Wednesday, November 28, 2007
So how did I go? Well I was pleasantly surprised as the increase was not as much as I had dreaded. God knows my eating has been REALLY bad over the last week or so and its showing on both me and the scales but I’m pleased to say that I’m not “grossly overweight” as I had feared. LOL.
But even before I stepped on those scales I felt so much better than I have over the last week. Its like a huge weight has been lifted off me (sorry about that pun) and I’m feeling positive and optimistic about the future. I can see a way forward and I’m moving in the right direction just taking slow steps for now.
I’m slowly reading “If not dieting, then what” which is just brilliant. Its like Dr Rick is describing my life to a T and although I’m only at the very beginning, already I’m understanding things so much better and am not feeling like some out-of-control-freak (a feeling that I’ve lived with this last week).
I headed out nice and early for a sprint session at my local oval. It was a glorious morning – mild temperature, no wind and I was enjoying the peace and solitude. I ran my sprints with just a little extra spring and speed in my steps and felt great when I got home hot and tired. YEEEHA. I love cardio.
Food wise I’m going to remind myself daily WHY I choose to eat clean and healthy most of the time. I don’t want to be stressing about good food / bad food, should I have this / should I have that. Life is too short and along with good food, its there to be enjoyed.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Today I bought "If not dieting, then what?" by Rick Kausman and have started reading it in an attempt to turn around some of my very bad habits/behaviours. I'm determined to get off this negative merry-go-round, this destructive Groundhog Day cycle no matter how hard it is. I've tackled hard things before and I've conquered them so I know I have it in me. I just think I've been going about it all the wrong way up til now. Sometimes you have hit the bottom before you can bounce back up again and I'm pleased to say I'm creeping up ... albeit it slowly.
I'm not going to say any more tonight. I have some more thinking to do and some planning for how to tackle things slowly from here on. And I'm looking forward to getting back to my book.
To everyone that has also offered support through their words of wisdom I say thank you for taking the time to help. It all does make a difference!!
Yesterday I was still in my negative rut. I wrote this in my daily summary in my Training Journal.
"In all honesty I feel stuck in a negative rut. I seem to have lost my belief in myself – my motivation – my dedication to doing the right things.
I’m sick of dieting.
I’m sick of being 100% obsessed with what to eat / what not to eat.
I'm sick of this Groundhog Day cycle that has always taken hold of my life. - You know the one: Diet/eat well, lose weight; Do a 180 degree turn, eat crap, gain weight; repeat over and over like a mouse in a cage with nowhere else to go"
I have some major issues to sort out right now.
But worst of all I’m feeling fat and bloated and I’m terrified that my lovely slim and toned body will disappear any day now."
Thanks Stacy and Hilary for your supportive comments. Yes I probabaly need one huge vent/rant to get it all off my chest and then be able to move on. Hilary I have tried self hypnosis before and had some success with it. Perhaps after I've dumped my frustrations I'll be more open to taking positive steps forward.
PS I think thats the vent/rant I needed.
Monday, November 26, 2007
On Friday night I had big plans and the best intentions to clean up my eating and get back on track. Saturday afternoon spent in a play cafe with millions of screaming kids running feral soon fixed that intention. (NOTE: If you are contemplating whether or not to have children, AVOID PLAY CAFES AT ALL COSTS!!!! ) My BS had a fantastic play while I slowly went around the bend from the noise and excessive activity around me. On the way home we stopped at our local cafe so I could chill out with a coffee....and an almond biscuit. It was basically downhill from there on.
So I sit here tonight and as much as I want to turn things around, I'm stuck in a negative quagmire. For some reason I'm overcome with self doubts and a "losing attitude". I need to break out of this but I just cant seem to gain any forward momentum. I would love to indulge in a day or two of just "me-time" but thats out of the question this week....well maybe not. Maybe I should just make it my number one priority and bugger the stuff I'm putting ahead of it.
Will think about this some more.
I met my WH through work and I “chose” him. He started work in my section and although I was (unhappily) married at the time something he said to me made me realise how many great qualities he had. So I decided to quickly snap him up before someone else did – hey a good man is hard to find and there aren’t that many fish in the sea. Then we worked apart for several years and we are now back working in the same section again (but not the same section we met in).
I am a princess of the highest order but in 1996 my WH and I did a camping tour through south west USA. So I lived in dirty jeans, hair in a pony tail and no make up for 3 weeks and I HAD A BALL!!!! I even had a few odd days where I didn’t shower – in fact nobody in our group did as we were camping in the Arizona desert.
I am a coffee snob. I no longer touch instant coffee and will only drink coffee if out and somebody makes it for me (eg if I buy it). I always have a “weak skinny cappuccino” – and don’t be stingy with the chocolate topping.
I’m the only person I know who doesn’t like chocolate. I will occasionally eat chocolate if it has something in it that I like (Ferrero Rochers, Kit Kats, or other nutty or biscuity fillings). I NEVER eat chocolate ice cream, chocolate mousse, chocolate mud cake or other chocolate cakes. A block of plain chocolate has absolutely no attraction or temptation for me. I’m no saint though – I have other vices!!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Well this last week has just been totaly off the rails and I feel fat, bloated and blaaaaah. So my plan is to do a mini detox over the next 3 days. I've chosen to start it tomorrow as its not a work day and some of my biggest challenges/issues have arisen from work this week. (This in itself coud be a long winded post but the less said the better). So here's my plan for Saturday:
1. Upon rising have 400ml hot lemon drink (approx 1T of fresh lemon juice + warm water) I actually do this every day and I love it.
2. Follow up with WPI shake before weight training (legs/shoulders/bis)
3. 30 minutes cardio either straight after weights or in the afternoon depending on how family stuff pans out.
4. PWO will be a WPI shake + apple.
5. Meals all 100% clean with NO processed food/no alcohol/no diet soft drinks or anything else remotely crappy. So its lean protein + salad/veg + good fats. Eating only when hungry!!!
6. Water intake target = 5-6 litres (with fresh lime slices).
7. Extra doses of fibre supps to move things along :-)
This is not a traditional detox but I know that after 3 days of eating 100% clean I'll just feel 100% great.
We have future BIL coming over for a BBQ tomorrow (SIL is visiting friends in Sydney) and the menu is suitably clean and healthy and I'll leave the boys to hoe into the beers and wine. I may even sneak off for an early night.
So thats my plan to get things back on track. After a successful Saturday (which I just know it will be because I've made up my mind about it) I then repeat this on Sunday and Monday with just a slight modification to the training.
Looking forward to feeling a whole lot better in a few days time.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
I know this negativity will pass (it always does) and then LOOK OUT as I bounce back stronger and more determined than ever :-)
I have some work to do in this regard and I think I'll kick it off tonight. Thanks to the brilliant Craig Harper who's blog today is just what I needed to be reminded of some hard and fast facts. I love it when Craig tells it like it is as I'm one of those people who can do with a gentle (or downright forthright) reminder every now and then.
And I agree....its better to keep blogging through the good and bad and the ups and downs. So thats what I'll aim to do. Tell it like it is, "warts and all".
I feel better just having put that out there.
I hate it when these down times hit. Sometimes I’m really strong and I stay on top of them. This hasn’t been one of those times.
There are some things that I’m not happy with at the moment and its very hard to focus on the glass being half full when I’m in such a negative place with this issue. I wish I could write more about it but this is not the time or place so I’ll try to work through this myself and see if I can turn things around.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
we had a fantastic get-together today. I was having such a good time with all the talk, laughter and food that I didnt get a chance to take any pics. Sorry. Will get some next time. It was so good to just talk training, competing and training, competing with people who share the same interest and passion for the sport. Nobody in my other circle of friends could put up with that sort of conversation for that long. There are some things that only certain people understand.
So its been a hugely social weekend with its fair share of eating and drinking. On a positive note I can say that although I drank on 3 days this week (I usually limit myself to 2) I only ever had a couple of drinks at a time which is very good for me. I'm not even craving more. Eating wise ..... well I could have/should have eaten less at times but I enjoyed what I had and like last weekend, I'm not beating myself up over it. I feel like I'm treading water .... not improving or moving forward but not sinking either. Right now thats sitting ok with me.
Training has been good with a cardio session on the rower yesterday and a chest/tris session this morning followed by 30 mins on the ex bike. Still undecided if I'll train early tomorrow (I dont usually on Mondays) but the mornings are so nice now with the hotter weather that its a shame to waste them.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
its Saturday arvo and I'm just home from helping my mum do her Xmas shopping. Its only mid November and already the local Westfield is like a brothel on a free night LOL!! We are tackling in ours in 2 weeks time so imagine what it'll be like then :-( At least we are taking a Friday off work and doing it all in one foul swoop. We're then going to treat ourselves to a lovely Malaysian lunch at one of our fave eateries. We will feel like we'd earnt that treat!!
Mum and I had a nice lunch out with a glass of wine and a long talk. We are really close but with busy lives (well me mainly) and a BS who invariably is the centre of attention, its hard for mum and I to spend quality time together. Days like today are therefore precious.
Tonight we are going to our bosses place for pre-Xmas drinks. Yes WH and I work in the same place and as he is a Manager there, he (and therefore we) get to hobnob with the "management crowd" - woohoo (insert sarcastic tone). No its all good. Our boss is a lot of fun and I expect it to be a good night. Anyways I'm on driving duty so I have to behave and I've reminded WH that he cant afford to disgrace himself either .......as if he (Mr Everything Right Virgo) ever would :-)
Then tomorrow the Adelaide Figure Girls are meeting for lunch. Stay tuned for that report + photos. I cant wait :-)
Cheers all and have a fantastic weekend.
Friday, November 16, 2007
1. My oats for breakfast - perfect start to the day
2. Chill con carne - a fave with WH
3. Wokful of stir fried veges - usually as part of my comp prep
4. Carrot cake - but cant remember the last time I made one
Four qualities I love in people:
4. Positive attitude
Four Places I have been:
1. New York
4. Grand Canyon
Four things in my bedroom:
1. A TV - I know its bad feng shui but I MUST wake up with Kochie and Mel on weekday mornings
2. My comp medals - still on a high and I like to be reminded daily of what I achieved
3. Dust - yep its time to clean again
4. Miss Moneypenny (our cat) usually snuggled up on our bed with us :-)
Four dirty words I like to use:
2.f*** (at chosen times only)
4.gee I better stop there....thats a bit embarassing!!
So I had a good day today. Trained short, sharp legs this morning. Caught up with a friend at lunch time and had a warm chook salad of which I ate most of it but that lasted til dinner time (which is an accomplishment in itself!!). Then had a (large) salmon steak BBQed for dinner with a bit of an indulgent salad (spinach leaves, fat free semi dried tomatoes, roasted pumpkin, low fat feta and pine nuts) + a couple glasses of white wine. I'm all good with that now just need to power through the next 2 days so that I enjoy what I have but keep it all under control. Indulge a little but dont go overboard.
Time for bed. Cheers
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Training: sprint session this morning. AWESOME!!
Nutrition: all on track. Big pat on the back for not devouring a heap of junk in between getting home and feeling hungry and having dinner MUCH later as WH was travelling back from the country. I raided the pickled veges, had a few mouthfuls (yummy cold and sour!!) and then waited for WH to get home so we could eat steak and veges together :-)
Weight check: WINNER WINNER!! The scales are still down where they were last Friday (even though they would have been up a bit after the weekend) so I'm still happy.
How am I feeling about myself? Pretty good actually. I've faced some challenges this week and I've handled them well. Nothing earth shattering but add up all the little things and they make a BIG difference.
I have tomorrow off and will be enjoying the company of my BS as we tend to chores such as grocery shopping with some fun thrown in (visit to Gloria Jeans for a coffee for me and a biscuit for him, lunch out somewhere) and a catch up with a friend + some business as well. In the afternoon my BS does Aussie Hoops (basketball skills) which is a challenge getting him to participate but its worth it when he does.
I'm hoping to blog tomorrow as I have a big busy and social weekend coming up and I dont want to fall in a heap with my progress past comp phase.
Take care all and stay tuned
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Today I was up mega early from another night of bad sleep but I used the time to do a weights session followed by 40 mins of cardio. When I had finished exercising I felt fantastic. What a contrast in the 2 days that could have been a repeat of each other.
With my mood yesterday I knew I was particularly vulnerable to eat off plan believing that it would “make me feel better”. It took all my resolve to acknowledge how I felt and remind myself that eating crap would NOT make me feel better. I chose to accept how I felt and just ride it out. I went to bed last night feeling like a winner as I’d made good choices which would not sabotage my longer term goals.
Needless to say, today everything is well under control and I’m not feeling like I could tip over into “sin now pray later” mode. This is such destructive behaviour as it forces me to continue on the diet/binge/diet cycle which I’m well and truly fed up with.
I’m a bit of a sucker for horoscopes and today I feel mine is particularly relevant:
CANCER (June 21 – July 22): Ever since late September you’ve been benefiting from the influence of Mars in Cancer. You’ve tackled numerous challenging situations and made remarkable progress in many. Now that its going retrograde, you’ve a chance to focus on those in which there’s been less progress, and find ways to overcome any limitations or restrictions in these as well.
And lo and behold that’s exactly what I’m working on now. I’ve succeeded in making it to the Figure stage in pretty good shape but I still have work to do on getting my eating habits where I’m happy with them most of the time. Small steps, putting one foot in front of the other, choosing beneficial behaviours and just never giving up will see me succeed, I’m sure.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Training: 100% spot on. I achieved what I had planned to do :-)
Nutrition: My wins were:
Moderating my alcohol intake - especially on Saturday night in a big social setting where normally I would have easily had 7-8 drinks (over several hours) but I think I had 3-4. Happy with that. I find I'm no longer enjoying large amounts of alcohol and stopping after 3 or 4 drinks is quite easy. Plus I'm only having alcohol twice a week and often not even having as many as the 3-4 drinks.
Lunch out on Saturday. I ordered a small gourmet yiros pizza and only ate til I was satisfied. WH had a piece and then when he saw I was leaving some -and after giving me a fair bit of grief about it :-( he finished off what I left. I mean honestly...we are NOT 5 years old where we have no choice but to finish everything on our plate!!!!!!
Good healthy clean breakfasts on both days + a healthy lunch on Sunday.Where I could have done better was with how much I ate Saturday night, the freshly baked cookies indulgence on Sunday arvo + my addiction to the crusts of fresh bread.
But you know what, instead of lying there and beating myself up over this, I just admitted I could have done better and then let it go. I did think of ways to better manage some of these situations in future and will give them a go when the situation arises again. Enough said about that.
Eats have been good today (I knew they would be) and tonight I trained back and abs at home. A short but hard session which I think I'll feel tomorrow :-)
Cheers all and thank you Charlotte, Little Rene, Splice and Lia for taking the time to see how I'm going and leave encouraging comments. I'm slowly learning to give myself more credit for what I've achieved and what I'm capable of. And I'm working on not beating myself up over (relatively insignificant) mistakes. This journey is a great learning process and I'm an eager and interested student.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Today was a day of catching up with domestic chores, amusing BS and getting organised for the week. In the morning I thought I didnt really have much to do so why is it that its only just finished now around 9pm??!!
I had no training scheduled for yesterday which was sensible and today I did my cardio which was all I really set out to do (weights would have been a bonus but not essential today). Eating wise is where the title of my blog applies. In some ways I did really well but in others I could have been a lot better. Baking cookies with my BS in the afternoon was probably not a great idea as I did indulge in some and I fell down in a couple of other areas as well but I'm not beating myself up over it.
My weight on Saturday morning was about 2.5kgs above my Adelaide comp weight and you know what.... I was pretty happy with that. Hence the "relaxing" somewhat with the eating. Tomorrow its back into the lean and clean eating and throwing some weights around and all will be 100% back on track.
Well I'm going to sign off now and see how everyon else is. Hope you've all had a good weekend.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Today I was itching to train again so I hit chest/tris and only eased back on some of the weights slightly. After the session was over I had that nice tight feeling through my arms and I could swear that my quads were showing through again today :-)
What I thought would be a danger-day for eating didnt turn out that way at all. You see every Friday our floor gets together for a morning tea which a small group is rostered to provide. On a good day there'll be some fruit and a few other remotely healthy odds and ends but its usually 90%+ junk food. Often I find that if I indulge, I just cant stop and end up scoffing heaps of the crap on offer. Lucky me!! Today I got caught up on a call and by the time I made it to morning tea most of the food had gone and the left-overs didnt look too appealing. Plus a planned trip to the Adelaide Central Market (another serious danger zone) didnt eventuate as I was just too busy at work. So we have no fish for next week BUT I also missed out on having to resist all the ACM goodies.
So thats the working week over and 5 days of pretty clean and healthy eating in the bag. Weekends can be a bit more challenging but I'm approaching it with a quiet determination to keep things positive and moving forward.
Have a great weekend guys and cheers from
Thursday, November 08, 2007
I followed this up with a 30 min row on our super-duper new rower and by the end of it all I had worked up a fine sweat. Then follow this up with my favourite breakfast and it makes for the perfect start to the day.
I love these times when I’m in a happy and positive place. My eating has been good and I really feel like I’m using all the tools available to me to make it work. My work time meals are all made the day before and are on hand for when I get hungry. Last night I was a bit undecided about what to have for dinner as I’m still getting used to having the freedom to choose from a wider variety of foods. So I made a favourite healthy dish which I love. Here it is if you’re interested:
Take a handful of either wholemeal or multi-grain pasta such as penne or spirals and boil. Slice a mushroom or two and some red or brown onion and “fry” in a pan sprayed with oil. (You can add other veges depending on what you like and have on hand). Then open a can of Sole Mare tuna with beans and drain off the oil. !/2 the can should be enough unless you’re really hungry and then chuck it all into the drained pasta with the veges. Or you can cook up double the pasta and veges, add the whole can of tuna and then divide it into 2 or 3 (small) portions. Its nice too with a good sprinkle of freshly cracked black pepper and a handful of freshly chopped continental (flat leaf) parsley. I’m having a light sprinkle of parmy cheese on it because I’m not in “diet mode” and its superb.
So that’s it for me today.
Cruising along nicely.
Making the right choices.
Moving forward one step at a time.
Life is good.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
So I’ve put all the pieces together and come up with a revised plan that I’m happier with. I’ll be trialling it til Xmas and if its working well and moving me towards my goals then GREAT. Otherwise its bye, bye and time for a new strategy.
I’m finding this post-comp time really interesting. Its full of ups and downs, more challenges (albeit different ones), uncertainty and requires a change in direction and thinking. On the other hand (looking at the glass half full) its great to have no pressure to train at high volumes and follow a strict and limited diet. Its also the perfect opportunity to consolidate the hard work of the last few months and reap the benefits of having a leaner and more toned body for summer. And lets not overlook the opportunity to keep learning about ourselves and new ways of training and eating.
So on that note I’m embracing this time by enjoying a wide variety of (mainly) clean and healthy foods and taking a fresh approach to my training. I’m also treating my mind as a muscle (technically I don’t think it is) and exercising it daily to keep it working for me and not against me. I’m determined to get things right.
Before I sign off I want to share a little story with you. A couple of days after the Sydney comp someone quite close to me said “oh my goodness, look at you, you’re all skin and bones”. I almost replied with “you need to put your glasses on as you obviously cant see my broad and muscley shoulders and the still very obvious muscles on my arms”, but I just smiled politely. Thinking about this comment my opinion is this. If you are 10-20 kilos overweight then yes I’m going to look like “skin and bones” to you. But I ask this: “Are you happy with how you look?” I suspect not. “Am I happy with how I look?” ABSOLUTELY!!! Subject closed.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Kerry is the picture of happiness. She has gained a little weight (not enough by her accounts) and is enjoying her “rest time”. She does a little cardio each week (much less than what I’m doing) and has resumed training with weights but quite differently to what we did leading up to the comps. She’s eating what she wants but in moderate quantities and if she feels like a bit of crap food, she has it.
I, on the other hand am now well within the weight range I set myself post-comp. It took me an instant to get there and now I’m terrified of gaining more weight. I’m pelting out 2 long cardio sessions and 2 shorter ones each week but I love my runs and am enjoying this part of my training. I’ve just drafted my new weights program and in hindsight its probably a bit gruelling with 4 days of really solid sessions similar to how I trained pre-comp.
Hmmm am I a bit lost? I didn’t think I was but now I’m wondering if my new training and approach to diet (which hasn’t changed much from the pre-comp training) is the right thing at this point in time.
THE GREATEST MOTIVATOR
Last night my letterbox had the DVD of the Asia Pacific Championships waiting for me and I had the best trip down memory lane as I watched my divisions. It was my first good look at the line-ups and a chance to compare myself to the other competitors. In one category I agree with my placing and in the other I don’t – not that it matters now but that’s my honest opinion. I was really happy with my upper body and quads but my abs and glutes were sadly lacking.
The one thing that really stood out though was how I constantly smiled or glowed whilst on stage. Its like I was made to be there and this was “my sport”. How can I possibly NOT compete again????
So on that note I’ll happily report that I had a good eating day yesterday and will chalk up another one today. I’m back in a good positive place and I like it. Now if I could just permanently join “the-other-half” I’d be totally happy.
Thank you for comments left after my last post. I have commented on each person's blog individually but forgot to tell Rae that her "Finish Strong" message sent to me in the lead up to the Adelaide comps took a permanent place on the cover of my Training Diary and got me to and through the last few tough weeks. Thanks Rae :-)
Monday, November 05, 2007
After I made my post last night I caught up on other blogs and found this very wise bit of advice from Rae to Lia. It was in response to Lia’s negative vent over her elimination diet and whilst my current situation is a bit different there was a clear message that was very appropriate to me as well.
Here’s what I took from Rae’s comment:
Make the choice for what it is you want to do. (In my case it comes down to whether I see myself as an ongoing Figure Competitor or whether I’ll cave to pressures around me and not pursue it).
Once you’ve made the choice, success comes from focus and commitment. (Yep its that simple. I have all the tools I need to succeed. They are all in the garage, now I just have to get out there and use them – thanks for that great saying Donna).
Remember: Anything worth having or achieving has a price.
We have to decide if we are willing to pay that price.
I lay awake for a long time last night pondering over my history, actions and thoughts. I’ll share some of these with you as I know that some of you will relate to what I’m saying.
My history is not good but I cant change it. I can only use it to learn from and move forwards in a more positive way. On the up-side I started doing that this year when I achieved my goal of competing. Now I need to build on that and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one meal at a time if need be.
My actions have been very destructive last week. Right now I’m having major problems with some “occasional / red-light / trigger” foods. Its sort of like emotional eating but I’m not even sure what emotions are associated with them. I just know that with these foods its very much a case of “one bite is too much and a thousand are not enough”. (That’s a Lizism and I love it). I may not always be this way but I’m very vulnerable right now so I’ve decided to avoid these foods all together until I feel stronger and more in control.
My thoughts have been in quite a negative place too and this is undermining me no end. You know when you convince yourself that you cant do something and in doing so you guarantee failure. Couple that with a good healthy dose of “Its ok, I’ll diet tomorrow” and other self defeating excuses and I’ve been firmly entrenched on the path leading back to the “Fat Magda”.
So I guess its time to face up to these issues and make a plan to move forward.
Step One: I have decided that I want to be within 5kgs of my comp weight during the “off-season”. That’s a limit of 60kgs. This will put me in a good position to prepare for a comp next year IF I DECIDE TO COMPETE AGAIN.
Step Two: Work out my broad 12 week training and nutrition plan. Commence another Training Journal and keep it up to date.
Step Three: Get the mind stuff sorted out. Acknowledge whats working and whats not, reflect, soul search and don’t give up til I get it right.
If you’re still reading this then I say a big thank you. It’s a bit of a “heart on my sleeve” post again but I find it helps me to sort out where I’m at and where I want to be going.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
I have followed your journey since I first came to blogland and you have always been such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing more of yourself and making me feel less alone. Your elimination diet sounds like its a real grind and I can well understand your frustration with it. But I know you are a strong and determined person and will conquer it and other challenges which present themselves.
thanks for your offer of help and I will take you up on it as I have indicated in an email back to you (but not sure if its gone thru). I know you really struggled with the same problem but you have gotten on top of it so I'm hoping I can learn from you.
Everything you wrote in your comment could have been written by me - although I tend to keep up the exercise just not as often or as intensely. Its good to know I'm not alone yet I still have to find my way of dealing with this. I will take your advice and try to put it into practice as you always write in a way that strikes a chord to which I can truly relate.
We are strange creatures arent we? Knowing what to do but for some reason not doing it.
I often ponder why it is I'm not doing what I know I should be doing to achieve my short term and longer term goals. I have a weight that I want to maintain so if I decide to compete again then I havent got tons of weight to lose. I also want to maintain my chosen weight so that I look and feel good in the meantime. You know I sweated blood to achieve my goal of competing this year and now I just feel like all that hard work could mean nothing if I continue doing what I'm doing.
Maybe deep down I havent adjusted to myself as a lean person?
Maybe I'm so used to dieting that I dont know life in another form?
Maybe I just feel this overwhelming sense of wanting to "indulge/enjoy/lash out" after 10 months of being in "comp prep mode"?
Maybe its all of the above to some extent?
Oh God, where do I start to try and sort this all out for myself and get back on track sooner rather than later.
Friday, November 02, 2007
But here are some of the things that challenge me:
Many years ago when I was a teenager struggling with my weight, my doctor (who knew me really well) said I was an "all or nothing person". I've found that to be quite true. Most of my life has been spent either dieting or feasting. There's not much in between for me. I want it but that "middle ground" just keeps slipping out of my reach.
Commitment: is it where it should be or is it fluffing around in lala land?
Deep down I havent convinced myself that I can get on top of this. I know what to do. I believe it'll work for me yet I constantly sabotage my efforts and do the opposite of what I plan. I use affirmations at various times and sometimes that works for me but not always.
Consistency: If it works then do it and keep doing it.
Man I've eaten some SERIOUS crap this week :-( I'm not feeling very good both physically and mentally. The size 9 jeans are tight and ..... well I could go on and on but I'll spare you the whinge. IT IS NOW ABSOLUTELY TIME TO REIGN IT IN, STOP THE "WOE IS ME ATTITUDE" AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES OF HEALTHY EATING AND REGULAR TRAINING.
Crap food + little exercise = fat + unhappy Magda
Good healthy food + effective exercise = lean + happy Magda
So which will it be?
I've been a bit slack in getting my new training program up and running but will endeavour to do so soon, along with my November goals (which start with cutting the crap food NOW).