Sunday, July 29, 2007
Earlier in my prep Josh has said that this journey would teach me things about myself that I didnt know. Well I knew this and I honestly thought I could and would overcome it but I havent.
I'm in a very difficult and challenging place right now and I'm not sure that I have it in me to find my way out. Even now I'm staring at this stupid computer screen at a loss for words that make sense. I dont know whether to cry because of disappointment, cry because of anger and frustration or just cry for help.
Friday, July 27, 2007
After I posted my blog entry yesterday I had my skinfolds done and I was very happy with my drop in bodyfat over the last 2 weeks. This had me on a high for the rest of the day. This morning I weighed and measured and again the result was good and I was buzzing :-)
So why then did I pine all day for the crap food served up at a workshop I was attending today?? Was it because the venue was cold and therefore I was cold and wanting "warm-up" food? Was it because I just wanted to indulge and be "one of the gang" instead of the "skinny chick eating wierd food at wierd times"? Was it because I just wanted to feel satisfied after a meal (instead of wanting to eat 2 or 3 times what I'm allowed)?
It was a hard day and I did "nibble" on a couple of mouthfuls of stuff I wouldnt normally have. I was really torn.
Anyway I fell off the wagon when I came home. WH is out tonight. BS is sick and has been sleeping on the sofa and has now gone to bed and I've been eating.
So just how "perfect" does a comp prep have to be for me to make it to the stage in 8 weeks time? This is what I'll be talking to Josh about next week and looking for some strategies to get through these harder times.
Thank you Kristy, Liz, Kerry and Kie for your words of encouragement and support on my last post. I'll bounce back up again I'm sure. Just hope I'm not down here for too long.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
After a very strong first quarter where my enthusiasm was sky high, my dedication was unquestionable and I embraced each day with passion and vigour……I’m now hobbling along.
So whats different?
Work is busy with meetings and travel. This means I cant always eat every 3 hours so my energy slumps and I get cranky. Also little things I used to do in my stolen breaks at work just aren’t getting done. My Training Journal is not up to date and I haven’t been on CalKing since Thursday last week. I feel like I’m losing control of all the little things that make up my prep.
The pressures of work have left me feeling a bit overwhelmed and sorry for myself. Feeling dead tired last night my mind was full of thoughts of “woe is me / I’m too tired to train / I need a GOOD feed” etc. I battled through them but last week I wouldn’t even have had such negative feelings.
My strength is definitely decreasing. Josh has told me this is normal as my cals are low so I’m not letting this get me down but it spills over into every day life and I’m dragging myself around somewhat more than usual (not a good look)
Now to be totally honest….I don’t think my body is improving enough to make it for the 22nd September. Yes I’m skin and bones (oh and there’s muscle there too) on my upper body but the legs just aren’t coming to the party. I knew they’d always be my problem area and a huge challenge to tighten up but I just don’t know why they seem to be doing nothing. I have little/no arse but the tops of my thighs more than make up for this. Every day is leg day with either some form of resistance training and/or cardio and I feel like I work hard in my sessions but I’m at a loss to find something that will make a difference. My scale weight went up a little after the weekend (well Sunday night I’m sure) and that annoyed me too as my abs don’t look as flat and lean as before. …..
Oh listen to me whinge and moan and groan. But you know what, that’s how I feel right now so that’s what I’ll write about. No point just crapping about it all being good if I’m going through a slump.
PS Despite all this I’m still ticking boxes and doing what I have to do, just not feeling so great about it.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I could write so much more but sleep is more important so good night til tomorrow folks.
PS Many thanks to the lovely ladies who left birthday greetings at my last post. I really appreciate it :-)
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
On Friday mum, BS and I went out for the day so I could do some indulgent birthday shopping. I bought some black pants and was over the moon when the 8s fitted. Then it was a new pair of red boots….hoowee…. and a knitted black dress which looks really hot!! Shopping at this size is an absolute dream and delight. I had a ball. We had lunch out at a cafeteria and I ordered a Thai squid salad with dressing on the side. It looked creamy so I didn’t touch it. The squid was yummy and I ate a lot of salad and adjusted the rest of my meals so I was still on track with food that day.
Saturday was a funny day with only loose plans and then finding we had not enough time for “x” and we’re too early for “y”. I trained chest/shoulders and tris and did the minimum cardio so I wasn’t too far behind with my training for the rest of the week. In the afternoon we went to Varekai which was a great show.
Then finally Saturday evening rolled around and I got enjoy real food like a normal person. WH took me to a lovely posh restaurant where exquisite food is served in tiny-small serves. It was just what the boss (Josh) ordered. I even had a bread roll with butter (yum) and a few wines, a cappuccino and desert. And I didn’t feel at all stuffed or anything else bad. In fact I felt FANTASTIC!!!
On Sunday morning WH and I went for a 5km run and although I didn’t use my stopwatch I clocked my time in the 27 minute range. This is an absolute PB for me and I was on cloud 9 and going higher!! Although I was having thoughts of not eating back on plan, I didn’t give in to them and was straight back into the oats for breakfast and lean protein + veges for lunch.
I did have a slip up on Sunday night though. After being out all arvo and longer than expected I had no food with me for my arvo snack. We arrived at my mum and dad’s for my family birthday dinner and I was starving and still in a bit of a celebratory mood and I started on the nibbles….and didn’t stop. Yes I ate way more than I should have and didn’t stick to the chicken and veges as I’d planned. I guess I’m only human and I failed this time but hey all is good and back on track again…which is the only thing that matters now.
Work was mega busy yesterday and my meals weren’t 3 hours apart so subsequently I had 1 less meal than usual. I guess that’s not such a bad thing after Sunday night. Today its all back to normal and I feel like the damage, if any, is minimal. I didn’t train on Sunday so now I have to be really dedicated to not miss a weights session during the week but things are on track so far.
I’m travelling to the country for work tomorrow so I’ll be back to blog on Thursday unless by some miracle I mange it tomorrow night.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Now ok I DID offer them a glass of wine (WH had opened a bottle for himself) and after a good chat I fed them some soup I had in the fridge and whipped up some cheese toasts and of course the chatting continued. Then WH got the coffee maker going and the chocolates came out and everyone ( bar me!!) was hoeing in and having a ball. Now dont get me wrong, I WAS enjoying their company, I just didnt indulge in the food or drinks as we'd finished our dinner before they arrived.
Eventually they toddled off home and IT WAS TIME TO DO MY CARDIO!! WH could not believe that I was going to do it that late hour but hey, IT HAD TO BE DONE and ....... IT WAS!! Followed up with my usual 6 sets of 20 walking lunges and then time to clean up the kitchen.....
AND THATS WHY YOU SHOULD TRAIN IN THE MORNING!!
All is good though and I'll put today's big black tick on my progress chart before I hit the sack, very soon.
Good night all
Then we met a friend from BS's school so they could have a play together and I got to know the mum a bit better. She was lovely and we had a nice chat and I hope our boys stay friends even though they'll be in different classes next term.
Then it was errands and chores resulting from the break-in and another more recent (less serious) incident and grocery shopping by which time I was cold and fed up and just wanted to be back home.
I stayed on track with my food today by basically taking it with me or ducking home to heat something up before it was on to the next task. I thought I did really well. Trained shoulders and bis this morning and still have cardio to do tonight but thats ok as it gives my legs a rest til then, from last night.
Tomorrow is the eve of my birthday (July 21st) so mum, BS and I are heading out for a bit of a splurge shopping spree for me. I'm even having lunch out but as I know where we'll be eating I already know what I'll order and then I'll just modify my other meals slightly to enjoy that "indulgence". Its all good and I have everything under control as I want that big black tick at the end of the day. Anyway I have Saturday night's "free meal" to look forward to which will be just awesome.
65 days and getting closer!!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
So this morning I hit my exercise room for my 5 exercise leg super-sets. Man do they hurt and in some of the exercises I even had to steal a short break between reps as my legs were SOOOOO sore (and tired). Funnily enough I don’t get DOMS and I don’t get that “shaky I’m-going-to-fall-over-feeling” either. Yet many times I’m close to collapsing by the end of each set so I must be working hard enough.
Over the last couple of days I have been doing double cardio and this I’m sure contributes to my leg tiredness. I’m aiming for 1 sprint session (running or on the bike) and 1 steady state. Neither session is very long (especially the sprints!!) so its all manageable. My weight is coming down slowly and steadily which is great. My size 10 pants are all loose now and soon I’ll be shopping for some new ones (cheapies) to see me through the next few weeks.
So my prep is chugging along well. I enjoy getting to the end of a day and putting a big black tick on my progress chart to signify another day where I’ve stayed on track and moved 1 step closer to being in the best shape of my life for September 22nd. I’m not entertaining thoughts of foods I want to eat or lazy mornings where I skip my cardio or weights. I have my eye on that stage and I’m going for it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
So how am I feeling right now?
Nervous!! Nervous that I wont be lean enough. Nervous that my legs wont lean down and tighten up. Nervous that I may not have enough muscle development on my back. Nervous that my posing might be crappy and nervous that my routine will stink.
Yesterday I was on a high. All positive and gung-ho and today I’m doubting myself. Am I training hard enough? Am I focussed enough? Am I competitor material or just a sad wannabe?
Monday, July 16, 2007
On Friday afternoon I took my WH to the airport and bade him a fond farewell. Then it was home to tidy up and get ready for a big Girls’ Night In. My 4 best friends came over for dinner and a few wines and some serious girl talk. I stuck to my comp diet and drank Diet Coke and herbal teas and still had a great time. We even did my update pics late in the evening and I’ve never laughed so much when striking the required poses for them. Needless to say the girls were impressed with the changes in my physique too.
Saturday was a whirl of activity. I met a friend who now lives in Perth and was back in Adelaide for the weekend. We had such a great chat and she really understood my desire and motivation to compete this year. It left me feeling so good about what I was doing. I also got along to an RPM class but sadly found it very disappointing. I felt like I was pushing myself hard (at times the pedals just wouldn’t turn I had to my tension set high to challenge me) but I just couldn’t crack a sweat. I had trouble understanding the instructor and I seemed to have a bike with a really heavy tension dial. In just a 1 mm turn it went from moderately hard to impossible!! Very frustrating. I get a much better work out form my runs and sprint.
I also did lots of vege shopping and spent Saturday night being a domestic goddess preparing meals for both myself and WH. I felt so organised when it was all done and I had 12 PWO meals of roo chilli and 9 chicken curries ready to freeze. And I didn’t even sample the lasagne I made for WH.
On Sunday I hit the gym for a workout with no pressure to get through it quickly and race off home or to work. Another one of life’s luxuries!! Then I took myself shopping as I had to replace some of the things which were in my bag that was stolen and I decided to treat myself with an early birthday present. I bought a body hugging white knitted top (I love white in winter!!) and some new jeans in a SIZE 9!!!!!!!!! Freakin’ hell I’ve never worn a size 9 jean and I’m just over the moon.
My WH and BS arrived home late in the evening and it was fantastic to have them back. I enjoyed the bachelorette life for 2 days but I wouldn’t give my family up for anything.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Then there is the lovable Mr V. Mr V was preparing to compete some time ago but had to give up when he became seriously ill. He knows first hand what I’m going through and shows great interest in my progress and achievements. After last week’s disastrous events he came to ask me, in a very serious tone, if I was alright. When I said “yes and I kept up my training and dieting” he was noticeably relieved and happy for me. He also said that having that “distraction” to focus on probably helped me get through that awful week and I think he’s right. I certainly knew that chucking it all in would only have made me feel even worse.
I also love Mr “comedy man” D. Inspired by my story of my goals and what my training involves, Mr D started taking the stairs to our office every day (we’re on the 11th floor). He’s now proudly boasting about how much fitter he feels and how much less back/hip pain he has. Now if I can just get Mr D to stop eating the chinese takeaways, custard tarts, chocolate bars, biscuits and other nasties he consumes then I’ll be happy. But in his defence, Mr D doesn’t need to lose any weight, however that crap will catch up with him in time.
Today I have the day off training which I haven’t enjoyed for a long time. I’ve cashed in my “take a day off to rest your legs” decree from Josh and we slept in til 6.30am :-) HOOWEE. What a luxury. Mind you its not a day off from dieting but that’s going ok. My calories were up a bit yesterday due to the timing of training/PWO shakes and meals and just eating regularly during the day. I posted this in my training diary last night and asked Josh if that was ok. His reply: “treat it as a splurge day” LOL!! Sorry Josh, my idea of a splurge day is toast dripping with butter for breakfast, a cappuccino and bran muffin for morning tea, a toasted foccacia for lunch and one of my fave pasta dishes for dinner…..oh and don’t let me forget, a couple of reds to wash that down with. NOW THAT’S A SPLURGE DAY!!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
My BS’s laugh. My BS hugging me around the neck and saying “we love each other”. My BS coming out with another witty and intellectual comment…..or maybe just my BS.
Compliments from my WH – whether they’re about my dedication, my achievements so far or just something positive – it all helps.
A really intense cardio session where I crack the 9/10 and then feel I have nothing left to give. Look out afterwards. I’m so high, I’m literally bouncing off the walls.
Hitting a new PB with my weight training. Whether its with an increase in weight or just more reps – any improvement is celebrated (within).
Seeing the number go down on the scales. I know its just a number and weight is made up of so much more but its still a great feeling.
Breakfast. Favourite meal of the day.
Getting into a nice warm – hot bed at the end of a day.
Ticking off the days where I’ve stayed on program until comp day. The more ticks the more :-)
Days off work.
Taking this journey to achieve this dream. Thanks Josh and all the wonderful ladies in blogland. Your support, encouragement and expert guidance are greatly appreciated.
As of today I am a (semi) retired aerobics instructor. I have agreed that the centre can call on me to do fill-ins but realistically I wont be available much til after the comps. Never mind. I don’t believe in burning bridges so if I can help out in future, I will. I got some lovely compliments from my regulars and I left on a warm and fuzzy note (although I was glad to be finishing up).
With all the turmoil of last week and then having MIL visiting the cardio has suffered lately. Whilst I’ve not missed a session, I have found that too many of my sessions were not intense enough and this will not help my body fat loss or tone my legs. So my goal for the following week (starting Saturday) is 2 x RPM on the weekend (more about this later) and then 2-3 x early morning sprint sessions and 2 rides on the exercise bike (1 sprint, 1 steady state). This has me doing cardio every day (which I usually do) and I just need to schedule things smartly to allow for the 2 days I’m having off work on Thursday and Friday.
My WH will be away this weekend and I will be “baching it". I’ve got my friends coming over on Friday night for dinner and drinks (Diet Coke for me!). Then I’ll be getting my arse off to RPM on the weekend which is a huge treat for me. I can train when/where I want, do a load of vege shopping and prepare food til my fridge is groaning. I can read the paper when I want, eat when I need to and slob around in uggies and trackies or hit the local Westfield for some retail therapy. The possibilities are endless and I’m looking forward to it with delight and anticipation.
Aaaah its funny what I get excited and happy about these days LOL
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
After dinner I went to do my posing practice which I schedule in for Tuesday nights and what do I find but …..MY POSING PRACTICE VIDEO HAS BEEN TAPED OVER. I honestly didn’t know whether to scream, cry or let my WH have it. I was so angry that I’d lost this fantastic resource which would help me so much. After that I just didn’t have it in me to practice on my own. My mental state was BAD!!
So I got up to date with my on-line training diary, checked out the websites for NABBA/WFF and WNBF and did some food prep. Oops bedtime was late again which I really must avoid. I tell you, there just aren’t enough hours in a day.
This morning I hit the gym at 6am for my back and legs session. What a luxury to have time to train without trying to get through as quickly as possible. It was a good session and I made it in to work very early too. Tonight I teach my last classes and then Wednesday nights are free too. I’m working on an overhaul of my training schedule so that all of my weights sessions can be followed up with the required PWO meal (Josh’s orders!!). More changes are on the horizon. But I guess that’s life.
Cheers to all
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I ate out last night. MIL offered to shout us dinner out as I’d made a bit of a booboo and didn’t have any meat to prepare for dinner. Coupled with the fact that we had a visitor until it was dinner-time, made for a perfect eat-out situation. So I quickly suggested one of the local pubs where you can get 1 piece of grilled butterfish and they have a salad bar. Whilst my portions wouldn’t have been exactly as prescribed, they weren’t far off and all the food was on plan (once I’d scraped a thin coating – probably flour – off the fish). So I ate my tiny meal, drank my Diet Coke and thought of comp day while everyone around me tucked into everything nasty and fattening.
Training was quite late in the evening too but I was NOT going to miss the session. It wasn’t my best chest workout though. I think I felt a bit under pressure with the late start so my focus wasn’t 100% on the workout. However I improved as the session progressed. Then it was time to tackle a range of “must-do” domestic chores before hitting the sack WAY too late.
Its still very early days in the 12 week lead-up but I’m feeling good. Yes I’m tired a lot of the time but not chronically so. Its manageable. My training schedule is still very manageable too and I’m coping well. I do get a bit grumpy and short-tempered at times but I try to pull myself together and not let fly, well some of the time anyway LOL. My friend who visited last night (who I haven’t seen for quite a few weeks) commented on how small I was looking. This is music to my ears and I feel good being smaller. All of my size 10 pants are loose, my size 8s are no longer snug and at last weigh I was sitting under 59kgs – the least I’ve ever weighed as an adult.
74 days and counting!!
Monday, July 09, 2007
We went to SIL’s for the French dinner and I took my food as required. It felt a bit weird but I’m sure I’ll be used to it real soon. It was a good night even if I didn’t drink or have the yummy food she’d prepared.
Yesterday I taught my last Sunday classes and I’m feeling surprisingly good about giving up this major part of my life. In fact I probably taught with a heap more passion and enthusiasm knowing that it was the last time. Some of my regulars were shocked that I was leaving but they understood why and were all supportive.
Then in the afternoon we went for an easy hike at Morialta Falls. It was lovely there. Very fresh (read that: cold!!) and quite invigorating. We climbed some stairs too so there was a nice bit of incidental exercise thrown in as well. We also went to Stirling for afternoon tea and found a lovely organic café. I ate my salmon + salad (WH was appalled!!) and had a herbal tea.
So week 2 of prep is underway. With MIL here there is some more juggling and rescheduling of training and meals but I’m managing ok. Tomorrow morning she goes back to Brissie, taking our BS with her for the rest of the week. That’ll be strange but will give me more flexibility with training etc. Its shaping up to be another non-typical week but it makes it all the more interesting and rewarding when you know you’ve stayed on track despite obstacles being in your way.
Til tomorrow folks
Friday, July 06, 2007
My MIL (mother-in-law) arrived from Brissie tonight and we had a simple but lovely dinner for the family. I juggled my meals today so I had a little extra protein at night and with a decent serve of veges, my meal didnt look as tiny as usual. It was a lovely night. Tomorrow will be a different story as we all go to my SIL's for a French dinner - vol au vents for entree - something decadent for mains that I didnt catch - and a fruit flan for desert. I told SIL I'll take my own food as she wanted to prepare a separate meal for me (bless her) but its just easier to take what I've prepared. Hmmm wonder how I'll handle that??
So as I sit here wrapping up this week I can proudly say that the only session I missed this week was my 30 mins of posing practice on Tuesday night (when I found out mum was in hospital and I went to see her). I still managed cardio every day and all my weights sessions, with only back/legs needing to be modified due to mum being in hospital. Nutrition has been wobbly in terms of meal timing but I havent eaten anything I shouldnt have. I'm really pleased with how this week has gone, under these difficult circumstances.
Oh and to end on a happy note: my size 11 jeans are now baggy. In fact, without a belt they are falling off me - and that, I'm sure you agree, would put a smile on any (figure) girl's face :-)
Magda - ready to tackle Week 2 (or 11 weeks out)
Thursday, July 05, 2007
My work car was located today and I took possession of it this arvo. WH hunted down spare keys and went to collect it and return it for another check over before its put back on the road. None of our personal possessions were found - not that we expected them to be.
I again spent ages on the phone today just taking care of more stuff but also got out to shop for food. The afternoon was spent dealing with the car and then picking up dad and heading into the RAH to take mum home.
I made a mistake today as in my mad rush to get dad (and running late) I forgot to grab my next meal and so I went way too many hours without food. But I fitted in a modifed back/legs session at home this morning and did cardio tonight starting close t0 9pm..
WH has commented twice on how well I've handled these traumatic events and kept up my training when he honestly expected me to chuck it all in at any minute. Its definitely been harder without my usual routine but I've done the bset I could under the cinrcumstances and I'm happy with where I'm at.
OH AND BY THE WAY - I HIT 59.6 KGS TODAY :-)
Good night all
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
So here they are. The first pic was taken almost a month into my training. I'd lost about 4 kgs by then. (Nice cabinet hey??!!) Imagine how bad I looked with the extra 4kgs...eeeeuw :-(
The 2nd pic is me with 12 weeks to go, taken on Sunday 1st July.
My stats were:
Starting weight (2/12/06): 72.6kgs
Body fat on the Tanita scales: 31.6%
Weight on 29/6/07: 60.6kgs
Body fat done with pinch test: 16.3% (I like that!!)
This didnt happen overnight but I just kept plugging away at the good eating and training hard. I fell off the wagon MANY times but always picked myself up and got back on again. I'm happy with how far I've come...now its time to crank it up and really make a difference.
So its been a bit of a shaky start. Whilst I haven’t done anything “wrong”, I don’t think I’ve done everything “right” either, if that makes sense. I think this week will be a classic case of “suck it and see” and maybe some of next week too but after that I should be able to establish a new routine and just get on with it.
So last night I had a mega cook up for meals this week. The cottage cheese + rice cakes and diet yogurt have gone to be replaced with meat/protein + veges so that means more cooked meals as salad doesn’t inspire much at this time of year. Its also means a re-think of training times to fit in with nutrition requirements and my head really was in quite a spin.
We had a super busy weekend, hence I didn’t get on my blog to post progress pics. Shame really but I will still endeavour to do so. I’ll put my stats up then too but I’ll just say that Josh was happy with where I’m at for the start of 12 weeks. We had friends over for an early 4th of July dinner on Saturday night. I made jambalaya, Cajun chicken and a huge green salad which was prefect for me (minus the jambalaya). Then everyone had fruit stuffed French toast with Sara Lee vanilla ice cream for desert while I sipped my hot lemon drink. I wasn’t even tempted to indulge – a feeling I better get used to!! Needless to say several bottles of red wine were emptied but I stuck to Diet Coke and the hot lemon drink and had one cup of tea with a little soy milk. I was so hungry at the end of the night though – another feeling I better get used to!!
I have one more bit of news from the weekend. I quit my classes!! Recently I haven’t been enjoying them as much as before and they are a major time commitment which right now I don’t want to make. So I finish up next Sunday and this will free up about 5 hours a week which I can spend with my family or devote to prep (well just a little). I’m happy with this decision as my priorities are so different now and it was worth it just to have WH so happy and BS saying “I love you mummy” when WH said I’d be home on Sunday mornings :-)
82 days and counting - feeling good!!