Monday, November 23, 2009

CURIOUS SOUL

I'm a curious soul. Always wondering about this and that, pondering that and this and just wanting to know stuff. Since I've been doing my one hour jogs (clocked up a few weeks in a row now) I've become curious about the distance I cover. So today I logged onto mapmyrun.com and after much trial and error managed to map out the route I jogged this morning.

Drum roll please......

..... approximately (I'd say within 100 metres of) 8.25kms. Thats nothing ground breaking or earth shattering as its actually quite slow but hey I NEVER STOP OR TAKE A WALK REST. By the end of it I can feel my quads and adductors getting sore and tired and I visualise my thighs getting leaner, firmer and having beautiful toned muscles on them LOL.

I'd love to do a 10km test run to see what time I do it in and then aim for improving but thats a fair whack of time to devote when weekends are already really busy and I'm often struggling to get 30 minutes of training in, let alone well over an hour. I'm sure the opportunity will present itself sooner or later and I'll give it a go.

Who knows what else I'll aim for in the future. I've been avoiding setting goals for reasons that are valid to me. But maybe a goal thats NOT all about weighing a certain amount by a certain time, or fitting into this or that by a deadline is the stimulation I need to push myself out of my comfort zone.

Cheers all

Magda

SAILING CALM SEAS AND REFLECTING

Since my last post through some rough seas my sailing vessel has swayed side to side, done a massive list taking on more water than it would normally cope with (yep there was a binge in there on Thursday afternoon – so much for trying to coach myself out of it), righted itself and sailed steadily through the storm only to enjoy calm seas again the next day. Yes there was the odd small wave but it was all handled beautifully once I took my sailing skills back to basics and just did what I do as normal these days.

Friday started with my sprint runs session and I added some brisk walking at the end of it as I was up earlier than I needed to be. Waited til I was hungry before eating. Spontaneous lunch out with my work colleagues? I’m in. Ordered food I love and ate til I was satisfied. Had a wine as well. Dinner followed suit. No trolling for more food or junk after the meal. Feeling like my old self again and certainly not beating myself up over the events of the previous day.

I knew that everything was 100% again when standing at the Bakers Delight counter on Saturday waiting for my (son’s) bread there were Christmas mince pies out for tasting. Normally I LOVE mince pies and would always take a taste (and often buy one or two to have then) but I looked at them and wasn’t even the slightest bit tempted to have any.

On Sunday I had breakfast with the beautiful Kristy who I haven’t seen face to face since 2007 when we ran together in the early mornings when I was preparing to compete. She also worked with Hilde when I did and we often emailed each other for support. Well Kristy is looking great and whilst she also faces challenges similar to me (and a lot of others) she has made some serious inroads into working out the whole food / mind / attitude puzzle for weight loss and maintenance.

Finally, the things that have really hit home since last week’s events are:

Llife will always throw curve balls. Sometimes we’ll catch them and throw them back. Sometimes they’ll be massive boulders that’ll knock us to the ground. We can choose to lie there crying over our failing or we can get the f*ck up, dust ourselves off and make sure that catcher’s mitt is better placed when the next curve ball comes flying towards us.

I’m not perfect. I wont get it right all the time. I will stuff up. But I will forgive myself quickly and absolutely. I will put a smile on my face the next day and be truly thankful in my heart for all the great things in my life. I’ll follow my principles and beliefs for living my life knowing that my choices ultimately help me achieve what I want and therefore make me happy.

Magda

Thursday, November 19, 2009

A BIT OF SELF ANALYSIS

Well there is no doubt that this week has been one of some challenging mind games. As I reflect back over it all I put the pieces of the puzzle together and realise that it stems from my under-eating at the beginning of the week.

Eating mindfully or intuitively is tricky. No point asking myself at lunch time what do I feel like eating? Lunch is made the night before, packed and brought to work with me. If I didn’t do this I’d spend a small fortune buying something every day from city food outlets. No thank you. I’d rather spend my money on more worthwhile things. And I find that I genuinely don’t get properly hungry at those previous 3 hourly intervals. I thought I was doing great and feeling fine eating a bit less. My body thought otherwise and then sent some crazy signals to my brain like “ warning warning starvation alert” (well not exactly but you get the gist).

This set the old diet/binge mentality back into action, hence the struggles I’ve had this week coupled with the feeling of incredible tiredness. Yep this was my life when I was on the diet merry-go-round earlier this year. It was a pretty miserable existence as I constantly binged, beat myself up over it and punished myself with more and more restrictive dieting. Breaking free from this cycle around the middle of the year was life changing for me.

But I realise that moving on from that behaviour to my current lifestyle is not as simple as closing one door behind me and then living happily ever after in my “new place”. Many years ago I read a statement written by Dr Phil in his weight loss/management book (sorry I forgot the title of it but it was very good as it focussed as much on the psychology of it all rather than just eat this / don’t eat that and move more). Dr Phil’s statement was along the lines of “overweight is never cured. Its managed” and I believe its totally correct.

If you have been overweight and lived on the diet merry-go-round you’ll know that losing weight and keeping it off is something that you must work at constantly. There is never a day where you can say, “I’m not at any risk of regaining the weight I’ve lost” or “No matter what I do today or over the next three months my weight will remain stable”. Deep in our subconscious we engage the strategies we use to manage our weight at a level we find acceptable. Those strategies may be physical ones like dieting and/or training a certain way or they may be mental strategies we use to manage our eating through internal mindful processes rather than external control.

So this week has seen me peeking back through that door I thought was closed behind me. It’s ajar and I’ve poked my nose back into that room only to be reminded of what a painful place that was. Its also driven home the point that I can’t take my new place for granted. There are things I must do on an ongoing basis to remain happy in this place.

I have chosen to step off the diet merry-go-round and with this comes a new set of responsibilities and actions to ensure that I don’t end up looking like the Michelin Man. I’ve explored what feels right for me. I’ve tested it over a few months. I take responsibility for my decisions and I maintain control over what I do. Mind games may come to tease me every so often but if I stay true to me those challenges can be faced and conquered.

Magda

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

ORDINARY VS TOTALLY CR*PPY

Today I just have to accept that I feel ordinary. Not great, nor good just ordinary. If I was honest I'd describe it as a "fat day". You known when you look down and your stomach looks 5 months preggo or your thighs look like big fat slabs of lard LOL. Well I had a stomach moment this morning. Silly isnt it?

My mood has been soso and some unexpected events had some of my destructive old thought patterns return with a vengeance. Although I had my lunch with me today, I got invited to a lunch meeting and my colleague and I talked through some really important work issues over lunch at a nearby pub. I ate well, mindful of my recent undereating and then found myself craving sweets after. And I dont mean a sweet I mean several. Like I wanted to have a binge. WTF!!!???? Not hungry. Just wanted to eat lots of sweets.

I didnt do it because I knew I didnt really want them and decided to just acknowledge and then ride with the feeling. Luckily I had a meeting take up a lot of my afternoon and then I could come home a bit earlier than normal and get stuck into domestic chores. Lo and behold by 6pm I was hungry for dinner which was just ideal.

This is a massive achievement for me. I have rarely had the urge to binge since adopting the "no-diet-approach" so it was unexpected and a bit unsettling today. It would have been so easy to just give in and stuff myself because thats a coping mechanism I'm used to but I wanted a different outcome so different actions were in order.

Hence I sit here tonight still feeling ordinary but happy in myself that I didnt turn the ordinary into "totally cr*ppy".

:-) Magda

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

TRIAL AND ERROR

When I left work today I felt flat. Really flat. Energy levels were rock bottom and I had that awful feeling that I lived with during my comp prep where you drag yourself around in a semi starved state with no energy at all.

So I thought through why I might be feeling this way. I had been out of the office today and had the benefit of movement during the day (some days I'm desk and computer bound and I find that very tiring) so it wasnt that. Then I thought through what I'd eaten over the last couple of days and VOILA!! there it was. I havent eaten enough.

In my quest to eat mindfully and not overeat, I've swung the other way and not had enough and still managed some pretty tough training. So although I had a decent brekkie I missed my 10am skim cappuccino as I was heading out to a site visit. Lunch was bolted down just before 12 as I was famished by then. And it filled me up but didnt keep me full. I had stir fried brocolli with left over lean roast pork, coriander and some flax oil. Yep it looked like comp food and sort of was but funnily enough I like it, its quick to prepare and I havent had the inspiration to be creative with my lunches. I was hungry for a snack in the afternoon and had my usual low fat creamed cottage cheese with cinnamon and Splenda and today I had some mango with it. Was famished for dinner though so the atlantic salmon was devoured with gusto.

Yesterday was light on for lunch as it was leftovers and there wasnt that much of them. I'm better prepared for tomorrow though with brown rice added to my lunch of brocolli, tandoori chicken and coriander.

Trial and error and I'll get it right. Some days you eat more, some you eat less but 2 days of less in a row and I'm not feeling so (physically) good anymore. Thank goodness the fish and salad for dinner was a decent serve and my tummy is happily satisfied and the energy levels have come back up.

:-) M

JUST HAPPY

I have decided to have a wonderful day today. I decided this at 4.50am when my alarm went off and it was time to train upper body. I didn’t even have the split second thought of “oh I don’t want to get up”. I just got up and got into it.

Today I increased some more weights for a really punishing session. Poor triceps don’t get done til near the end and they are so tired by then that its hard to isolate them. I can feel all the surrounding muscles chipping in to help coz the tris are screaming “help us, we cant do this on our own” LOL. I down a small shake straight after and then hit the shower to get ready for work.

On days that I weight train I have a blueberry pancake for breakfast. Its to die for and here’s how I make it.

Beat 2 egg whites with a fork and add approx 60g of low fat creamed cottage cheese and a generous sprinkle of cinnamon. Beat all this together some more. Add ½ punnet of blueberries, 1/3c oats and a generous tablespoon of unprocessed bran. Mix well and then cook in a non-stick pan (in my older pans I use a light spray of oil or in a Scanpan you need nothing). It takes a few minutes each side as I make mine quite thick. I serve it with sugar free maple syrup and a sprinkle of LSA. Try it and tell me what you think.

Its cooler today (well under 35 degrees) so Peter is walking to and from work which means I drop off and pick up our boy. We have the funniest conversations in the car. They are just gold (like how he wants his nana to make a violin cake for his birthday next April LOL). This evening I’ll see my parents when I pick him up from their place and that’ll be nice too.

I got a call today regarding progress on the sh*tty issue in our lives now. We should have something back in writing by the end of the week. I was calm and unemotional during the call and then let it go instead of stewing over it for the rest of the day. I reminded myself that I was choosing to have a wonderful day.

Dinner tonight is Atlantic salmon done on the BBQ with a salad of spinach leaves, roasted pumpkin, semi dried tomatoes, pine nuts and low fat feta. A wine would go nicely with it but I wont indulge until Thursday and I’m ok with that. Its my choice and not a rule dictated to me by some-one else.

When I go to bed tonight I know I’ll be looking forward to getting up tomorrow and nailing my jog/run session and I might even walk to work as a bonus. Happy on the outside. Happy on the inside. Just happy.

M

Monday, November 16, 2009

COULD THIS BE TRUE?

I've now done my 60 minute easy paced jog about 3 times and it is getting easier each time. As I hit the pavement (not literally) I tune into my iPod and slip easily into my "zone". The pace is easy yet today my HRM told me that I had only spent between 1 and 2 minutes in my training zone. The rest of the time my pulse was higher and I burned a whopping 670 calories. It didnt feel that hard, honestly. I think my pulse may have been up due to the heat.

If you'd have said to me a year ago that I would again willingly run for anything more than 30 minutes I would have told you "no bloody way". Doing the City to Bay (12kms) was a huge achievement for me but after completing it I had no desire to repeat it or anything even remotely similar. Yet now I find myself itching to know what distance I cover in 60 minutes (I'm all over the side streets and through the carpark of my local shopping centre) and there is a little voice in my head whispering "enter another event and see how you go".

Hmmm something to ponder during those long zenlike sessions.

:-) Magda

FOCUSSING ON THE GOOD STUFF

Today’s post will just be a boring round up of my fantastic weekend. Sorry I have nothing more inspiring, groundbreaking, spiritually moving or deliciously tantalising to write about.

Saturday started with a mini training session, as time was very short. So it was 20 minutes of leg training incorporating 4 sets of split squats and then 5 sets of stiff legged deadlifts (one of my favourite exercises). I cracked the 40kgs+ on my deadlifts, which I think is a first for me. (Hey you Superwomen who lift heavy shit just stop laughing right now. It was heavy for me LOL). Took my son to swimming and was very proud of him getting an achievement certificate. He is struggling with his swimming, as he is phobic about putting his head underwater so progress is very slow. The afternoon was spent doing domestic stuff both at home and out. More about all that down the track.

On Saturday night we dropped our son to his auntie’s house for a sleep over while we went to the Seal concert at the Enter Centre. Geez he was good. We really enjoyed it. We had dinner out first so we made a night of it sort of like a date (except at the end we went home and went to sleep as we were both so tired LOL).

Sunday started with a sleep-in which is very rare in our household. Peter headed out for a run in the scorching heat while I waited for our boy to be dropped off. Hence there was no training time for me as we wanted to go to the beach and wanted to get away as early as possible. I don’t normally like the beach but I really enjoyed it yesterday. Yes I wore my bikini and felt quite good in it. I even went right in the water which I rarely do as I hate it cold. Then I spent the afternoon lying on my towel under an umbrella and reading the paper while Peter built sand castles with our boy and then romped in the sea with him. We all had ice creams before going home and ending a great day.

Last night we sat outside and had a Corona and a few nibbles before dinner and both commented on what a great weekend it had been and how good we both felt. There may be some sh*t in our lives that we desperately want to get sorted and finalised but we managed to put that aside and focus on all the good stuff that surrounds us as well.

Cheers

Magda

Friday, November 13, 2009

BLESSED WITH A WONDERFUL LIFE

Every second Friday I leave work at 3pm and pick my son up from school. Its my favourite time of the fortnight. I raced to his school today having been caught in traffic due to some city road closures. Luckily he was late getting out so my arriving late didnt matter. He excitedly showed me a microscope he'd bought at the school's Giant Sale and carefully returned the change from his unspent money. The sale was to raise money to send to a poor nation overseas and he commented that the best thing about the sale was that poor people would get money. On the way to the car I asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee and a biscuit or ice cream.

Ice cream won hands down (it was 39 degrees here) so we headed to Cibo at Norwood and indulged in some gelati. Chocolate for my boy and roasted almond for me. He's such a slow eater but today I enjoyed every miunte of watching him slowly lick his icecream til it was finished and he had chocolate smears all over his face :-). Then we chatted about his day before heading back into the city to pick Peter up and head off home.

Such a simple thing yet so incredibly enjoyable. I am so lucky and so blessed to have such a wonderful life. And the weekend is here. Yippee!! And its a hot one. Double yippee!!

M

OH I DO LOVE SUMMER

Check out Kek’s blog for her opinion about the warm (hot) weather we’re having. I’m 110% behind her and couldn’t agree more completely.

Yes the mercury has climbed into the 30s and here in Adelaide it’ll hit the 40s by Sunday and the stream of complaints is already in full swing. “Oh I can’t stand the heat. I wish it’d cool down”. Or people looking for an ally in their quest to hate the heat saying “So how are you liking/handling this heat?” Boy do they get a surprise when I beam from ear to ear and tell them that I (genuinely) love it and it’s about time the cold miserable winter ended and it was HOT. They look at me like I’ve got 3 heads and no brains in any of them. So I go on and I tell them that I hate winter. I hate being cold and this is MY time of year. “You wont find me complaining about the heat,” I tell them and I don’t.

When its hot I love:

Getting out early and running in the warmth wearing shorts and a tank top. When the sweat trickles down my face I know I’m working. Its like I have the proof of my efforts right there.

Wearing open toed sandals and showing off pretty bright pink or dark red toenails (note to self: get that pedicure done NOW).

Wearing sleeveless tops and showing off my nicely toned arms and my broad shoulders. Yes I’m lucky to have a decent set of shoulders with nice width and pretty good muscle tone. Shame that I wasn’t blessed with good thighs to match LOL.

Feeling warm where warm = comfortable = happy.

Balmy evenings. Sitting outside for a drink on a Friday night. Peter cooking dinner on the BBQ. Eating more salad. Eating outside. Chatting away and unwinding.

Having an icy cold Corona with a lime wedge. Just one will do as I’m not normally a beer lover but one on a hot day hits the spot.

Having BBQs with friends or family. I don’t have to cook and I get to eat yummy food that I love.

Being on holidays. Packing lightly. Getting onto a beach or into a pool. Beer-o’clock. Late nights.

Oh I do love summer.

Magda

Thursday, November 12, 2009

CARDIO FREE DAY AND WARDROBE WONDERLAND

Yay today is a cardio free day. Not that I have a problem with cardio. In fact I love it but the old legs will welcome the rest. Yesterday I did my jog/run and walked both to and from work. Mind you in the afternoon my pace couldn’t really count as cardio. It was just too hot to power it up so I kept it moderate and arrived home sane and not too sweaty.

This morning I trained upper body and abs. Increased some of my weights and by the end of the session I could barely hold a 7.5kg dumbbell. How pissweak am I??? LOL. But I’m not stupid enough to think that I need to lift as heavy as some of you other Superwomen. I know it has to be hard for me. And if that’s 10kgs and not 15 or 17 then so be it. I’m mindful of using proper form and I wont ramp up the weights if my form then goes to cr*p.

I’m in a good place emotionally. I’m not letting that issue spoil my mood or drag me down. Sure its annoying but its pushed to the back of my mind for the time being and I’ll worry about it when events unfold further. One of my friends had some good advice about it yesterday and I’m going to take it if the need arises, as I’m sure it will.

And to add further fuel to my happiness fire I now have a much wider range of clothes to enjoy since my weight has come down to a “looking good” level. I bought some white pants in a size 10 after the 2007 comps. I reckon I wore them once before I put on too much weight and couldn’t wear them any more. Well I wore them on Monday and they looked great. Many years ago in Singapore I bought a DKNY red skirt, which looks fantastic. Again its small and I’ve hardly ever worn it. I have it on today. And I even tried on the bikini I bought straight after the 2007 comps. Silly me got all excited that I could fit into a size 8 and bought it when I should have bought the 10 knowing that I’d put on weight. Well I tried the size 8 bikini on and while it feels tight in places, it doesn’t look tight and I’ll be able to wear it this summer. How fanbloodytastic is that??!!

M

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

RAMPING UP THE RUNNING

This morning I set out at 5.15am and did my jog/run training session. It was fantastic. I did at least 10 intervals of running approx 1 minute and sometimes more. The jogs were my rest periods. It was a full on session with my heart rate really getting up and the sweat pouring off me. We are having a major heatwave here (yippee!!) and it took ages for me to cool down.

Then I walked into the Central Market and had breakfast with a couple of friends before going to work. What an excellent start to the day. For brekkie I chose the "raisin sensation". It was a thick slice of toasted raisin bread with ricotta cheese, a poached pear, strawberries, slivered almonds and a light dusting of icing sugar. It came with vanilla syrup which I asked for on the side and didnt end up having. The dish didnt need more sweetness.

So when my diet is mainly clean but unrestricted and I eat what feels right for me and I keep up my training doing stuff I love the result is a feeling of true health, wellbeing and happiness. Why would you choose to live any other way?

M

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

TIRED LEGS

Since moving house my training schedule has changed quite significantly. I no longer do weights 4 x / week as my set up is awkward and also noisy with my son sleeping in the next room. I have reignited my love of running though and am clocking up some decent sessions (well for me anyway). I have now done 2 x one hour runs (well jogs actually) and quite frankly I could go longer at my easy pace but I'm not prepared to get out before 5am. Maybe on a weekend when we're not so busy but not on a work day.

I've also done 2 shorter sessions incorporating 10 x approx 60-70 metre sprints (thats a wild guess as in havent really measured it). I jog to my local shopping centre (about 10 minutes going the long way), do my sprint intervals in the car park and then walk or walk/jog home. All up its about half an hour and a nice change from the long slow paced run earlier in the week.

So my plan now is to introduce a mid length session of about 40 minutes where I incorporate some running intervals. These will be at a running pace (not a slow jog but not my fastest speed either) with the aim of getting my overall speed up on the longer jogs. It'll also provide a bit of interest as two long jogs are a bit draining not just physically but mentally too.

When you couple this with one leg training session of moderate intensity and a few walks to/from work (about 35-40 minutes in duration depending on how hot it is and how fast I push it) its no wonder that I have tired legs. Which I'm hoping will translate into lean and toned legs as I dont know any (serious) runners that have otherwise. Maybe I'll ask Santa for lean and toned legs for Christmas. Please Santa I've been good all year and all I'd like is for my legs to lean down and tone up. Pretty please.

:-) Magda

Monday, November 09, 2009

DEALING WITH HICCUPS

Its been a tough few days and its taking a lot of effort and energy to stay positive and not let things get me down. Sometimes I'm winning and other times I'm not. We are in limbo over a major issue with the ball no longer in our court. Peter hates not being in total control. I dont like it either. So much hinges on this and the "not knowing" is taking its toll. Hopefully it'll all be sorted by the end of this week.

So on Friday I resorted to some bad old habits which at the time made me feel temporarily better even though in the long term they serve no positive purpose. I knew that I made some poor choices and I just accepted that without wallowing in guilt, pity or self hatred. Wasted emotions. Wasted energy. Saturday was a new day and I went back to my new normal habits and had a good day. Followed it up with another good day on Sunday even though I was at a party all day.

I'm feeling good just knowing that I'm eating the way I want to eat MOST of the time and I'm managing it pretty effortlessly. I'm feeling good knowing that despite having a massive "hiccup" (my SP's words) on Friday I got over it and just went back to eating normally the next day without going through all the negative emotions that riddled me previously. I'm feeling good doing exercise that I love and look forward to each day. Oh and the hot weather always makes me feel good. "Bring on the sweat", I say. So when I look at all those things, maybe I dont feel so bad after all. I'll hang onto that thought :-)

Magda

Thursday, November 05, 2009

DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!!

Tonight I have alarm bells sounding as a warning of danger up ahead. Its to do with "the issue" that I've decided to not blog about just yet and just as I thought there are rough seas ahead.

I had a great day today. Felt really good both physically and emotionally and was powering through the work. Then later in the afternoon I had a call about "the issue" and it left me quite worried and a bit upset. Contacted Peter so that we could talk about before we got home where mum and dad were waiting for us. This needed to be discussed in private. All the way to the cafe I was mulling over it but getting nowhere in finding a solution that sat well with me.

At the cafe I ordered a wine (DANGER DANGER!!) and then Peter got there and he had one too. I told him the news. He was so calm and so rational. I love that about him. He deals with major problems all day every day that he is an expert at taking things in his stride. I'm an emotional minefield. When something bad happens I react badly and feel like the world is caving in. I can rarely "fix it" on my own. So its Peter to the rescue. After our chat and his calm reasoning around what we'll do I felt SO much better (of course the glass of red helped as well).

We have a bit of a rough time ahead and all I can say is thank god we have each other. I'm prepared to do the leg work, make calls, sit on hold, find out information etc etc. But I need his support in solving problems, assessing what the options are and deciding on the best course of action. In that sense we make a brilliant team and I feel so lucky to have him as my husband.

My challenge will be to work through this together (not hard) and to stay true to my non-diet way of eating. Yes that means continuing to do the following:

1. Eating mainly lean and clean foods.
2. Eating only when I'm hungry.
3. Never never never stuffing myself over full.
4. Enjoying treats in moderation.

I had some of my old thought patterns sneaking back in today so I'll need to be really mindful of them over the coming days / weeks. I dont want to resort to comfort eating or drinking like I used to but its going to take some effort to stay in the positive groove I've been in lately.

Magda

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

OOOH PAYING THE PRICE NOW

Well after the euphoria of my long run wore off and all the feel good endorphins didnt feel so good any more, I ended up feeling really crappy today. The message was loud and clear:

DO NOT OVEREAT NO MATTER HOW GOOD THE FOOD TASTES.
WINE IS BETTER IN MODERATION - LESS IS MORE.
AND FINALLY, HONOUR YOUR BODY SO IT HONOURS YOU BACK.

I'm sure that the combination of too much food, too much wine and then not enough sleep made for my crappy physical state today. Oh and because I was so tired, I really felt the cold. I couldnt wait to finish work as I just wasnt overly productive in this pathetic state.

So on the walk to my car I thought about this all and realised yet again how important it is to eat well. I hardly ever feel like this anymore because I've been taking much better care of myself. So yesterday was a timely reminder of whats important and how I want to live my life.

Tonight's goal is to get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow morning I'm training upper body and abs and following it up with one of my superb blueberry pancakes. Miss J and I are going to lunch but it'll be low key affair me thinks. Fingers crossed that i wake up feeling as great as I do every other day.

Magda

CRACKING THE 60 MINUTE MARK

This morning I cracked the 60-minute mark for my jog. I’ve wanted to do this for a while now and I often get close at 50 – 55 minutes but never made the 60. So today I made sure I headed out a little bit earlier (5.03am to be exact) and I didn’t have to be back before 6 am so it was 60 minutes or bust.

Although I’m a plodder rather than a runner my goal is always to keep running and not take walk breaks. I must admit the last 10 or 15 minutes were hard and my legs were tired but like I said before, it was 60 or bust today and I was going for it.

My HRM told me that I had burned 550 calories which accounts for ????? aah who cares. I run because I like it (cant believe I’m admitting that now!!) and I like how it makes me feel when I’m finished. Alive. Awake. Vibrant.

We all have Post-Melbourne-Cupitis at work today. The energy levels are low but the stories from yesterday are still flowing. Miss C and I are already planning what we’ll do next year including buying our hats now in the post-Melbourne-Cup sales LOL. I don’t know anybody that had a good win but everybody seemed to enjoy the event this year and I guess that’s what its all about really. Mind you, my body has reminded me that yesterday’s consumption was NOT in my best interest by sending me an annoying little mouth ulcer. I guess that’s the price I pay for overindulging.

So on that note I will sign out and eat my tabbouli with 3-bean mix for lunch. I’m enjoying some vego meals at the moment and this one is a favourite. Although seeing as its quite cold again today I wish I was having hot food. Never mind, I’ll just huddle closer to my heater. And no that’s not a joke.

:-) Magda

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

OOPS. OVERDID IT AT THE MELBOURNE CUP LUNCH TODAY

Today my Assets and Contract Manager and I were invited by one of our service provider contractors to the Advertiser Sunday Mail Foundation (ASMF) Melbourne Cup lunch at Adelaide Oval. Its a huge event and very popular on Adelaide's social calendar. I have never been before and in fact have rarely gotten into the Melbourne Cup thing but was really excited to go this year to such a popular event.

So I lived it up a bit. Lunch was superb and I ate a bit too much. A nice bottle of white wine was parked right in front of me and as I was sitting with a table of gentlemen nobody else touched it so I drank most of it. I had a bet on the race but there was no win coming my way. I didnt really care as I had such a good time. I wore my Christmas Day dress and got lots of compliments for it. It really is very pretty. I did want to take pics before we went but everyone was so busy at work that there was just no chance.

After the lunch I partied on (albeit briefly) with the girls from my office who had all gone to one of the local pubs for their celebrations. Luckily that didnt go on too long as I could have gotten quite untidy LOL.

So how do I feel about today?

Just great.

I have no guilt and no regrets. What I did today, I would do rarely. Life is not a string of perfect behaviours or ideal choices. I havent eaten dinner. Not as punishment but purely because I'm not hungry (mmmm I can still tatse the delicious cheese I had after the meal). Tomorrow I'll probably eat a bit less, again not as punishment but because I wont want or need as much food. There will be no strict dieting or ridiculous training to "make up" for today. And because there is no dreaded weigh in looming I'm not living in fear or dread of what the Metal Monster will say.

So on that note its time to prepare some oats, bran and powder for breakfast tomorrow, get the running gear ready and head off for an early night. I hope you all had a s good a day as me with the exception of a nice win on the geegees.

:-) Magda

Monday, November 02, 2009

A RADICAL DEPARTURE FROM THE NORM

Sometimes you just need to take the pressure off, stop and smell the roses. Sometimes this is what’s needed to achieve what you’ve always wanted.

As a radical departure from the norm, what would your life be like if you stopped setting challenging weight loss goals and then doing everything in your power to achieve them?

If experience shows that when you place yourself under so much stress and pressure, the slightest inkling of failure has you spiralling in the opposite direction, why not contemplate a different approach?

If you lose control and lose the plot and before you know it you’ve spiralled to the depths of despair, could there be a better way to get what you always wanted? What if your reaction to those negative behaviours is to then beat yourself up, put yourself down, punish yourself with even stricter dieting, more cardio, doing whatever you can to rid your body of those dreaded excesses? Ask yourself would you treat your daughter or best friend that way? No, then maybe there is a better way.

Relax. Enjoy your food. Eat lean and clean food most of the time because you like it and it makes you feel good. Savour your treats and never deny yourself if a treat is what you really want. Accept that on some days you’ll eat more and on others you’ll eat less. It will balance out. Enjoy social occasions without being a stick in the mud because the food on offer isn’t on your diet plan. But on the other hand never never never stuff yourself silly. You don’t need to. Nothing is banned and you can have it again any time you wish. Eat til you’re pleasantly satisfied. Its ok to leave food on your plate. The angels will appreciate it.

Exercise because you love it and you love how it makes you feel. If you miss a day that’s ok. There is no rule that says that missing a day’s training is sacrilege. It doesn’t make you a bad, lazy or unmotivated person. Do what you love. If you’re a cardio queen then enjoy your hot, sweaty heart-thumping sessions. If you’re a weights girl then get under some heavy shit, lift and grunt. Love what you do. Aim for some balance.

And finally, accept yourself, love yourself and give thanks daily for the great life you have. When the glass is half full a smile will easily appear on your face. Leave the frowning for the Negative Nellys.

I took the risk and changed my approach to this whole dieting business. I ditched it and started to really enjoy life. I met with my Metal Monster on Saturday morning and was rewarded with a nice drop and am sitting about 2kgs off my ultimate maintenance weight. But the number aside, its how I feel now that has seen the biggest change.

Would you take a similar risk if you too were fed up with the whole diet mentality and all the negativity it brings with it?


Magda

Thursday, October 29, 2009

SPRINTING AND TUTUS

This morning I contemplated having a brief interlude with my Metal Monster. The poor darling has been severely neglected since the beginning of October. So much so that he's gathered a good layer of dust (tsk tsk says something about my cleaning standards) and he's looking ....forlorn. And lonely. And unloved.

Then I walked away and thought "you can wait. I dont really care what number you throw at me today". And I had my big hot lemon drink, put on my gym gear and hit the weights.

Now if thats not progress then I'll sprint the length of Rundle Mall in a tutu. Hmmm that makes me think that some sprints might be in order tomorrow morning. The steady state jogging is great but there needs to be some variety to my cardio. But I'll stick to my gym pants and T shirt and keep the tutu for a special occassion.

M

FEELING FANTASTIC

Today I feel fantastic. Really fantastic. I mean FANTASTIC!!!

It could be because I woke up to the smell of my superbly concocted chicken recipe cooking in the slow cooker.

It may be because I did an absolutely cracking upper body workout and really pushed it HARD.

It could even be the best oat, egg white, cottage cheese, bran, cinnamon and blueberry pancake with SF maple syrup and a sprinkle of LSA that I had for breakfast.

Or maybe it was fitting into a pair of size 10 pants that I was wearing close to comp time 2 years ago and then getting a “you’re looking very svelte” compliment at work.

Or the walk to work where I got a great pace going and lapped up the warmth of this beautiful day.

Of course knocking off a big ugly job at work could have contributed.

But it’s probably a combination of all of the above. It’s been like a morning of wins and add them all up and I’m in my very happy place.

For lunch today Miss J and I went to the Manna Café and I had one of the best salt and pepper calamaris ever. Oh and a glass of sav blanc and a good chin wag. Good food + Good wine + Good friends = Happy Magda.

If I died now, it’d be with a big smile on my face.

:-) Magda

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

NO NEWS YET .... SORRY


Ahoy me hearties. The Cautious Cathy side of me is keeping mum until our sailing ship clears these potentially rough seas around the harbour. Once we have left the port and are sailing on calmer seas, I'll share my news. Just feel better taking this care right now.


Above is a pic (sorry about the poor quality) of my haircut and colour thanks to the lovely Miss B


who never disappoints when it comes to styling my tresses. Whilst Peter was happy to dish out a compliment about my hair, he grizzled when asked to take the pic. How will I ever get photographic evidence of me fitting into my skinny jeans and looking so hot LOL.

I'm slowly establishing a training routine that will meet my needs and keep me happy. I think it'll look like this:

Monday: 45-50 minute jog
Tuesday: lower body + abs
Wednesday: 45-50 minute jog
Thursday: upper body + abs
Friday: 30 min jog
Saturday: lower body + abs + exercise bike intervals (time permitting)
Sunday: free choice (probably be a long walk or walk/jog combo)
Then the following week the weights will be: upper / lower / upper and rotate them like so. There will also be some walks to / from work which will add a bit more moderate intensity cardio but Peter and I will work out our walking schedule from week to week for now.

Nutrition all good and am planning to do a weigh and measure around Oct end / Nov beginning for curiosity's sake. Yeah I know I dont weigh myself anymore etc but a girl is entitled to change her mind when it suits her (which is definitely no more than once a month).

Cheers all

Magda

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A NEW JOURNEY

We have taken the plunge and done it.

We are about to embark on a new journey in a new direction.

As captains of our ship we have changed our sailing destination and are heading to a different port. Our journey is not yet mapped out and there may well be rough seas along the way but there will be no stopping us until we reach our new dream.

Swift action was required before the ship set sail for its original destination. Once it had done that changing course would not be an option without major grief. The future is somewhat uncertain but that brings with it a level of excitement too. Excitement at the potential of what it could bring.

I’m happy to say that we both listened to our hearts, which were both in sync, and we are confident that our decision albeit made quickly, was the right one.

Magda

Monday, October 26, 2009

MONDAYITIS

Mondayitis has a strong hold on me today. Does anybody else feel like that? I've been chipping away at a big task today and have broken the back of it but now its time for the write up I find that I cant string a coherent sentence together. My seven year old could write it up better than me, I'm sure. Well at least its not long til I race off to pick him up from After School Care.

I hate feeling like this because although I'm not hungry my mind continually wanders to food as the ultimate distraction or excuse to take a break from my work. I've still managed to eat only when I'm hungry but am realising that boredom or just not being into the job at hand will have me toying with eating when I dont need to and in fact I dont really want to eat. Oh to be able to pack up my desk, pick up my son, head out for a coffee and a chat with him before going home and just getting stuck into domestic bliss. I dont want for much to be totally happy LOL.

As October draws to an end this coming weekend I marvel at how quickly it came and went and how significantly my life changed as my residence changed. I'm so proud that I held it all together and didnt let the many disappointments and challenges of finding a nice rental in a good area, get the better of me. There was no Binge Monster screaming at me to eat junk, eat lots of junk and no Lazy Lucy convincing me to blow off my training. They dont really feature in my life anymore and that makes for a much happier existence.

But I'm not so smug and complacent to think that they'll never be there. Lets just say I'm forever mindful of where I've come from and how much I dont want to go back there. Except this time I'll stay where I am and move to an even better and stronger place by loving myself as I am right now, accepting who I am, believing in myself and genuinely wanting to nurture myself with what I know I need instead of enforcing a rigid diet and training schedule and relying on willpower of steal to see me through. That recipe just doesnt work for me and I've finally realised it and accepted it.

Now to just get the melting pot of other issues sorted and know the direction we go from here. Whilst I know I can handle this, it would be nice to not have the uncertainty hanging over our heads.

Cheers all

Magda

Sunday, October 25, 2009

EMINENT TURMOIL

Just when you think that you have all your little ducks lined up in a neat row and there is order, direction and certainty in your life BANG one innocent decision and subsequent action can bring all that tumbling down. I didnt think that I could or would feel or think what I am right now but my gut feel is that there is another big change on the horizon. Watch this space.

Sorry the hot bod pics are yet to come. In fact are yet to be taken. Not much opportunity over the last few days. We all headed to the zoo today but was seriously rugged up as the weather turned cold again. Yet again...watch this space.

We had a housewarming for a very small group of our closest friends last night. It was a great night. Peter cooked a lovely BBQ and we drank heaps of wine and hoed into a cheesecake for dessert. And the skinny jeans still fit this morning :-). In fact I scored well on the compliments last night as both my girlfriends have recently gained weight and neither is looking or feeling their best whereas I was flying on cloud 9.

I managed close to an hour of cardio on Saturday morning but nothing today as there was cleaning up to do before we headed out for the day. I am due for a decent session at 5am tomorrow though. And I get to walk to and from work on Thursday with Peter doing it on most of the other days (in his words he needs it more than me LOL).

So with all things considered and despite the eminent turmoil, I'm feeling really happy within myself. I continue to believe that I'm getting this intuitive eating right, that I am getting leaner and that I am a confident, capable and successful person. I dont need to stuff myself to make myself feel better when the going gets tough. I dont want to overload my body with tons of crappy food or too much alcohol. I am finally truly happy and at peace within myself.

Magda

Thursday, October 22, 2009

MY NEW LIFESTYLE

We are settling into a different lifestyle in our rented cottage which is just 3kms from the CBD where we both work and just under 5kms from our son’s school. We are no longer rattling around in a massive house with way too many rooms that take hours to clean properly. Yes cleaning our neat little shoebox will be a non event LOL. I’m not usually a lover of old homes but I have taken to this one with quite a passion. We are walking distance to a really nice shopping centre with 2 awesome supermarkets and some great shops. There is a family café/restaurant across the road from the shopping centre and further along the main road there are numerous restaurants, cafes and some interesting shops all within walking distance. I’d give our location a firm 10 / 10.

Today I walked to work and it took a little over 30 minutes. I know that hubbie and I will be fighting over who walks and who drives our son to school as we both love walking. Bring on the incidental cardio exercise on top of my usual 5am sessions. The walk home took me 38 minutes as I spent quite some time waiting to cross at city intersections but on the straight runs through I was really powering along. Tomorrow or the next time I do the walk I'll use my HRM to see how it rates on the cardio scale.

However Hilde has reminded me to keep up my running (well my Cliff Young Shuffling as what I do cant possibly be called running LOL). I must confess that I had secretly slipped back into my happy comfort zone where I walk one song and then jog one. But running will be back on the agenda forthwith!! She has also come up with a really good 2 day split and I'll be starting it next week. Just basic upper + abs and then lower + abs which is what I want right now. Maybe down the track I'll venture back to more weights but right now this will keep me training and happy.

So as you can tell I'm pretty happy with life right now. I love to live in such a way that I experience lots of different things and I try not to shy away from new ventures and adventures. Hubbie is pretty much the same. And our living situation ticks all those boxes for both of us so I have no regrets about coming here.

Finally I will post proof of my "hotness" (LMAO) when I get a pic of me in a my skinny jeans and post it up as evidence of my recent achievement. Watch this space.

Magda

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

YOOHOO .... I'M BACK

OMG what a week its been!!

The move went well although that can only be said in hindsight. There were some hairy moments like when the guys were still loading up after 1pm and I was calculating the finish time to be around 7 or 8pm. It was more like 6pm but still a very long day. Then there was the drama of getting our massive washing machine through a 700mm doorway. There was a hair's breadth to spare on either side but it went in. No room for my dryer though.

Hubbie got home and I could just tell what he was thinking and it wasnt anything good. He hadnt seen the house as he was sick when I inspected it so he had to trust my judgement. Oh and he didnt dare make a disparaging comment as he knew how bloody hard it was to get a nice place in a good area.

On a happy note though, by Sunday afternoon we had 99% unpacked and made the place look and feel homely and cosy (it is very small compared to our last house). We started to relax and enjoy the fruits of our labour and even had my parents around for a BBQ so that mum could see where we were and indulge us with nice comments about our new home.

I started the week on a training course so my evenings were spent catching up on urgent work issues hence my extended lack of blogging. I'm happy to be back and have caught up with most blogs since my absence. I plan to be on regularly from now on :-)

So on the nutrition and training front all has been good. I missed 2 days of training right after moving day as I had higher priorities like unpacking. By Sunday I was back into it but I do have the massive challenge of no longer having a dedicated training room. Yep that room now also doubles as our study and getting to some of the equipment is tedious and awkward. So I'm looking to streamline my weight training down to the "bare essentials". Two sessions if possible, large muscle groups, supersetting and working within my space restrictions. I'm determined to make it work though! Cardio need not suffer while I can get out for a combination of walks / walk/jogs and jogging.

My "no diet" approach continues to work well for me. On some days I eat more and on others less so it all balances out just like normal life when you are not a slave to a formula or strict plan. But dont get me wrong, I still choose healthy foods most of the time and watch my portions but giving myself eating freedom has helped me to lose my "gorge now, diet later mentality". And I continue to feel great both physically and mentally and thats what really matters to me.

Finally I've saved the best til last as it almost deserves a post all of its own but I'm too excited to not share it now....

THIS MORNING I FITTED INTO MY SIZE 11 SKINNY JEANS AND I LOOKED AND FELT FANTASTIC :-)

Magda

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

GOING OFF LINE ......

....til we're all moved in and settled.

Tonight the computers and beds all get taken apart. Its moving day tomorrow.

I have completed 4 weights sessions this week to the best of my ability with an exercise room in total disarray. I plan to walk early tomorrow before the removalists arrive. I plan to be in good spirits for the day. Somebody needs to be. Hubbie is stressed to the eyeballs and he'll be AT WORK for it all.

See you all soon from my new address.

Magda

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

SAYING GOOD BYE TO THE METAL MONSTER

The thing I love the most about my "no diet" approach is the "no weighing on the Metal Monster or taking measurements" that goes with it. This is so liberating and its like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Let me explain.

I have never done the daily weighing thing. I just dont see the point. And when your system is slow and it might be every three days that things move, whats the point of daily weighing? At the most I'd weigh after "the move" or take it down to weekly but time it for "after the move".

So as a weigh-in approached I'd start to get anxious about it. If I'd been meticulously following my diet plan and training hard then I'd expect a really good loss on the scales. It was my right to have that and I absolutely expected it. So what if it didnt happen? Yep me being a big sooky lala would get all upset and at best I'd have a shitty day of being in a bad mood. At worst I'd eat my body weight in junk food because thats what I did. Hmmm that made for happy and calm Magda .... NOT!!!!

But if I hadnt been so good then I'd be fretting about what I'd eaten, what effect would it have, surely it wouldnt be too bad etc etc. There was no peace in my head and I'd step on the scales in trepidation dreading the number that would be thrown up at me because it would determine what sort of day I'd have.

The other scenario was the evening before the weigh-in would be one of watching everything I ate making sure it wasnt too much, too salty, too high in carbs etc. If I kept my portion quite small and limited it to protein and green veg then the scales often dipped unrealistically lower, lifting my mood higher. But a week later they'd even out and I'd be down in the dumps again.

So many shitty scenarios playing with my head, causing me anxiety and unhappiness. I tell you, over the years I could not form a happy friendship with that damned Metal Monster no matter what.

So I've let it go and I dont weigh myself now. I'm no longer regularly anxious or stressed or riding an emotional roller coaster. I judge my progress by how I look and feel and how my clothes fit. I've lived in this body for 46+ years and if I dont know it by now then when will I know it? Its time to listen, look , feel and trust my instincts and believe that I'll achieve the lean and toned body I desire and love the process of doing so.

:-) Magda

Monday, October 12, 2009

WHAT MY DAY CONSISTED OF

Well this morning I trained in my mess of an exercise room. It would have been so easy to just blow it off because I wasnt perfectly set up but I quickly talked myself out of that and set myself the challenge of devising an effective leg workout with what I had. So here's how it went:

1. Warm up on the exercise bike and prehabs using fitball and light leg extensions.
2. Squats with a 10kg plate - this was a light - moderate intensity for me and I rarely do them for that reason.
3. Stiff legged deadlifts. Because I didnt have my full range of weight plates these ended up being heavier than usual so I made up for the easy work on the squats (different muscle group I know but good to work HARD).
4. Split squats using the embarassingly light (2kg) dumbbells. OK I have glutes that are as weak as ***** so even with this piddly weight I'm working hard and I get very sore after. With a few of these under my belt over the weeks the weight will go up but not by a lot. Basically these kill me and I have a true love / hate with them.
5. Then to finish I supersetted leg extensions with hamstring curls just adjusting the weight by 5kgs between the two exercises.

Not bad considering my limitations. Then it was onto the bike for my 15 intervals of 30 secs each and then some steady state riding til the clock ticked 6am and I was all done. Happy. Happy.

So just to bore you all further today's meals were:

Breakfast: Protein/oat pancake with blueberries (cooked into it), sugar free maple syrup and a light sprinkle of LSA. Mug of white tea (no added milk)
On the way to work: skim cappuccino
Lunch: left-over tofu stir fry with some leftover fillet steak sliced into it
Afternoon snack (didnt have this in the morning as I just wasnt hungry): brown rice, thinly sliced cabbage and a tin of spicy chilli tuna
Dinner: tofu stir fry (different batch with different sauce).
During the day I drink several large mugs of hot water with lemon slices in it. Its delicious and keeps my water intake right up when I just dont feel like downing glass after glass of water in this cold weather.

Three more nights in our current house and then its moving day. Counting down now.

Cheers all

Magda

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT

We have spent the weekend attacking our packing with a vengeance. There are boxes everywhere, the place is a huge mess and we're well on the way to being ready for our Thursday move. We are so ready in fact that my super efficient hubbie has taken my rack to pieces which I was warned about so I made sure I got chest and back done this morning. What I didnt know is that he also packed away our set of free weights and dumbbells :-( Yep all gone back in the box and nowhere to be found. So I have 3 sessions to do this week : legs, abs and shoulders/arms. And I have the following equipment: Olympic barbell (weighing 10kgs) + standard barbell, 2 x 10kg plates, 4 x 5kg plates, 1 set of dumbbells @ approx 10kgs (not adjustable), 1 set of dumbbells @ 2kgs, push-up handles, Bosu and fitball and if I move a heap of stuff I can get to my adjustable bench. So this week I have to put on my "resourcefull PT" hat and come up with some improvised sessions for the above.

Food has been just great and I'm feeling good both physically and emotionally. Each day I'm balancing my nutritional needs and wants and eating a wider variety of foods than I was a few weeks ago. I've also ditched the old "eat every 3 hours rule" and I listen to my body and hunger signals and eat when I'm hungry and not when the clock says I should. In fact when I have a later breakfast as I often do on the weekend, I'm usually satisfied with 3 square meals and not 5.

Its also great to have the pressure of "forbidden foods" taken away. Because I allow myself to have what I want there is no judging food as to whether its good or bad or if I'm good or bad because I've chosen to eat it. We had dinner at my bestie's last night and she had made a cheesecake for dessert. Normally I'd be horrified and although I'd have it so as to not be rude and then chastise myself for being weak, now I enjoy it with gusto and there is no guilt or shame or beating myself up afterwards. Life is too short to not enjoy cheesecake with your friends every now and then.

So to cap off a very tiring but pretty good few days I'll just share 2 great things that happened to me within 2 days of each other. Two people told me I had lost weight. One's comments were "you're wasting away (well not quite but I know what she meant) and the other was "wow you've lost weight, you're much slimmer through here (pointing to her hips)". I smiled from ear to ear and just said "thank you". I must be doing something right.

Magda

Friday, October 09, 2009

THE DARKER SIDE OF MY DIET HISTORY

In the back of my mind today I've been deliberating over whether to post this or not. If I thought I was at risk of continuing or reverting to any of these behaviours then I gues I wouldnt talk about them but because I feel free of them now I feel ok about writing about them. Not sure what it'll achieve but here goes. Some of its a bit gross so feel free to exit now if you wish.

I have never been anorexic as I love food too much and could not imagine not eating to that extent. Yes there have been periods where I havent eaten much but I was still a long way from being anorexic.

Bulimia is another issue though. When binge eating becomes a regular feature in your life, yet you so desperately want to be thin, you go to almost any length to achieve your goal despite everything you do to sabotage yourself along the way. I can recall many instances where I had binged to the point of feeling like I was going to burst and then trying to make myself vomit. It never worked. But I tried it many times. But as for laxatives well that was another story. Down the hatch, a double dose for good measure and just wait for the unavoidable outcome. Aaah bliss, all the badness from the binge was undone in one (or maybe several) fowl swoop. Problem instantly solved and therefore a pattern that was repeated over and over again. I have paid the price dearly as I have the slowest system on earth and have even had a colonoscopy to make sure everything was ok down there and whilst its not 100% I should be ok. Aaah the stupid things we do when we are young and foolish.

Which leads me to my many "I'll just not eat diets". Oh I've lost track of how many times I got on that bandwagon. I even recall an appointment with my very sympathetic and understanding GP who in my teens could see my struggles. I remember him saying to me one day "even if you dont want to eat, just have a couple of Ryvitas. They'll give you energy and they have no fat and are actually good for you". Good advice under the circumstances. But I cant remember if I took it. I spent a lot of time not eating.

Then I spent time not eating fat and then not eating carbs. Low fat sucks. No carbs sucks even more. My brain stops working. No kidding. Its not just fuzzy. Its not functional full stop. I can manage on quite low carbs but there comes a point which I cannot go below and quite frankly I wont again.

I'm so lucky that somewhere along the way I found exercise that I enjoy. Aerobics was great for me and it eventually led me to weight training which I know is the bees knees. But I'm a cardio junkie at heart and always will be. I do make sure that I balance the two most of the time.

As for my eating, well it might not be great but you can see that I've come a long way. The best thing is that I know where I want to go and I feel positive about the decision I've made about the path I want to travel. I may not always know the best way to get there but I'll keep trying things until I find it.

You know when I see all that written down I think "wow you made things hard for yourself, didnt you?" but I guess thats what you get when you get caught up in body image issues at a very young age, low self esteem, lack of knowledge about good nutrition, no desire to be active and family pressure to eat up and enjoy your food. I guess we all have challenges to overcome, its just that some dont have the knowledge and skills to deal with them as well as others.

M

Thursday, October 08, 2009

MY DIET HISTORY

Reading Shelley's blog about diets not working (sorry cant link to it) brought back a flood of memories of my diet history. It started when I was in year 6 at school and already a bigish girl. We were doing gymnastics in PE and I jumped onto the ??? horse (cant even remember its correct name) and broke it. If that wasnt embarassing enough my slim, young, blonde and very attractive teacher made fun of me with a comment about having to diet and the seed was planted.

My first attempts at dieting were to drink big glasses of water before meals so I wouldnt eat as much. At a very young age (probably under 14) my mum took me to my first diet clinic and I was on a diet as such. I remember eating my prescribed meal for lunch and being hungry an hour later (I was a growing girl with a good apetite). I couldnt stick to it and I lost no weight (maybe even gained some) and was chastised when I had my weekly weigh ins.

My problem was that I was a great eater with a healthy appetite but I did no sport and was quite inactive. I have very poor hand eye coordination and was just basically not good any sports. My parents didnt nurture or encourage me in any so any semblance of weight management was going to be an uphill battle.

My teens were a struggle of losing a bit of weight and then regaining it but I cant remember how I did it. All I know is that I knew jack shit about good nutrition or the importance of exercise. Being in a European family where poverty had been well known, eating heartily and being a bit overweight was highly desired. Thin was definitely NOT in.

In my early 20s I joined Weight Watchers for the first time back in the days when their program was very basic and you ate a certain number of serves of the various food groups. Ironically the simplicity of this diet meant it was pretty clean as there was no scope of extra processed crap. Needless to say I lost a decent amount of weight but never hung around to learn maintenence so it always came back.

I have been on a diet just about every day of my life bar a few instances such as post comp (but by 4 weeks later I was trying to lose weight again) and that small window between giving up a diet and then finding all the weight coming back with a vengeance. In my uneducated days I believed the following at different times:

1. Meat was fattening so I would eat vegetarian quiche.
2. Anything low fat could be eaten in any quantity I desired. Hence low fat muffins and biscuits became my best friends.
3. Sugar was nowhere near as bad as fat.
4. Fruit juice was better than soft drink so I drank heaps of it.
5. Starving on one meal a day was the ultimate diet.

When you read that now you wonder what chance I had of ever getting lean and maintaining it. But I discovered aerobics and fell in love with it and at least I had movement in my life on a regular basis as I taught it from my mid 20s until this year. I also tried weight training back then but just couldnt warm to it.

So over the years I think I did Weight Watchers about 3 times, the Israeli Army Diet, the soup diet, the body wraps that sweat your fat off, the go to the gym and use the vibrating belt for exercise, the Magda diet, the whatever else I could get my hands on to try, give up, yoyo and be forever frustrated and unhappy with myself. One time in my 20s I managed to get my weight under 60kgs and have some scary photos of me in a size 8 dress looking almost skeletal. Gee I thought I was shit hot then.

So fast forward to more recent times. I now know so much more not just about food but about the psychology of diets. I've done it tough on a comp prep diet and got my body fat down to 12%. Not something that I could or would even want to maintain. But in the process I've also taught myself about clean eating and learnt what works for me both on the physical level and on the emotional one as well. One benefit of getting older is getting wiser (there arent many I can tell you LOL) and then waking up to the fact that there has to be a better way.

A way where there is freedom to enjoy the food you love without guilt or shame.
A way where you listen to your body and feed it when it needs it, not when the clock strikes 3 and its time to eat.
A way where every waking moment is not spent anticipating what the scales will say at the next weigh in and then having that number determine what sort of day you have.
A way where life is lived and not spent weighing, measuring, preparing, portioning, logging and analysing every morsel that passes your lips.
A way of life that promotes calmness and internal happiness.

Whats your diet history? I'd love to know.

:-) Magda

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

ANOTHER WORRY CLOUD DEALT WITH AND THE STEEP LEARNING CURVE

ANOTHER WORRY CLOUD

Well I spoke too soon as I had the worst night's sleep last night worrying about the move and planning out the logistics of it. I was still awake well after 11pm (way too late for me) and then at 3am hubbie's phone blipped, woke me up and that was it. No more sleep. I got up before 5, did my abs workout then did bike intervals 30 sec / 30 sec and then just kept riding for a total of about an hour. Time well spent under the circumstances me thinks. Today I booked the removalist and I know the procedure for picking up keys so maybe now that worry cloud will lift and let me get a good rest.

THE STEEP LEARNING CURVE

I continue to learn new things daily on my "no diet" journey but seeing its still early days, I guess the learning curve is rightly steep. When you have the freedom to eat what you want and life is not an endless string of diet meals you may not always be hungry at the 3 hour mark and you may not always need 5 meals a day.

I found this to be the case today. I'm a hungry person in the mornings and that 10am snack is VERY welcome but after lunch I lost my way a little. I tend to munch on sugar free lollies a bit after lunch and because I had been chomping my way through a few today I wasnt overly hungry for my cottage cheese and pear (yep diet food but I love them). But I thought ahead to that time between 5 and 6pm when I'd be starving if I didnt eat then and I ate the pear and cottage cheese. So dinner time rolled around and I wasnt hungry. I dawdled through making myself a tofu stir fry and then heated up left over pasta for hubbie. I was just starting to get a little hungry when it was done but in hindshight I could easily have waited another hour to eat. So lesson learned today is that I wont need 5 meals every day. If I'm not really hungry then I shouldnt be eating "because its time". I kept my dinner to a pretty small serve as I didnt need lots of food and will be a bit more mindful, in future.

Tomorrow is lunch with my friend and work colleague Miss J and we'll be having a champagne to celebrate my new home and I wont be stressing about what I can and cant eat. Thats one of the things I love about "no diets".

:-) Magda

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

A HUGE WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED FROM MY SHOULDERS .....

.... as we now have a place to live next week. Yes after scouring the rental market and kissing some frogs (the words of one of the Property Managers I met) we have been accepted for a charming little cottage with loads of character located about 3 kms from the CBD in a leafy no through road and walking distance to one of Adelaide's trendiest cafe and shopping precincts. Thank you God for not making me have to live in a dump as I was starting to fear at one stage.

Moving day is next Thursday and there is some major organising to do pretty quickly but I'm ok with that. Its the uncertainty of not knowing where home will be that causes me the most grief. In fact today I had a good dose of nervous runs as I waited for a verdict which came through latish tonight. At least I dont feel bloated LOL.

I'm embracing this "no diet" way of life but today's lunch wasnt the best choice. We cooked tandoori chicken on the Webber last night. Yummo. I made a salad with it for lunch today but it was a really cold day and I find salads disapppointing on cold days. Made up with a yummy dinner though. Peppered calamari with salad of spinach leaves, roast pumpkin, semi dried tomato, feta and pine nuts. Tummy was happy after that :-) So you win some, you lose some but its early days so its still very much a learning process. Oh and as for how much to eat. Yep lots of learning to do there. I'm usually ok with portions if I've made it and served it out but eating out is my biggest challenge. Or rather a mentality that says "my that tastes so good that I dont want to leave any of it". So will need to work on my thoughts around those situations when they arise.

Cheers for now and here's to a great week with no big cloud of uncertainty hanging over me any more.

:-) Magda

Monday, October 05, 2009

DEALING WITH DOMS - LOOKING INWARDS FOR UNDERSTANDING

DEALING WITH DOMS

Today I have DOMS pain in the legs that measures 8 on the Richter Scale. OMG it all hurts when I move, when I bend over, when I go to sit on the toilet and every minute of my waking day. It started last night and by this morning IT WAS FIERCE :-)

So to alleviate it I chose to go for a run this morning - I mean I couldnt feel any worse than I already did LOL.

I made a grave mistake this morning. I did a killer chest and back workout (before the run) and although my strength wasnt its best, I really pushed it hard and was shattered at the end. So what was my mistake? Doing this on the same day that I was going to scrub my oven clean LOL. That in itself would have been a decent workout I can tell you. Talk about being exhausted not once but twice.

LOOKING INWARDS FOR UNDERSTANDING

So my "no diet" lifestyle continues and as I'm doing it on my own I occassionally have some questions that I'm not sure about or wonder about certain situations. However I'm slowly coming to realise that the answers to those questions are inside me and that is where I must look for understanding. Previously I've turned to others or to diet rules to direct me but this is no longer the case. I tell you its a wierd feeling accepting total responsibility for and control over what I choose to eat, when I choose to eat it and in what quantity. But I'm calm and internally happy (not just on the surface) and thats such a good place to be :-)

Magda

Sunday, October 04, 2009

A DAY AT VICTOR AND WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO IN THE LAST 12 WEEKS

A DAY AT VICTOR

My thoughtful husband has been sleeping in the guest bedroom because he has the worst cough after his recent lurgy. This is very considerate as it means I have half a chance of getting a good night's sleep BUT it means that in the morning I cant use the training room as he is sleeping in the next room :-(

So training recently has been lots of walking and a little bit of running. The last time I did weights was last Monday. Until today and I did a leg workout of my choice. YOWSER they were feeling it when I finished. I'm sure there is some serious DOMS coming to visit every soon. Tomorrow being a public holiday here in SA means I'll slip in a chest / back workout and I'm looking good to complete four weights sessions for the week :-)

Our family went to Victor (Harbor - about 80kms south of Adelaide) for the day. We had such a great time. We played mini golf and I took out the wooden spoon. Our son played on the playground, went on the bouncy castle, went on a ride with me and rode the jaunty jalopies. We did a lap of granite island which was a mini workout on its own (a few steep hills) and then had hot cinnamon donuts before heading home. So today's food was lean and clean to start, a little dirty in the middle and lean and clean to finish. No guilt. No regrets. Just pure enjoyment as life should be.


WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO IN THE LAST 12 WEEKS

Twelve weeks ago (the same weekend as The All Females) I started working with Hilde from Get Active On Line. I had been floundering on my own (yet again) for some time and could see that I wasnt making any progress with my training. As for my eating, a few sessions with my Sports Psyche helped me immensely on that front so it was time to pull it all together and make some progress.

And make progress I DID.

1. I lost a total of 27.5cms (over 7 sites)
2. I lost 6 kgs (yeah I know I said I wouldnt weigh or measure but I wanted to report my end result to Hilds)
3. I did all this despite enthusiastically celebrating mine, hubbie's and my bestie's birthdays
4. I enjoyed a trip to Melbourne and ate dessert too many times and drank too much wine :-)
5. I trained more regularly than I've trained for a long time and harder too. I love getting a new program and just giving it my best.
6. And yes I did follow an eating plan until the last week or so and ate food that I loved and that made me feel good emotionally and physically.
7. I had my share of slip-ups (but nowhere near as bad as before) and some were tough, but with Hild's help I picked myself up and got going again. The last time was about a week or so ago and it was then that I made the decision to not diet any more.

I will continue to work with Hilde as I like accountabilty with my training but I'm in control of my food and there will be no more weekly weigh ins or measurement taking or checking body fat percentages. This is the best I've looked and felt for a long time and I plan to keep soldiering on MY WAY. I took some dreadful before photos but I dont have any after photos (hubbie is so over doing these for me that I hate to ask now) so I cant provide photographic evidence but thats not important to me anyway. What matters is that I feel great. I'm looking leaner. I'm much happier and I'm feeling quietly confident that my approach will work.

:-) Magda

Saturday, October 03, 2009

A FURTHER TWO CENTS WORTH

Well after being rivetted to my computer screen taking in all the "fierce discussion" I smile as I note the following.

1. Tara hit the nail on the head in her comment about words and how they are taken. From where I sit it looks like there has been some misunderstanding of people's (Shelley's) intentions. I was lucky enough to meet Shelley earlier this year when I was in Brisbane. She took the time and trouble to attend Liz's RPM class (not being a regular RPMer at the time) that I was also doing. In fact she sat just in front of me and worked her guts out making me look like an unfit wimp LOL. After the class Liz and I had a PT session and then it was time to relax and chill out. Although she was on her way home, Shelley took the time to come back, join us and have a lovely chat and I was lucky enough to get to know her better.

Since then we have emailed and she has offered some great advice and support when I hit hard times. I dont think she has ever made a negative comment about that fact that one day I would like to compete again. I understand (to some extent) where she is at and where she wants to go.

2. I admire Sue for all she has achieved in her body building career and in her very successful business. When I was a total loner having just moved to Brisbane in 2005 and knowing nobody, it was through Sue's blog that I was introduced to Figure competing. I couldnt wait to log on every night to read of her journey to the comps and those of Lia, Deb (Splice then), Kimmy and others. I was in awe and fascination and my desire to compete was ignited back then. Since then I have enquired about an IBO program and Sue was very helpful and approachable but deep down I knew that a 12 week program was not the answer for me.

So what's my point? (Sorry I tend to ramble). Well we have two beautiful well meaning people but with different perspectives on how to achieve their best life. The written word may not always convey the intention behind it. Sometimes you need to see it, feel it to fully understand it.

Three cheers to Liz for her brilliant analysis of the posts and presenting a different perspective. I have really enjoyed this discussion. And on that note, I'm off to veg in front of the TV after a lovely dinner of atlantic salmon with carrots and asparagus and a glass of red wine :-)

Magda

Friday, October 02, 2009

BLOGGING NEGATIVITY AND MY DISCUSSION

Wow what rivetting reading for a Friday night between Sue and Liz's blog posts. I bet Kristin never suspected her innocent post would attract such a debate.

So here is my 2 cents worth - fierce or not.

Firstly I have enjoyed reading every post that Kristin has blogged during her journey. Having "been there and done that" I could relate to just about all of it and was impressed by her strength and determination to stick to her prep plan. As a contrast I found myself constantly binging due to the very low calorie intake. Shortly after the comps were over I remember feeling just as she feels now and setting the goals ready to go for the next time. BIGGER. LEANER. MORE DETERMINED. Then something called "REBOUND" happened and no matter how hard I tried to stay lean (and I dont mean comp lean), train hard and focus on the next round of comps, my mind and body wouldnt let me. My body demanded refeeding and it was going to get it one way or another.

Fast forward on two years and up to 20 kilos later and I'm tired and fed up with dieting, always striving for a lower number on the scales. Dreading the weigh in or looking forward to the weigh in. Feeling elated because I had a good drop or feeling like sh*t because I didnt. Weighing, measuring, logging, not eating with my family because I want to lose weight, weight loss being the be all and end all.

Striving for an elusive number on the Metal Monster is no longer for me. I've battled with it for 2 years (well just about my whole life actually) and its just made me obsessive and been one of my binging triggers. Other bloggers have had similar experiences or may have very different stories to tell but we are commiting to a different approach. We still value good food and taking care of ourselves with good nutrition but the focus is off ACHIEVE, ACHIEVE, ACHIEVE. Its shifted to "take care of number one in a different way."

I know for me that setting very specific (SMART) long term goals has caused such huge stress and pressure that its been quite unhealthy and I need say no more. But I acknowledge that for other people, goals are what drive them. Ironically I'm far more goal orientated than my other half but that doesnt make him a lesser person. It makes him a different person who is driven by different things.

So the way I see it is that different things drive different people. My idea of being the best I can be and the next person's may be somewhat different and that's fine. (Geez we couldnt have a world full of figure competitors could we??) To get to be that "best person"I travel along Path X, the next person travels along Path Y. Deep down we are all looking at bettering ourselves but in different ways. And I'm sure that nobody is sitting on their couch stuffing down bacon double cheese burgers - although I will confess that I do love them :-) but I choose not to eat them.

Magda

Thursday, October 01, 2009

UPS AND DOWNS

After my first post for today my faith in mankind was restored and then destroyed again.

My black pants arrived in the post today. So I trotted to the post office and happily handed over $12 or so for them. Tomorrow I'll trace the email I sent and send it through again with a very big thank you to whoever arranged for them to be sent back.

Then just to let me down again I went to pick up my script for a nasal spray and just about had a heart attack at the price. I hadnt been warned that it was on the pricey side and the shock was a bit embarassing actually.

We have 2 rental applications in for properties we like and are viewing another one tomorrow that we REALLY like and have been invited back to (after being told they wouldnt consider a lease that was less than 12 months and a cat). After things looking very bleak on the rental front dare I say they are now looking up. So fingers are crossed that we get something very nice soon and then the fun of moving starts.

:-) M

PS BTW Mum's pizza was yummy. Was satisfied with 2 pieces (I usually have 3 and feel stuffed) and because we are both feeling cr*ppy, we turned down the wine.

THE CONTENTS OF MY NEGATIVE CR*P BOX

Hmmmm what to blog today?

Well despite feeling considerably better last night I've managed to take a downward turn overnight. At 3am hubbie went to the kitchen and coughed his guts up just so I could wake up and realise that my head was about to explode. Lots of coughing, on my behalf, later I managed to get back to sleep having turned off my alarm for my 5am training session. I doubted whether I'd be going back to work today.

Yep I woke up feeling AWFUL and have been to the doctor (not my regular GP) only to be told that I'm not sick at all. I have a severe case of hay fever and I have an ear inflamation that I've caused. I may be guilty of the latter (yes I do use cotton buds but from now on I'm to keep my ears dry ALL THE TIME to avoid this problem) but the former is laughable.

Its been one of the coldest and wettest spells here in Adelaide recently so what am I allergic to? Pollen? (too wet) Dust mites? (they are around all the time so logic would say I'd be like this all the time) oh and the best one was wait for it ....perfume!! Hmmm so something that I have worn every day for the last 30 years is causing me to have severe hayfever this week. So the doctor's orders were to not wear any fragrance and not have any smelly sprays or incense in my home etc (do I look like the incense burning type?). As for not wearing perfume, she may as well have told me to go to work without my top on.

This morning I finally spoke to somebody from the hotel we stayed at in Melbourne about a pair or nice black pants that I had left behind. I had called and emailed previously only to get no call back or reply. So the nice person who actually took the trouble to follow up my request (tell me how much money you need me to send so you can post them back) informed me that they have no black pants registered as lost property from our room. I told her they would have been hanging in the cupboard and hence I forget them (I didnt hang anything else up) but she was emphatic they had not been "found".

I was gobsmacked. The last time I had my black pants was in Melbourne and when I went to wear them a week later I didnt have them. One cant help but think that a nice pair of dressy Intimo pants with a rolldown waist in a light stretchy fabric (they would fit a lot of people) would look very attractive to somebody who found them. SHIT SHIT SHIT I loved those pants and I'm mighty pissed off now.

Enough said and moving right along as these issues sit in my "negative cr*p box" and I refuse to let them dominate my day.

So on that note I'm getting changed and heading out for some movement. I need fresh air. I need to connect with nature and I need to take action to make me feel better.

Magda

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

MY PLACE

Today I had cause to do a longish drive by myself which meant I had thinking time :-)

So I looked inwards to"My Place" and this is what I found.

I am calm despite mini crises erupting around me. Last night we got some not so good financial news that impacts on the sale of our house and our settlement. My first reaction was anger and panic until I realised that the matter was out of my control. Its being fixed and the person fixing it will keep us in the loop. Things may not turn out perfectly but I'll just have to accept that and go with the flow.

I have high self worth or self esteem (are they the same thing???). I take care with my appearance choosing clothes that I feel good in and taking time with my hair and make-up EVERY day. I carry myself like I'm proud of myself. I can tackle a difficult situation head on or I can think things through and take time to work them out if I need to. I'm not overwhelmed by life and the curve balls it throws at me.

I am internally happy. This is hard to describe but its like I'm just happy in my skin and in my head. Yes I've got an annoying lurgy and I feel way less than 100%, I'm still on the looking-for-a-rental merry-go-round and living with a very sick and miserable husband, but I'm feeling happy.

When I'm in "My Place" life is balanced and happy and that's just where I want it to be. I've blogged previously about feeling invincible and thought that was just the bees knees but you know what invincible was for me? It was eating to a strict plan, weighing, measuring and logging everything until the macros were just perfect. It meant training twice a day which is also what I was doing at 12 weeks out from competing. It was living like an overstretched rubber band just waiting to snap. And like all overstretched bands I did snap and then OMG the binges were dreadful, shameful, debilitating incidents that left me feeling physically and emotionally like CR*P. So now I say "phooee" to invincible and welcome balance into my life.

Training this week is limited to walking now. Hubbie has taken his coughing-up-my-guts and is sleeping in the guest bedroom so I cant do my early morning weights or cardio on the bike or rower. So I head out for a walk instead because we all know "something is better than nothing".

Oh and tomorrow night we are having home made pizza at mum and dad's for dinner (and I wont be eating green veg and lean protein instead).

Cheers all

Magda

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

MY NO DIET MENU FOR TODAY

I love not being on a diet.

Breakfsat today was a multigrain muffin with an egg on one half and natural peanut butter on the other half. I'm sick of oats and powder every day so I enjoyed this immensely.

For morning tea today we had a spread to welcome back a colleague. I wasnt overly hungry and had just arrived at work quite late so I grabbed a skim cappuccino and had that. Didnt fancy anything else and definitely didnt feel deprived.

Sometimes I stiil eat "diet food" for lunch just because I really like it. I had leftover stir fried veges from last night (onion, carrot, red capsicum, brocolli, cabbage cooked in chicken stock, Tamari, ginger, lemongrass and chilli) with some peri peri chicken, fresh coriander and Udo's oil.

I love low fat creamed cottage cheese with Splenda and cinnamon and am still having it in the afternoon if I'm hungry and I love hard brown pears so they're staying on the menu too.

But the piece de resistance is Tuesday's dinner. My boys have home cooked crumbed calamari (hubbie has lemon pepper and the kid has plain crumbed) and I've been eating my green veg and lean protein because losing weight was THE most important thing. Well not now. I also had a medium serve of the lemon pepper calamari, tartare sauce and a huge salad. Yummo. I'm satisfied physically, emotionally and I'm in a happy place. This will be regular thing in our household from now on.

Training today was a one hour walk and even then I just about died towards the end. Tomorrow may be a rest day at home so I can shake this annoying lurgy once and for all.

Cheers all

Magda

Monday, September 28, 2009

SOMETIMES THE WIERDEST THINGS HAPPEN.....

So we all know that I ate badly last week. Oh yeah many of my binge foods featured almost daily and dinner out on Thursday night meant I ate way too much salt and pepper squid (yum) and chips. I also slackened off on my training and completed very few of my regular sessions. Yep I was a junk food munching, misery guts, Negative Nelly, lazy slob.

Saturday saw the turn back onto the path I want to follow and being a very busy day meant that I didnt eat as much as usual. Sunday pretty much followed suit. Although there was no dieting, for whatever reason I just didnt eat heaps.

So how on earth do I wake up this morning feeling really lean. I'm not weighing myself (except maybe once a month - thinking about it) but I could just tell. I have a pair of charcoal pants in a size 10. They are an under-70-kilos-pants and I put them on and they were really comfy. Not tight at all. Great sign!! I feel like the whoosh fairy came and dumped a massive whoosh on me and its awesome.

Today I eased off the intensity of my training as this lurgy is trying hard to take me down. It was chest and back and I still worked hard and already have the DOMS as my reward :-) I'm just planning to take each day as it comes until I'm 100% well again. Still planning to train but will modify it accordingly.

The rental hunting is challenging to say the least. Its going to be much harder than we thought but pressing on and following up lots of places. Fingers crossed we get something soon.

Cheers all

Magda

Sunday, September 27, 2009

WELCOME BACK MOJO :-)

Even though I'm not feeling 100% on the health front as I battle an annoying lurgy that tries desperately to take me down, my headspace is back where it should be.

I'm ready to tackle the "non-diet approach" to getting my body lean and healthy. I call it the "mind right approach" because that'll be my weapon of choice in this venture.

Matti (SP) showed me how to avoid binging. When I left her I had the tools and I knew how to use them now its just up to me to use them regularly. Practice. Practice. Practice.

Over the coming weeks and months I want to shift my focus from the numbers on the Metal Monster or the numbers on the tape measure to how I feel instead. My goal is to eat nutritious food that I love the taste of but that also leaves me feeling good, both physically and emotionally. Oh and that includes treats. If I meet a friend for a long overdue catch up then I'll have a wine with her. This is me and this is what I love. I will not weigh or measure my food (unless its for a recipe). I will not log on Calking or mentally calculate calories, fat grams etc (I never did anyway - I was an obsessive logger). I will not religiously record everything I eat and drink and what time I had it etc etc. The road ahead may be bumpy and full of twists and turns but I vow to give this a damn good go.

My training goals need some thought but basically I will continue to get up early and train for an hour before the day starts for my family. I'm amazed by people who learn of my training routine and look at me with wide disbelieving eyes and say "how could you possibly do that? I could NEVER do that." Well my answer will be "how could you NOT do it?" If I stop moving for more than a couple of days, I feel lethargic, heavy and like a slob. The choice is pretty clear in my book. But then I've always enjoyed my training or rather that fantastic feeling you get straight after it.

As for the decision about competing again. Well it doesnt have to be made now. My first priority is to get my body to a happy place both in terms of fat levels and muscle tone (I hate that phrase but with my littlies even thats a compliment) using my "mind right approach". I want balance, freedom and a high sense of self worth to dominate my life from here on.

And finally Shelley, when I'm 80 years old and sitting in my comfy armchair sipping a Cointreau on ice with my son, his wife and their children around me I want to be able to tell them that I had a fantastic and happy life. All along I was blessed with a wonderful family, good friends and I hardly ever encountered any hardships (well none that got the better of me anyway). When life threw curve balls my way I found a way to deal with them and I NEVER GAVE UP. And in the spirit of my life's motto "dont die wondering what if" deep down I know I'll give competing another go but not just yet.

Wish me luck folks.

Magda

Saturday, September 26, 2009

LIFE AFTER DIETS??

This morning I set out to walk for an hour. It was cold. It was blowing a gale. It rained. It even hailed a little. I grizzled to myself for a good part of the hour before pulling myself up and realising how my negative grizzling would take me back to my black hole. So I directed my thoughts to the dams filling nicely and the farmers being happy and I pressed on even though I wanted to cut it short.

So while walking I had thinking time and I went back over the last week. What happened? Where did I go wrong? Why am I in this confused state? And I came to realise a few things.

What was different about this week? Yes I was stressed and under pressure but I've been there plenty of times lately. But this week I stopped working on keeping my thoughts positive and believing in my ability to stay strong and focussed. I literally spent 2 days just telling myself that I was a failure etc etc. Even though I now know how to avoid binging, I chose to not use any of those skills or that knowledge. I made the mistake of lapsing into old thought patterns and they resulted in old (self sabotaging) behaviours.

As for my confused state. Well let me just say this: how can I think logically and clearly when my body is not nourished with good food, when its crammed full of sweet, salty, processed crap and the mind is screaming "loser failure"? Oh and not to mention the tub of vanilla ice cream I was hugging while blogging about this dilemma. Is that where I thought I'd find my answers LOL??

So today has been great. I ate totally "off plan" after breakfast but when you're rental hunting all afternoon you just go with the flow and I was totally ok with that. Maybe there is a life after diets? Lets see.

Cheers all

Magda

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A BETTER DAY

So today was a much better day. Far from perfect but much better.

I had some very simple goals for today. They were:

1. 4-5 meals/snacks with no eating in between. Done. I also avoided sweets today and processed crappy food. However I did have a big dinner which included chips - room for improvement as usual.

2. 30 minutes of exercise of my choice (probably in the afternoon). I actually got up early and went for a walk. Today it was a case of something is better than nothing so happy with my effort.

3. Lots of positive self talk and smiling even if I feel like crap. Boy did this get tested today. I endured a very unpleasant meeting that left me feeling less than good about myself. So the positive self talk was really important if I wasnt going to once again eat my body weight in junk food.

4. Reminding myself of how far I’ve come and that I can and will deal with all this without resorting to previous bad habits. Not a lot of time to ponder this one but it did occur to me when we got home from having dinner out and I thought "ooh I might just have a Ferrero Rocher". And then I thought about it and decided that I didnt really want one and I made the choice to not have one. Thinking right that time!!!

5. I think its best summed up by “ask for what you want and not what you don’t want”. Did a bit of this before going to sleep last night. Affirmations need to be on my menu more often though if they are to be effective.

The rental I looked at probably wont suit as the space for the fridge is not not quite big enough. Shame cause it was a nice place in a great location. Moving on to the next option now.

Well although I have lots more words of wisdom that I could blog, I'm going to sign off as I'm feeling very tired and run down so will make sleep my priority. Hope to be back tomorrow with another "good day" report.

Cheers all

Magda