OK enough whinging coz I actually need to vent other stuff that I've been mulling over and over this month......to compete or not compete this year. I've given myself til the end of March to decide once and for all.
Here's what's been going through my head:
- WNBF SA show is on Sunday 21 September. Its 26 weeks from yesterday (thats 6 months).
- I need to lose at least 15kgs to match last year's comp weight. (Ideally I'd like to compete 1 kg lighter but carry more muscle especially in my hammies and glutes.)
- Our financial priorities are such that I have a limited budget for this year's comp season if I choose to compete and if I still want some form of life in the meantime.
- WH will support my decision but once again I cannot rely on him for motivation, inspiration or much else. I DO believe though that he will accept what I need to do and that is all I can ask really and I'm ok with that.
- I have a personal longer term comp goal that is pulling me forwards (albeit it in fits and starts)
- When I stepped off the stage at the end of both the Adelaide and Sydney Championship shows last year I was on a mega high and couldnt wait to do it all again. I truly believed that I had finally found a sport that I loved and could be good at.
- I actually like the discipline of this sport. Its tough for sure and there are times when I just DONT want to do it but achieveing the goal of stepping up on stage in the best condition of your life is rewarding beyond words.
- Very deep down I do believe that once I put my mind to it I can do it. I proved it last year against LOTS of adversity so I know I have it in me.
- OMG How could I let myself put on THIS much weight in the off-season? How hard will it be to diet it all off again? Why have I made it SO hard for myself?
- What f I just cant get it all together? What if I keep having stuff ups and dont progress at the rate I need to?
- Can I make it without a trainer/coach to give me encouragement, feedback, a kick in the bum or a pat on tha back?
- What if I fail?
I guess many other competitors have gone through this same dilemma and maybe even more than once? I dont think I'm alone but I feel like I am right now.
Your comments, thoughts, suggestions, warnings or encouragement will all be welcome.