabby around the middle for my liking and these shorts hide the worst part of my legs. But its me as I am now. (And I'm smiling so its not THAT BAD)
Every now and then you just have a day when it feels like you've struck gold. Today was my day. Here's why.
Weighed this morning and was a smidge under 67kgs. I know its only a number but its nice when the number in the current week is less than the number in the previous week.
Then its time for my upper body training and I (confidently) increase the weights on my bench press and deadrows. Its hard work but I make it and I'm feeling very pleased with myself.
As I've posted before, every Friday our floor has a shared morning tea. In past times I've had the strength to resist all the junky carbs but recently this hasnt been the case. Lately I've loaded one small plate full of cakes, biscuits, bread, cheese and crackers and then often gone back for a 2nd, 3rd or (dare I say) 4th helping. Some days I've just grazed on the left-overs all day :-( I felt different today. I packed my usual morning tea (low fat creamed cottage cheese sprinkled with cinnamon and Splenda + an apple) and decided that I would have that and not risk approaching the "danger zone". So morning tea came around and I went to the cafeteria area. OMG the spread was AMAZING. So many cakes, hot X buns, donuts, Tim Tams, cheese and crackers and 2 big bowls of mixed fruit + nuts. (These are all foods I absolutely LOVE!!!). For a moment I looked at it and thought "OMG that looks fantastic" but then I realised I actually DIDNT WANT ANY OF IT. And it wasnt even a case of "Geez I'd love some but I wont/cant". I actually DIDNT WANT IT!!!!!! I ate my snack and felt fine. No anxiety. No feelings of deprivation. No need to call on some superhuman strength to resist it. I just didnt want it. (Somebody please tell me how to capture this and bottle it).
Today I really threw myself into an aspect of my job thats been much neglected over recnt times. I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed it and how much more motivated it made me about my work. Its ignited a spark which will see me push myself harder to achieve more and this I know will result in improved self-esteem and will take my mind off food when I'm at work. I'm going to prove (just to myself mainly) that you dont always need to change jobs to find happiness. Sometimes a change in approach and ATTITUDE can have a very positive result.
So all good with the food today. No cardio today but will be huffing and puffing again tomorrow. I have some nice dinners planned for our Adelaide Cup long weekend and we are having breakfast out on Sunday morning as WH's golf game was cancelled due to the forecast scorching heat.
I'm sure I'll blog more over the weekend. Have a great one guys.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
just a quick post about my venture back to the gym, back on stage, all miced up (verb of microphone) and ready to rock the 5.30 Basic Step class LOL
I walked on the wild side and dared to bare my legs in shorts. Not totally happy but they were (fake) tanned and I wore my best shorts in terms of the fabric having good hold and being flattering. I arrived early and was ambushed by one of the owners wanting to do a big catch up on the comp stuff + where I'm at today. I had to cut him off so I culd go and set up.
YIKES!! New sound equipment and the other Instructor gave me a 10 xecond lesson on how to use it. It wasnt enough and I had major problems cueing to the tracks I wanted to use. OK but put that aside and the class went well. I slipped into my warm-up like a comfortable pair of old slippers. I was cruising. The step chorey went well and I worked them HARD with lots of crossing the step across the width. I had forgotten how hard it is to keep talking (loudly) while you are also training. We have mics but its still tough on the voice.
Then I was let down BIG TIME. My gym no longer has a Les Mills licence and Body Pump is no longer offered. They have replaced it with a step/aerobics/weights hybrid class the name of which I've forgotten. It was awful. Weight increases on a barbell in very short time, single count moves for small muscle groups with heavy weights and just so much chopping and changing that I almost fell over my barbell and certainly dropped the weight plates. It felt like I spent more time stuffing around with the barbell and plates than I did training. NOT FOR ME!!! I'll stick to training as I know it now.
So will I teach again? Maybe to help them out but I wont be racing back for more just yet. Some of my old regulars were there and it was nice to be welcomed back but I told the boss (again) that I'm not interested in any permanent classes.
So on that note I'll take myself off to bed and look forwardto my (effective) upper body training session tomorrow morning.
This is what grabbed my interest and I’m working with it but from a nutrition perspective. I’ll keep you posted as to how I feel its working, or not. I feel good again today.
Yesterday my copy of “Taming the Feast Beast” arrived and this also looks like a good resource to help me gain control over my eating and stop battling constant weight loss and gain. (A big thanks to Liz for recommending it in another one of my desperate moments).
OK onto lighter stuff as there is more to life than my eating struggles.
We are enjoying another bout of hot weather here in gloriously sunny Adelaide. Some would argue about my use of the word “enjoying” but for me its nothing but!! I’m loving this heat and lapping it up as I know it wont be long before Autumn sets in and then another long, cold winter is right on our doorstep once again.
Earlier this week I was mapping out my training for the week and had decided that I wouldn’t train early this morning as I was teaching a Step class tonight and then I was going to stay and participate in Pump. So why get up early when both cardio and weights would be covered in the evening? But I love training early morning when the weather is warm and its not windy. So up I got and did some run/walk intervals and then some sprint/walk intervals. I felt so good when it was done and yep add tonight’s session and it will make for a BIG training day.
I’ve recently gone off my morning oats a bit. Adding the (much needed) psyllium husks makes the texture a bit unpleasant (think gelatinous) and although I put up with it for a while I’ve decided I’m NOT EATING something I just don’t like. So I’ve been enjoying a protein shake with the psyllium husks added to that and then having natural muesli with diet yogurt. The carbs and protein are fairly well balanced and I’m off-season so I figure its quite an acceptable meal. I do look forward to my Saturday morning treat of the oat/protein pancake with sugar free maple syrup, banana and LSA. A bit high in calories but I always have it after training around mid morning and miss my morning snack so it works out well.
I’m surprisingly calm about teaching again tonight as its been about 9 months since I last strutted my stuff in front of a class. And I haven’t even been going to classes. I’m hoping that the old “its like riding a bike” philosophy just kicks in and all will be well. It’s a “Basic Step” class – freestyle and simple chorey but I always make them work hard – in my book simple doesn’t equal easy. Last night I was trying on different pairs of shorts to see which were more flattering but I also threw a pair of long pants into my gym bag just in case I chicken out. I even spray tanned my legs this morning. Do you sense some vanity or self consciousness coming through there????
Wish me luck folks. I look forward to reporting back.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
I knew I had to take action quickly before March ended up as bad as or worse than February. I know my problem is in my mind and in my beliefs and the unhelpful self dialogue I have with myself when troubled times hit. But how do I fix it? And how do I fix it permanently? Actually I believe it cant be “fixed” but it can be “managed”. So how do I better manage this issue/problem/situation that (sometimes) dominates my life?
I remember reading about Neuro Linguistic Programming in recent issues of Women’s Health and Fitness. From the brief information I’d read it sounded like it could help me so I checked out some info on the web only to find that courses were very expensive (and for once they were available in Adelaide). So I went to an old issue of WH &F and re-read an article on it and just did the exercises described in the article.
Things are looking up today. I’m not touting this as a miracle cure but I’ve had many instances lately where I’ve tried all sorts of different things to pull myself out of the negative doldrums without success so this has been a nice breath of fresh air. I know that I’ll look further into this but would welcome any comments from others who’ve had experience with NLP or other similar therapies.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
I truly believe that the average man (who is not into body building) prefers a woman who eats and who is curvy and happy and relaxed around food. I don’t believe that the average man places any importance on body fat levels being under a magical number or worries about whether our bums look big in whatever (unless of course they are huge). I reckon the average man would look at a size 12-14 woman and if she was well groomed, dressed nicely and had a good sense of self he’d think she looked good. These are my thoughts based on what I observe about my husband and other average men in my life.
Its us women that set ourselves the sometimes unreasonable high standards and battle our insecurities around whether we are thin enough, toned enough, muscly enough. Most men, up to a point, couldn’t really care less.
My WH found the comp prep very hard to deal with last year. Aside from the weird dieting, the full-on training and the time commitment required, he HATED the way I looked. He finds nothing sexy about muscles on women. Nope not interested. I lost my butt and was as flat as through that area. Sexy?? No way. Boobs: My D cups turned into sagging skin. Sexy?? Anything but!! And he is a big breast man (literally!!). At 57kgs he hated the way I looked saying I was a bag of bones (and to some extent I was) and I started to consciously hide my body from him as much as I could. Did this make for a healthy relationship??
He likes me slim with some tone but in his perception that’s at 63 – 65kgs. Get down near 60 and its just not THAT attractive to him.
Like Pip I have also ridden the weight rollercoaster even before competing last year. I’m 171cms (5 foot 7 inches) and before competing last year my weight had ranged from 59 kgs (for about 1 or 2 days) up to 76 kgs (after a 3 month holiday). However I tried to keep my weight around 67 kgs and certainly under 70kgs (not because that was a weight I was happy with but because I never had the focus or determination to keep the weight off all the times I lost it to get under that weight.) This is a battle I’m still fighting hence the miserable time I’ve had lately.
Undoubtedly some people get very uncomfortable when previously large people start to lose weight and I have experienced this many times. I’m not sure if its jealousy, envy, or just making them feel like they are slack or maybe a bit of a sloth but reactions are often negative. I have friends who are slimmer than me and they didn’t feel comfortable when I became slimmer than them. On the flip side, I also have a friend who was always a bit heavier than me who went through a marriage break up and lost a lot of weight. When I eventually saw her (after moving back to Adelaide) looking so slim I felt really awful about how I looked and I didn’t like the fact she looked better than me. I’m sure there is a weight pecking order amongst friends and she had changed it to my detriment. NOT HAPPY!! (I might add that I was far more upset about her marriage break up – I’m not THAT shallow – but the weight issue still registered negatively on my radar).
So I sit here today at 67 – 68 kgs. Its not a weight that I feel good at so I’m working on fixing that. I may be off-season but I'm creeping back to the "fat girl" I want to leave behind. But I have listened to my boss and I’ve accepted the compliment and I’ve come away telling myself that the number on the scales will NOT determine my worth as a person. Whilst I don’t feel like one hot chickie babe right now, I know that a few kilos away I will and until then I’ll just fake it.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Our Director (read that "big boss") was there just casually socialising with us all. I'll call him JC (coz they're his initials and for no other reason). JC is a very focussed and determined high achiever. In December last year he climbed Mira Peak (in Tibet) with a group led by Duncan Chessell who is a world famous mountaineer. It wasnt his first mountain climb and we were told today it wont be his last even though he is 56 years old. I have always admired and respected JC. I've always gotten along well with him and found him easy to talk to and very interesting to talk to.
So at lunch today JC leans over the table and says to me "Magda do you mind if I ask you a personal question?".
I'm a bit nervous but I reply "No go ahead" (very slight hesitation there).
"How much weight have you gained since your comps last year?"
Now at this point I'm sure I turned red (it felt like it) and I just wanted to crawl under the table and die of shame. But I did a very quick calc in my head and told him the amount quickly adding that yes it was a bit too much and I wasnt happy about it rarara.
What do you think he said?
Blow me over his reply was "Magda you look fantastic (again). Doesnt she look fantastic guys (to the others there)? Its great to have the old Magda back".
And all this with not a hint of ridicule or sarcasm or put down. He was 100% genuine.
I sit here shaking my head as you all know that I'm NOT HAPPY with the weight I've gained back and yet twice in a week I've been told how good I look.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
7.30 BS: "Mummy I'm a bit hungry now". Grrr have to get up and feed the munchkin.
7.35 Hop on scales. 68.1 (I wish the last 2 numbers were the other way around LOL). Cest la vie. I'm feeling good today and this WILL NOT ruin my day. Go back to bed.
8.05 Training time :-) Upper body + cardio on the rower and exercise bike. A good session.
9.40 Oat/protein pancake with sugar free maple syrup, LSA + banana for breakfast. YUMMO!! By now I'm feeling great. I could slay dragons and I'm ready to tackle the day.
10.10 Shower and get ready. Hmmm size 11 jeans dont ft anymore (sadly they are not stretch fabric) so I resort to black trackie pants. At least they are good quality, clean and look as good on as trackie pants can. I put on a nice lipstick to compensate for the trackie pants. Its all good.
10.35 Throw a load of washing in.
10.40 Grocery shopping. Most people hate grocery shopping but I really enjoy it. I read labels, compare prices, sneak in a few treats for my BS and consider all this to be "fun".
11.35 I believe in supporting my local businesses so I stop in for a skim cappuccino and enjoy it WITHOUT a cake or biscuit. GO ME!!
12.30 Arrive home with food - yay we can all eat now. I make BS his lunch and put groceries away.
1.30 Lunch time. Wholegrain pasta with lots of veges + a tin of sardines in tomato sauce. YUMMO AGAIN :-)
2.15 Housework hustle time. Again I'm wishing we lived in a modest townhouse instead of this sprawling house with way too much space for 3 people. I clean and wipe and sweep and mop and I barely scratch the surface of all there is to do. Oh well in my busy schedule somethings gotta give and its the housework.
3.30 Time to drag BS off the computer and hit the kitchen. We make chocolate crackles. BS eats the mixture before it has set and I dont touch it. ANOTHER WIN.
4.50 Yummo its time for my afternoon snack. I have a DietLite yogurt (passionfruit) with added WPI + a peach. Happy again.
5.00 Start preparing dinner. WH has chosen a Lamb Biryani recipe from the CSIRO 2 book. Its a bit of work as I've bought a leg of lamb that needs cutting off the bone, trimming of fat and then dicing. The rest is easy peasy.
7.00 We have the Lamb Biryani for dinner with steamed asparagus. I resist having wine (will have some tomorrow as we are out for lunch). Dinner is delish. We sit outside and chat about our next big venture. Do we do it or dont we? Its a great debate.
8.30 Bath and bed time for BS. Sort and fold washing. Clean up kitchen.
9.45 Kick WH off computer and catch up with blogs and blogging.
So today was a bit of a busy blur. Where did it go? But in amongst all that I had time to reflect on what I've been through in the last few weeks. Where I went wrong and why I seem to do it over and over again. I loved the food I had today and my training felt great. So how/why do things always go off the rails for me?
I have accepted a fill in class at my old gym on Thursday evening. Its just a Basic Step class but its one I used to teach before I moved interstate. I wish I was a bit leaner and therefore in a bit better shape after not having seen the members there for some time (July last year). But this is who I am right now and I'll just have to do an outstanding job of teaching so I'm judged on that and not on how podgy I am around the middle or on the legs.