THE FEBRUARY REPORT

Over the last day or so I’ve had some time to ponder over the month of February. I looked for one word to sum it up and couldn’t go past tumultuous. Its certainly been a month of ups and downs, highs and lows. Here is my review:


TRAINING


February saw me achieve a new “first” in running for an hour + 40 minutes not once but twice. Distance clocked was 13kms+ and the first time I did it there was some DOMS to enjoy, as this was the hardest my legs had worked for some time. What an achievement though, one I was very proud of. Earlier in the month I did have a slack day where I blew off my training but fortunately those times are few and far between. Running continues to challenge me, de-stress me, clear my mind to see things logically and make me happy. I’m hooked.

I trained consistently doing upper body weights and ab and core work which was something I wanted to maintain. No strength gains but not letting previous hard work and effort just go to complete waste now. My goal here is just to maintain the muscle tone I have.


NUTRITION

Pretty much a roller coaster ride through February. A shaky start had me re-analysing what I wanted and how I wanted to live my life. Luckily I regrouped quickly and found my balance in eating well and enjoying treats in moderation. All was going well.


But the month didn’t end on a high and late last week there was a lot of non-hungry eating of mainly unhealthy foods. I still have moments of all / nothing thinking and I slid into a bit of a sugar coma where one bite led to a thousand more and I ate and ate to avoid dealing with what was eating at me. More on this later but at least I deal with these episodes in a logical and calm manner now and move on quicker and better than before.


HEADSPACE


I made huge progress in this area when I helped myself out of my early month rut. Without my SP to call on at my most desperate time I had to dig deep and go right within to help myself. Hooray I did it and came out so much better for it. Its empowering to know that I can deal with this issue and whilst I might still slip up (I am human and accept that I’ll make mistakes) I can pick myself, pat myself on my back and keep going. A far cry from when I’d go into a mini meltdown, beat myself up and then put myself on a strict diet to “compensate” and punish myself for my failings.

I still have a way to go before I’m totally comfortable with food and I can leave behind my all / nothing thinking once and for all. But I’m on the road to success and its just a matter of moving along in a forward direction.

BITS AND PIECES


The stress of house-hunting has been hard to deal with. The emotional roller-coaster ride has left me with constant headaches and a sense of being unsettled. I believe that this stress contributed somewhat to my non-hungry eating last week and old behaviours took hold once again. There have been some very high highs and then crashes down to the lows. I’m trying to put a lid on my emotions from now on, mainly as a self-preservation mechanism.


I haven’t met with the MM since the start of the month but a Wii Fit body test from last weekend had my weight at a very nice level and my BMI sitting a smidge under ideal so I’ll ignore the spike (if any) from last week and just get on with eating well and training hard. I might weigh this week if I feel like it.

Finally I may have had a bit of a whinge about a few things in this post but overall my life is fantastic and my problems are relatively minor. If me and all my close friends and family were to throw all of our problems into a pot in the middle and I could pick anybody else’s problems to be my own, I’d quickly grab those that were mine, take them away, deal with them and consider myself lucky.

Cheers all

Magda

TODAY'S LONG RUN: HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE.

I have three words to describe today's long run. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.

Adelaide was the victim of gale force winds this morning and they accompanied me for the entire hour + 20 minutes that I was out. For a lot of the beginning of the run I had a fierce head wind that kept my pace painfully slow and in fact there were times when I was barely moving. At one stage in sheer frustration and misery I mustered up some extra energy and yelled as loud as I could "FUCK OFF" (like that was going to make a difference) - but releasing some negative energy actually made me feel a little better. When I changed direction I had the wind blowing from the side and a few times it nearly blew me into fences and then from behind I had a face full of hair, which is due for a shorter cut.

It was a miserable, miserable time and I was very happy when I arrived home. I guess to my credit I kept plodding on despite wanting more than anything to chuck it in, walk home and tuck into a yummy breakfast. But deep down I knew I wouldnt do that. I'm not a quitter and putting that tick against the training session on my spreadsheet tracking record means a lot to me. Plus I didnt want to email my coach with a pathetic excuse like "oh sorry it was too windy to run today".

House hunting continues to fill our lives with turmoil but I've decided to just go with the flow and keep my fingers crossed that we'll get lucky soon. I'll wait until I can deliver some definite good news rather than blog all the (tedious) ups and downs.

Being the last day of February, I'll be writing my monthly round up early next week. I've just been reflecting over it and thinking how best to sum it all up. Its certainly been an interesting time.

Cheers all

Magda

BRING ON THE BETTER DAYS

Today's run was 40 minutes. It should have been easy peasy but I struggled on every step. My heart felt 10 kilos heavier and I dragged myself through it.

During breakfast I said to Peter "I just want to go back to bed and sleep and when I wake up I want this nightmare to be over and for us to have a lovely home to move in to". He laughed and reminded me that going to sleep would not make the problem go away. I'd wake up and it would still be there.

Not much else to report. Life goes on. Things will pick up. Bring on the better days.

M

ITS OFF

I cant believe it. This is not how my day was meant to be. Its all totally wrong.

We had a building inspection on the dream house in our dream location that was going to be OURS and we found that it comes with a dream dose of active termites.

Contract cancelled. Back to square one. I'll stop there.

M

WE GOT THE HOUSE WE REALLY WANTED

Remember this post from last week?

After a massive emotional rollercoaster ride on another house that we were considering we finally came to an agreement to submit an offer and agreed on price. So our offer went in and I was so sure that we’d be successful. Well I was wrong and now I’m devastated as I really thought this was “the one”. You couldn’t get a better location and the house was lovely but the vendors are holding out for a price well above its real estate industry valuation despite it being on the market for a long time. Right now I feel totally fed up with the whole house hunting bullsh*t and I’m sick of living the whole Groundhog Day thing with it.

Well we caved and counter-offered still well short of what they were asking. The agent was on our side (wanting to make the sale after having it for 3+ months) and resubmitted our offer. It was accepted tonight.

We are absolutely ecstatic, totally over the moon and I have a smile from ear to ear that will stay in place for quite some time.

:-) Magda

VICTIMS OF THE Wii FIT.

I have made peace with the Metal Monster by banishing its twice weekly intrusion into my life. If I choose, I allow it in once a month for interest's sake and nothing more. Life is much better this way and I'm a happier and more balanced person. I can get on with enjoying life, good food and wine without streessing about what the numbers will say.

But its funny how it just cant be avoided to the extent I truly desire. Earlier this year our boy acvhieved something very significant that was very challenging for him and that he'd struggled with for several months. We had promised him a reward of his choice when he achieved this feat and true to our word he was allowed to pick what he wanted.

Well he chose to have a Wii Fit as other family members had recently purchased one and we had all had fun with it together over Christmas. So what does the Wii Fit do? As well as providing some amusing training (some good some total rubbish) it does a "Body Test" where it measures your centre of gravity and weighs you. Yes you enter your data about height, age etc and when you stand on the balance board it weighs you and reports your weight and BMI.

Our son loves it and I admit that it has been educational in terms of what it means to be underweight (nobody has that problem in our family!!), the correct weight, overweight ( we have family in this category) and obese (and in this one too!!). It has made him more aware of the importance of being active and eating healthy food which is a good thing.

So I should just get over the fact that every fortnight we all do our body tests to see where we're at. Our son is "ideal weight / BMI" and so am I (although I've just dipped below my ideal BMI so was scrutinised about that!!) but Peter recorded "overweight" after the Christmas celebrations. Well the issue couldnt be brushed under the carpet as our son fully expects that he will lose weight to achieve a reading in the ideal range.

So a goal had to be set. Peter boldly says "yes I'd like to lose 3 kilos":. Our son records it on the Wii Fit but the new weight still registers in the overweight category. Not good enough dear. Our son keeps adjusting the weight down until it reaches the ideal range. I think it got to 5 or 6 kilos that Peter had to drop to get in his ideal range. 

Peter is appalled. I look at him with wide, innocent eyes and dare him to let our son down by saying or implying that being in your ideal weight range is not important. Nope!! Suck it up baby and start working on those kilos. You want to set a good example for our boy.

:-) Magda

PS He is making good progress though. Steady and slow wins the race for him.

NAILING IT AGAIN

Today was going to be a busy day so both Peter and I were up at 5.45am (thats SO wrong for a Sunday!!). I headed out for my long run (1 hour + 40 mins) at 6.15 and yep it was still dark. I had decided that I would take a different route to avoid that awful hill from last week so I turned off well before the road started to climb upwards. Running comfortably along what felt like a fairly flat road I had a change of heart and decided to tackle the hill from the other direction. So I came to the road leading up it and turned onto the uphill stretch.

It was shorter from this direction but I was also further into my run so the challenge factor was still there. Well I'm proud to say that today I jogged it without any shuffling. I just pressed on and on knowing that I didnt have far before I could coast on the downhill stretch.

Well turning the corner and cruising downhill was just awesome. I had Gwen Stefani telling me that I was a super hot female and the endorphins were coursing through my body. I felt fantastic. My legs were sore. My legs were tired. But all that was secondary to how great I felt.

Home at 8am and starving hungry (my stomach felt like it would digest itself LOL) I knew that whatever I ate I had well and truly earned. It was lovely to catch up with Kerry and Cheryl for breakfast and then mosey on home and get stuck into the domestic bliss. I didnt feel nearly as wiped out as last week so thats a good sign.

This week is a light recovery week which will be very welcome. Who knows what else will be in store?

Cheers all

Magda

REFEEDING

Circumstances this week saw me eating a little leaner than usual with a little less carbs. This is not "planned dieting" or "what I'm allowed to eat" but just the way things worked out. So tonight our boy is sleeping over at his aunty's place and we headed out to one of our local cafes.

I was planning to have a marinara pasta but noticed they did Lebanese food so Peter and I shared a platter for two. Geez it was delicious with almost enough carbs to fuel my long run tomorrow morning. After the platter I was honestly not full so I indulged in an apple and rhubarb cake (gluten free) and a skim cappuccino as well. That was just what I needed (although it could have been a bit fresher) and I know I'll be running with power in my legs and energy to burn .... albeit at a ridiculously early time.

Tomorrow is a big day and it starts early. Kerry, Cheryl and I are meeting for breakfast and its an early one but hell just because its Sunday it doesnt mean I need to sleep in. Looks like I'll be heading out to run in the dark yet again.

:-) Stay tuned for the running report tomorrow!

M

FINISHING THE WEEK IN BETTER BALANCE

Last night I gave myself permission to have today off work if yet again I had a night of poor sleep (think awake from about 2 or 3 am onwards!!). I was prepared to turn off my alarm and just sleep as much as I could if that was the case and work would have to take second place on my list of priorities.

So ironically I slept through til 4.30am which is pretty good. Contemplated blowing off my running training (it was sprint day today) but dismissed the thought immediately and hauled my arse out of bed before I convinced myself otherwise.

To say that today's session was hard is the undertsatement of all time!!! To make it worse, I got confused with my times and I'm not sure I ran the times I was meant to. But give me a break. Its between 5 and 6am, I've had a sleep deprived week, I'm a bit  carb depleted (by circumstance not by choice or prescription), I've just pushed myself to the limits of my aerobic capacity, I'm dreading collapsing on the side of the road in the dark with no ID on me and I'm confused with what my stop watch should be reading. Aaaargh!!!

So to console myself and find the silver lining (its gotta be there somewhere!!) I dream about the beautiful runners legs that I'll have ... for about 10 seconds and then I'm just hurting with my lungs about to leap out of my body and my legs fading fast. The end of today's session marked another achievement that I thought was impossible and while my effort wasnt exemplary, it was my best possible and you cant ask for more.

Oh and on a funny note, today had another "first" in my life. This morning I threw an assortment of food into my workbag: mango stones with the flesh around them, a slice of grainy bread (the last in the bag), slices if triple smoked ham, leftover coleslaw from last night and a lone slice of fruit bread (again the last in the bag). Over the course of the day, these would form my meals and snacks with an added skim cappuccino or two.

Well the end of the day came and I was packing up to leave early to pick my boy up from school and lo and behold what did I find??? The fruit bread was still there. I HAD FORGOTTEN TO EAT IT.

Wonders will never cease. That has NEVER happened to me before LOL!!!

Have a great weekend folks.

M

MY MISERY GUTS DUMP

Well life is moving at lightning speed and this week has certainly had its ups and downs – although come to think of it the downs have outdone the ups so my mood is low right now.



In brief, I recently completed a major project at work and on Monday night we celebrated its opening. The response to the “product’ was fine (don’t you hate that word but it best describes the situation) which was actually a bit disappointing considering the blood that was sweated to get it across the line in record time. Hmm was hoping to feel better about the whole thing but am glad that its finished.



My boy had a cold over the weekend and his bugs are trying to take up residence in me now. All week I’ve had bouts of feeling quite unwell with some nausea and headaches being constant. Couple this with poor sleep on several nights and I’m feeling pretty crappy. Some time to rest and let the immune system do its job would be great but its been so busy with critical meetings that I’ve just pushed on. Hoping that my iron constitution wins out again.



After a massive emotional rollercoaster ride on another house that we were considering we finally came to an agreement to submit an offer and agreed on price. So our offer went in and I was so sure that we’d be successful. Well I was wrong and now I’m devastated as I really thought this was “the one”. You couldn’t get a better location and the house was lovely but the vendors are holding out for a price well above its real estate industry valuation despite it being on the market for a long time. Right now I feel totally fed up with the whole house hunting bullsh*t and I’m sick of living the whole Groundhog Day thing with it.



And on my final note of misery: for every up there is a corresponding down. Sunday’s record long run left me with a nice case of leg DOMS (mainly quads) so I’m very sore and tired too. But unlike body building where you smash a muscle group, get the DOMS and then have a week to recover, I had one day off and was out running 50 minutes the next day and an hour the day after. Thank goodness I have a decent dose of mental toughness and I just did it because blowing it off was almost looking attractive.



So there you have it. My misery guts dump. How does the song go? ….



…”the only way is up baby, the only way is up”. Well I’m ready to be transported.



Magda

MY LONGEST RUN .... EVER

Today I did my longest run ever. I was programmed for 1 hour and 40 minutes and wearing Peter's iPhone with the GPS function my distance was measured at 13.2kms. I realise thats a pretty slow pace but for at least 30 mins of that I was slogging uphill (Glen Osmond Rd towards the freeway for anybody who knows Adelaide) with a headwind. On that stretch the last 500 or so metres was very hard. I was shuffling badly. I started the self talk to keep myself going. "Magda you are strong. You can do this." Over and over again. I wanted to quit and just walk. But I didnt want to quit and just walk. I WAS GOING TO RUN UP THAT F*CKEN HILL NO MATTER HOW HARD IT WAS!!!!

Turning onto Cross Road was like getting a second life. It was downhill with a light breeze and the sun was behind me. My pace quickened and I felt fantastic. Just 50 minutes to go and I knew I could do it. I knew I would do it.

I am a long distance runner now and I love it :-)

M

MY FIRST PISS POOR TRAINING SESSION

On Friday I had my first piss poor hang-my-head-in-shame training session. To say I was unmotivated and nowhere near my zone was an understatement. It just sucked.

I had a work function to attend on Thursday night. I enjoyed a few wines and the gourmet finger food was pretty yummy and I admit I overdid it. Got home and fluffed around blowing off all the normal evening chores and then got to bed late. Yep the writing was on the wall that the next day would not be good. And it wasnt.

Woke up with zero motivation. Jogged to my chosen street to do hill sprints (and it wasnt a true hill but just a street with some undulation in it) and did my distance sprint repeats all the time thinking of what I hadnt got done the night before and needed to do that morning. Did two hill repeats and jogged home. (Should have done 15!!!)

When I was training for the comps in 2007 I rarely missed a session. In my 10-11 months of prep I reckon I missed no more than 5 sessions - sometimes doing a double weights session just to fit it all in. I understand the importance of regular and effective training if you want to be good at something and I'm proud that 99% of the time I apply myself and give it my best shot. I guess Friday was that 1% where I took the easy out and blew it off.

I still love running and I know that I'll look forward to my long run tomorrow but yesterday was woeful. We all have bad days, sad days, days where we think "I just cant be bothered" and luckily I have relatively few so I'm not beating myself up just moving on. Long run...here I come with bells on :-)

M

STARS AND MOON ALIGNING

Last week was a light training week. My long run was only an hour and there was no sprint work just more runs of varying lengths. Easy peasy. I actually eased off my extra walks and used the week as it was intended. I did that knowing that this week would ramp right up again. And it certainly has!!

Tuesday's sprint session was a killer. I know I've said it before but lord they are getting harder and harder and I dont master one before the next is harder still. As I was givng it my best I could feel my leg muscles screaming and two hours after the session was finished an incredible sense of tiredness came over them. However I do enjoy the absolute elation of finishing such a hard session. Pat sets me goals of what to aim for but I get nowhere near achieving them. For a moment I feel like a failure and doubts crowd my mind about my ability to run the 21.1kms. But then I pull myself out of it and remember that Pat has also said that as long as I give it my best thats all he can ask.

Today was an hour run at an easy pace and this meant getting up well before 5am so I could get ready and be on my way by 5 so I'd be finished by 6. All done and dusted but feeling a little tired so will take advantage of tomorrow as a rest day. I have no intention of trying to be Superwoman and pushing myself to exhaustion. I have hill sprints on Friday ( a major dread!!) and I know I'll need to be in good form for those.

Nutrition all good. I've successfully rebalanced and am feeling pretty good both physically and menatlly. My system needs to do a bit of rebalancing as well but that'll come soon I can tell.  I'm close to finishing "If Not Dieting Then What" and have found it an excellent resource. Its helping me to better undestand just what I want my approach to eating to be. It also helps to set my mind at ease at those times when things go a bit pear-shaped. I love it when my stars and the moon all align and I sit comfortably in my "happy place".

:-) Magda

TEN THINGS

I'm a bit late to hop on this bandwagon but I couldnt resist sharing some snippets about myself. So here are ten things I absolutely love, in no particular order:

1. Cuddles and kisses from my son :-)

2. Hot summer mornings. Basically anything summer.

3. Beer o'clock on Friday where Peter and I share a drink, a few nibbles and yarn about life.

4. Wendy's Baileys Scorched Almond ice-cream in a waffle cone.

5. Having a skim cappuccino in my favourite cafe and watching the world go by.

6. Torrential rain on a metal roof when I dont have to go out in it.

7. Fitting into my skinny jeans and finding they are comfortable.

8. A clean and tidy house.

9. Alpacas (if we had a place big enough, I'd have a couple as pets)

10. Running. Running early mornings. Running early mornings on hot summer days.

:-) Magda

CHAPTER 2: BEING MY OWN SP

Chapter 2 in my quest to be my own SP follows. Like I said last night, its been a bit of an eye-opener.

Since deciding and then publicly declaring that I'd run a half marathon this year, I've been stressed in various ways. Firstly it was to do with my eating - enough carbs? too many carbs? am I eating carbs at the right time? You name it, I was stressing about it. But it went deeper than that and yesterday I managed to get to the root of it.

I asked myself what I was really feeling and what was causing me concern. Here are my answers, straight from my heart.

Exhilirated. Passionate. Determined. Quietly confident that I'll do it in a reasonable time. But what if I fail? What if I put back so much weight that running becomes a huge struggle and I end up hating it again?

Then it was time to look at what I could do about it.

1. Complete all my training as prescribed by Pat Carroll. Listen and take on board all his advice. Believe that I will succeed and I will.
2. The weight issue is totally within my control (not in the literal sense). I've learnt how to manage it. I've been doing it successfully for months. I understand me and my issues (or if I dont, I know how to work them out) so I just need to "let it happen". It will be and it will be right.

The final issue is the most significant one, I believe. In my January round-up post I publicly declared that I needed to lose weight  again. I placed an expectation on myself to once again lose weight. And with that came all the sublimal negative messages that spiralled me into my negative state on Monday and Tuesday.

Now what I'm about to say wont ring true for  many people. I understand that many would disagree and live by a different philosophy but this is about me and what works for me and what doesnt.

In asking myself how I honestly felt these are the feelings that came to the surface:

"Oh no, back on the diet merry-go-round again", "I'm not good enough", "I'll be a slave to the Metal Monster", "I shouldnt eat x, y, z and just have lots of lean protein with green veges." "I'm terrified of just losing all control, losing my mind, losing my belief in myself and ending up fat and miserable again".

Wow it was all pretty confronting. But then I assessed what I could do about it and a sense of calm came back over me.

1. Remove the expectation. I DO NOT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. Reinforce this daily.
2. Remind myself that I AM NOT BACK ON A DIET. I eat what I want, when I'm hungry. I stop when I'm full because then next time I'm hungry I will enjoy yummy food again.
3. Accept and love me as I am now. Feel good about myself - positivity breeds positivity.
4. Ignore the Metal Monster. Weigh monthly if I want to. Do not give it (MM) the power to make me feel bad.
5. Remember my commitment to myself that my focus is to nurture and take the best possible care of myself.
6. Believe in myself that I can do this and I'll succeed at managing my weight, my emotions and my expectations.

Weight loss goals do not work for me. The pressure to achieve a certain number by a certain day is almost guaranteed to send me spiralling in the opposite direction. It places me in a negative mindframe. I do not excel under that sort of pressure. Its quite destructive for me as it puts me firmly back on the diet / binge merry-go-round and once you're back there it so hard to break free.

Last year I broke free and this week I almost went right back to that mentality and depressing way of life. I'm so glad that I woke up to myself when I did. You see, you can be your own analyst or SP.

Today we had a morning tea for Miss J my beautuful friend who's leaving our workplace. We followed this up with lunch out. Had this happened on Monday or Tuesday I would have eaten to the point of gorging but I'm rebalanced and refocussed again. I'm back in my happy place and plan to stay here for a long time.

:-) M

BEING MY OWN SP (SPORTS PSYCHE)

I wish I could write that February has gotten off to a roaringly fabulous start but alas that hasnt been the case. Monday wasnt a good day, Tuesday wasnt as bad and today I have refocussed, realigned and have my balance back. Its been tough but I think I've weathered the worst of the storm. Initially I wasnt going to blog any of this but now I'm ok with it and if my sharing my challenges and my way of overcoming them helps somebody else then its all for a good cause. So here goes:

Househunting is proving to be more stressful than I anticipated. After missing out on the auctioned property on Saturday we deliberated over another property and despite having reservations about it, we put in an offer. Well the couple of days leading up to that decision were stressful to say the least for a myriad of reasons that I wont go into. The stress didnt lift until we heard this morning that we missed out on it. It was almost a relief to have the decision about whether that was "the one" taken out of our hands. In the meantime I was facing all sorts of feelings that I wasnt dealing with - or rather I was - by eating them. So while I was in the depths of my despair battling bad old behaviours all sorts of negative thoughts were foremost in my mind. I was in a serious downward spiral.

I even picked up the phone to make a time to see my SP as I felt that this "hiccup" was serious enough to warrant a return visit. OMG I was shocked to be told that she's moved to Melbourne. I felt alone and desperate. Who could I turn to for the help that I felt I so desperately needed?

So that night I picked up "If Not Dieting Then What" by Rick Kausman and read the chapter on setbacks. What a gem that book is. I bought it just after my comps in 2007 when I was badly out of control with my eating. Things were so bad then that I couldnt connect or identify with anything in the book so I read a few pages and gave up. I'm in a totally different place now and I know the book will help me immensely.

Today I spent the time looking inwards and reflecting on what the problem was. I identified it and wrote down how I truly felt. Then I drafted a plan of managing it with simple actions that I could take. I reminded myself of my strengths and my successes and upon finishing that exercise I had some confidence that all would be OK.

Lessons learned from this experience:

1. Trust your gut feel / instincts. If it doesnt feel 100% right then it probably isnt.
2. Setbacks are not failures. They are proof that you're doing really well but have a challenge to face and overcome (like many times before)
3. To move forward you must be kind to yourself and keep it all in perspective.

I have 2 more things I'll share but not tonight. There are lessons in both and one is quite an eye-opener (well it was for me). I have a private journal that I'm writing in daily as I work through my stuff. You could say I'm being my own SP and confirming that all of the answers are inside me so why look any further.

Til next time. Cheers all

Magda

JANUARY ROUND UP

In the spirit of what I started last year I'll continue to do my monthly assessment and report. Its as much to get me reflecting on how I'm going and identifying any areas that need addressing, as it is sharing my trials and tribulations with the blogging world. So here goes.

Well Januray got off to the best possible start. Holiday in Sunshine Beach with Peter and our son, a little time spent with the in-laws, running almost daily, eating good food, kicking back and just enjoying life to the max. Mentally I was in the best ever place. I made the decision that this year I'd run a half marathon and I was pumped about it and threw myself into my training with gusto.

The decision to take on the half marathon played with my head a little and I srtarted to have all sorts of doubts about what I should and shouldnt be eating to support this new form of training. I dabbled with extra carbs but wasnt convinced that they were necessary. This was confirmed and some readjusting was in order. But my mind had settled itself into a headset of "gee I'm training so much and so hard that I can afford the extra treats". Its been tough (and still is) to stop thinking that way.

I'm now totally passionate about running. When my training is a run, I look forward to it with eagerness. If its something else I'm not as keen but I plan to keep up weight training for my upper body. I just need to remember that when I've completed a weights sesssion I feel great then also. It really comes down to "just doing it". I'm loving my long runs as every time I clock up a decent time I quietly congratulate myself for doing something I never ever thought I could or would.

As part of my monthly assessment I do weigh myself just to keep a check on things. The number this morning had crept up by 1.7kgs from when I weighed mid month. Ok some of it would be water weight from having dinner out last night but nevertheless I have decided that its time to put the oars back in and start paddling. If I dont want to feel like baby elephant as I run that 21.1kms then that number needs to come down. So its less treats, less alcohol and eating with more awareness over the coming weeks and months and I'll be fine. I know my gain isnt serious fat (I still fit comfortably into my size 10s) but better to be on top of it now than to be struggling to get into my clothes and then wondering what happened.

So thats been January in a nutshell. Fantastic start. Then a bit wobbly but hoping to be sailing smoothly again in February.

This week is a light training week with no sprint work and my longest run is 1 hour which funnily enough is almost in the "easy" category. I've also warned Peter that I'll be cutting right back on my wine consumption and keeping other treats in check is just up to me. I will continue to: not weigh my food; not record my food; not stress about macros or calories; not follow a set diet and just enjoy eating and training. I choose to be a happy person. I choose to live a fit and healthy lifestyle. I choose to do it all my way because in the end , its all up to me.

Cheers all

Magda

IT WASNT MEANT TO BE

The day got off to an early start coz neither Peter nor I could manage a sleep in. This was actually a bonus as he headed out for his long run and I hit the weights for an upper body workout. Its funny how last Saturday I slept in and thought that was just the best thing. Yet it meant I missed my training, I felt like a slug all day, I ate poorly and then I felt awful. So where was the good in that sleep in??

I felt awesome after nailing my weights session. I was in a really great frame of mind and felt physically good. After taking my son to his swimming lesson and then dropping him at mum and dad's, I raced back to the area I live in to attend the auction for the house that Peter and I wanted. Well that wasnt meant to be. We missed out and we werent even close. So for us the search continues.

I feel a bit sad but I've learnt to shut my emotions down a bit as this is our 3rd let down. Maybe there is something great just around the corner? Time will tell.

Cheers all

Magda

TIRED LEGS

Today I have very tired legs. Tomorrow they will be rested ready for my 1 hour and 20 minute run on Sunday. I love the long (slow) runs and want to feel good for it. Whereas I had no running training yesterday, I still managed a 1 hour walk in the early morning, a 30 minute walk from the car service centre to work and then from work back to the service centre in the afternoon. All this after the gruelling sprint training on Wednesday morning followed by 2 x 40 minute walks to and from work. Tomorrow's rest break will be well deserved.

Nutrition has been good. Feeling much better on that front. There have been celebrations this week to farewell work colleagues and I've handled them well just using the right mindset about food and eating. What a difference it makes to a week ago where my emotions and thoughts were all over the place.

Tomorrow we're bidding for a property that we both love. I'm not saying anything further because I've tried to not form too much of an emotional attachment to this house for fear of missing out (again) and then being devastated. Trying to focus instead on work and other things.

Gotta run now but hope to blog again soon.

M

REFLECTING & REALISING

I couldnt blog last night as I had a hairdressing appointment but I will just say one thing about my half marathon training:

THE SPEED SESSIONS ARE KILLERS!!!

Warm up jog of 10 - 15 minutes: easy peasy.
8 repeats of 80m sprint with 80m walk recovery: managing ok
6 repeats of 2 minute sprints (@ 80% of max capacity) with 1 minute walking recovery: you've got to be joking!!!! Thank goodness I do these at 5 am on an empty stomach or I'd be hurling at the side of the road. Heart rate through the roof and legs just aching by the end.
Oh and then I get to do another 10 minute jog home.

For as hard as this session is (and sh*t it just about kills me) once I've completed it I feel like a million bucks. Comfort zone?? What's that??

Then at the finish I reflect and realise that I'm tougher, more determined, faster and stronger than I ever gave myself credit for and thats a bloody good feeling.

:-) M

NAVIGATING A NEW PATH AND LIVING IN THE GREY

Today I had the pleasure of walking to work and coupled with some thinking time last night and  a re-read of some of my most pertinent blog posts from last year (I wont link to them as there were quite a few) I've got my head sorted and I know that all will be good.

I was travelling comfortably along the highway of life, cruise control turned on and just enjoying the ride. But where was that ride taking me? Nowhere special. I was just travelling along.

Then I came to a fork in the road and I had the choice to either continue on my happy but "going nowhere special" route or to take a more challenging road that would lead to achievement, reaching special goals and all the great feelings that go with knowing you took on a challenge and conquered it. Yep I took the latter option as it just felt right and I will live by my life motto "Dont die wondering, what if?"

But in taking this new path  things changed. The road became bumpy with twists and turns that I hadnt encountered for some time. Travelling with the cruise control on just wasnt going to work. I had to concentrate on navigating and utilising driving skills that I hadnt used for some time. The bumps were big and they threw me around. I skidded through some of the turns and spun out on a couple of the twists. I managed to avoid a crash but only through awareness that things had to change and I'm now employing a slightly different set of driving skills to get me to my goal. I'm going to be ok.

Looking back over what I learned from my SP I realise that over the last week or so I had lost all sense of just what food is. Emotions ran amok and I was back to my bad old habits. My lightbulb moment came when I re-read my blog from September last year:

I'm ready to tackle the "non-diet approach" to getting my body lean and healthy. I call it the "mind right approach" because that'll be my weapon of choice in this venture.


Matti (SP) showed me how to avoid binging. When I left her I had the tools and I knew how to use them now its just up to me to use them regularly. Practice. Practice. Practice.


Over the coming weeks and months I want to shift my focus from the numbers on the Metal Monster or the numbers on the tape measure to how I feel instead. My goal is to eat nutritious food that I love the taste of but that also leaves me feeling good, both physically and emotionally. Oh and that includes treats. If I meet a friend for a long overdue catch up then I'll have a wine with her. This is me and this is what I love. I will not weigh or measure my food (unless its for a recipe). I will not log on Calking or mentally calculate calories, fat grams etc (I never did anyway - I was an obsessive logger). I will not religiously record everything I eat and drink and what time I had it etc etc. The road ahead may be bumpy and full of twists and turns but I vow to give this a damn good go.

And thats what its all about for me. There is a shade of grey in between the strict and restrictive diet and the totally intuitive eating where you are absoluetly free from all the crap and negativity that goes with food and diets. I've lived and been very happy there before so its time to reclaim my place and get on with life and achieveing the goals I've set myself.
 
Cheers
 
Magda
 

BRAIN DUMP

Sadly all is not well in paradise and I continue to be all out of sorts. Not really sure whats going on just know that something is not right with me but cant put my finger on it. I have all this stuff going around in my head but the "lightbulb moment" that I need for it all to fall into place just isnt happening.

Am I overanalysing? Maybe. Am I overreacting? Maybe. Am I just overobsessed with this all? Hmmmm.

Have I bitten off more than I can chew and the fear of choking on it is making me want to spit it all out?

Is the Binge Monster's little bitch sister actually self sabotage in disguise?

I just know that I dont like where I am, how I'm feeling or how I'm dealing with it all.

M

FACING LIFE'S CHALLENGES

This is a difrficult post to write. I've approached my computer several times, stared at the screen, thought of a dozen different opening lines, only to walk away having typed nothing. I suspect the post itself will take all evening as I stop and start it or maybe it'll all come out in one fowl swoop.

Yes folks its time for one of those "honest posts" where writing it is as much therapy in helping me sort it out as it is "coming clean". So here goes with all the stuff going around in my head as I try to make sense of the last few days.

I need to lead into this by saying that my life is wonderful. I have been truly internally happy for some months since giving away the diet mentality and taking responsibility for my food choices and behaviours. On a physical level, I have a loving and happy family, I love where I live, I cant complain about work, I have everything I need and just about everything I want. I have little to stress over and I no longer feel inadequate or like I'm a failure. Mentally I had found my happy place and was at peace with myself. My new found passion for running just seemed to ice my cake, ready for the eating.

So what on earth has happened over the last few days? My mojo is seriously AWOL. And in its place is this annoying creature who must be the Binge Monster's little bitch sister. Man I just cant get enough crappy food into me lately and this is so not like me now.

Dinner out last Wednesday wasnt a problem but seeemd to trigger the run of pretty poor efforts that followed. I wont bore you with gory details but man there have been some poor choices both in food selected and behaviours around eating. So whilst I'm not beating myself up over it (wasted time and energy), I'm srtruggling to understand why.

Is it because my goal to do the half marathon would be better achieved if I was a few kilos lighter and therefore I've set myself a weight loss goal? Well I doubt it as when I decided to stop dieting I still had a goal to lose a few more kilos and I went on to do that without a set diet plan. I just trusted myself to eat right and the weight slowly came off.

Is it because I have restricted my eating and therefore am suffering the rebound effects that come in the form of binges? Hardly. If anything I've been more relaxed with my eating and for a week or so was having considerably more carbs than usual until I was set straight by Kerith (see 2 posts ago).

Maybe I relaxed things too much and then found it hard to get back to my norm? Possibly.

Maybe the long runs and high intensity training sessions are making me hungrier? Maybe, but fueling with junk isnt the answer.

Maybe I've just lost sight of my beliefs and values? I feel they're there but right now they arent clearly visible hence I'm a bit of a lost soul myself. Maybe I need to reconnect with what I believe and remind myself of the decision I made in September last year about how I want to live my life.

Finally I wonder if maybe I got too complacent and forgot that the behaviours I now use to manage my health and fitness lifestyle need to be consciously practiced every day? Hmm there may just be something in that.

On the training front my passion for running is unquestionable. When its a run scheduled in my training program I'm happy and I look forward to it. But anything else is struggling to get a gurnsey. Upper body weight training .... neglected since last Monday. Core strengthening..... I keep saying I'll do it and it never happens. Now I need someone to seriously kick my arse to get those sorted out and all will be good.

Well there it is, warts and all as I always blog the good, the bad and the ugly. I reckon I need to have a serious think about all of this tonight and hopefully put myself back in my happy place, where I'm in control, where I believe in myself and where I look after myself in the best possible way.

Thanks for listening (if you made it this far).

Cheers

Magda

MORE THAN ONE WAY TO LOOK AT THINGS

I had a post that I was keen to write about tonight (the one I mentioned in closing last night) but after writing the intro for it I've decided to delete it. You see to get my message across I need to write some stuff that I'm just not happy to put out there so the matter will stay private to protect the innocent. I would never forgive myself if it was read by the people that I need to write about as it could hurt them and its the last thing I want. So I'll stay silent on that issue and switch to a completely different topic.

I had a slack-arsed day of no training today. I managed a sleep-in and by the time I sorted out what I wanted to do training wise, there wasnt enough time to do it before my son had to be taken to swimming. There was no running scheduled for today hence my haphazard approach and attitude. So I decided on a Plan B and then that didnt come off either as training in the middle of the day rarely happens and deep down I know this. So inadvertently I was setting myself up for a slack-arsed day.

However if you look at this another way, I was taking a rest day so that tomorrow my legs would be really fresh for my long run. Yep thats it. A rest day and tomorrow I'll be powering along with energy in my legs and just nailing my session.

There is always more than one way to look at things.

M

CARBS - HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

Yippee I love Fridays and today I worked in overdrive to clear as much as possible from my desk so that I can enjoy a 4 day weekend. Lucky me, I have Monday off to give me a looooong weekend and I'm rapt.

Today's training was a 50 minute jog which in the scheme of things is an easy session. Funny to see that in print as 12 months ago the thought of jogging for 50 minutes would have had me feeling ill and I'd have had every excuse under the sun to avoid such a dreaded workout. My how the winds change and life can turn around completely.

Last night I received some dietary advice from Kerith Duncanson who works in association with Pat Carroll. Needless to say I devoured it with gusto and it opened my eyes to some common misconceptions that even I had fallen victim to. Without divulging all I will sum it up in one definitive statement made by Ms Duncanson who herself is a runner as well as being a qualified dietician.

Question put to Kerith:

How can I balance the need to have carbohydrate for training, with weight management/loss?

Kerith's response:

Let me first tell you that as a runner and a dietitian myself, I find this balance a very tricky one.


My advice to you in the longer term is that if you can manage on a lower calorie diet that is still high in essential vitamins and minerals, but with just enough protein fats and carbs to get by, your running performance will improve. We women often don’t need as much carbs as it says in the text books to get by!!

So there it is in black and white and backed up by other things she has written both publicly and to me individually. I'm happily going back to my comfortable way of eating and I'm no longer stressing about carb intake - is it enough? Is it too much? There are 2 occasions (pre intense training sessions and post training) where I need to watch it but other than that there is no need to carb up with lots of pasta or bread.

So on that note I'll take my blog's focus off the food and share some other interesting tidbits with you over the weekend. One of them is a real beauty.

:-) Magda

READJUSTING, REBALANCING AND ADAPTING

Since I began my formal half marathon training I've been going through a period of readjustment, rebalancing and adaptation. I still have a long way to go but these are the challenges I'm facing.

Juggling my diet to include more carbs (but not too many), a little less protein and watching my intake of fats will take some mastering. Old habits die hard and I find myself reverting to high protein/low carb eating very easily. Then I make a conscious effort to up the carbs but where is the balance? I have yet to find it.

We indulged in a TDU (Tour Down Under) event with friends last night which meant dinner out, including coffee and cake at the end of the night. No big deal and I was totally ok with it all but then tonight Peter and I made an impulsive decision to eat out again as our son is staying with my folks overnight. Well tonight's choice wasnt so great and looking at it we both agreed that the constant eating out had to be reigned in as our waistlines would suffer. I'm ok with mine (waistline) but Peter has some Christmas excess to lose and I dont want mine getting out of control either. So I've set myself a personal challenge to not eat dinner out at a restaurant or cafe and see how long I can mainatain this. I do go out for the occassional lunch or breakfast but eat much less and healthier then. Anyways my persoanl challenge is ON and I'll keep you posted on my success with it.

I'm loving my training. But the legendary Pat Carroll has made a typo in my program, I'm sure. Doing sprints of one minute with a 45 second recovery after doing distance based sprints with equal distance recovery, is a KILLER. This was Wednesday morning's session and I gave it my all but still lost 7 seconds in the minute over the same distance. The mind was willing but the legs couldnt deliver. It was one of the hardest running sessions I've ever done and they are programmed regularly. I felt mentally great when I finished it but as the day wore on I just felt more and more tired and by around 5pm I was dead flat. I put this down to two things: 1. I'm just not used to training at that intensity. 2. Not enough carbs in my recovery meal. Very, very important and something I'll pay more attention to next time.

When talking to people, the statement "this year I'm doing a half marathon" just rolls off my tongue so easily. But every now and then I stop to acknowledge the magnitude of it. Yeah I know that millions of people have done it and many have done it really well but I still come back to my deepest insecurities and doubts about myself and there is this fear buried deep within that I may not succeed. That I may suck at this and that it will have been all talk and no action.

There is probabaly as much mental preparation for such an event as there is physical and I'll need to get that right as well so that it all comes together on the day. Well thats what I believe anyway.

Cheers all

Magda

AWAKENING THE INNER ATHLETE

Around the middle of last year I made a conscious decision to let go of my dieting thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviours as you are all aware of the pain and suffering that was with me endlessly. I made the decision boldly and without hesitation or regret and took control of my life and my internal happiness (as opposed to the front you put on for the world).

Along with this decision and my new lifestyle I also let go of all thoughts of myself as an athlete of any sort. Yes I would continue to train but I was a bit of a lost soul for a while and quite frankly I was enjoying just being "me" without the performance expectations. Hand in hand with that was my absolute commitment to never follow a prescribed restrictive diet again and feeling like every slip up on that diet made me a failure. I was glad to leave all that behind and just trust me to eat well without piling the kilos back on.

Life was chugging along nicely and I was truly so much happier living that way ..... UNTIL .... my decision to challenge myself yet again.

Over the last week I have felt the inner athlete stirring and waking up again. I'm looking forward to my half marathon training with real enthusiasm and my interest in endurance running has truly been sparked. I crave more and more knowledge about it and am looking forward to the range of experiences that are before me. And dare I say it but the nutrition side of it is VERY interesting.

Tonight I hopped onto Calking (I feel like a sinner admitting that LOL) to check if my normal breakfast is high enough in carbs for an optimal recovery after a training session. And just as I thought, its not. So some changes will be taking place. My beloved egg white/low fat creamed cottage cheese/oats/bran and blueberry pancake is too low in carbs and will be modified to include a larger serve of oats (I may reduce the cottage cheese) and replace the blueberries with 1/2 banana. Oh the sacrifices we have to make for our chosen sports LOL. My boys had crumbed calamari for dinner tonight and whilst I would normally join them (I love the salt and pepper version) I decided to go with a Magda special of the following:

80g wholemeal or multigrain pasta cooked ahead of time.
1/2 onion, chopped
1/2 red capsicum, diced
handful mushrooms, halved or quartered (depending on their size)
3-4 T tinned corn
1/2 carrot, diced (microwave for about a minute first)
1 tomato, diced
A large handful of spinach leaves
Saute all of the above veges in a non-stick pan. Add a well drained tin of Sole Mare tuna with beans (this is an oily tuna) and stir in the pasta. Add lots of cracked black pepper and a handful of freshly chopped continental parsley and a light sprinkle of low fat parmesan cheese to serve. It makes 2 serves - one for dinner and one for tomorrow's lunch and is guaranteed to fuel me well for my training session tomorrow morning.

Gotta love being an endurance athlete. Gotta love those carbs.

Good night all

Magda

WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG.

For some time I've been thinking that the old "Fitness Fun and Figure" wasnt really me anymore. Fitness - yes. Fun - yes but Figure is no longer my focus and so it was time for an update to reflect whats important in my life now. So this is my new look and my new focus when it comes to fitness.

I am now a distance runner and I'm training for my first half marathon to be run on 18 April - just 13 weeks away. I have the legendary Pat Carroll coaching me so that I have the best possible chance of achieving my goal. I'm keen. I'm determined. I'm quietly confident that I can do it - and maybe even somewhat reasonably well.

This change in my focus extends beyond the basics of the physical activity and training environment. I used to throw on any old clothes and my iPod, rock into my training room, put on the weight lifting gloves and tackle my weights program then down a protein shake and follow it up with a meal of protein and carbs. Now I put on my Skins compression tights, a sports bra and runnng shoes, my heart rate monitor and my iPod and I'm out the door (often in the dark). I always head off in the same direction but vary the route to avoid boredom. My running time is my "me time". Although I listen to music, I also use the time to think, to reflect and to plan. I give thanks for the dawning of a new day and the privelege of witnessing it. I greet other runners and walkers with a smile and a "good morning" and I love it when they return the greeting.

Slowly I will be overhauling my diet (read that as "what I eat" as opposed to a "restrictive eating plan") to better complement my running training. Since competing I have followed a diet quite high in protein, with moderate levels of fats and carbs. Often my carb intake was quite low because I was stuck in the comp diet mentality of carbs = excess body fat but conversely I was a lot more relaxed about eating good fats.

Whilst I will NOT succumb to a strictly regimented nutrition plan prescribed by somebody else (no matter how well qualified they are to issue it), I have been reading up on nutrition for endurance athletes and there are some changes that I'll need to make. I'll write more about these along my journey but I can say right now that carbs are my new best friend and fats have to be watched more closely. Protein must always stay on the menu but not in the large ratios that I was previously consuming. The bottom line is that good, clean food is a must and is my choice anyway but getting my carbs in at the critical times will be really important.

I plan to continue doing weight training for my upper body to maintain the muscle tone I have and I also plan to start doing some core strengthening work. I have 3 non-running days in which to do these so there is no excuse for any slacking off in that area either.

Finally, I will face the mental challenge of working towards another goal. Last year was one of finding myself, of letting go of old self destructive beliefs, habits and actions and choosing to live my life differently. This year I'll build on my newfound internal happiness by setting a challenge and giving it everything I've got. Once again I have the courage to aim high and not settle for life in my comfort zone and what a great feeling that is.

Cheers all

Magda

TONIGHT I HAVE IN MY HOT LITTLE HANDS

my training program from Pat Carroll. It starts with a rest day LOL. My first training session is on Tuesday. Never mind I'm free to do what I want with my running over the weekend so that'll be cool.

Had a lovely dinner and catch up with Kristy tonight. I really enjoyed it. Off to bed shortly for a bit of reading and then zzzzzzzzs. Tomorrow is a BIG social day and I'm looking forward to it.

Cheers

Magda

JUST BITS AND PIECES

Firstly thank you to everyone who left me supportive and encouraging comments after my half marathon announcement. I have replied individually in the comments section as your time and effort is really appreciated.

Life is a little busier than usual this week. On Wednesday night we took my mum (a BIG tennis fan) to the World Tennis Challenge. It was a great event, a fun night but a very late one for us. I didnt run on Thursday morning but knew that my legs would welcome the break. I did however walk to and from work so it wasnt a totally slack day LOL. Last night was spent cleaning up for our rental inspection today.

This morning I did a short sprint training session while I'm waiting for my official program from Pat Carroll. Then I took Peter to the airport as he's headed back to his parents place to travel home with our son on Monday. I have a BIG social weekend lined up. YAY!! Lots of catch ups with friends and very little time at home on my own.

So on that note I must sign out as I've snuck this post in at work. I plan to blog over the weekend and hope to also do some updating of my blog template. Wish me luck as I'm not overly talented when it comes to snazzing it up but I desperately want it to look better and I have a new focus that I want to feature.

Cheers all

Magda

STOP PRESS! 40 SOMETHING ADELAIDE WOMAN SETS INSANE CHALLENGE FOR 2010

Its been brewing in my mind for some time. I've been pondering it. Dismissing it. Pondering it again. Dismissing it again. Then pondering it some more. This time I'm not dismissing it.

On Monday morning as I pounded the pavement in the 30+ degree heat at 5.30am I made my absolute and final decision.

THIS YEAR I WILL RUN A HALF MARATHON.

Just typing that sends feelings of excitement, fear, exhiliration and nervousness coursing through me. Secretly I love feeling this way. I feel alive and once again I'm engaging in my life motto of "Dont die wondering, what if".

So after some research I'm aiming for the Greenbelt Half Marathon here in Adelaide on 18 April. Yep you read that right. Its 14 weeks from last Sunday so there is no time to fluff around. My previous biggest running effort was the City to Bay (12kms) in September 2008 and I was shamefully slow (but I was also almost 10kgs heavier than I am now). Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Perehaps but I'm gonna chew like mad because choking is not an option.

To help me achieve my goal of running the event and not taking any walk breaks I've enlisted the help of Pat Carroll who I sussed as being a top running coach. I'm sure that with Pat providing my training program I've taken a positive step towards achieving my goal.

So its game on as soon as my program arrives and counting down the weeks to the big day. This means so much to me, the former fat girl who's always been a slow and crappy runner. But I've left her behind and taken on a new identity where I believe I can.

Cheers all

Magda

THE HOLIDAY'S OVER. BACK TO REALITY

Hi all,

my absence from blogging was time spent at the in-laws after Sunshine Beach and just not bothering with blogging or any other computer cr*p. Then it was the journey home with 15 hours spent in a car on Friday and another 6-7 on Saturday. Hard stuff but had some priceless moments where the stereo was cranked LOUD with Van Halen and Bon Jovi classics. I was zippily overtaking on the country roads in my gutsy little VW Golf where the speedo slipped up to 160 kms/hour like a hot knife through butter. Geez for a few moments there, I thought I was 30 something again and back in one of our previous sports car before we acquired a kidlet and becoming sensible was mandatory.

Ah I digress and reminisce.

Ok so here's a quick holiday update/report with a health and fitness slant.

Sunshine Beach was all good. On our own Peter and I ate moderately, drank moderately (for us, and I know that its a relative term) and kept up our exercise. Felt a million bucks (but sadly didnt win same on lotto and hence are now back at work) and dropped the pre Christmas gain I accumulated when the festivities shifted into top gear.

After Sunshine Beach we spent a few days with Peter's parents in the Sunshine Coast Hinterland and there the diet relaxed a little more and a little more than usual alcohol was consumed and voila a couple of kilos took up residence around my middle again. I kept running daily (except when travelling home) so the damage was minimal and it doesnt freak me out or stress me out at all. At no stage did I lose the plot and eat myself silly (although a dinner at a nearby town pub did see me indulge in one the best chicken parmis with chips I've EVER had).

So previously I'd now be back on the strict diet, depressed, counting calories, counting macros, striving to eat the leanest, cleanest food possible. I'd be expecting the see the scale numbers plummett and when they didnt I'd be getting all emotional, irrational and straight back into my binging behaviours which were an inevitable part of the whole crappy diet merry-go-round for me.

But I'm different now. I view things differently. I make different choices. I take different actions and its all coming pretty much naturally now. Yes I'm cutting back on the alcohol as there is NO WAY I want it to be a part of my every day life. Treat foods are being moderated and I'm eating clean healthy foods that I love and am craving anyway after the recent indulgences. I was out for my usual one hour Monday morning run bright and early today and although I hated the alarm going off, by the time I was finished I felt awesome. Very hot but awesome. I'm not setting any specific goals to weigh x kgs by y date. The weight will come off and I'll not be reacquainting with the Metal Monster on a daily or weekly basis

Its not hard. Its not rocket science. Its about asking myself how I want to live my life and looking within for the answer. I listen to my heart and the right actions just follow without any pain or suffering. A far cry from where I was a year ago.

:-) Magda

COULD IT GET ANY HOTTER? AND A NEW RECORD ON THE HRM

Now please note THIS IS NOT WHINGE NOR AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT THE HEAT because I absolutely love it but HOLY COW its so hot and humid here in the mornings. Today I set out to run around 7am and the sun was pelting down and the only breezes  I had were when I was tackling the killer hills and then I had a headwind. (Thanks Mother Nature! Nice to see you're on my side ...... NOT LOL). I was half planning to do an hour but would have given myself an out after 40 minutes if I felt I needed it. Well at the 30 minute mark I was close to home but would not cut it that short so off I went again up the killer hill and pressed on. Just me, my iPod shuffle, the beautiful surrounds, the sun and the humidity.

I ran for an hour like I've never run before due to the hills and the heat. I took about 4 little walk breaks of less than a minute each when the hills were just beating me. As soon as they levelled a little, I was running again. I arrived back to our apartment with sweat pouring out of every pore in my body. My HRM showed by heart rate was sitting at 135% (well over 200BPM) and it took over 18 minutes for it to come down. This is unheard of for me as I have pretty good cardio fitness and it takes about 2 minutes to go below 60% of my max. I leave my HRM on until I'm back under 60% of my max HR and today the total calories burned were 1254. HOLY F*UCK!!!!!

Man, did breakfast taste good after that??!! Today we're heading to Caloundra to meet up with a dear friend who now lives on the Gold Coast. It'll be nice to see him with his kids (they usually live in Adelaide with their mum) and I can feel a fun day ahead.

So on that note I have beach bags to pack and a boy to organise and bid you all farewell. Have a great day and I'll be back soon.

Cheers

Magda

MANAGING DIET AND FITNESS ON HOLIDAY

Hi again,

I thought I'd post tonight about my plan for managing my diet (read that: food intake and NOT: restrictive  and regimented eating plan) and fitness while on holiday. In the past this has always been a huge challenge for me and one that I've failed at often, resulting in several extra kilos to then diet off when life went back to normal.

So here's my approach this time.

Firstly December is a challenging month on the eating and drinking front when you decide to enjoy the festive season. My alcohol intake shot up, but I only overindulged a couple of times and was ok with that. We just found we were having a social drink or a celebratory drink far more often so there were a few more than usual empty calories going down the hatch. On the food front I found myself eating a little more than usual on those social occassions but again it was all pretty much under control. I continued to run on most days so my slight widening of my midsection girth was not in the serious league. Nevertheless my guess is that about 1 - 1.5 kilos crept back on. (previously this would have been 3 at the least).

On Christams Day I ate well but didnt stuff myself and as I had volunteered to drive after we were at my mum's for the main festivities so I drank nothing all afternoon. Ok so it wasnt a good idea to down 5 or 6 champagnes at breakfsat but they were French and therefore VERY good. I paid for them though with a ripper headache for the rest of the day.

After Christmas Day I eased back on the food and yes I was the only one in my family who went for a run on Boxing Day whilst the in laws walked the dogs (better than nothing I guess). Still was having wine daily though as its still the festive season.

Now that we're in Sunshine Beach and still in "relaxed holiday mode" here is my approach to keeping it all under control:

1. I run each day and I swim some breaststroke laps on most days. It is extremely hilly here and my calves are absolutely SCREAMING but I push on even if I have to resort to my "Cliff Young on prozac shuffle" (picture a run slower than slow). This morning I was out before 7am (yes a true die-hard that just couldnt sleep in) and shuffled uphill and ran downhills for an hour to burn 900+ calories.

2. Food is fantastic. We are having bircher muesli (made by me) for breakfast, cold meats, a little cheese and fresh and marinated veges for lunch, tropical fruit and then simple dinners of mainly (fresh) seafood for dinner with Greek salad. Its awesome. Tasty, healthy and quick and easy to prepare. I go out for a nice coffee each day but I resist the cakes. Yes I love them but they are a treat food that I have when I REALLY feel like it.

3. A holiday tradition for us is "beer-o'clock" where we sit down around 5pm and have a drink and a few nibbles. I love this time but I'm keeping it under control with one vodka, diet lime and soda a few nuts and Grain Waves. In the past I'd gorge on the nibble foods and have at least 2 drinks and just get fatter and fatter by the day.

4. Oh and we still have wine with dinner.

I havent been on the scales since the end of November but I can feel that some of my pre-Christmas girth widening has reduced and I feel great both physically and mentally. I wear my bikini and dont feel like a self conscious beached whale. I go running in shorts and whilst my legs are far from good (let alone perfect) I'm ok with how they look. But more importantly, I'm living my life how I want to live it. Enjoying my food. Enjoying my wine. But keeping it all in balance. And I know I'll go home without the dreaded extra 3-4 kilos of holiday bloat that always accompanied my previous holidays and thats the BEST feeling ever.

:-) Magda

HELLO FROM BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE BEACH - SUNSHINE COAST QUEENSLAND

My blog has been seriously neglected over the festive season due to work being so busy coupled with some serious socialising and now being on holiday with my family. Life has been pretty good and I'm in a really happy place.

This post will have to cover a few things firstly.....

My 7 BEAUTIFUL BLOGGER revelations (thanks Charlotte for nominating me).

1. I'm anal about spelling and grammar. When I read stuff thats poorly written (often by professional people) I just freak out at the mistakes. I must have been an English teacher in a previous life.

2. I have 2 best friends that I've known for 2/3s of my life. One of them knows more about me than my husband.

3. I met Peter (my husband) through work and I initiated our relationship. After a bad first marriage I could spot a winner when I saw one and if I didnt snap him up I knew that one of the other single girls I worked with, would.

4. I'm not a fussy eater but I cant stand grapefruit, gravy (made from a packet), green tea and pork that smells piggy.

5. I had braces on my teeth when I was 36 years old. On the day they came off, I had just found out that another cycle of IVF had failed yet I smiled all day.

6. I'm a morning person (how else could I willingly get up at 5am to train every day?) and I always wake up alert with good energy and ready to tackle the day

7. I hate chocolate and only eat it occasionally if its got something in it that I like (eg Ferrero Rochers). My vice is cake and I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in between. I wont even start to list the cakes I love, there are too many (but NEVER chocolate ones).

Secondly my REVIEW OF 2009.

Wow what  year. The most significant thing I learned was that after 3 decades of dieting and yoyoing more times than I can recall (yes it would be a 4 digit number), the answer to getting my weight to a happy place was inside me and not prescribed in a program written by somebody else. It wasnt in a book, or a magazine and it wasnt about weighing, measuring, recording and analysing what passed my lips until it overtook my life.

Although I had good success working with Hilde from Get Active On Line I was still succumbing to occassional binging episodes despite getting some expert help from a SP earlier in the year. It was then that I looked at my life and the effect that dieting was having on me and realised that I didnt want to do it any more. I wanted to take control and be responsible and accountable for what I ate. I needed to trust myself to work it out for me and to get it right.

And I've been REALLY pleased with how I've been managing this new approach. I feel great (free from the chains of the diet mentality), I'm looking better and better as the weight continues to come off slowly and I've reignited my passion for running. If I have a lapse now I dont beat myself up over it. I accept that I'm human and will make mistakes. My fundamental survival tip if I go off the rails is that I forgive myself and ask myself how I want to be living my life. The answer to this always brings me back to what I believe in now and the correct actions just follow.

On a different level, 2009 saw Peter and I change direction in terms of our house and where we choose to live. I blogged about this recently so wont repeat it all but on reflection yesterday I realised that in the last decade we lived in 5 different houses. Hopefully the new decade sees us settle into a home that we'll be happy with for the long term. The prospect of finding that magical place is exciting and I'm looking forward to the journey.

I havent checked back to my original goals but can recall them vaguely: eg: lose weight and get to a certain weight and body fat level, compete, eat well etc etc etc. Whereas I'm happy with my end of year weight, the journey to get here ended up being quite different to what I initailly planned. As for competing, my motto is never say never but its not on the radar at all for 2010.

LOOKING FORWARD: 2010

For the first time in my life as far as I can remember, I'm not starting the year with a resolution to lose weight and to be X kilos by Y (date). Its not about body fat %s or the number on the scales for me any more. So here are some beliefs, values and habits that I want to develop further. These are my versions of "resolutions" written to suit me.

1. I will continue to develop my belief in myself. I will have faith that I hold the answers to how to eat for the lean and toned body that I desire.

2. I will run, run and run some more. When my legs are tired from running, I'll lift some heavy weights to keep my upper body toned. Oh and I'll devote some time to improving my core strength.

3. I will strive to be more patient and less grumpy. My son deserves this. So does my husband.

4. I will continue to place the highest importance on my family, their wellbeing, our wellbeing, harmony, support, nurturing and caring for. Doing this makes me truly happy.

5. I will continue to nurture my friendships. My circle of friends is small and precious and I'd be lost without them.

So there it is. The things that are important to me as I face this new decade. The end of 2009 saw big changes in my life and now its time to embrace them and take them further to make 2010 and the new decade the best one yet.

Cheers all

Magda

WOW WHAT A GREAT CHRISTMAS ....

...... with so much good food, champagne, time spent with family and presents.

I must have been a very good girl this year because Santa was very generous. Amongst my pressies were the following favourites: a new digital camera (my old one was almost an antique), Skins tights, a sleeveless Skins top, a pedometer, an Oggi drink bottle, the new Paullina Simons book, earrings, a necklace and some of those cool iPod headphones that hook around your ears (I cant keep the bud styles in my ears).

If it wasnt so late I'd post up some piccies and write more about the day and do one of those 2009 wrap ups that every else is blogging about but its time to head off to bed and hope that I have time to blog again tomorrow.

Cheers all

M

REVEALING ALL

Life is strange.
Life is unpredictable.
Life is wonderful.
Life is magical.

Life will take you in one direction and then BANG a chain of events will change that direction forever. This is whats happened to us and we are excited and exhilirated (me) and stressed and nervous (Peter) all at the same time.

Without turning this into a War and Peace epic I will summarise briefly that we are no longer going down the path to a massive new home in the burbs but are looking to buy something small, functional and charming from around the turn of the century that is walking distance to the city.

We love where we are now and the amazing lifestyle that this allows us. We have awesome cafes, restaurants, shops and boutiques just walking distance away and we can walk to work. It doesnt get much better than this and this is where we want to live in a house that gives us what we need without a lot of what we dont.

Yes the road to get here has been very stressful but I believe that all good things have to be worked for, waited for and sweated for. It makes them that much more appreciated when they eventuate. So we're on the house-hunting merry-go-round and yes we have already missed out on one house that we both loved :-(

Christmas is fast approaching and there is so much to finalise in the next couple of days. Even the lead up to now has been really busy, hence the lack of blogging and reading other blogs. I have many blog posts to catch up on when time permits.

On a personal level I'm still doing really well and this has actually become the norm and is no longer the exception to be amazed over. Sure there are days when I eat a bit too much but they naturally balance out with days where I eat less. I'm keeping up with my running as best I can as I'm now on holidays and not getting up at 5am. Again its a case of going with the flow and not stressing out if a session is missed. My headspace is good and I'm looking forward to my first Christmas (other than if I've been sick) where I dont eat til I'm ready to burst and gain the usual 3 or so kilos from all of the overindulging.

I'm planning a new look blog for 2010 as I can feel that it'll be an awesome year with new ventures, new challenges and an even happier and more positive outlook on life. But til then there is family time to be enjoyed, good food to be shared, nice wine to savour, a road trip and a holiday on the magical Sunshine Coast with my family. I'm off to wrap presents and I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. Take a moment to give thanks for all you have, for all thats good in your life and for all you have worked hard to achieve. I know I will.

Cheers

Magda

I MUST REMAIN CRYPTIC

Thank you again to all the lovely ladies in blogland who left supportive and thoughtful comments when I felt way down in the dumps. I really appreciate your concern and caring.

Things picked up after a couple of days and we're over it now. I'm sorry I must remain cryptic as there are some "i"s to dot and some "t"s to cross and then I'll feel better about blogging just whats been going on. Not long now, I promise.

In actual fact I have quite a lot  I want to write about but time is scarce tonight and will be leading up to Christmas. I guess thats pretty typical for this time of year. But in a nutshell I have been feeling quite awesome and going through some amazing changes on a physical level and an emotional one too. I'm surprising myself even, you could say. When I made the statement that December was going to be great, I didnt even realise how great it could be, even despite the events of early last week.

So I'll leave it there for tonight and hope that I can squeeze in a nice lengthy blog and share my news, achievements and inner most thoughts (well some of them anyway LOL).

Cheers all

Magda

ME AND MY MISERY

I dont have time to post the details tonight but things have not worked out as planned and as we wanted.

I'm disappointed.

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

I'm mad.

I'm going to sign off there for now and post again when I'm in a better headspace.

Oh BTW Peter says tonight "I'm so depressed now I just want to eat." I totally understand this feeling but now I know and truly believe that its not the long term answer nor is it a short term fix. I didnt even crave wine tonight. Me and my misery are fine just as we are LOL.

Magda

CALLING ON THE POWER OF ATTRACTION

OMG things are hotting up and my excitement level is going through the roof. Stay tuned. I cant blog about it just yet but it wont be long. I have a good feeling though and my intuition is pretty good so here's hoping it doesnt let me down.

Weekend has been awesome. Getting some good news on Thursday certainly helped. Had a champagne with my work colleagues on Friday afternoon and that got the weekend off to a nice start. Peter is a different person since it looks like the shitty matter I blogged about previously is being resloved, a much nicer person and life is just better all round.

But there's always something to keep a small thorn in my side. This time its my right leg which is aching BADLY. I've self diagnosed that its from my running more often and for longer times and being slack with my stretching. Errr like not stretching AT ALL. So on Friday morning as I was trying to do my sprints my leg was aching like mad in the walk intervals. Of course I ignored it and pressed on but have been a bit more diligent about stretching. So much so that on Saturday I skipped my legs weights session and just did some stretching/mobility/prehab work instead and then followed it up with an hour of mixed cardio (bike/walking/bike). Then finished off with more stretching. Geez that felt good.

Today has been close to a "perfect day". Had a little sleep in. Did my upper body weights session and abs. My boys went to play golf so I had the place to myself for a while :-) After weights I had a blueberry pancake for breakfast and a quick shower. Then I walked very briskly for a little over an hour to meet my boys for a special purpose (sorry its all a part of what I cant blog about just yet). Fingers, toes, everything is crossed. We had lunch out and then walked to a nice park for our son to have a play. One more thing to do out and then came home, put the Chrissie tree up and before we knew it the day was just about over.

I have a good feeling about this week. I'm going to get my right leg sorted out and then it'll be perfect. I can feel it in my heart and if ever the power of attraction was going to work, this is the time.

:-) Magda

NOVEMBER REPORT

So November is history and we are powering forward to Christmas. Here is my November round up.

NUTRITION

Once again I had a pretty good month but I did succumb to 2 (or maybe 3) binging episodes. One could be explained by the fact that I had eaten too little for a few days. The second was in response to a stressful situation at work. These arent justifications for binging but cold hard fact that old thought patterns returned, dominated and old behaviours resulted. The critical thing about these is that I react differently now and dont waste energy and emotion on beating myself up, punishing myself with a strict diet or tons of exercise to compensate. I also remind myself that although I may have eaten badly, that doesnt make me a bad person. Very different thought patterns to those previously.

November saw me leaving behind more of my old "diet foods" and embracing more vegetarian meals which I am really enjoying. Tabbouli has been a regular food with added 3 or 4 bean mix which I love. My blueberry pancakes continue to be my favourite breakfast. They NEVER disappoint. I'm loving my daily skim cappuccinos and the fact that little treats are now a normal part of my life which I enjoy without guilt. Oh and having wine in moderation a few nights a week is just bliss. All these things make me a happy and relaxed person instead of always stressing about how I was going to avoid the foods and wine that I shouldnt be having.

TRAINING

November saw a new routine being established after finding my feet in a new home, new suburb and new circumstances. I'm running more and weight training less and surprisingly I'm loving it. Well maybe not so surprising, as running when you're 10 kilos lighter than you've been for a couple of years is not quite so bad. So after settling into a routine that I loved, its time to uproot it all and go with the flow as school holidays, my own holidays and life in general all turn things upside down. Lucky I'm not too much of a stresshead to let this get me down.

I'm looking forward to setting some training goals for next year to give me a challenge to work towards. Ideas are floating around in my head but need some research.

HEADSPACE

In the main my headspace has been good. But I wont lie about the difficulty of putting things into perspective after a binging episode. It would be so easy to revert to all my old reactions but I know they would just add fuel to the fire and I'd be in a downward spiral so fast that it'd be scary. So I train my brain to think differently, see things differently and hence react differently. Yep it takes some effort but the outcome is worth it. I can honestly say that I'm a more balanced, calm and happy person than I was 6 months ago.

But I'm human and I struggle with areas of my life that arent exactly as I'd like them. The problem is that I dont even know how I'd like them to be exactly. (Does that make sense??) Couple that with not being willing to risk things that are really important to me and I may just have to remind myself that this is a choice I make. Its a issue I grapple with every so often but I cant see a win win solution to it.

ME AND THE METAL MONSTER

In late November I hopped onto my trusty friend / enemy out of curiosity and was pleasantly surprised to see a loss of another 1.3kgs. I was sitting in the 62s and for my 171cm height and medium to large frame this is a nice weight and I look and feel good. I didnt do measurements but you know, who cares? There'll be a bit off here and there. In the scheme of life and whats important , thats not. I may weigh again for an "official end of November" weight and then I may not. Is that number important? Hell no!!

FINALLY

You may recall that some weeks ago I blogged about an exciting change of direction that was on the cards for us. This then turned into a shitty and stressful issue that plagued us for several weeks although I couldnt give details. Well yesterday we were finally able to resolve the issue and it'll be settled and finalised soon so stay tuned for a blog about this exciting venture.

I'm relishing December and the festive season already. I love it when our family is all together. I love the shops being busy as with people madly buying up presents. I love seeing Christmas trees, Christmas lights in people's gardens and Christmas decorations all around. I love getting lots of invites to Christmas celebrations and going along and enjoying them, guilt-free. I can feel that December will be a fantastic month and a great end to the year.

Cheers all

Magda

IDEALESS AND LACKING INSPIRATION

During the day I get all these brilliant ideas for blog posts. They start with catchy titles and then ideas of what to write. I get quite inspired.

Then I sit down to read blogs and post my own later in the evening and I'm dead tired, idealess and lacking inspiration.

I'm due to do a November report but will tackle it when I feel better and my thoughts are clearer. I think it'd just be a jumbled mess if I wrote it tonight.

So on that note I'll sign out for today. It has been a good day. My eating is as I want it to be. Training today was an upper body weights circuit done on my back lawn. Not a favourite workout but a workout that suited my circumstances. I walked from work to my son's school this afternoon but didnt walk in the morning. Went and had coffee out with Peter as he was off work today. I'm feeling good within myself despite carrying some tummy bloat after Monday's overeating. It'll correct itself soon so I'm not stressing about it. Its good to be over the hump this week and getting closer to the weekend.

Cheers all

M

FORGIVING, NURTURING AND HEALING

Today was a day of forgiving, nurturing and healing.

Forgiving because yesterday I abused my body with poor food choices in quantities that can only be described as "oh lordy, where did I put all that?" Yep I faced a stressful situation at work and let it overcome me and I resorted to my old habits and ways of thinking. I do know better now but the voice of reason was too quiet to be heard. Whats done is done and I've moved onwards and upwards without the obligatory self punishment that normally accompanied such episodes.

Nurturing because I'm wise enough to realise that self punishment is not the answer and is in fact detrimental and is likely to trigger more such behaviours. So today I nurtured myself with a jog/walk in the morning and had a good think about it all. I treated myself to breakfast out on the way to work. Yep I no longer try to make up for a binge by dieting strrictly the next day. I eat what I fancy and stop when I'm satisfied, making sure I enjoy every mouthful. Now thats my idea of nurturing and I've done it enough to know that my body will balance itself out in a few days.

Healing because after yesterday I felt fragile, doubtful and my self esteem had taken a bit of a knock. To heal I take the pressure off myself. I dont set my expectations sky high. I remind myself how far I've come, how much I've learnt and how by believing in myself I will succeed in slaying my Binge Monster once and for all.

Today has been a good day and I'm feeling like I'm well on the way to being on top of the world where I usually reside. Its a great view from up there and one I want to be enjoying many days of my life.

:-) M