After I made my post last night I caught up on other blogs and found this very wise bit of advice from Rae to Lia. It was in response to Lia’s negative vent over her elimination diet and whilst my current situation is a bit different there was a clear message that was very appropriate to me as well.
Here’s what I took from Rae’s comment:
Make the choice for what it is you want to do. (In my case it comes down to whether I see myself as an ongoing Figure Competitor or whether I’ll cave to pressures around me and not pursue it).
Once you’ve made the choice, success comes from focus and commitment. (Yep its that simple. I have all the tools I need to succeed. They are all in the garage, now I just have to get out there and use them – thanks for that great saying Donna).
Remember: Anything worth having or achieving has a price.
We have to decide if we are willing to pay that price.
I lay awake for a long time last night pondering over my history, actions and thoughts. I’ll share some of these with you as I know that some of you will relate to what I’m saying.
My history is not good but I cant change it. I can only use it to learn from and move forwards in a more positive way. On the up-side I started doing that this year when I achieved my goal of competing. Now I need to build on that and keep moving forward, one day at a time, one meal at a time if need be.
My actions have been very destructive last week. Right now I’m having major problems with some “occasional / red-light / trigger” foods. Its sort of like emotional eating but I’m not even sure what emotions are associated with them. I just know that with these foods its very much a case of “one bite is too much and a thousand are not enough”. (That’s a Lizism and I love it). I may not always be this way but I’m very vulnerable right now so I’ve decided to avoid these foods all together until I feel stronger and more in control.
My thoughts have been in quite a negative place too and this is undermining me no end. You know when you convince yourself that you cant do something and in doing so you guarantee failure. Couple that with a good healthy dose of “Its ok, I’ll diet tomorrow” and other self defeating excuses and I’ve been firmly entrenched on the path leading back to the “Fat Magda”.
So I guess its time to face up to these issues and make a plan to move forward.
Step One: I have decided that I want to be within 5kgs of my comp weight during the “off-season”. That’s a limit of 60kgs. This will put me in a good position to prepare for a comp next year IF I DECIDE TO COMPETE AGAIN.
Step Two: Work out my broad 12 week training and nutrition plan. Commence another Training Journal and keep it up to date.
Step Three: Get the mind stuff sorted out. Acknowledge whats working and whats not, reflect, soul search and don’t give up til I get it right.
If you’re still reading this then I say a big thank you. It’s a bit of a “heart on my sleeve” post again but I find it helps me to sort out where I’m at and where I want to be going.