Saturday, February 28, 2009
Well last night the cat accidentally collided with my left foot as I was stepping out the door and she was trying to scoot in. Blood was shed - yes mine and NOT Miss Moneypenny's and I have a really sore toe with a decent scrape and cut on it :-( I was hobbling a bit this morning and wearing socks and shoes didnt feel nice at all. Bugger there went my plans to train legs and follow them up with a jog/run afterwards.
So I attacked my back and abs and then cardioed on the rower and exercise bike. Nowhere near as intense (think boredom factor and reading on the bike) but cardio nevertheless. Tomorrow I might have to cover the sore with a bandaid or similar and push through the pain.
Food has been good today and have downed 1.5 litres of soda water with a wedge of lemon since around 5pm. We had an unexpected visit from a dear friend who now lives in Coomera. The boys had a beer together but I refused my usual wine and had the soda instead. Feel really good for it now. Plus I have a date with the Metal Monster tomorrow morning for my official end of February weigh in and I'm hoping like hell that he is kind with a number in the 66s. I'll post my Feb round-up tomorrow.
Well I have a bed to make, truckloads of washing to fold, kitchen benchtops to clean and ...... yeah I could go on and on.
Friday, February 27, 2009
1. A sleep-in. After getting up at 4.40 or 5am the rest of the week, I take a rest day from training on Fridays and I turn my alarm off. I usually wake between 6 and 6.30 which is my "sleep-in" LOL.
2. To continue in the spirit of treating myself on Friday I have breakfast on the way to work. While I'm still home I have my protein portion (low fat creamed cottage cheese with cinnamon and Splenda) and then on the way to work I stop at a favourite cafe and order Dutch fruit loaf and a skim cappuccino. The fruit loaf slices are small but heavy and loaded with sultanas and raisins etc and I only use about 2/3s of a pat of butter so its not too sinful. While I eat my breakfast and enjoy my cappuccino, I read the paper and relish that little bit of "me-time".
3. Wine night!! On Friday WH and I enjoy a drink together before dinner. Previously we'd have lots of junky nibbles and I'd have several glasses of wine but I'm now used to 1 or 2 glasses of wine and a small portion of raw nuts. Dinner is quick and simple as there is nothing worse than slaving in the kitchen when all you want to do is wind down. WH will have 3-4 glasses of wine but I'm now finding that 1 medium glass-full is enough to have me feeling happy and mellow :-)
4. Staying up a bit later is another bonus (yep I'm blogging at 10.31 which I just cant do on any other week night). Most nights I try to be in bed between 9.30 and 10 and its quite an effort (I too have self-management rules that I impose to help me cope with life's demands). But those rules are relaxed on a Friday.
5. Today I got to enjoy one more treat. My Director's team (including me and my team) got together for an informal and impromptu glass of wine at the end of the day. We shared some really funny stories both about work and not and it was a great end to the week.
So that's my Good News Post for today. It makes me happy just to read it. I hope you're all in a good, happy place too.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Worry is an emotion in which a person feels anxious or concerned about a real or imagined issue, ranging from personal issues such as health or finances to broader issues such as environmental pollution and social or technological change. Most people experience short-lived episodes of worry in their lives without incident; indeed, a moderate amount of worrying may even have positive effects, if it prompts people to take precautions (e.g., fastening their seat belt or buying fire insurance) or avoid risky behaviours (e.g., promiscuous sexual relations or cliff diving). However, about one in four people, have chronic worry, an anxiety disorder which requires professional treatment. Chronic worry can cause heart attacks, high blood pressure, ulcers, gastrointestinal problems, muscular aches and pains, skin rashes, eczema, respiratory problems and asthma. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
I'm a skilled "worrier". There are issues that no matter how hard I try, I just cant get my mind around or remember x, y or z. But when it comes to worrying, well I can analyse everything to the nth degree and then do it all again backwards and upside down and inside out. There's quite an art to it. You just wake for whatever reason during the night and let your brain click into gear. No, let me rephrase that - experience your brain kicking into gear. (Its involuntary, like your heartbeat). Then you go through infinite scenarios, with an infinfite number of outcomes, an infinite number of time. The worry process from go to woe can be anywhere from 2 - 5 hours. I wonder how many calories all that brain activity is burning?
So in talking to my friend today, and she being very sympathetic and giving advice on how to cope, I assured her that very soon I'd reach the end of my worry quotient. My brain would realise that the issue had been worried to exhaustion and then I could park it until the next stage where another bout of worrying would be justified. Aaah bring on the calm between the storms.
In the meantime when I'm not worrying (coz its really just a middle-of-the-night-thing) I'm keeping up my training and eating well. The MM has done a little stall but the Whoosh Fairy cant be too far away.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I had a really uplifting meeting with my Manager today. We spoke about my career planning and personal development and she was very supportive and complimentary about my future plans. At a time when I'm worrying about that stuff its nice to have her declare her confidence in me. It also helped to put a little spring in my step today :-)
With a few days to go til the end of February (can you believe it??!!) I'm working hard to get my weight back into the 66s. Yep it was there before the "feast weekend" and its dropped now but not quite enough. So a couple of decent cardio sessions and nutrition on track should fix that. I have a specific goal for March which I'll write about later. My focus now is on finishing February strong.
I'm going to wrap up there as an early night is imperative after a very poor sleep last night. So good night all.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
made fresh pikelets for BS's breakfast
made a week's supply of sandwiches (to be frozen) for BS's school lunches
cursed that I didnt have my training gear handy so I could do my cardio (and didnt want to disturb WH by going to search for it)
heard the loo flush so ran in and grabbed my training gear
headed out for cardio at 6.30am
It was a glorious morning. A bit fresh but just lovely. I was dying to do some sprint work and after a decent warm-up I pushed out 10 x 100m sprints with 100m recovery walks and then completed the hour with my 1 song walk / 1 song jog combo. Rocked home around 7.30 feeling like 110% fanbloodytastic.
About 2 hours later the leg DOMS set in and I could barely walk hahaha. Gotta love that level of DOMS coz it says "Girl, you trained hard". WOOHOO
I was hoping to have a 100% clean day with food today but we were out for lunch and the menu was a bit limited and I had cajun style salt and pepper calamari with salad. It was delicious but fried and fatty. Hopefully my light dinner balanced it out a bit.
Have a great week all
BTW Pre-dinner activity for me tonight was ...... cleaning my house. The bare minimum but better than doing nothing
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Today has been a blur of:
cardio, breakfast, strip bed, start washing, shower, quick trip to Mercato (resisted the yummy continental cakes woohoo), hang out washing and start another load, make BS's lunch for later, take BS to his swimming lesson, hang out washing, grocery shopping, fill car with petrol, home, unpack cold stuff, make lunch and eat while updating Calking and catching up on blogs, clean up, play board games with BS, start dinner, bring clothes in from the line, remake beds, sit down with WH and a glass of Bickfords Lime for a chat (WH had a beer and some nibbles), cook dinner, eat, clean up, update Calking and all the time having the debate in my head .....
....so after dinner do I tackle my weight training or do I do some cleaning? Weight training vs cleaning. Whats more important? That my house looks pretty or I work my muscles?
And the winner is .....
.... WEIGHT TRAINING!!!! I did legs tonight and now I feel great. So my house doesnt look all pretty but you know what ... WHO CARES??!! If I keep this up, my legs will look great :-)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Its been a tough week at home. My world is ok but at work WH has been under the pump BIG TIME, hence needing some extra TLC. I know he's finding things hard when he wants wine with dinner nearly every night. I have a firm rule in place that I dont drink during the week (well maybe rarely on a Thursday) and I find it pretty easy to stick to, but when the weekend rolls around I'm looking forward to my wine ration. For me it is one of life's pleasures.
I'm looking forward to my weekend training because I get to do longer cardio and I'm not so stressed with the time limits I have in the mornings. Then its domestic chores and swimming lessons for BS on Saturday and a day trip to the Yorke Peninsula on Sunday. Oh and somewhere in there I have some work to tackle :-(
Hope everyone has a great weekend
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I often cook without a recipe just making meals up as I go with ingredients I have on hand. This was how I made the roo chilli last night and as a guide here is what I did.
1. Chop 1 medium onion and brown in a non-stick pan thats been sprayed lightly with cooking oil/spray. Add a little water if it sticks.
2. Per serve I allowed 130g minced roo meat. (I buy the best cuts and my mum minces them for me so I know they are 110% fat free ). This cooks into about 100g which is my standard protein portion. Add the roo mince to the onion and brown.
3. Add a big sprinkle of Masterfoods Mexican Style Chilli Powder and either a little salt or beef stock (powdered).
4. I kept mine really simple and just added about 50g/serve of fresh chopped tomato because I had home grown ones that needed to be used up and were past the "use them in a salad stage".
5. Add a bout 1/2 cup (I never measure it) water and cook until most of the water evaporates.
Thats my very quick and easy roo chilli but some options are:
1. Add 1-2 cloves of minced/chopped garlic when browning the onion.
2. Add a jar of salsa instead of the tomatoes.
3. To ramp up the veges sometimes I add chunks of red/yellow/green capsicum but be careful not to overcook as the capsicums will turn to mush.
4. A tin of drained and rinsed kidney beans goes really well in the recipe too. Just add when you add the water.
5. And as a real treat, serve it with rice of your choice, a huge dollop of sour cream, guacamole and a handful of corn chips ....
.... woops we just went from lean and clean to dirty and naughty :-) I hope that helps.
Now for the funny bit.
Today I packed up my cooler bag with morning tea, lunch and dinner all set to eat "on plan" at my parents' house tonight. What I didnt count on was WH having a shocker of a day at work and not being able to get away at our usual time. I'd had enough so I left work and waited in my usual spot which is a cafe close to our carpark. While waiting I partook of a medicinal red, read the paper, did the Target puzzle and chatted with a Britsih tourist who was travelling all over Australia. We were so late getting away that mum and dad ate with our BS and we decided to take WH's pizza and head off home. I ended up having a salad with spicy chilli tuna. At least I have some meals pre-prepared for next time.
Bring on Friday as its my weekday sleep-in and I really need it. I'm very tired and will relish the day off from training.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Off to slave some more in nthe kitchen folks. Good night.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Food is clean and healthy again with my usual few modest treats to keep me sane and not feeling totally deprived. I'm pushing it HARD in my weight training and am loving it but in week 2 DOMS is not my companion any more (until I do chest maybe). This is quite normal for me and I know that unless I really change things around and train til I'm knocking on death's door, I just dont get DOMS.
So life goes on. On a daily basis I deal with significant work issues trying to balance a number of them as best I can. As a working mum I strive to keep on top of my son's schooling and spend time with him reading, doing music practice and just talking about his day. I have a number of non-fitness related issues brewing. If and when they eventuate they will put more pressure on my time and will change my lifestyle significantly. They are both exciting and mildly stressful (dealing with change).
Australia wide we are dealing with horrific bushfires, devastating floods and the economic downturn which is affecting all of us in some way or other. I count myself as a very lucky person. I'm blessed with a beautiful healthy child, a lovely husband who I can trust implicitly, fantastic parents and in-laws, a good secure job, a lovely home and car and a pretty good lifestyle. When you consider all that, it really puts last weekend into perspective.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I was in a pretty dark and negative place last night and not at my most rational, I admit. But I have decided that I wont dwell on it. As Shelley has said "dont give power to the past" and this is so important as it'll hold me back from moving forward. OK so my stupid Binge Monster found my weak spot and went in for the kill. Next time I'll be better prepared and I'll listen to my body and trust my instincts. I've made a lot of progress in this area and I will continue to do so. (Note the positive self talk)
Thanks Coach for putting things into perspective for me.
I did my 3-weekly stint teaching at the gym today and am sorry to say that my second class was dismal and therein I need to be better prepared both with routines/choreography and my mental state. My heart just wasnt in it and that translated to a poor class. I'm back there in 4 weeks time and I will be in as good a physical condition as I can be and well prepared with my choreography. (More positive self talk).
So tomorrow is a fresh start and I'll be up early to train legs as I missed that session over the weekend. Food wise I'm just going to eat the normally healthy and yummy foods which I love and let nature take its course. Of course I've thought of all sorts of plans to help me lose the bloated fat feeling quickly but I know deep down that punishing myself with a restricted diet now is not the answer. I need to nurture my body with good clean food, lots of water and some serious training and it'll come good again - for sure.
Thanks guys for your ongoing support and understanding. Onwards and upwards.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I've gone from being confident, in control and proud of my achievements to feeling like a fraud and a failure. I hate being in this place, feeling like I'm back at square one, like everything I worked so hard to build has just fallen down around me and now there's the daunting task of rebuilding it. Sorry to sound so melodramatic but its hit me hard and I almost didn't blog again tonight.
So why am I here? Because I believe in honesty and I dont want to paint a false picture. Yes I did achieve some significant things recently but that success has not continued and I find myself battling, once again, to regain control and feel good about myself.
In my mind I've been analysing why I chose this behaviour after I've worked so hard to eliminate it. I wont bore you with the details though. Right now I'm trying to convince myself that tomorrow is another day (which it obviously is!!) and it'll be a better day. But I'm not sure that I have the spark to make it so.
PS In light of all that has happened in Victoria this last week I'm ashamed to put this up as its comparitively so trivial. But keeping it secret and creating a false impression is not what I want, so I've blogged it.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
So I followed this up with a chest and tris session on Monday, knowing that my pecs would be sore as they are an area that always suffers from DOMS. I havent been disappointed as the pain is definitely there.
This morning I roadtested my new back/shoulders program and threw caution to the wind on some of the exercises. HOLY CR*P I was working at a 9.5 / 10 and 6 hours after the session I could feel the DOMS starting in my back (an area where I never get it!!).
So add that all up and I'm one sore chicky babe right now. However with this soreness has come a heightened love of what I'm doing and once a few small gliches are sorted out, I'll find my groove and then I'll really cane it session after session.
Food continues to be good although I'm feeling that a freebie/cheat meal would be a nice treat. I think I'm just hanging out for a night off where someone else makes the food, serves it up and clears away my dishes and where I choose something I really want rather than what I think is the best choice. Not sure when I'll have the chance to indulge.
In other breaking (non fitness / figure) news yesterday I said goodbye to my much loved Audi A3 and am now the owner of a beautiful new Golf - black, automatic, a dream to drive. Will post pics later.
Good night all
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Here's a snapshot of my day:
Get up, breakfast for BS, weigh, hot lemon drink, strip bed, put on a load of washing, blanch home grown tomatoes to remove skins, shower, dress and groom, out for breakfast, arrive home, hang washing, make lunches for next week/day, make lasagne, make spinach/pumpkin frittata, continue washing, get lunch for BS, find 100 other things to do in the kitchen, play a board game with BS, train legs, follow up with 30 minute jog on very wobbly legs, snack, shower, make stir fried veges for the week for me, organise dinners, eat, clean up the disgusting mess in my kitchen, make bed, sort washing, update Calking and blog. The day is not over as there are a couple more things I must do - one being work :-(
The Metal Monster is my best friend right now. Yesterday I was down .7 since last Sunday's weigh and I thought that was good. Just out of curiosity I weighed again today and YIPPEE another .5kgs lost. I think yesterday's mega cardio session gave it a decent nudge down so I've already made it into the 66s which Liz had set as my goal for February. Gotta be happy with that!!
So on that happy note I must go and tackle that work - unless I can find something else to do so I can avoid it a little longer LOL.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
I just wanted to add to yesterday's post that I think a couple of other things contributed to my success.
1. My diet hasnt been too restricted and I've been enjoying lots of foods that I really love like: low fat creamed cottage cheese eaten with a good sprinkle of cinnamon and a little Splenda, my favourite pancakes (recipe posted last Monday), unlimited veges, lean protein of my choice (not just chicken breasts/egg whites etc), fruit loaf or other wholemeal/grainy breads, and lots more. The weights been coming off so Coach says keep doing what you're doing - including having 2 glasses of wine / week and a small handful of raw peanuts.
2. At the end of the day I believe that the reason I succeeded was because I made up my mind that I'd do it. No more stuffing around. No excuses. No thoughts of "its just too hard". It was a case of "just do it". Cliched I know but thats what it boils down to. Once I accepted that there WOULD be times when I felt like cr*p and that it was ok to feel that way, it became a little easier. Previously I'd run for food as soon as those feelings surfaced and I'd be trying to stuff them down. It really wasnt the answer and dare I say "I've seen the light".
OK enough of the corny cliches and onwards.
PART TWO: HOW TO BURN 540 CALORIES IN ONE CARDIO SESSION
1. Set out at 8.20am when the temperature is already in the high 30s.
2. Walk for 1 song and then jog for 1 song and repeat, over and over again.
3. Monitor heart rate and watch it soar and stay high even in the walk intervals.
4. Keep going for an hour.
At the half hour mark I was seriously considering walking the rest or cutting the session down to 40 minutes (Liz gave me the target of 40-60 mins so I could have taken the shorter option). So I started the self-talk to get me to the end of the song and then enjoy the "recovery".
Then it was like "just jog one more song". And I did. Aaah recovery.
"You feel ok. Do one more". So I did and yippee ... recovery.
Soon it was a case of "There's only 10 minutes to go. You ran 12kms last year in the City 2 Bay. You've run in weather this hot before. Keep going. You can do it." So I did and the hour was done and dusted. HRM checked and yep 540 calories burned thank you very much. It was worth every step.
PS Can you tell, I LOVE CARDIO!!!!
Friday, February 06, 2009
I've posted many times previously about my 3-week curse where I have for a very long time not been able to go for more than (if I even make it to) 3 weeks without having an eating binge. My triggers are many and varied and my resolve is usually weak where I actually talk myself into them with silly justifications like "well I deserve it for ????? reason" or "it wont matter because I know I can diet it off on ...whenever" or whatever arguement suits the occassion, as long as I have just cause to do it. Silly silly me. I've been my own worst enemy for a long time.
The last few weeks have presented many of my binge triggers -
pressure at work (oh I need something nice to eat to make me feel better)
stressing about work (hmmm some yummy food will take my mind of it)
frustration at work (well a good dose of fat and sugar will make it go away)
the all or nothing mentality (oh well I've eaten off plan so I might as well stuff in as much off-plan food as I possibly can and then diet again tomorrow)
the over-feed that comes from being over-hungry (oops when I started eating, I just couldnt stop)
I'm sure many of you recognise these foes and have faced them yourselves.
Well it has now been OVER THREE WEEKS WITHOUT A BINGE FOR ME. (Shouting from the rooftops!!). I've been tempted many times as I've listed above but I've faced it head on and dealt with it.
So what did I do?
1. I recognised the danger times and evaluated them for what they were. Like when the urge came on at work (as it often does) I took a minute to work out what was bothering me.
2. Then its a case of self-talk. Do I REALLY want to stuff down heaps of crappy food or do I want to address the real problem? (Well I rightly chose the latter)
3. Then its time for action. Even if its one small thing that starts to fix the problem, I do it so I feel like I'm back in control and I dont need the food.
4. Finally, I wasnt always able to make the problem go away completely and there were times when I had to sit with my yucky feelings but I toughed it out and eventually the clouds cleared and the silver linings showed through.
5. And when they did, I felt good that I wasnt then dealing with the even worse feelings that binging leaves you with - like that sense of failure, loss of control and self doubt.
Have I slayed my Binge Monster for good? Maybe not, but right now I'm well ahead in the fight and I'm not about to give up that lead.
Is my 3-week curse broken? Right now it is and that gives me even more confidence to keep that Binge Monster down. If I did it you can do it too. Give it a try the next time the Binge Monster tries to get the better of you.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
this morning I knocked off my training for the week and tomorrow is my scheduled day off where I get to sleep in til 6am or maybe even a little longer :-)
I had lunch out with a friend today and we went for Thai which is always a favourite. I ordered from the "Lunch Specials" menu as it was a bit cheaper and they still had great sounding food. So I chose basil chicken with veges and chilli which sounded divine. And it did taste good - what little there was of it. You see I got an entree sized plate which was 2/3s full of white rice and the rest was the basil chicken etc. Man it was a tiny serve if you didnt eat the rice. An hour later my tummy started rumbling :-( Luckily my afternoon was very busy and I didnt have time to pine for more food (I didnt even have any afternoon tea food with me) so I survived til dinner time where I had a superb lamb dish of shashlicks with a tossed salad and a lovely yogurt dipping sauce. I left the pitas and apart from the salad having an oily dressing, the meal was pretty lean and clean.
And on that note I must say good night and just leave you with one more thing: Stay tuned for an announcement the next time I blog (hopefully tomorrow night).
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Training has been good and after some discussion with Liz we are cranking things up even more as of next week. Woohoo!! Cant wait - although I expect I'll be very sore after nailing one of her real killer sessions. Diet is tracking well with lots of good clean food and is not too restricted or limited - well hardly at all in fact. Tomorrow I have the pleasure of having lunch out with a friend and then dinner out with WH before we go to a parent info night at BS's school. So that'll test me out yet again (but I think I'll be ok).
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
I've had 2 days of feeling very tired, flat and cranky. I hate being like this but I guess life isnt all wine and roses (and lately has been VERY light on the wine for me anyway LOL). I think its come from a combination of a bit of "work worry" and not enough sleep. I'm also logging my food on CalKing to see if anything crops up there as to why I might be feeling so blaah. Enough calories etc???? I know its not the heat because I'm still loving it and in fact by lunchtime my office is so cold that I'm getting about with a cardy draped over my shoulders.
I spent the last couple of days being very aware of a morning tea that we were having at work today. I knew there would be cake (I made chocolate crackles for it) and some fruit and I didnt want it to turn into a "oh I've had a piece of cake, so I might as well have 10" episode (you may well laugh but this is a real risk for me). I got the fruit ready and asked others to cut up their cakes. Then I heated up my kangaroo chilli and went to eat it at my desk before the MT started. I was planning on having a bit of fruit to be sociable and not touching the cake. Funnily enough, as I was finishing my chilli the Exec Director came with an urgent job that I had to do immediately and I completely missed the morning tea anyway. There were lots of left-overs but I stayed right away from them.
So thats another run on the board for me and another Gold Coin Day :-)
Monday, February 02, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
On 2 Jan I weighed in at 70.8kgs (after a little holiday with some nice indulgences during that time). This morning I was 68kgs (after a nice .4 drop from yesterday) so my overall loss was 2.8kgs. Considering I had a mini holiday in the middle of January and didnt eat on track for a few days, I'm happy with this overall result.
After my 1:1 with Liz and a big tick on my squat and deadlift techniques, my weight training was ramped up a little. I have been focussing on pushing hard in each session as I train alone and basically its up to me to get the most out of me LOL. Cardio has stayed about the same although we were kid-free for a week so we couldnt resist throwing in some extra cardio after work on most days.
This has been good for most of the time. There was a day (just before I went to Queensland) when the Metal Monster had totally frustrated me (weighing too often and not seeing movement in the right direction) and I resorted to a bit of a binging out of frustration, a bit of anger and a sense of "I deserve this" but in the overall scheme it was a mild binge and didnt snowball out of all control or leave me feeling emotionally distraught. This, my good friends, really is progress for me.
More recently I've had some episodes where I have been a bit tempted to binge but I've stopped and thought about it and chosen not to. The sensible-voice-of-reason-Magda seems to have taken an assertive stand and I like it. She has given up the fight too many times before so this change is welcome.
Having my 1:1 with Liz was excellent. I learnt so much in that short time and it was nice to interact face to face. I had a range of questions and Liz answered them all, leaving me feeling relaxed and looking forward confidently.
Taking a week off to spend with my BS was fantastic. I still trained and ate well but we packed in the activities and the time just flew by. If only my pay would magically land in our bank account each fortnight, I'd happily be a lady-of-leisure ... except I'd be a lady-of-training / socialising / being involved with my son's school etc. Aaah life would be just perfect :-)
We bought a new car (but havent got it yet). That will be a post all on its own when it finally arrives.
I enjoyed a weekend of being a bacheloress and indulging my "fitness slob" side. It also allowed me to socialise far more than I normally do and go to the gym as a participant. What a bonus that was for me.
My cardio fitness has improved noticeably and I'm now incorporating more running into my sessions. My core strength is improving too (geez it was woeful!!) and I no longer dread the Bosu but look forward to each challenging workout.
Only one really. The project I worked so hard on before Christmas didnt get the necessary approvals in the next critical stage and even now a cloud of uncertainty hangs over it which made me very angry. But its a work issue and on the list of things that are important to me its not a top 3 item so I wont stress about it any more. I'll do what I have to do but I refuse to give any more of my life and soul to it (did that before and got very sick as a result).
How has the year started for you?