Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Today I just have to accept that I feel ordinary. Not great, nor good just ordinary. If I was honest I'd describe it as a "fat day". You known when you look down and your stomach looks 5 months preggo or your thighs look like big fat slabs of lard LOL. Well I had a stomach moment this morning. Silly isnt it?

My mood has been soso and some unexpected events had some of my destructive old thought patterns return with a vengeance. Although I had my lunch with me today, I got invited to a lunch meeting and my colleague and I talked through some really important work issues over lunch at a nearby pub. I ate well, mindful of my recent undereating and then found myself craving sweets after. And I dont mean a sweet I mean several. Like I wanted to have a binge. WTF!!!???? Not hungry. Just wanted to eat lots of sweets.

I didnt do it because I knew I didnt really want them and decided to just acknowledge and then ride with the feeling. Luckily I had a meeting take up a lot of my afternoon and then I could come home a bit earlier than normal and get stuck into domestic chores. Lo and behold by 6pm I was hungry for dinner which was just ideal.

This is a massive achievement for me. I have rarely had the urge to binge since adopting the "no-diet-approach" so it was unexpected and a bit unsettling today. It would have been so easy to just give in and stuff myself because thats a coping mechanism I'm used to but I wanted a different outcome so different actions were in order.

Hence I sit here tonight still feeling ordinary but happy in myself that I didnt turn the ordinary into "totally cr*ppy".

:-) Magda


Lauren said...

Well done Magda!!! Great strength and will power. What a test of courage that you passed. Today is a new day with new struggles but also new successes. Keep being strong and have a good day!

Magda said...

Cheers Lauren. I have posted some more on this today.

:-) Magda