Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Today I had cause to do a longish drive by myself which meant I had thinking time :-)

So I looked inwards to"My Place" and this is what I found.

I am calm despite mini crises erupting around me. Last night we got some not so good financial news that impacts on the sale of our house and our settlement. My first reaction was anger and panic until I realised that the matter was out of my control. Its being fixed and the person fixing it will keep us in the loop. Things may not turn out perfectly but I'll just have to accept that and go with the flow.

I have high self worth or self esteem (are they the same thing???). I take care with my appearance choosing clothes that I feel good in and taking time with my hair and make-up EVERY day. I carry myself like I'm proud of myself. I can tackle a difficult situation head on or I can think things through and take time to work them out if I need to. I'm not overwhelmed by life and the curve balls it throws at me.

I am internally happy. This is hard to describe but its like I'm just happy in my skin and in my head. Yes I've got an annoying lurgy and I feel way less than 100%, I'm still on the looking-for-a-rental merry-go-round and living with a very sick and miserable husband, but I'm feeling happy.

When I'm in "My Place" life is balanced and happy and that's just where I want it to be. I've blogged previously about feeling invincible and thought that was just the bees knees but you know what invincible was for me? It was eating to a strict plan, weighing, measuring and logging everything until the macros were just perfect. It meant training twice a day which is also what I was doing at 12 weeks out from competing. It was living like an overstretched rubber band just waiting to snap. And like all overstretched bands I did snap and then OMG the binges were dreadful, shameful, debilitating incidents that left me feeling physically and emotionally like CR*P. So now I say "phooee" to invincible and welcome balance into my life.

Training this week is limited to walking now. Hubbie has taken his coughing-up-my-guts and is sleeping in the guest bedroom so I cant do my early morning weights or cardio on the bike or rower. So I head out for a walk instead because we all know "something is better than nothing".

Oh and tomorrow night we are having home made pizza at mum and dad's for dinner (and I wont be eating green veg and lean protein instead).

Cheers all



*ANA* said...

im sure tis post will hit home for many people. yesterday i had a 10 mile run a perfect clean eating day only to get up at 1050 at night eat a muffin and doritos and then felt toattly guilty .

ss2306 said...

Woo Hoo to PIZZA.

"Can't" use the walker/rower - watch your language young lady.

I expect you to be spanking me in return for the same.

Kristy said...

That's exactly what I have been doing Magda, eating whatever the others are eating and enjoying it..., just not everyday

Magda said...

Hi Ana,

I sympathise. I love Doritos and muffins (preferably bran ones that weigh about a ton each). Yummo!!

Shelley, "cant" is from the noise perspective. The rooms are adjacent in a brick veneer home so anyone sleeping in the guest bedroom would be disturbed by the rower or the bike in the next room. I cant do that to my poor miserable hubbie.

Doesnt it feel good Kristy?

:-) Magda