I HAVE MOVED

 Hi all,

well here I am in my new home: http://magda2107.blogspot.com/

I hope you come and visit me soon.

Cheers

NEW BLOG BREWING

Hi all,

well with spring about to kick off tomorrow and some significant developments over the last week or so I have decided to launch my new blog. I did defect over to Wordpress but frankly I havent got the time to learn a new program and then set up something fancy shmancy. So for now I'm staying with trutsy old Blogger but am changing the focus of my writings.

I have a busy couple of evenings coming up but hope to start it in the next few days so as they say .... WATCH THIS SPACE.

Cheers all

Magda

REFLECTION AND INTROSPECTION

Its been 10 days since I slipped into another battle with the BM (Binge Monster) and found the bastard scoring hits day after day. Going back to my horse riding analogy, I took a major fall and I fell hard this time. I was battered and bruised emotionally and picking myself up, dusting myself off and getting back on with a sense of resolve to try again was so much harder than I thought it'd be.

I cant remember a time when I felt so bad. I had phsysical pain from my SIJ. I was an emotional wreck trying to come to terms with another binging episode. I worried continually that I may not be able to run again and what that would mean for my fitness and my personal well being. I was angry with myself and sorry for myself at the same time. I was depressed and the tears flowed at the wierdest of times. My inner turmoil had ruled out any sense of balance and reason that I had worked so hard to create. I WAS IN A BAD PLACE.

But today I woke up with a sense of calm back over me and a feeling deep down that I'd be ok. I hadnt felt that up to now no matter how hard I faked it. Today I was hopeful and positive and I'm looking ahead with optimism again.

So why have I written about this tonight?

As I restart my journey to the life that I ultimately want, I never want to forget where I came from. Sometimes you have to hold some pain in your heart to keep you moving towards your goals. Sometimes its that pain which will drive you forward when you are at risk of slipping back.

The big news in Adelaide today was that Andrew McLeod was retiring from his AFL career.

McLeod, 34, yesterday closed his glorious AFL career with a club record 340 games - and the reality his battered right knee cannot carry him through an AFL game, not even for a farewell clash on Saturday against St Kilda at AAMI Stadium.


"I never thought it would, but the old knee got me at the end," said McLeod,..... The Advertiser today. 

I dont know how many of the 340 games were played with a bad knee but I do know that its his spirit and his determination that I admire so much. Did he bow out, lie down and give up because he had a bad knee? No bloody way. He got it fixed and he played on. I may have a few years on him (LOL) but I too can do whatever it takes to keep me running and to slay that fucken BM once and forever.
 
Good night.
 
M

GLASS HALF EMPTY

Sad to say that today has been a glass half empty day. Have stayed true to my resolve to ditch the sugary foods though and didnt seek comfort or answers through mindlessly stuffing junk down my throat. Thats one consolation.

Bring on a better day tomorrow.

INCHING ALONG THE RECOVERY ROAD

...... and feeling ok. Not stressing about making perfect choices with diet. Just focussing on eating when hungry and not over-eating.Things will be ok and I know that in a few days I'll be eating better still. Its just a natural progression that when I eat well, I tend to want to eat well more and more.

Last night I checked out this site and found myself reading broadly about stuff that I suspected all along and that Liz and other bloggers have written about recently. I hopped onto eBay to see if I could get myself a copy without paying the full price (cheapskate that I am LOL). Well lucky me picked up the Quit Plan for a nice little price :-) (Yes Kek I'm a bit of a self help book junky - but view this one as educational rather than just "Oh you should live your life like XXX.") I cant wait to get it and read up some more on the nasty sugar issue.

However in the meantime I'm back on the sugar free wagon even turning down cheesecake and white gold mudcake (both favourites) that were offered at my God Son's birthday today. Honestly didnt really fancy them so saying no wasnt painful. I truly believe that if you take ownership of your decision to eat XX or not eat YY then why would there be pain with that decision and subsequent actions? (Comment taken from Liz's blog folks). I know that this has been the foundation of my diet over the last year and its one I'm really comfortable with. As long as I'm making the choices about what I eat and dont eat then I dont feel restricted, deprived or stressed over what I'm allowed or not allowed.

My SIJ is settling down now and the pain thru my glutes and legs is minimal. I had a massage today and I think Mr F (the legendary masseur) went a bit easier on me after I described what I've been thru in the last week. Nevertheless a few spots were excruciatingly painful so I certainly got my money's worth LOL.

So Day 2 done and dusted and I'm off for an early night very soon.

:-) M

FINAL WORDS ON THIS ISSUE

Friday has finally come around and its time to let go of all the disappointment, depression and despair of the last week. My SIJ pain has eased a little and hopefully after a few days back on the anti inflams it'll be gone. In the meantime I'm consciously putting a smile back on my face and not wallowing in my self pity any longer.

Its been a really tough time though and I've had many moments where I've been enveloped in negative thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I should just have let it all out thru a big cry LOL. There have been so many times when I've wanted to talk about whats bothering me but I cant do it - not with people close to me anyway.

But like I said the pity party must come to an end. Its time to get off the ground, hop back onto the horse and give the riding another go with some more lessons under my belt and the determination to get it right.

M

VENTING SOME MORE AND THE MEDICINE THAT TASTES THE WORST IS THE BEST FOR US

A big thank you to Kek, Kristy and Gillian who commented on my last post and who echoed some of my feelings on this matter.

If there is one thing I absolutely admire, its the more mature woman who does not accept that aging means "oh I must take it easy now." This, in my opinion, is utter and total crap. Its an easy cop out if you want to justify laziness and apathy. Sure there are times when your body will tell you to ease off (temporarily) and you should listen to it but giving up on exercise all together is just WRONG. I do concede that as we get older, the bits we use more wear out faster but that just means we need to be smarter about what we do and how we do it.

But back to the age thing..... Kek, I'll be right behind you ready to give that dumbass their second slap if indeed they try on those pathetic lines.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw

I know deep down that my current condition has been partly caused by my own actions. A lack of taking proper care of myself and my body sends me loud and clear messages that what I've done just wont cut it and now I'm paying for those mistakes. Whether you believe whats written here or here I know from personal experience that when I eat the junk foods described in those articles I usually end up suffering in a number of different ways. Its just taken me a while to make the connection and acknowledge the significance of it.

Gillian in answer to your question: I have a really good chiro who practices pain management and treatment and he is bloody good at it. He does not want to see you 3 times a week for the first 4 weeks, then down to twice a week for the next 6 weeks and then .... you get my drift. (Chiros that base their practice on those principles are a rip off, IMO.) If I have a problem I want it fixed and I dont want it to take 20 visits. Fortunately my chiro can do that.

So when I was in really bad pain in late June, I decided in my (lack of) wisdom that this wasnt a matter for my chiro and I saw a sports doctor instead. I was diagnosed with an inflamed sacro iliac (which was probabaly correct). I wasnt treated in any way other than to be given anti inflammatories and told to rest for 2 weeks. Needless to say, yesterday my chiro suggested to me that was a cop out diagnosis and asked what was done to fix the problem. Well nothing actually so he scored a point right there.

He then treated my back thru an adjustment (not the most pleasant sensation but I'm learning to work with him to make it all less painful) and he spent several minutes releasing over tight muscles in my hips, outer thighs and inner thighs. OMG I dropped the "F Bomb" a number of times and he reminded me that muscles should not feel like rocks (like mine did.).

It was one of the most painful treatments I've had but today the pain is easing slowly and I know that I'll be ok. So I've been reminded that when something has proven to work effectively before (my chioro's ability to fix my back pain) then I should trust him when pain rears its ugly head in future. The sports doctor cost me a small fortune and did virtually nothing to fix the problem (anti inflams and rest will always help but they are not a long term fix).

I still want to have a postural assessment and be given specific exercises to address my SIJ problem but his advice was get into yoga (or Pilates) and stretch, stretch, stretch. Oh and dont wait 8 months between chiro treatments if I have back (or related) pain.

These last few days have really made an impression on me and driven home some tough lessons that are like a bitter pill to swallow. But then we all know that its the medicine that tastes the worst thats the best for us.

:-) (almost) Magda

BEWARE! VENTING

I'm sure there is no irony or coincidence attached to the fact that when one's diet is less than optimal and negative emotions are rife, the physical self will accordingly go into decline.

Once again I'm battling sharp pains thru my glutes and adductors and to a lesser degree my abductors, hamstrings and lower back. In a nutshell, my lower body feels fucked. The pain came on again on Sunday or Monday and by yesterday afternoon I could hardly sit for any length of time as the shooting and stabbing pains were relentless.

I had made an appopintment to see a physio but that was for Monday and I couldnt wait that long. In desperation I rang and got an appointment with my chiro today. A very interesting appointment followed but this is not about what he said and what I learned from him today.

This is about me feeling angry and depressed that my body lets me down and stuffs up my dreams and plans of running another HM. I hate feeling incapacitated, unable to do the things I love. I hate being in pain and wondering if I can indeed run the distances that I want to run. I'm angry that I'm in this predicament. I'm not that old and I just cant accept that my body wants to bail out on me. I'm depressed about it all and fed up.

Worse still is that none of my friends understand what this means to me. In their eyes, I'm wierd because I choose to be active. I'm the strange one that gets up at 5am when nobody could possibly do that. Sometimes I want to yell back at them "guys whats the alternative?? to never exercise, to be overweight or obese, to have no strength or fitness?" Wow that sounds like a great life.

This is not how I want to be and I will NOT accept that "oh I'm a bit older now so I cant expect to do ....". My chiro gave me some good advice today. It was simple. It  reminded me of what I've always known and done but had recently neglected. And it reminded me that when you're on a good thing, stick to it. Dont go looking for better (or different) because you may just end up with worse.

So now that I've got all that off my chest I'll get on with what I know I must do. Things will get better. The pain will go away and if I manage things better I may even avoid it in future (fingers crossed). I want at least one more go at the Greenbelt Half but this body has to work with me and not against me.

Now breathe and go to bed.

Magda

THE HORSE RIDING ANALOGY

When things go pair shaped as they have for me lately, it'd be so easy to just stay off blogger and maintain a false sense of everything going great. But I hardly ever do that as I find being honest and open about my difficulties does help me in the long run. It may also help others who experience similar challenges. Who knows??

I'm so lucky to have a  friend who I can talk to about this because its certainly not something that I'd share with Peter or my other circle of friends. So my friend contacted me last night and we had a nice email chat which always prompts me to think about things in more depth or from a different perspective. I believe that the more I understand and become aware of my thoughts and subsequent actions, the better placed I'll be to manage those negative behaviours.

Today I see things a lot differently with less drama and emotion attached. I liken my journey to learning to ride a horse. Pre a year ago I knew very little about horse riding. I'd hop on and without any skills or experience I'd soon be falling off and then repeating the same mistakes over and over again. It was obvious that I need horse riding lessons.

So I found out about the lessons and enrolled myself and got some really good tuition. I started to practice horse riding again and slowly I got better at it. I was developing skills and getting experience under my belt plus my confidence was increasing. This was much better than just winging it without lessons.

But every now and then the horse throws me off and I lie on the ground feeling battered, bruised and deflated. Eventually I pick myself up, dust myself off and give it another go.

My conversation last night brought me to a point where I wondered if deep, deep down I still dont see myself as a horse rider. After 30+ years of not knowing how to ride a horse its hard to change my perception of myself. Maybe it comes down to a lack of belief in myself, in my ability to change???

I guess it comes back to a key message that Matii (my SP) gave me in our last session together: "Whether you believe you can or believe you cant, you're right." Perhaps its time to start believing that I can.

And finally I was at a management training session yesterday and the presenter shared this with the group: Instead of 'thinking' into a new way of 'behaving', try 'behaving' into a new way of 'thinking'.

More on this later. If you're still reading, thanks for listening.

:-) M

WHEN THE WHEELS FALL OFF ....

...... and the train is derailed and heading for "Station Two Giant Steps Backwards", I'm left wondering why this happens to me over and over again.

Is the desire to change an intermitent process like turning a tap on and off? How can it be so strong one day and then like the flick of a switch, its turned off. Maybe not that instantly but like a game of dominos when one comes down, we all know that most will follow. We seem to be so easily drawn in to the easy option of throwing our hands in the air and declaring it all to be too hard.

A wise person once wrote (and no I'm not linking to them) : Dont let your minor slip-ups become the beginning of the end. Great advice!! So why dont we listen to it, follow it and know that we'll be ok again. Do we have to hit rock bottom before we can begin to bounce back up? It takes a mighty strong person to stop their own free fall and claw their way back up. I just dont feel that strong right now. There is emotion to deal with. Disappointment to handle and put into perspective. Some more soul searching and maybe a healthy dose of "harden the fuck up princess."

There may have been an evolution happening over the last year or so but at times like this I feel there is so much further to go and I wonder how I'll get myself there.

M

NO PERFECT TRAINING PLAN YET

Time is flying by this week and its really wearing me out. I went to the theatre on Tuesday night  and the very late night threw me all out of whack. I didnt run on Wednesday morning figuring that after 4 days of running each day, the rest would do me good anyway. I ran this morning and cracked the 50 minutes as I was up before my alarm. Apart from a minor knee incident near the end of my run, all was good.

I have yet to establish my perfect training plan due to our physical set up. I have ideas floating around in my head but until a number of things are finished around our house, I cant implement anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm treading water. So for now its running and prehabs until I look further into pilates for my dicky SIJ. The hunt is on for a good physio who can posturally assess and prescribe a pilates (or similar) plan to address my weaknesses.

So bedtime has come around and its time to sign off and gear down. Tomorrow is a no-alarm day for us which is such a luxury these days. If I'm lucky I'll sleep just past 6am LOL.

M

SUGAR FREE FOR SEVENTEEN

Sitting through a less than exciting seminar today, it occurred to me that I'm now up to 17 days of being sugar free. Well maybe not totally 100% free because I do still enjoy a skim cappuccino on most days and use soy milk occassionally (both have small amounts of sugar in them) but thats about it for my (added) sugar consumption.

If I have oats for breakfast I soak a small amount of sultanas with the oats and bran and they provide just enough sweetness to not require extra. I've converted to non fat Greek yogurt which is delicious with thawed blueberries. I usually have a piece of fruit in the afternoon as well.

All of this makes a huge improvement on my previous habits and after reading some pretty scary stuff about what sugar does to the human system (its aging, it promotes fat storage, it can cause mood swings and a heap of other nasty feelings and reactions) I'm happy to reduce my consumption quite drastically.

But I stil have times where I want a sugary treat like today having survived (just!!) a really tough afternoon at work. But I knew it was a psychological thing of wanting a treat rather than a physical need to ingest sugar. The craving came and the craving went and I proved that not every craving has to result in that food being consumed and in what would likely be ridiculous quantities.

At this point I really want to make it to 21 days (that'll be Sunday) and then I'll reassess whether I choose to stay sugar free or not. I do admit that I'm liking how good I feel.

M

HAPPY 900TH

This is my 900th post to this blog. I started it on 1 December 2006 on the eve of starting my comp prep for a September 2007 show. I’ve re-read my first post and with the benefit of hindsight I now realise how skewed and wrong my thinking was. There I was gearing up to compete in the hope that the diet and training would fix my yoyo dieting and emotional eating. All I wanted was to make it to the stage and be lean and toned and oh so proud of how I looked.

Who would have predicted the tumultuous journey that I went through to get there? But I was determined to see my goal through and in all of the ups and downs (and there were LOTS of downs) I always kept going no matter how tough it was. I have a couple of medals as evidence of my hard work and steely determination and my training room has a large framed print of me on comp day with my medals also included in the frame. No matter what happened after, I’m still incredibly proud of what I achieved and have no regrets about doing it.

So what did happen after? In a nutshell I had two years of trying to come to terms with the post comp weight gain, deciding I’d compete again, dieting again, losing control and over-eating again. This cycle was repeated ad infinitum. I tried everything to get my control back and get my weight to a happy place. But the pattern was set and I just couldn’t break out of it. I was in a downward spiral and didn’t know how to reset the direction I was travelling in. Man they were a tough couple of years.

So finally about a year ago I sought professional help and found a great Sports Psychologist who I clicked with and very quickly I was on the road to recovery. (Well there was a lot more to it than that but it really did happen easily once I understood the psychology behind my thoughts and actions). Soon after I made one of the most important and significant decisions of my life: I decided that I would never diet again.


From there on I began a journey of trusting my instincts to know what and how much to eat in order to maintain my weight and lose a little more. I also allowed myself to gravitate towards exercise I enjoy rather than slavishly following what I thought I should be doing. Hence the runner in me emerged and my passion for it grew and grew over the following months. I was determined to run a half marathon in under 2 hours 30 minutes and I achieved my goal in April of this year.

It hasn’t all been an easy ride or a bed of roses over the last year. Many times I’ve reached out for help from fellow bloggers but in the end I realise that all of my answers are within me. When I stray off course (and I certainly have on many occasions) I can refocus by asking myself who I want to be and how I want to live my life. The answers steer me back in the right direction.


I can honestly say that my life is in a happy place and I’m happy within my skin, calmer and more accepting of me and all my faults. I make mistakes and I forgive myself. I go with the flow and stress less. I trust myself to know what is right for me and what is best for me. I will not be told what and how much to eat by anybody any more no matter how much I respect them in their professional roles. When I need help and support with my running training, I turn to the professionals. If I have a goal, I pursue it with passion.


So who knows where my next 900 posts will take me? I have no big plans or goals for the second half of this year but am working on getting a few kilos off so that I feel better, look better and run better. Its not a painful or depressing process this time. I’d like to change the direction and focus of my blog as well but need a decent time commitment to make that happen. Who knows, maybe I’ll make that my goal for my 1000th post.


Cheers all

Magda

I AM RUNNER HEAR ME ROAR

Its taken a while but I'm now back running (well jogging really) consistently. On Saturday I limited myself to 30 minutes which was perfect as  I didnt have much time anyway. All good with the 30 minutes :-)

On Sunday I wanted to go for longer. I'd been to my friend's birthday celebration the night before and whilst I certainly didnt go overborad, I did indulge in some nibbles and a few well spaced out and sipped slowly wines. I knew that burning off a few of those calories would be welcomed.

I set out planning to run for 30 minutes and then walk fast for another 30. So off I went and felt particularly good. As it got close to 30 minutes I decided to push it out to 35 - I mean whats 5 extra minutes anyway. Once I convinced myself of that it didnt take long to aim for 40 minutes. All this was spurred on by that euphoric feeling you get when you hit your "running zone". I experienced it many times when training for the HM and even during the race and this is the first time I've experienced it since then. ITS SUCH A GREAT FEELING!!

So Sundays' run turned out to be 45 minutes and I just felt so good both physically and mentally. I added a 15 minute walk for the perfect finish. It was during that session that I was reminded just how much I love running. If I ever had lost my way and had doubts about who I was and what I was happy doing, Sunday morning made it all clear to me again. It even made me more determined to commit to my prehab exercises regularly just so that my body functioned well for running.

Yep I was out there again this morning managing 40 minutes and feeling really happy with that too.

I'm not planning any races or events til next year but I know that many a kilometere will be covered til then just because I want to do it for enjoyment - oh and burning a few calories never hurt either.

THE CORPORATE CUP WRAP UP

Yesterday was a big test for me. I signed up for the Corporate Cup challenge in the spirit of team work with my colleagues and having run a HM recently it was sort of expected of me. Plus I was happy to step up to the plate and run with my colleague and friend Miss R.


We are registered for a 4.5km run which we do once a fortnight and you gain points for improving your time. It was an awful wet and cold day yesterday so the thought of running in it was oh so NOT appealing. Plus with my inflamed SIJ my training has really taken a backward progression. I admit, this made me nervous as well as running with somebody (I always train alone) who may be quite a bit faster than me.
 OK so we managed the 4.5kms in a smidge under 32 minutes purposely taking a couple of short walk breaks so as not to do our best run first up. Remember its about improving over a course of 8 runs. What I found depressing though was my really high heart rate from what should have been a light and easy jog. Then to rub salt into the wound, my recovery time was in the vicinity of 20 minutes. Eegads this is very poor form and I commented to Miss R that I’m certainly not HM material now.

The funny thing is that all morning I kept telling myself that if I was going to run in the cold and the rain then I would reward myself with a toasted foccacia or some take away pasta for lunch. After all I deserved it and the salad I had with me just didn’t look appealing. Well after finishing the run and feeling very warm and toasty back in my office, the salad actually looked ok so I ate it with relish (that’s enjoyment not a food product) but then found myself in hungry, hungry hippo land for the rest of the day.


Scrounging for food, I devoured an extra serve of almonds and resisted the salt and vinegar chips from the charity box. Dinner was very welcome and devoured with gusto. Then as I was getting ready for bed last night I looked at my stomach and was absolutely convinced that I had put some of my weight back on. I just felt FAT.


Well how wrong I was as I weighed in ½ kilo lighter this morning. So the run must have torched some serious calories and the elevated heart rate probably added to it. Well worth it all in the end, me thinks.


And as for not being HM material now, I have one thing to say: The only way is up baby and that’s where I’m heading.

JULY - IN A NUTSHELL

Wow its time for another monthly review and report. (It sounds a bit like an exam result LOL). I’m gonna put it out there honest with warts and all.


I started the month with my weight already having crept up a bit and knowing that there would be heaps of socialising and eating out to challenge me in keeping it under check. I set myself a mini goal of finishing the month at the weight I started it at.


I didn’t achieve this goal. My weight is up by a few kilos and its not just a bit of temporary bloat as I’ve already addressed that.


In July my approach to mindful eating pretty much went out the window and I indulged in what I call overly relaxed eating where its sort of whatever I feel like and if it tastes good then I tend to eat too much of it. I ate out HEAPS and subsequently drank lots of wine and had more than my fair share of sweet treats. So it was no wonder that the kilos crept on – or rather jumped on. At one stage I could almost hear my fat cells have the welcome party. LOL


Training wise I had a set back that added to my weight gain. I had a forced two weeks off from all lower body work to allow my inflamed SIJ to heal. So more food + less walking/running = fatter Magda. There are no surprises or rocket science in that.

My headspace has been good though. I may not have the eating down pat just yet (it’s a work in progress) but mentally I handle things much better and I’m proud that I’ve changed my thinking around in this regard. Yes I did over-eat but I didn’t beat myself up, or get depressed, or cry “victim” or feel ashamed about it. At the end of the day it was more like “well that was fantastically yummy and indulgent but now its time to rein it in and shed these kilos”.



So recently I’ve cranked up the mindful eating and am making choices that will support my goal of losing 3kgs in 4 weeks (this being week 2). I’m not following a “diet” as such but trust my instincts around the foods I choose to eat. Treats aren’t banished but kept very much in moderation. I’ve reacquainted myself with feeling hungry (before meals) and its not a bad feeling at all. Running is back in my training schedule but I’m easing into it so as not to fall into the trap of too much too soon.


I can smell success and I deserve it. Whilst I like myself no matter what and I wont let the extra kilos bring me down, I know that taking this action is the right thing to do. Its about long term health, happiness and living true to my values. Oh and I admit, I’m vain.

M

DAY 8 SUGAR FREE

Today marks day 8 without sugar - bar the sprinkle of chocolate on my cappuccinos. Its been easier than I thought and I didn’t even set out to go totally sugar free. It sort of morphed into that just through consciously choosing to eat better. I must admit that I’m feeling pretty good.







The weekend was all good with no major slides off the rails. Wine and nibbles kept in moderation. Food all pretty good. Enjoyed a fabulous spaghetti marinara out locally on Saturday night. I say fabulous because it was loaded with good quality seafood and the ratio of seafood to spaghetti was excellent. Nothing worse than a marinara where it’s a plateful of pasta and a few bits of scrappy seafood stirred through. Oh and it was loaded with garlic so I should have excellent immunity against any potential colds or flus.






I have now introduced jogging back into my morning walks. On Saturday I did my trusty 1 song walk / 1 song jog routine which is a great way to build up my running fitness again. There are still some aches around my SIJ area and I’ve gone back onto the anti-inflams (not sure how long I was meant to take them for – any advice on this would be appreciated) to keep it in check. This morning I had no aches and I hope this becomes the norm. I’m running in the Corporate Cup for work so I don’t want to be battling SIJ pain.






So tracking like this I should be well on the way to my mini goal of 3 kgs off over 4 weeks, with week 1 down. Gotta love it when you start the week feeling so good and so positive :-)

ON THE DEFENCE - AGAIN

I started the day with a foot to metal meeting with you know who. I was happy with my drop of 2.3kgs - most of which is bloat and fluid - but I figure "better gone than hanging on my body". What a nice start to my day :-)

If I've completed all my planned weekly training then I have Friday morning off and dont set an alarm. This in itself is a massive treat. Today I made up for this by walking home from work. It was a decent 45 minutes and I managed to keep a fairly good pace, despite catching "dont walk" signs at many intersections. Wine and nibbles tonight were kept in check but still enjoyed.

Tonight I found myself defending my decision and actions at home having felt like I was being accused of going overboard with my dieting......again. Geez, give me a break. Why criticize me for recognising that things had gotten too relaxed on both the diet and training fronts and I had gained weight.  Surely taking action now before the weight gain got worse is a good thing??!!
I found myself stating the obvious in that if I was going overboard I would:

1. not be drinking any wine
2. not be eating any nibbles
3. be weighing and measuring every morsel of food I consumed
4. be recording all my food on CalKing and analysing it to the nth degree
5. be miserable and depressing to be around - (who knows maybe I am LOL)

At the end of the day I must remember that I cant control what others say and think but I can control how I react. Will handle it better next time - after I've given Peter a good slap across the head for being so irrational and critical LOL

M

TICKING THE IMPORTANT BOXES

This morning I was woken early by the sound of rain. Immediately my mind went to thoughts of "oh I cant get out there to do my morning walk". I turned my alarm off and planned to go back to sleep. But once I'm awake, I'm awake and it took but a few minutes to decide that getting up and walking was a good idea. So I did and felt so much better for it. I was due to meet a couple of friends for breakfast before work and getting there would have been a 35 minute walk. Then breakfast was cancelled but yippee I had already walked and no exercise was missed today.

Food wise today was a bit of a go with the flow day and thats ok because life is not a 100% planned and predicatble adventure. I was holed up interviewing all day so set meal times just werent possible. I did my best and am happy with it.

No headaches today so maybe my body is adjusting to this wonderful cleanliness. Water with lemon and/or green tea (with vanilla) consumption has been great so basically I'm ticking the important boxes. Now to just do it day after day, after day and not let the destructive thought patterns and excuses start creeping in.

Next challenge is Friday night wine and nibbles including wine with dinner. This has been a bit of a downfall lately and its an area that needs better management and control. So I'll need to be really mindful of how I feel and the internal dialogue that takes place. Focus Magda, focus and you can find what works for you.

Cheers all

Magda

SUGAR WITHDRAWAL??

After a spell where my sugar consumption crept into the too high category, my decision to remove it from my diet (not permanently but certainly to be an occassional treat) has had its consequences. Is it possible to have sugar withdrawal symptoms that are like like a mild detox?

I still have some coffee (that too has been cut back a bit though) so ist not caffeine withdrawal but I notice that I'm waking up with a mild headache or perhaps getting one at the end of the day. My dinners have been on the light side with the focus being on protein and mainly green veges and I'm enjopying this refreshing change but by the morning I feel my body saying "hey dude, where's the sugar??" Similar at night after a day of no refined sugar consumption and just one or two pieces of fruit and maybe a small serve of sultanas to sweeten my porridge. I found that soaking the sultanas with the oats and bran overnight adds enough sweetness so that no extra sugar or honey is required. Genius, arent I??!!

But all this is really mild and not causing any concern. I do find it interesting though.

This morning I ventured back onto the MM for a foot to metal meeting and was happy to see over 2kgs of bloat gone. Nice start but I know its just bloat from fluid and extra food consumed on Sunday. However what is left is extra fat sitting on my thighs and stomach most noticeably. Sadly the 2kg drop doesnt put me back in my happy place :-(

So I'm soldiering on with my plan and re-forming good habits that will bring success. A slimmer and trimmer body will soon be mine and I'm ready for it, thats for sure!

Cheers all

M

HERE'S TO DIFFERENT

There are some great ideas and perspectives that I'd love to blog about but again I start blogging late in the day when I'm tired and those thoughts just dont gel any more. I'm a bit disappopinted as I'd like to write some better stuff than my late night ramblings about not much at all. Oh well maybe tomorrow I'll get an earlier start and produce something better.

It feels quite good to be focussing a little more on weight loss through improved diet and exercising consistently. I look towards the future with lots of positive feelings and a quiet belief that it wont be too long before I'm back in my happy place with how I look and feel. The key difference this time is that I refuse to become anal and obsessive about it. I know what needs to be done and yes its early days, but I'm just doing it with minimal fuss and fanfare.

I'm also toying with some habits and behaviours that I dont normally practice. I believe that different things work at different times and I'm not so set in my thoughts and ways that I wont do things differently to see if I can improve. So here's to different. Different habits. Different thoughts. Different beliefs. Different (and better) results. I look at it as experimentation and the quest to find what is ultimately right for me. I'll write more about this as I experiment further.

Again today my system thanked me, this time for drinking more water and some green tea (with vanilla). Things are working better already - although I'm sure there was a distinct protest that the sugar supply had been cut off. Well get used to it as the sugary foods have been banished to the "occassional treat" file and will not be daily event. Long live the lean and clean foods - my (re)new(ed) best friends. LOL

M

DRAWING THE LINE IN THE SAND AND THE 11TH COMMANDMENT: THOU SHALT NOT SELF DIAGNOSE

My day started with a foot to metal meeting with my trusty old foe, the Metal Monster. The line had to be drawn in the sand and it was with no surprise on my behalf. I wasnt happy with the number but I'm determined that it will come down. Painful experience completed and time to move on.

All treats were finished off over the last few days. Mum sent home a slice of my delicious birthday cake and I had it while watching Dancing With the Stars. I didnt want to be indluging today and I couldnt bring myself to ditch it. Even though I wasnt hungry for it, I still enjoyed every single mouthful - and therein lies one of my challenges. I LOVE FOOD and often eat a lot more than I need because it just tastes so bloody good. Portion control is not one of natural talents.

Training today was a 40 minute fast walk with plans to introduce walk/jogs on the weekend and then some light jogging next week. I'm esaing back into it after time off for my SIJ and then a week of almost non-existent training last week. It was really cold this morning (as usual) and I love the cold, refreshing air on my face as I power along. Very invigorating!!

Food was great with eggy oats for breakfast (sultanas added for sweetness), one skim cappuccino (my small daily treat), pink salmon and a huge salad for lunch, a pear and a small handful of almonds for afternoon tea and then left over Greek marinated lamb with brussel sprouts (a favourite of mine) for dinner. I can hear my body rejoicing with "yay she's eating fruit and veges again and cutting out the crap." To which I respond "Well body, its time you were treated better. You deserve it.".

Finally I decided that a visit to my GP was in order as I was no longer convinced that my neck rash was psoriasis. And he confirmed that it isnt. Lucky me, I've picked up a fungal infection :-( No wonder all the dietary changes were making no difference. At least now I can relax and continue to enjoy dairy foods, white flour (although this wont be high on my consumption list), red meat and alcohol (another item being severly cut back). What a relief to be given cream to treat it and know that I shall soon be rid of it.

Cheers all

Magda

NOT DEFENDING - JUST EXPLAINING

One of the things I love most about blogging is the myriad of experiences, perspectives, beliefs and skills that exist when it comes to weight loss / weight  management.

There is and always be those that live the body building lifestyle. They eat clean and enjoy treats / cheats depending on where they are in the competition cycle - off season = some cheats and / or treats; on season = very few, if any cheats / treats. Diet is usually pretty structured to strict and is followed to the letter (or pretty close to). Plus full blown train-til-you're-knocking-on-death's-door weight training and varying levels and types of cardio. Its pretty hard core but those that do it, usually love it and live and breathe it. Whilst that lifestyle is not my choice now (I have done it once) I still admire and respect those that choose it.

At the other end of the spectrum are the intuitive eaters who have successfully tuned into their bodies needs both physically, emotionally and spiritually and follow their instincts / intuitions about what, how much and when to eat. They are not bound by meal times, prescribed diet plans  and a list of shoulds / should nots. They choose exercise they enjoy and claim that this approach gives them a a sense of freedom, liberation, true enjoyment of and appreciation for life (and much more I'm sure).

I have sat at both ends of the spectrum although I dont believe that I truly mastered either one. The body building lifestyle didnt suit me and put a huge strain on my marriage and home life. At one stage I was so obsessed with my diet that I would weigh every morsel of food, write it down, enter it on CalKing, analyse it and stress over my macros like it was the most important thing in the world. I could not share a meal because I wouldnt know how much of each ingredient I was eating therefore I couldnt analyse it. If thats not insanity then I dont know what is.

About this time last year I made a commitment to never diet again and started my own journey to intuitive eating - or I prefer to call it "mindful eating". (There is a myriad of reasons why 100% intuitive eating just doesnt work from a practical perspective for me). I've had my ups and downs. I've learnt a lot and come a long way. And those who read my blog regularly will know that it hasnt all been smooth sailing and there have been many stormy seas to navigate. I'm proud to say that I did find balance and that my sould destroying binging did reduce. However I havent said a final farewell to it yet.

But the truth and reality is that lately the pendulum has swung too far into the relaxed eating side of the equation and I have the extra kilos weighing me down, making a lot of my clothes too tight and making me feel blaaah. I need to shift the pendulum back to a place where those kilos come off and stay off. I have never been a happy fat person and this itself has often motivated me to keep my weight at or below a certain level. This is not  a bad thing.

So my plan is to eat mainy clean unprocessed foods, train for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 x / week and keep the treats well under control. Yes I will impose some personal rules about what I eat and how often as I've found that the lack of those rules has got me where I am now. I wont be following a strict diet. I wont be recording and analysing everything but I will be gearing my lifestyle up for weight loss.

I do agree 100% that we each need to find what works for us. There is no one size fits all solution. I've read some self help books that others raved about  and that got brilliant reviews and they were totally lost on me. I came away thinking that I just didnt get it. Some other self help books have been brilliant eye openers and have made a difference to my life. As for what works for me - well I'm still discovering it and mastering it as I go. I just know that I'm not alone on this journey. If weight loss and maintenance was simple and easy, then squillions of people around the world wouldnt finding it so challenging to master. Hail to those that have discovered the secret, found their answers and are living the exact life they want.

:-) Magda

BIRTHDAY HOORAY

I'm not sure what inspired me to do a 9 day celebration of my birthday this year but thats where I'm heading and at day 7 I'm seriously over it.

I started last Saturday with a lovely dinner out at The Rising Sun Inn which is conveniently a short walk from home. The other events of note were: lunch out on Tuesday, lunch out on Wednesday, birthday cake Wednesday night, left over birthday cake on Thursday night, birthday morning tea on Friday, lunch out on Friday and so it goes on. It'll finish on Sunday night (thank god!!).

Somebody needs to remind the Fatness Fairy that birthday calories DONT COUNT!!!! She is clearly of a differing opinion and has bestowed upon me an unwanted birthday gift of a few extra kilos. My lord, were my jeans tight today :-(

So on Monday I delve back into the "D" world. Stuff this bloody intuitive eating (or I call it mindful eating), I have kilos to lose and its time to put those oars back into the water and start rowing. I need structure. I need more discipline. I need a damned good consistent effort. And I need a different mind-set (which I'm working on).

This is not a sentence. This is not  deprivation or being a slave to somebody else's rules. Its about sucking it up, putting in the effort and doing what it takes to get back to my physically happy place. Join me from Monday to follow my ?????? (I need a snazzy title and will try to come up with one whilst finishing off my celebrations).

Cheers all

M

PSORIASIS SAGA AND SILLY SACRO ILIAC

PSORIASIS SAGA

Well here is my psoriasis in all its ugly and itchy glory. The picture doesnt do it justice as its often quite red, dry and scaly. Not to mention itchy.

For some weeks now I've made a half reasonable effort to get rid of it through diet alone. This has worked well for me in the past and I believe it will still work. The problem has been that I'll follow the psoriasis ridding principles for a few days and then I'll slacken off. So it starts to go but never finishes.

It was looking quite hopeful on Monday and Tuesday as it was very mild but then after dinner on Tuesday it turned red again and itched like mad. I had trouble getting to sleep. Sadly I had actaully been quite good with my diet and could only put the flare up down to one thing .... a little extra wine :-( :-(

The writing is on the wall and I'm reading it but action will have to wait til birthday celebrations are over. Sadly I think that in this situation it has to be all or nothing .... a 100% effort to finally shake it. I even found my trusty old cream and started using it, despite the use by date being well and truly in the past. A fresh tub is on the shopping list for next week though.

So yes I'm being a total spoilt brat, sooky lala and WILL NOT compromise my birthday celebrations which start tomorrow. The buckling down will have to wait til after that. Then its no white flour, no dairy, no red meat, severely reduced alcohol intake and increased intake of oily fish until my neck/throat is clear again. How hard could that be??

SILLY SACRO ILIAC

Whilst I havent nailed the elimination of my psoriasis, I have actually completed two weeks of no lower body training whatsoever. GO ME!!!

After completing the HM and taking no decent rest break I paid dearly by suffering an inflamed sacro iliac joint. OMG it was so painful to run and even walk. I saw a sports med doctor as I honestly didnt know what was wrong. All I knew was that something was very wrong. So after the diagnosis she prescribed a low dose anti inflamatory and two weeks of rest. Eegads no running :-(

The first week was a disaster as I had a week of inner turmoil which translates into outer over eating. I felt like I gained about 5 kilos in that week alone. Then I had a bit of an awakening (yep another one), a bit of re-alignment (oh yeah know how to do that) and set myself back onto the path I want to travel (better to keep on trying than to throw in the towel). I ventured back into my cluttered and messy training room and just ... trained  ..... doing what I could with what I had in whatever space there was. All upper body work and then today some prehab work ala Liz to get the lower body back into order again. Every session was short, intense and hard and left me feeling so much better. Ah the power and wonders of training :-)

I'm ready now to ease back into the lower body work. I plan to do some walking then some walk / jogs and then introduce running about 1 - 1.5 weeks from now. Fingers crossed that the SIJ is all ok.

Finally I had to share this pic of my hard working family. Precious arent they??

STATUS UPDATE

Tonight I thought I'd bore you all to death with a status update on a few bits and pieces. I'll start with a goal I set myself a few weeks ago.

ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER FREE BABY

I've been successful in ditching the ASs. I started by cutting out my daily love affair with sugar free lollies. My how I loved to munch away on them throughout the afternoons while chained to my computer at work. Yes I did miss them terribly at first, often reaching over for the packet which was no longer there. Sob. Sob. But I got past it all and then tackled the AS yogurt and changed over to snacking on almonds and a piece of fruit in the afternoon. Slowly my last bottle of sugar free maple syrup ran out and my breakfast oat/protein pancakes were sweetened up with apple sauce which was surprisingly better than I thought it would be. I felt really sad when I ate my last pancake with maple syrup on it. Apart from that there wasnt really any other AS in my diet. I have a bit of soy protein left and I notice that's artificially sweetened but I havent needed it so it sits on my desk at work. As for the Diet Coke, we are no longer having a casual affair and not a drop has passed my lips for longer than I can remember.

So what is the outcome of this? Its hard to judge because as this was taking shape, my diet ... shall we say  ..... wasnt at the better end of the spectrum erhum erhum. Now that I've cleaned it back up and things are more settled with me I can honestly say that I feel no different. No better. No worse. Not noticing any changes in how my body works or feels.

Did I expect things to change? Well let me put it this way. With all the bad press that ASs get and how we are bombarded with how bad they are for us, I guess I expected to feel somewhat better when I cut them out. In comparison, if I have a few days of crappy eating where I really overdo the sugary, processed, fatty foods I feel worse and of course by cutting them out and going clean there is a noticeable improvement in how I feel. Well the AS changeover had no such effect. I never felt "bad" having them (except for one bout of too many SF lollies giving me a ripper of a stomach ache) and cutting them out didnt make me feel any better.

Lets just say, I'm not convinced that I'll stay AS free from here on. As long as my intake stays low then I'm not going to stress about it.

THE MEDITERRANEAN DIET

We had great intentions with this one but old habits die hard and making a noticeable switch to the principles of this eating plan didnt really come off. We were never going to do it 100% but fell way short of that anyway. Maybe down the track we'll be a bit more committed to giving it a better go but right now we're cruising along in our comfort zones with our normal diet. Peter is more committed to training regularly (not being sick 80% of the time helps) and is maintaining his weight well considering he gains every winter. And for me the challenges come from the emotional side of eating so when I get that right it all works pretty well for me.

THE PSORIASIS SAGA ....

... deserves its own post with a warning that I may include a picture and an honest update. Watch this space (I know you just cant wait for that one!!!).

M

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

Being on holidays this week I get to indulge in the truly informative world of daytime TV. Does anybody else share my love/hate of this special domain? As I was eating my breakfast in front of channel 7's 9am show (is it called Today? I hardly ever watch it) I caught the most fascinating and at the same time most infuriarating feature story. It was about "Gainer Bloggers" (sorry I'm not linking to it or anything as I cant be bothered searching them out). Who/what are they you ask?

They're morbidly obese people who are actively trying to increase their weight and they're doing it in a public domain through blogs. They featured the "world's fattest mum" who's goal it is to get to 450kg. Yes you read right 450 KILOGRAMS. Apparently she has a blog where she posts her food intake, photos of her gorging herself, photos of her in bikinis and comments such as "fat is sexy". Some of her followers even send her food to help her cause.

I found myself staring in fascination at what makes these people tick.

Are they seeking out their 15 minutes of fame?
Are they so over dieting and trying to lose weight that they've decided to swing the opposite way and by going public and rallying a support base do they justify their actions?

I listened to the story of the mother aiming for 450kgs with pictures of herself in a bikini posted on her blog and all I could think of was her kids. OMG where do I start?

What message is she sending her kids about personal values?
What message is she sending her kids about living a healthy lifestyle?
How will other kids treat her kids if/when they find out what she does (and they WILL find out)?
If she dies at a young age (which is almost certain) what will happen to her kids? Does she ever stop to think about that?

Then I felt sad to think that her life revolved around this tragic goal (and it did because she physically could do little else) which is a thinly veiled death sentence.

So for those of us who sometimes struggle with emotional eating and would like to be about 5 to 10 kilos lighter I have one thing to say "baby we've got NOTHING to worry about".

THE END

PS Feel free to shoot me down or join me on my soap box but this really pressed my buttons and I've put it out there as I see it.

.... ONE GIANT STEP FOR MY COMMITMENT

Isnt it interesting?? I make a commitment to permanent change to live a lifestyle based on leanness, fitness and vitality. So when I go to a cafe purely for a soy cappuccino (off dairy til my psoriasis goes - yeah I know I've been saying this for a while) the dessert cabinet is groaning with every imaginable cheesecake, banana caramel pie, flourless orange cake and I could go on and on. Everything looks superbly delicious. I'm hungry and could easily polish off any one of the delectable temptations calling my name. Last week I would have.

So today I looked at them and acknowledged how great they looked and no doubt how delicious they'd be (yes I have a sweet tooth like there's no tomorrow). And then I let those feelings and thoughts go, enjoyed my cappuccino and kept my appetite for dinner.

One small step for man one giant step for my commitment.

:-) Magda

HOW COOL IS BEING ON HOLIDAYS!!??

Got up at 8. No training today as upper body is riddled with DOMS and lower body training is banned until SIJ settles down. Pottered around. Ate breakfast around 9.30 then the fun started: baking gingerbread biscuits, baking a banana and coconut cake, my boy decorated the biscuits making a special heart shaped biscuit just for me, watching a dvd, playing solitaire on the computer, playing our version of good guys vs bad guys, out for a coffee (me) and biscuit (my boy) and doing an outer space activity sheet from last week's paper and then home.

Geez I could get used to this ..... as long as my pay landed in my bank account each fortnight LOL.

Cheers

Magda

THE NEW MOON ECLIPSE

True to my word I have spent the last 2 days taking small positive steps towards my ultimate goal. I've completed 2 upper body training sessions incorporating  ???? sets (what do you call them when you combine 3 exercises instead of 2??) and taking only minimal rest between sets. My weights have been moderate to heavy and I've enjoyed that nice shattered feeling through my arms on completion. All up the sessions are short and intense and then I get on with my day. Lord knows what I'll do tomorrow as I'm trying to give my SIJ complete rest and am not sure if walking (like powerwalking) is off limits too.

On Saturday I scaled my food RIGHT BACK to balance out some excesses from the last few days. It actually felt really good to have my tummy rumbling again asking for food instead of that familiar feeling of being overfull. I went to bed feeling so much better for taking these positive actions. Shame that I had a really crappy nights sleep but will hit the sack soon.

The new moon eclipse in Cancer happens early tomorrow morning and its said to be time when significant change is likely. New moons usually promote change anyway but being an eclipsed new moon, its meant to be far more intense. Well my comment is "bring it on baby". I know that its entirely up to me to implement the changes I want to make but at the end of the day, I'm not going to say no to a little metaphysical help LOL.

Good night all.

Magda

MY COMMITMENT: PERMANENT CHANGE

Today I finished work at 5pm feeling like a wrung out rag. It was a very busy and demanding day to wrap everything up so I can take a week off. The pressure, amongst other things has resulted in many poor food choices, not to mention the paltry amount of training that I've managed lately.

Tonight I asked myself: "Do I like how I look and feel?" The answer was an immediate and obvious "NO". Then do something about it.

Stop thinking. Stop analysing. Stop assessing and re-assessing. Stop talking about it. Stop writing about it and start DOING.

I’m on holiday from today and couple that with the new moon eclipse in the early morning of the 12th and the planets may (should) just align to promote permanent change. That is my goal. That is my commitment. Wish me luck.


Time to formulate my plan of attack for tomorrow. Good night all

Magda

TRAINING ANALYSIS AND NEW PROJECTS

Oh my lord, Tuesday's upper body circuit has transported me to that familiar old planet of pain called DOMS. I'm coping with the sore pecs and the other muscle groups obviously werent pushed hard enough but my abs ARE KILLING ME. Plus its all made worse by the fact that I have a niggling cough left over from when I was sick and of course every cough = more DOMS pain. My how quickly we lose what we no longer train.

Which has got me thinking about my recent (like last 10 or so months) approach to training and where it has got me. I'm actually not happy with where I am.

When we moved house in September last year my weight training scaled right down and I started running more. I was quite happy doing this so I cranked up my running and scaled the weights back to nothing. I committed to do a half marathon so the running cranked up even more and there was no energy for any other training (I would take the stairs at work to go up one floor - thats how tired my legs were!!). So much for weight training to maintain my upper body muscle tone pffft no longer on the agenda.

So where did all this get me? Well I achieved my goal of running the half but post race enthusiasm overcame me and I rested for something like 3 days before I was running again. For this stroke of brilliance I was rewarded with an inflamed SIJ and a forced 2 weeks of no lower body training. Lo and behold let me discover how my upper body has gone to crap after the neglect it was subjected to.

Ok enough waffling and analysing the past (a favourite pastime I'm sure you'll agree). Where to from here?

Sort out the words (in my head) and then take action.

Oooh I'm even a little excited about it all. I love a new project and a challenge.

Cheers all

Magda

DISCIPLINE AND CONSISTENCY

Inspired by Liz's blog last night I made a positive decision to set my alarm and do some training this morning. It would have been so easy to slip into total slothdom (great word hey??!!) but I knew that I'd then face the very difficult task of getting back into the routine of early wake-ups when it was freezing outside and my bed was so toasty. Once the habit is in place its relatively easy to keep it going. But break the habit and then try going back to it ... well that can be quite hard.

So I checked out my training room and decided that there was enough room for a workout and set up some of the weights ready to go this morning. I chose to do an upper body circuit with light-moderate weights as its been ages since I threw any iron around and just about all of my upper body conditioning has well and truly gone. It felt good and tonight I even have some DOMS as proof that I worked hard (again thats a relative term considering where I'm coming from). I followed up with some ab and core strengthening work and continued the day with a  spring in my step.

Bugger the leadership seminar I attended first up. We werent told that breakfast was going to be provided and oh boy it looked so good. Sadly my discipline and consistency didnt win out over the breakfast buffet of mini ham and cheese croissants and scones with strawberry jam and cream. My they tasted so good but in all honesty I didnt need them and they did turn into a day of not so stellar eating. At least I didnt feel the cold as much with the increased fat consumption LOL.

But back to Liz's wise words about discipline and consistency which really struck a chord and "spoke to me". They sparked a small positive change today and tomorrow is another opportunity to build on that.

M

JUNE ROUND-UP

Hmmmm today I face up to some not so pleasant truths - depending on how you look at things. In the spirit of my monthly round-ups here is my June round-up and the news is not so good. But in the interests of honesty and openness I'm putting it out there in case others can relate, take something valuable away from it or just take comfort that they're not alone.

So let me start by admitting that in the last few weeks my eating has been a lot more relaxed. The bottom line is that a lot of non-hungry eating was happening regularly. Not necessrily binging which has decreased considerably but just eating a lot more than I know I should. Add to that an increased wine consumption plus too many sweet treats and voila the Metal Monster is once again registering a number that exceeds the highest number I ever want to be (and would prefer to be a good 5kgs under!!).

I'm not surprised. I could actually feel it without having the foot to metal meeting this morning but I faced up to the number regardless. So feelings / reactions??

Feelings: Not surprised. A bit disappointed that I went overboard and now have some work ahead of me to reign it back in / down. On the other hand - geez I had some yummy stuff :-) But here's the biggie: I'M NOT ALL EMOTIONAL AND FATALISTIC ABOUT IT. Its simple really: over-eat often = weight gain (a very simple equation). Accept it and make a choice about what you do in future.

Reactions: Calm and rational. What am I prepared to do about it? What am I NOT prepared to do about it? For me this is also a no-brainer.

July is my birthday month so there will be no big X week challenge with strict dieting and gruelling twice a day training in order to torch kilos at the speed of sound. Plus I'm sidelined from running and lower body cardio and swimming just isnt going to happen. This ban on cardio will not help my cause. There will be eating out and wine to be enjoyed. So its down to the food and making smart healthy choices whenever I can and saving the real treats for the special birthday meals (of which there will be at least 4 - we dont celebrate by halves!!). Maybe less sweet treats (oh my poor sweet tooth) and keeping portions moderate (easier said than done when eating out and the food tastes SO good.).

My goal is to finish July weighing no more than what I weighed this morning. Then we'll see what August brings.

Cheers all

M

SIDELINED

For several weeks I've ignored the pain through my glutes, upper hamstrings, lower back and that general vicinity when I run, walk or get up to walk after sitting for a period. Every morning my walk or run would start with pain at about a level 6 or 7 through that area and I would literally hobble like an old person until relief came after a few minutes. Sometimes I think the relief may not have actually come but I accepted that was how my body operated and pushed on through the pain. After all, its just a bit of pain and as athletes we all know that pain is something we have to deal with. (OK I dont actually consider myself to be an athlete but I have pursued some athletic activities and therefore I can call myself a "casual athlete".)

This morning I set out to run for my usual 40 - 45 minutes and once again the pain was with me and quite strong. I pushed on for about 10 or so minutes expecting relief at any time but it wasnt coming. Then I decided that I would drop back to a walk which although still painful was quite manageable. It was then I decided to finally get this checked out and not leave it any longer as it quite clearly wasnt going to go away of its own accord.

I've seen a sports doctor who is also a runner and was surprised that she didnt find anything more obviously wrong. I know that what I'm feeling is not normal. She has suggested that my sacro iliac joint is inflamed after running the Greenbelt Half Marathon and not taking a decent rest period for a good recovery. So I have anti-inflamatories and an order for lower body rest for 2 weeks.

I have mixed feelings about this. I will do as I'm told because I really want all this pain to go so I can once again enjoy running but a part of me will feel very guilty when I'm not getting up early to do my daily cardio. I'll get out of the routine and habit and I hope that I can pick it up and go back to it easily. Aaaargh the stress of the change in routine!!!!

Maybe this is the shove I need to tidy up my training room and push some iron around again (upper body only). Hmm this is NOT how I wanted my renewed approach to health and fitness to kick off.

M

MID YEAR REFLECTION

Seeing its the 30th of June today I couldnt resist reflecting back over how things have gone for me. So I did a cut and paste of what I wrote back in January (italics print) and my June review follows it in red. Here goes.

LOOKING FORWARD: 2010




For the first time in my life as far as I can remember, I'm not starting the year with a resolution to lose weight and to be X kilos by Y (date). Its not about body fat %s or the number on the scales for me any more. So here are some beliefs, values and habits that I want to develop further. These are my versions of "resolutions" written to suit me.




1. I will continue to develop my belief in myself. I will have faith that I hold the answers to how to eat for the lean and toned body that I desire.

In all honesty there have been times when I've lost sight of this. Just recently I've gone looking for answers in the wrong place only to wake up to myself fairly quickly and realise the error of my ways. One thing I've realised lately is that developing that self belief takes effort and must be practiced frequently. it aint just gonna appear out of the blue.


2. I will run, run and run some more. When my legs are tired from running, I'll lift some heavy weights to keep my upper body toned. Oh and I'll devote some time to improving my core strength.


One out of three on this one. Running gets the big tick. Upper body training has been neglected due to my training room doubling as a study, storage space, junk room, and "if I dont know where to put it, I'll put it in the training room". Plans are brewing for a training studio but this is still a few months away. Core strength sits in the same basket.


3. I will strive to be more patient and less grumpy. My son deserves this. So does my husband.


Hmmm I reckon I've improved in this area and will continue to work at it.


4. I will continue to place the highest importance on my family, their wellbeing, our wellbeing, harmony, support, nurturing and caring for. Doing this makes me truly happy.


Tick.


5. I will continue to nurture my friendships. My circle of friends is small and precious and I'd be lost without them.


Tick but room for improvement.


So there it is. The things that are important to me as I face this new decade. The end of 2009 saw big changes in my life and now its time to embrace them and take them further to make 2010 and the new decade the best one yet.

Its been enlightening to reflect back over the last 6 months. I've patted myself on the back for many of my victories and achievements - both physical and mental. On the other hand I've realised there are areas that need more work in the second half of the year and thats ok. I havent failed in those areas. I've just neglected them or accidentally gone off on a tangent for a while. At least by taking stock as I have, its helping me to refocus on whats important.
 
So at the risk of sounding all shmartzy and corny, I will rejuvenate, renew and reinvent for a bigger and better 2nd half of 2010. I'll be here blogging until I get my new look blog sorted out but its a little way off right now.
 
How are you tracking against your goals for 2010?
 
Cheers
 
Magda

SEE YOU ALL ON MY RETURN

My lurgy is still hanging around in the form of some pretty awful coughing. Its the dry raspy stuff that annoys the crap out of me cause it doesnt feel like it helps at all. Give me a good meaty chesty cough anyday. I have cough mixture but its proving to be pretty useless so last night I had a crap nights sleep and then vacated the bedroom early so as to not disturb Peter with my coughing in the hope that at least one of us would be reasonably well rested.

Therefore I started the day in the foulest mood having missed a sleep in opportunity when I felt so tired. So what would cheer me up and lift my spirits??

Lets start with a one hour walk. (Will ease back into running soon - but I'm not pushing it just yet.)

Lets follow it up with a long and very hot shower and then back into my PJs until it was time to go out to lunch. In fact we all lounged in our PJs until we went out and it was such a lovely relaxing morning - even though I was ironing and making sandwiches.

A phone call to our boy from his best friend who recently moved to the country. Six months after the move, my boy still misses his friend and the phone chat today was a very welcome surprise. I love seeing my boy so happy.

Then it was lunch out at The Bath Hotel. When we werent eating we were doing a family exercise for a school project - name 5 things you'd take to a tropical island to survive and say why you'd take each one. It was a lot of fun.

Then a walk on The Parade followed by coffee and dessert at a cafe and then home to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (again!) while snuggling up on the sofa. Hmmm nap time for me :-)

I'll be off line from tomorrow working on some other things. One of those is getting rid of my psoriasis which has again flared up in the last couple of weeks. Its quite simple really as for me its very much diet related. If I overindulge in some foods, it rears its itchy head to remind me to clean it up and reign it in so that is exactly what I'll be doing. I hope to get some spin off benefits from this as well.

So thats me over and out taking a mini break from blogging. See you all on my return.

:-) Magda

BEING GRATEFUL AND GOALS

With quite a bit of time to myself today I found myself reflecting over the events of the last 12 or so months. I'm constantly amazed at how fortunate I am and what a great life I have (thats not gloating but just being really grateful).

A year ago I was still expecting my current job to wind up and I'd be left with 2 choices: go back to my previous government job (not a bad job but one I had definitely moved on from) or start looking for something else in government (and deal with the application writing, interviews etc). To be made permanent and not have to face either of these options is like a mini lottery win. Its THAT good.

A year ago we had just made the decision to sell our house in NG and build a new home that would be EXACTLY what we wanted. The wierdest chain of events took us through some rough and stressful patches but we enjoyed a gorgeous rental in a very cosmopolitan area. During that time we realised that our family of 3 didnt need a 4 bedroom house with 3 living areas etc etc and we decided to follow a dream we'd always had. So after some more rough patches and stressful times we bought the house we live in now in an even better area that we both love.

I have trained for and run a half marathon in under 2:30 and although I've had some ups and downs and still battled the BM on occassions, overall I've ditched the strict dieting and managed to lose some more weight and then generally maintain to within a few kilos.

I have two goals that I'm aiming for over the coming month in the lead up to my birthday. One will see me pursuing a dream that has been dormant for a VERY long time. But I think about it so often now that deep down I know its time to dust it off and give it a go. The second will see me fine tuning an area that I'm not totally happy with. My aspirations arent huge or unrealistic but nevertheless will require a damned good effort to achieve. I'll be doing both off line but hope to share my adventure with all when I return.

Celebration Day tomorrow. Oooooh I'm so hanging out for a nice bubbly :-)

M

THE BEST NEWS

Today is a great day.

I went back to work still feeling like crap but knowing there was some stuff that I just had to get done. I did it and went home early. Then later in the day I had the most welcome email.

Almost 2 years ago I took up a temporary position in another government department. It was a promotion but being temporary, I always faced the prospect of going back to my previous position (and lower level of pay).

Today I was made permanent in this promotional position :-)

I am so fortunate on so many levels. My employer promotes and supports work / life balance arrangements. And I dont mean just talking the talk. They walk the talk and I take advantage of this. I have a great director as line manager and my new director as of 1 July is different but just as good. I manage a small team and we all work really well together - we're all Cancerians so I call us the "caring and sharing corner" LOL. No kidding we are really well tuned into each other's feelings.

I have a special colleague to thank for helping me achieve this. I worked with Miss R many years ago at my previous employment. She moved on and achieved great things but we stayed in touch as distant friends. Its her job that I'm in and I know she would have put in a good word for me when her job came up due to her maternity leave. She is still working with us and I will extend a VERY special thank you to her.

So tonight I have enjoyed a small bottle of champagne and shared a nice bottle of red with Peter. There is more celebrating in store for Sunday when I have lunch out with Peter and our boy. Peter says this is well deserved and I'll indulge accordingly (but not to excess).

Then I plan to take a short break from blogging while I attempt a small project which is currently under wraps. My return should see a slightly different focus to my blog.

Cheers all

Magda