Saturday, May 31, 2008
My training time today was taken up with BS in our bed, giving us cuddles and then analysing the world through the eyes of a 6 year old. How precious and far more important than cutting him off to go and sweat or pump iron.
Mum and I had a lovely day out. Thanks to everyone who left wishes for her and for a great weekend for me. Made of Honour was very light and funny and we both laughed heaps. I enjoyed lunch DESPITE my awful food. I ordered a lamb souvlakia salad as I wanted to stay pretty much on track and just splurge on a glass of bubbly. The salad was horrible. The lamb was too underdone with NO evidence of any chargrilling. Then there was a ton of different lettuces with the odd bit of tomato and capsicum. It was covered in tzatziki dressing which was too heavy for it all. Oh and there were pita triangles wedged around the bowl. I ended up sharing some of mum's gourmet tandoori chicken pizza. Now that was GOOD :-)
Tonight I've been a busy busy bee making WH a healthy chicken parmy and fresh crumbed tenderloins for BS. I just had tuna and salad as I still wasnt very hungry at dinner time. (Probably should've eaten less at lunch time). Then I made a moderate-fat tiramasu for dessert tomorrow and trimmed tons of fat off some lamb shanks that will be slow-roasted and made into one of the most delicious meals ever.
So you'd think that I'd call it a day then?? NOPE. Cardio time!! and I did 1/2 hour of various sprints on my exercise bike. NOW I've achieved all I wanted to today, including my interlude with Blogger :-)
Tomorrow is Mum's birthday dinner for the family. But training first and then back into the kitchen. Focussing on enjoying it all without a huge blow-out that'll leave me feeling like sh*t.
Friday, May 30, 2008
I'm taking her out for the day. We are heading out at 9am to Westfield Marion (on the other side of town to where we live). First stop will be for a nice cappuccino and the we are seeing Made of Honour (a chick flick - what else??). Then we'll have lunch in Spargos and I think a glass of wine is in order. Mum then wants to do some shopping. The perfect day :-)
On Sunday I'm cooking dinner for our family (including SIL & BIL) - more on that later. I'll be cashing in a "free meal" that night!
IN OTHER BREAKING NEWS:
Well the time was right to weigh officially today and I had the pleasure of giving a big warm welcome to the Whoosh Fairy, God bless her LOL. After a few small and controlled treats last weekend, I stayed tight with my eating this week. I didnt train hard due to this annoying lurgy I have but I moved on most days. So it was vey nice to be rewarded with a 1.4kg loss. I was just about jumping out of my skin :-) The bigger jeans that I bought a few weeks ago are just downright fugly now and as soon as I'm back in my Size 11s the fugly granny jeans are going to charity. I NEVER WANT TO WEAR THEM AGAIN.
So the All Females is 6 weeks away and I have just over 2.5kgs to go to make my goal. But no complacency here as I know how easily I can slip into the "oh I'm doing really well so I can afford this cake, pasta, 3rd glass of wine etc" and then before I know it I'm eating anything that doesnt move. Yes a few controlled treats will be enjoyed but now I control my food and it doesnt control me.
Anyway its late so I better wrap it up there. Tomorrow is a busy day with little time at home so scheduling training will be interesting. I missed it today due to an unfortunate incident with BS this morning and then the day was so busy that it got lost alltogether. But thats been my only downfall.
Cheers all and I hope your weekends are shaping up to be as good as mine
Thursday, May 29, 2008
7.20am Wake up - oops we've overslept.
7.20 - 7.50am - rush around making BS's breakfast, help him clean his teeth and supervise him getting dressed (left to his own devices we would have made it to school for morning recess time), get dressed, teeth, make-up - the bare essentials
7.50am - off to school (my breakfast will have to wait)
8.40am - head off home after checking into the office and cancelling my attendance at a meeting today
9.00am - post office to pick up a parcel - there's already a queue WTF
9.20 - arrive home STARVING!!!!
9.30 - eat breakfast and read the paper - aaaaaaah this is relaxing
Then put on a load of washing (including sheets) and get stuck into ironing whilst watching Kylie and Larry.
12noon - its a glorious day so a half hour walk is in order. Its not a training session as I dont push hard but its good to be moving and out in the beautiful fresh air
12.30 - make lunch and talk to WH who is in Melbourne and is calling to hear how I am :-)
1.00 - eat lunch and check emails
1.20 - clean shower whilst having a shower
1.30 - 2.15 - get dressed again, tidy up the cyclonic mess in the house, bring washing in, get organised to pick BS up from school
2.15 - off to do school pick-up
3.30 - arrive at mum and dad's with BS so my aunty and uncle can spend some time with him (they have no grandchildren so their time with BS is very special and precious).
3.45 - coffee time at mum and dad's. mum has the (horrible) biscuits out as they are trying to lose weight. I make up my snack of yogurt, vanilla WPI, psyllium husks and 1/2 banana and have 2 mugs of herbal tea. I'm satisfied and have not touched the biscuits (not hard today).
5.45 - arrive home and get stuck into more chores: make BS's bed up, dusting, unload dishwasher, feed cat and on and on and on
6.45 - dinner time and hop onto blogger
The day isnt over.
We still have bath time, reading to listen to, blogs to read, maybe some more cleaning and then spending time with WH if he makes it home from Melbourne today.
Phew I'm glad I had the day off so I could rest and recover LOL.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
One of the things I've done recently is to cut out the 4-5 sugar free lollies I have in the afternoon on most days. I dont know why but I love the oral satisfaction of munching on the (supposedly guilt free) snacks. I used to be smoker so maybe thats why, but I havent smoked for a long time. Of course they are artificially sweetened which I used to think was ok but am now working to slowly remove these foods from my diet. I still have some in my bag but will only resort to them in an emergency when the munchies strike and I know a few lollies will stave off a potential binge.
Green tea with Citrus.
This is my drink of choice after water. I had several large cups yesterday but I made them very weak so they have a mild flavour. In the morning I accidentally left the green tea bag steeping for too long and ended up with the most disgusting tasting brew ever. It was up there with grapefruit as the most vile tasting food on the planet LOL. I'm far more careful to dunk a couple of times now and then out with the tea bag. Yummo.
To train or not to train.
Because I havent been feeling 100% physically I've faced the dilemma about whether to train or not. On Monday we had some really decent rain right around the time that I would have been out doing my running training with Adelaide Harriers. With my chesty thing already settled in I decided to skip the session and the (almost certain) bout of pneumonia that could have followed. I've also avoided jogging/running/sprinting since then as all 3 are quite intense. My cardio has been of more moderate intensity - except yesterday's row which was too low in intensity. I have done some resistance (weight) training today but have decided to take it easy with only 1 session / day til I get rid of this lurgy. Happy compromise I think.
I'm continuing to eat well so that my emotions stay positive and I keep moving towards my "Sub 65 by 11 July" goal. The rate of progress is slow but I know the whoosh fairy will visit soon and I'll be forging ahead. In the meantime I can honestly say I'M NOT STRESSING OR FRETTING ABOUT THE NUMBER ON THE SCALES. What a wonderful, liberating feeling :-)
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I slept badly again last night (2 nights in a row now). Was awake from about 3 and fell back to sleep just before 5 only to be woken at 5 so I could train. I rowed this morning but had a really disappointing result. I chose the 2nd most challenging program, whacked the level to start at 4 (means the highest level it got to was the max amount) but didnt feel strong and was therefore slow. Even though the setting was heavy my heart rate just didnt get up today and my HRM told me I had trained for 38 minutes with 2 seconds in my training zone. WTF!!!! I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :-( Actually I should have set it lighter so I could get some speed up. Oh well live and learn.
Food is good. Have been getting some thoughts like "oh I'm not well, so I'd like some soup (and a roll with butter)" but have stayed strong as I'm onto this trap I always fall into. Had salmon with green veg for lunch and I'm ok. Will take it easy tonight and probably tomorrow morning too in the hope that this lurgy moves out quick smart.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Even before I got my results I started the week in a remarkably good place emotionally and mentally. The lurgies are still trying to get a hold of me and physically I don’t feel 100% but I’m pushing on as I feel ok. Yep I stayed pretty well on track over the weekend with just a small indulgence on Sunday night having dinner out after the movies. I even ended the weekend with a 45 minute stint on the rower while watching the dvd of the 2007 INBA All Female Muscle and Fitness Classic. Great way to pass the (usually boring!) time.
Figure Girls brunch was great, as usual. 3 competing and 2 not so it’s a nice balance. Mind you we are all crazy about training, dieting (when need be) and all things related so there is an automatic “click”. After the brunch the 3 competing girls went to do posing practice while I went home and out to the movies a little later.
Training will be all arse-up this week. On Wednesday WH leaves very early for a work trip interstate for 2 full days. Those would normally be my running mornings so my training will suffer. Thank God I have the exercise room with enough equipment to manage a decent cardio and weights session. I guess I wont be setting any new 5km record times this week. All staying well though, I’m planning to do running training with the group tonight. I just hope my chesty thing doesn’t flare up.
Have a great day all and………
……. A big CONGRATULATIONS to Miss KatieP for her stage debut yesterday. No trophy or tiara but a very refreshing take on the whole comp experience and her future goals. Best of luck to you Katie :-)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Well my day was ANYTHING BUT!! :-(
I woke up hungry and my energy levels were low. I had to wait for WH to do his run and get back before I could do mine. Hmmm time to get hungrier and Paleo Boot Camp doesnt throw up many ... oops ANY options in this situation so I toughed it out. Strike One!!
Plus I had that feeling of a cold just thinking about taking up residence. You know, funny in the chest, head not quite right (and one wine NEVER does that to me). Strike Two!!
I headed out planning to run 40 minutes at an easy pace and then follow up with 20 mins ex bike ride. OMG I had NO ENERGY!! I was struggling to push out my pathetic old Cliff Young Shuffle and every step was hard work. I just kept telling myself "get to the corner", "get to the shop" "get around the lake" but I was ready to chuck it in after 12 minutes. However I pushed on for just over 30 minutes and then walked a way home and did the ex bike ride as planned.
Whilst I was struggling to run I worked on staying positive in this difficult situation. Once I passed the 20 minute mark I convinced myself that I could do 30 and then I convinced myself to take it up to the next 5 minute block. I also reminded myself that today I obviously didnt have a full tank of premium fuel to get me through. Dont get me wrong....nothing bad's gone in the tank but I dont think enough went in the tank. It was then that I decided that Paleo Boot Camp was not the answer today. Straight out Paleo instead (with a small skim cappuccino as a treat) would serve me much better. Hmmm I did enjoy having some pumpkin in my omelette for breakfast.
Speaking of Paleo, I confess I managed about 85% today. I took BS to a birthday party and I indulged in a small galss of champagne while there. Now I'm sure that the cavewomen would have enjoyed champagne too after a hard day of digging vegetables and picking berries. Cheers to all the cavewomen :-) But I touched NO crappy food whatsoever so I'll count that as a BIG WIN!!
Figure Girls are brunching tomorrow. I may be the only one eating as they are all dieting as they should be LOL!! Whatever happens food wise is irrelevant as its just great to catch up. Then WH, BS and I are off to the movies and out for dinner. I'm looking forward to tomorrow already.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I weighed myself this morning. With a firm goal and deadline hanging over my head, I HAD to know where I was at on the road to sub 65. Happy to say that my weight was a bit lower than expected which is good. I'll still have to work hard to achieve this goal but at least I feel that its doable :-)
So no sleep in for me this morning. After 3 days of running, I hopped on my exercise bike for Tabata sprints of 8/12 x 12 repeats then 2 minute recovery and do it all again for 3 rounds in total. I filled in 45 minutes with some steady state cycling and was happy with the decent sweat I worked up :-)
Today's training session with Joe was a full-body workout as I havent done any other weights this week - smack my bum coz I did slacken off there. What a great session!! I loved being told that I had "impressive upper body strength" and "good shoulders" (smiling like a cheshire cat) but I'm surprisingly weak in my lower body and my hips and glutes just arent cutting it functionally or strength wise :-( If I'm going to compete again .... oops WHEN I compete again LOL I will need to improve this area significantly. Ouch I'm anticipating the pain already.
Food = good. After Paleo yesterday today I hit the low fat dairy as my protein source coz tomorrow I'm aiming for "Paleo Boot Camp" thanks to Lisa and PN. What a name "Paleo Boot Camp". Does it scare you? IT SHOULD!!!! Tough but it works, I'm told. I cherished the one glass of wine I had tonight though. What a luxury and I was happy to have it, enjoy it and not want more. Oops I'm sounding like an alco now, which I'm not. I just enjoy a wine and sometimes I think if I enjoyed one that much then I'll enjoy 2 or 3 twice or 3 times as much. NOT SO I'm learning.
Anyway I think I'm waffling now and WH has asked if I'm typing an essay so that's a hint to sign off.
Good night folks
Thursday, May 22, 2008
However the next 7 weeks will REALLY test me and if I succeed in my goal, I’ll be one VERY happy girl. Yep I have a Reverse Risk Leverage Agreement with my WH (refer post titled News, News and More News) and its time to apply myself and achieve the goal I set for myself. I have some information from Lisa Stokes to help me (a HEEEEUWGE thank you to this amazing woman) and there’ll be no more excuses for not training every morning or for cheating with my food. Any one of those slip ups could end up costing me cash that I don’t want to part with.
So today kicks off as a 90% paleo day (an idea pinched from Liz Nelson and her work with her figure clients). Why 90% you ask. Because once a week on the way to work WH and I go for a coffee and a chat and I had a skim cappuccino. (In hindsight I should’ve had a peppermint tea but I do love skim cappuccinos). I’m a bit hungry but next feed is only 10 minutes away so I’ll survive.
Tested myself over 5kms this morning and have updated my sidebar. Considering my half-assed inconsistent running over the last week or so I’m pleased that my time was only a fraction slower than the last test. I expect my cardio fitness to increase as I crank out more cardio over the next 7 weeks.
So OPERATION SUB 65 is in motion. 84 days to go. Hopefully I’ll rock up to the All Females looking leaner and more toned than my current woeful state.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Such was my day today. Yesterday I did a half-assed walk / jog session for cardio. Today I did sprints, increasing the intensity from last week. I was drenched at the end :-) Both yesterday and today I have eaten well and I'm feeling better physically. More good food = less aches and pains both physically and emotionalyy which I should remind myself of daily.
My digital kitchen scales carked it on Mothers Day and even a new set of (expensive) batteries hasnt got them working. INTERESTING DILEMMA!!!! When trying to lose weight (which is just about all the time in my life) I like to weigh my food and keep a journal of what I eat and what training I do + I log my food onto CalKing. Obsessive compulsive to a "T" LOL. BUT I'm trying a new experiment. I havent replaced the kitchen scales (shaking from an anxiety attack) and I'm guessing portions by sight and by what amount feels right to eat. I'm following Lindy Olsen's 7 Rules for Success (check this out on http://www.lindyolsen.com) which make a lot of sense and are easy to follow. So my Training Journal just reflects my training and HRM readings + it lists the 7 rules and I tick them off if I've achieved them. Easy peasy!! How long can I stay away from my previous addiction? (I'm aiming for 21 days and then I'll see how I feel and what I want to do).
I'm also trying to stay off the bathroom scales but I'm not convinced that this is a good idea just yet. At the doctors on Monday morning (I'll post more when I get all my results next Monday) I was weighed and let me just say that the result was DREADFUL (but I have Sunday's poor eating to blame for that). I'm still on the fence about weighing myself and how often.
Over the next few days I have some home stuff and some personal stuff to sort out and then I may be embarking on another new and exciting journey. My lips are sealed for now though :-)
And in closing I'd just like to write about my visits to the blogs of the lovely ladies who've just competed (Carolyn and Michelle) and KatieP who's on her final countdown. Just as I thought, I'm experiencing some sadness and regret that its not me this year. Its brought back a lot of happy and difficult memories which I cherish and forever feel mighty proud that I did it ....... and I'll do it again.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I realise that I’m now in a phase where I cant afford to eat “off plan”. No matter how minor or innocent an indulgence or splurge may be, it ALWAYS turns into a binge and so every 2 steps forward is followed up with 2 or 3 steps back.
I knew I had to do something but what? If the answers are inside me they’re buried very deep and I haven’t found them yet. I remember a time when prepping for comp last year that I felt so desperate and hopeless. Back then I got out my copy of Fatitude by Craig Harper and re-read some very relevant chapters. It was just the (proverbial) slap-in-the-face I needed to jolt me out of that bad state.
So I have started reading Fatitude again as I love its no-nonsense, tough love approach. I am guilty of lots of the negative thoughts and beliefs which Craig writes about but I’m making an effort to turn them around. I’ll be a work in progress for some time I think.
Then just to put things into perspective I read this in Craig’s post on Monday 19th May and it rung very true.
* Over the last two weeks I have watched with both interest and despair the enormous human tragedy unfolding in Burma and China in the wake of their respective natural disasters. Watching a broadcast last night brought a tear to my eye; a mother draped over her lifeless child, wailing in uncontrollable emotional pain and looking to the sky in absolute despair. Humanity at it's rawest. As the camera drew back from the woman and panned across the landscape, the magnitude of the devastation and suffering became apparent. At that moment sitting there on my comfortable couch, in my comfortable house I truly became aware that I have no real problems. And that if I can get out of my own way, stop sabotaging myself and do good despite my (numerous) issues, then maybe I can be part of the change in the world that Gandhi spoke of.
While we all have our individual challenges, the truth is that you and I are privileged and have much to celebrate. Even though we might not always feel like it. If you're using a computer now, then you're rich compared to the majority of our six billion brothers and sisters. If you have food, shelter and education then you're in the global minority.
If we want to find our way back to misery we can.
I choose not.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I must confess that I was a bit nervous, not having taught since about Feb this year. I was also self conscious as I'm quite a bit heavier than I'd like to be and seeing some of my old regular class members I wished that I'd looked better. Mind you, they (except one) didnt look any better than the last time I saw them so I guess we're even LOL.
Speaking of that one ... what an amazing lady Miss M is (no not me!!). She's been a member at that gym since Noah was a boy. She used to be a big fan of Step and then BodyPump whilst dabbling in a bit of weight lifting. She also used to carry LOTS of abdominal fat. Over the years she cranked up her weight training, dropped off the cardio and probably improved her diet and is now looking quite lean and with a nice amount of muscle. In fact she has a reputation for training really hard but talk to her about maybe competing and she'll declare outright that she doesnt want to "diet". She's happy doing what she's doing and knows that by increasing her muscle mass her body fat is slowly melting off. I take my hat off to her for following her heart and sticking with what she believes in and enjoys. Go Miss M.
So the classes today and the persistent rain yesterday have thrown my training a bit out of whack. I havent done a 5km run this weekend but I did burn 657 calories this morning. Mind you I cant claim to have eaten well this weekend so probably no real gains made again.
I have an appointment with my GP for a check-up tomorrow and I plan to discuss my eating issues with him in the hope that he can steer me in the right direction for some much needed help.
Good night all
PS Kristy I havent forgotten about my tag. I just need to get organised for it. Will post it soon.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Case Study #1: Miss H is around 50 years of age and slightly overweight. She is very careful to not gain any more weight and ideally she’d like to lose 5kgs “to feel better”. Unfortunately Miss H doesn’t have time to exercise. She enjoys her weekends often eating out and having a few drinks, just like the majority of the population. Then to compensate for the weekend indulgences Miss H will have a Cup-A-Soup with a few cracker biscuits for lunch during the week.
Could knowledge = power for Miss H?
Case Study # 2: Miss M is also around 50 years of age but she’s obese and subsequently unhealthy. Miss M knows that she needs to lose weight and every few months she gives it a go, never really making any noticeable progress and never maintaining at the lower weight. Miss M cant exercise (or so she believes) because of “bad knees”, “a bad back” and a string of other “bad things”.
Could knowledge = power for Miss M?
Case Study # 3: Miss Different M is in her 40s and has actively pursued a healthy lifestyle making her fitness a priority. But Miss Different M has always struggled to eat correctly and therefore she’s rarely achieved her fitness goals until recently. However another set-back (and her fitness journey has been full of them) has meant that she once again faces the challenge of getting her eating right to achieve the physique she desires.
So what’s the problem you ask?
Well Miss Different M has read hundreds of books, articles, programs and approaches to this one issue. She knows only too well that there’s more than one way to skin a cat, in fact she knows a thousand ways, or so it feels like. So with all this information swimming around in her head what’s the poor girl to do if not to scream “aaaaagh information overload”.
So its time for Miss Different M to wade through the mire of information and assess what’s credible and what’s not? What will suit her lifestyle? What just won’t work? Listen to her heart as well as her head. Filter the good stuff and ditch the cr*p. Make a decision about what will help her achieve her goals. And then just do it.
Information overload can = immense power if you use your grey matter and make it work for you.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
A reflection of what you think
The world you see is a reflection of what you think of it. The values by which you live are continually coming back to you.
Your life embodies those ideas to which you give your complete and persistent attention. A life sincerely focused upon peace and happiness is a life filled with peace and happiness.
Whatever you support with your actions and thoughts, you experience in the moments and days of your life. Whether desire or fear, curiosity or obsession, your thoughts pull you steadfastly toward your reality.
You are, right now, busy becoming the person you think you will become. Today, already and always, you are living the life you most authentically expect to live.
The simple act of intentionally deciding upon a destination will point you solidly in that direction. A small adjustment in your attitude can make a major difference in your world.
Anything is possible. What actually happens in your life is an accurate reflection of how you see yourself living it.
-- Ralph Marston
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Not expecting this though, I was up at 5am and I did a 40 minute speed session with run/walk intervals followed by sprint/walk intervals. I upped the intensity from last week by increasing the run time by 5 seconds and subsequently decreasing the walk time by that amount too. I increased the repeats to 11 for both exercises (did 10 repeats last week). Felt ALIVE after that.
Mid morning BS and I walked to our local shops with him whinging all the way about needing longer legs, the shops being too far, him being too tired blah, blah, blah. (He is SO NOT a naturally sporty kid even though he sees WH and I exercising virtually every day!) I just ignored it and we did the walk regardless.
When he had his hour of free time I hopped into my exercise room and did this ingenious workout (remembering I'm behind in my weight training this week). I did a circuit style session that went like this:
Incline Bench Press x 10 reps
Sumo Squats with DB x 15 reps
Upright Rows with DBs x 10 reps
Stiff Leg Deadlifts x 8 reps (very heavy weight for me)
Kickbacks x 10 reps.
I chose heavy, challenging weights and repeated the circuit 4 times with a rest break of 60-90 seconds between each repeat. I followed it up with some ss riding on my exercise bike for an hour long session with a decent HRM reading. Now I should be all OK for my back and abs session with Joe on Friday.
Eats are going OK today but I did have some fruit toast (with butter) mid morning. I do so love my breads and carbs and keeping them in moderate portions is sometimes quite challenging for me. I'm sure it is for others too.
Now I can kick back this evening with my training all up to date and no need to prep food.
Hope everyone else is having as good a day :-) Magda
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I missed training this morning. My best friend has been nagging me about sleeping with my phone under my 2 pillows (to muffle the sound of the alarm at 5am) saying it'll fry my brain and do all sorts of other nasty things to me. She assured me that if the phone was turned off, the alarm would still go off. WELL IT DOESNT SWEETIE!!!!! No alarm at 5am meant I slept til almost 6 and there went my training time.
There will be no excuse tomorrow though. It'll just be a tough decsion between a weights session (I'm behind by 2) or a run (behind by 1). This is not shaping up to be a week of good consistent training. At least I've pretty much got my food back on track and am feeling much better mentally as a result of this.
Things are looking up which is always a nice position to be in.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Note to self: You are not 20 years old where abuse to your body is like water off a duck's back and you bounce back with no ill effects. If you choose to abuse your body then be prepared to pay a price - one you wont like paying.
I felt seedy, hung-over, lethargic and sorry for myself all day. Its almost 9pm and I still feel out of sorts.
So today I have sinned: No 5am training. No evening training. Eats??? Well at least I havent over-eaten so thats one tick I've earned today. Lordy!! You'd think that I'd know better by now.
My friend Miss D wasnt going to running training tonight and I had a dental appointment that ran late meaning I wouldnt have made it back into the city on time anyway. Maybe Thursday.
In the meantime I need to pick myself up, dust myself off and start moving in a positive forward direction again.
Good night all
Sunday, May 11, 2008
So Mothers Day started with breakfast in bed and a leisurely read of the papers while WH went out for a long run. I skipped my training session today but will make it up during the week.
Late morning, my best friend Miss E picked me up and we went Factory Outlet shopping. I bought a long sleeved black T shirt and a tote bag which is perfect in size, shape and style. Lucky me. There were some really nice clothes that I almost bought but resisted as I HATE shopping for clothes when I'm this fat.
When we got home Miss E and I had a little drink together and not long after my mum and dad arrived for dinner. My WH cooked a superb dinner of:
Chick pea and chorizo soup
Herbed roast lamb with roast potatoes and veges
Sticky date puddings with vanilla ice cream.
Everything was really delicious (even if it wasnt lean and clean).
I must confess that I'm a bit tipsy after having some of my favourite (winter) liqueur - Benedictine - and some nice rose style wine.
Well tomorrow is a good day to get back into clean eating and training.
Hope all the other mums had a lovely day too.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
I'm not surprised. The start of my run was just AWFUL. I was really struggling and I knew that my time would be cr*p. Luckily I felt better after 2kms and picked up the pace a little. Then at 4kms I actually ran reasonably well but didnt have it in me to finish strong :-(
It was a classic case of "you feed the machine lots of cheap, nasty fuel then it'll run like a clapped out old Datsun 120Y" but "if you feed it the best quality fuel in just the right amount then it'll be running like a Porsche."
Today I was the Datsun 120Y.
Here's to a better effort this coming week and a 5km time thats maybe a smidge over 30 minutes. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
When I look back over my long, chequered history of weight loss and gain, loss and gain etc, this pattern has always been ingrained. It goes like this:
Week 1 of trying to lose weight: Great loss (mostly water weight etc)
Week 2: Still a good loss (some fat, some water)
Week 3: No loss and sometimes a small gain
Week 4: Spit the dummy. Chuck it all in. Eat whatever I want in large quantities. Feel sorry for myself. Drown myself in negative self-talk. Make sure I’m well and truly in the downward spiral and gain back all the weight I lost and add a little bit more just for good luck.
Week 5 or 6 or 7: Trying again to lose weight. Great loss etc etc.
The cycle begins again.
Of course there have been times when I got over the 3 week hurdle but even then its always been a stumbling point. And this time is no different except I know that I haven’t actually gained body fat as such. I don’t know why I’m up ½ kilo. I don’t NEED to know why as it wont make a difference but what will make a difference is how I handle the next few days.
I have a plan in place including a day of more relaxed eating on Mothers Day and I wont give that up. Life is too short to say to my boy “I’m sorry darling but mummy cant eat the toast you’ve made me for breakfast because I’m dieting.” Nor will I make a fuss over the dinner my WH is cooking for our family (including my parents) that evening. Enjoying the day with my family is more important than doing whatever it takes to lose weight.
Is this progress or a guaranteed recipe for failure?
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
I loved Kek's reference to my "Inner Fat Girl" (except she's not JUST inner right now LOL). So what does my IFG do/say/think that could well be handed that eviction notice?
IFG has a love/hate with the scales. Love em when the number's going down. Hate em etc..... well you know the rest. However the reality for me is that the scales are ONE thing that keep me accountable and on the straight and narrow. Yep I've ditched them before BUT for me it didnt work. I become complacent and go into denial that I've gained weight because I dont have the cold, hard proof. Skinfolds I know are a better measure but not readily available whilst the scales are there daily. Clothes? Yep they work to some degree but not as effective as that magical number. So where would I like to be with the scales? Like Kek I want to be able to just accept what they say. Rejoice if the reading is good. Fix it if the reading is bad. End of story. Thats the extent of the effect they are to have on me and I'd be happy with that.
IFG still considers that eating lean and clean and training hard is what you do to lose weight. So when you've reached your goal weight ... well it open slather. Now the mature and sensible Magda knows this is WRONG and its been my downfall over and over in the past. This is one thought process that needs evicting right now.
IFG (like the Feast Beast) still tries her hardest to take control at my vulnerable times. She won last Friday but I won on Saturday and Sunday. I'm looking forward to the time when we battle no longer or at least very infrequently.
And Kristy I often try to focus on the positives too. I try to put things into perspective about myself and life in general. Am I happy with who I am and the effort I'm putting into my goals and my life?
Let me just say "I'm improving".
If my weight had gone down or stayed the same I would have been lured into a false sense of “Oh I got away with that …hmmm it wont be so bad if I do it again”. If my weight was up (which was more likely) then I’d be kicking myself and potentially sabotaging any good that I could have achieved by getting straight back on track.
So I didn’t weigh and I just got on with my lean and clean eating and my scheduled training.
Tomorrow however is weigh day and I’m finding myself trying to temper some high expectations. I’ve eaten really well and I’ve trained hard and I want to be rewarded with a good result. I guess its only human nature but deep down I worry that I’m setting myself up for disappointment.
How do you manage your expectations and your disappointments when you have them?
I continue to have the utmost respect and admiration for all the girls who are preparing to compete this year. It’s a tough process both physically and emotionally and everyone will experience their share of ups and downs in some form. I follow your journeys with great interest and you always have my support and encouragement in spirit, even if not in word.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
A slightly larger than usual serve of veges with lunch (using up what was already cooked) had me feeling VERY satisfied for 3 1/2 hours. Gotta love that. Then I'm making sure I have a moderate serve of (good) carbs at dinner time if I'm planning to run the following morning. Tonight I had wholegrain pasta (small serve) with 1 1/2 cups of various veges just lightly cooked in a non-stick pan + 100g tuna and a little cheese. Its one of my favourite meals at the moment coz its so satisfying and delicious.
I tell you ladies, I'm NOT missing the restricted comp diet I'd be on now if I was competing this year and I'm lovin those carbs which I need to fuel my runs.
I'm praying for no rain tomorrow morning so I can nail another speed training session and then just wrap up with a slower cruisy jog/run on Thursday. Saturday is 5km test time again. Can I shave a little more off my time??
Good night all
This morning I trained chest and arms which means I’m now tired all over. Its such a nice tired feeling though. You know the one where you’re tired because you’ve really pushed your muscles and aerobic system out of their comfort zones. I was happy to report to Miss D that I was quite ok after last night and I’m looking forward to next week already. She confirmed what a hard session that was so I don’t feel like a loser because I couldn’t do it all.
Well its time to eat some lunch now so I’ll stop waffling. Hope everyone is travelling well. I’m keeping up with blogs, albeit it very quickly over the last few days.
Monday, May 05, 2008
The lovely Miss D and I headed down together after work and she introduced me to everyone. The coach was an older man with the true runner's physique - very lean with nice shapely legs and absolutely no body fat NOR MUSCLE on his upper body. My shoulders would have dwarfed him. Next to him I looked like the Incredible Hulk LOL. But he is a great runner and really knew his stuff.
Tonight's session was particularly tough and although I couldnt do it all (I didnt expect to) I gave it my best shot. I'm already looking forward to next Monday and doing it all again (well another session anway). Its really good to be pushed out of your comfort zone and this way I know my running will improve. Oh and might I just say that torching 597 calories is a really nice bonus. Woohoo!!
I'm also pretty happy with myself in that I didnt let last Friday's slip-up continue into a weekend of mindless overeating as was usually the case previously. Saturday and Sunday were good days (not perfect but days I was happy with) and I'm feeling strong and in control. Hey there might just be hope for me yet :-)
Saturday, May 03, 2008
So how am I travelling now?
Pretty good. I had a slip up on Friday where I thought I could manage a challenging situation around food better than I did. I was wrong and I ended up eating too many calories but at least my downfall wasnt really crap food like cakes and biscuits. I will NOT subject myself to this situation (Friday morning tea at work) again until I've had a LONG run of being in control and knowing I can manage it well. Enough said.
So this morning I punished myself (hahaha I actually LOVED it!!!!) with one hour of cardio. I ran 5kms again and improved my time (marginally). Please see my sidebar as I'll post a weekly update of my improvement over this distance. Then I hopped on my exercise bike for about 30 mins and just kept pushing. 517 calories and buckets of sweat later I took my HR stats and declared myself a WINNER!! I was on a cardio high for a good 2-3 hours to follow.
Mind you running is no easy feat for me. At the 3.5-4km stretch I hit a (psychological) wall. Its hard. I'm tired. Every extra kilo I'm carrying feels like lead. So I start talking to myself. "Magda you're a runner. Magda you're a runner" over and over again. Then its just "I'm a runner. I'm a fast runner. Fast and fluid" over and over again. I think it helped to lift me up and just give a bit extra in the last kilometre and shave a bit of time off.
Food has been good today. I havent tracked it on Calking but know my calories have been a bit lower today which I can afford after yesterday. I'd hate for yesterday's slip up to cost me that $500.
Cheers all. Looking forward to another great day tomorrow. Its leg day + 30 minutes of power walking. Easy peasy :-)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I’ve hinted around it for some time but I’ll make it official now. I have decided that I wont compete this year.
Despite starting my training program with lots of enthusiasm, deep down I just couldn’t get my sh*t together. The reality of my situation is that over the last few months I have had major struggles with emotional eating, binge eating and destructive thought patterns. After the comps were over last year I went into a major re-feeding mode and even though I knew about this and the risks of it happening, I was powerless to stop it. I hated what I was doing to myself but I wasn’t ready to stop it and deal with it like a sensible mature adult. The result is that I gained back a lot of weight and assessing where I am and where I need to be to compete again I knew the road there would be one of virtual starvation, flogging myself with hours of cardio and managing my already delicate emotions. I could only envisage a miserable time ahead and that’s not what I believe such an a amazing process should be about.
Now you may all be thinking “quitter / scared of hard work / with that sort of attitude you’ll never be successful” and yep all those thoughts went through my mind initially. But then I was sensible enough and mature enough to realise that in order for me to successfully compete again, I had to make my healthy-living-lifestyle-foundation much stronger. Think of it this way: I have a very unstable foundation right now and I kept trying to build a skyscraper onto it. Result: every effort came tumbling down around me leaving me staring failure in the face every time it happened. Some very wise words from both Lisa Stokes and Liz Nelson finally sunk in and I’ve changed my focus for this year.
NEW GOALS / NEW DIRECTIONS
After I came to peace with the above decision I started to think about what this year would hold for me. Would I just drift through without a goal just taking life as it came? Would I run the risk of becoming quite slack about my training because I wasn’t working towards anything specific? These were real risks in my eyes.
And then it came to me. My new goal for 2008.
This is the year I will run the City to Bay (Adelaide’s 12km fun run from the city to Glenelg) and I will attempt it in a challenging time. Now some of you might be thinking “big deal, whats 12 kms?” but for a chronic non-runner this will be a big accomplishment. Ok I ran heaps last year and I improved quite a bit but I’ve since lost a lot of that conditioning. Plus I’ve never done a long distance. Several years ago I remember doing a one-of 9km run and it nearly killed me although I was running regularly at the time. So 12kms will be quite a challenge for me.
I’ve already consulted the local running expert at work, the lovely Miss D for some training tips. She has been good enough to invite me to train with her running group as there is a specific form of training I’ll need to do to run the race in the time I’m aiming for. I’ve worked out when I can do this and I’m excited and nervous and raring to go.
THE REVERSE RISK LEVERAGE AGREEMENT
Liz blogged about this last month and she had also brought it up with me when I trained with her at the start of the year. To recap for you its about extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation. Eg does your motivation come from within you or are you motivated by external sources? If you’re motivated by external sources then this is a very effective motivational tool. Here’s how it goes. You set a measurable goal with a clear timeframe. Then you put up something of (significant) value to you that you will forego/lose if you don’t reach your goal. Simple.
Well when I first heard about it I wasn’t at all keen to do it. I think deep down I knew I just wasn’t ready to commit – but I never would have admitted that. Then last month after another big slip up around BS’s birthday I just felt so out of control, so sick of failing over and over again that I realised the RRLA was maybe the only way I’d get on track AND STAY THERE.
I talked to WH about it and after his bewilderment at “gee that’s drastic”, “why cant you just do it on your own?” and a host of other comments we made it official.
MY GOAL: Sub 65kgs by All Females – Friday 11th July
MY PENALTY: $500 of money I’d normally spend selfishly on myself AND no internet access at home (other than checking emails) – eg NO BLOGGING for one month.
So I’m really motivated to eat well and train hard. I don’t put food mindlessly into my mouth. I don’t eat to relieve boredom or to ease frustration or dampen the effects of feeling stressed. I think twice about when I drink alcohol and how much I have. In fact I plan my meals quite diligently and sometimes I ride out the feelings of hunger knowing that a planned meal is not far away. I’m doing ok and I’m feeling SO MUCH BETTER already.
I wish I was the sort of person who is motivated intrinsically but right now I’m not so I’ll work with what life has dealt me now. I’m just glad I bit the bullet and took action when I did rather than waiting for my weight to go up and my self esteem to go down further.
So this year I’m a runner, a figure competitor taking a break (still training weights though) and a lean and clean eater. I will continue to enjoy skim cappuccinos; a couple of alcoholic drinks a week, a relaxed meal out very now and then and will have my favourite cake on my birthday. Life is looking pretty good right now.