Saturday, September 26, 2009


This morning I set out to walk for an hour. It was cold. It was blowing a gale. It rained. It even hailed a little. I grizzled to myself for a good part of the hour before pulling myself up and realising how my negative grizzling would take me back to my black hole. So I directed my thoughts to the dams filling nicely and the farmers being happy and I pressed on even though I wanted to cut it short.

So while walking I had thinking time and I went back over the last week. What happened? Where did I go wrong? Why am I in this confused state? And I came to realise a few things.

What was different about this week? Yes I was stressed and under pressure but I've been there plenty of times lately. But this week I stopped working on keeping my thoughts positive and believing in my ability to stay strong and focussed. I literally spent 2 days just telling myself that I was a failure etc etc. Even though I now know how to avoid binging, I chose to not use any of those skills or that knowledge. I made the mistake of lapsing into old thought patterns and they resulted in old (self sabotaging) behaviours.

As for my confused state. Well let me just say this: how can I think logically and clearly when my body is not nourished with good food, when its crammed full of sweet, salty, processed crap and the mind is screaming "loser failure"? Oh and not to mention the tub of vanilla ice cream I was hugging while blogging about this dilemma. Is that where I thought I'd find my answers LOL??

So today has been great. I ate totally "off plan" after breakfast but when you're rental hunting all afternoon you just go with the flow and I was totally ok with that. Maybe there is a life after diets? Lets see.

Cheers all


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