Monday, January 28, 2008

I LOSE MY BREATH I FIND MY ANSWERS

Reading this catchy little saying by Lorna Jane, I always used to think "oh how cute is that". I liked it but it never had any meaning for me. It never struck a chord. Until today........

I had a bad experience this morning. I was dreading doing the cardio session that was originally programmed for last Friday as I had worked it out to be an hour long session with almost half of it sprinting (I didn’t have time for it last Friday as I had an early chiro appointment). So I had planned it for today. I woke up feeling bad in yet another negative state of mind. Nevertheless I headed out to do the session telling myself that I would do 3 repeats of the sprint intervals instead of 5 (which I honestly didn’t think I could physically manage).

Half way through the first sequence I was finding that I wasn’t recovering during the 30 second slow jogs even though my jogs were like a shuffle. Then on the 7th (I think) repeat (out of 10) I just couldn’t get enough air in. I finished the sprint and found that I couldn’t breath. I was gasping for breath and I got quite scared and maybe had a mini anxiety attack and then I dissolved into tears. I walked home and just did the lower body workout.

So many things went through my mind as I cried my way home. I thought of quitting completely and settling for a life of wife, mother, public servant etc. I thought of why my performance was so poor and why my fitness wasn’t better. I thought of needing time to myself to train at a level that felt right for me. I really just felt like throwing in the towel.

But as I did my lower body workout I reasoned things out with myself and decided that:

1. I WOULD NOT QUIT. There may be times when my body will not do what is programmed for a specific day but I’ll do what I can. To quit now is taking the easy option and that is not the person I want to be.

2. I now realise that my physical performance and my state of mind are DIRECTLY and ABSOLUTELY determined by my diet. I woke up feeling negative because once again many little indulgences had worked their way in to my day yesterday and I felt bad about that. I realise that the weight I’ve gained recently is NOT helping with my aerobic performance and I now realise (undoubtedly) that for me good nutrition on a consistent basis is the key to success in physical endeavours and emotional happiness. (I have been convincing myself otherwise for a lifetime. Yes, eat well for a while then bugger it, "I deserve to enjoy myself" mentality is what I've been living with).

3. Training on my own is not the answer for me when I have specific goals. My motivation and dedication come and go and I am far more successful when I have professional guidance and am accountable to that person. I WILL NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL.

So in the few hours I’ve been up today I’ve already ridden the emotional rollercoaster but I’m feeling ok now. I know what I will be choosing to do from now on.

Magda

5 comments:

Cat said...

(((hugs))) well done on working through it all and getting the right answers for you. I also love that lorna jane phrase.

Hope you have a wonderful afternoon

xo

Raechelle said...

Wow-quite a morning! That problem with the breathing would have been quite scary...glad you're all right and it helped the light click on for you!
Good on ya'! Keep chugging along-that's all we can do!

Magda said...

Thanks Cat,

my day panned out ok in the end and I had misread the sprint session. It should have been about half an hour long.

Raechelle, I was mildly hysterical (quite embarassing to think about it now) but it sure as hell gave me a bit of a wake up call. Probably just what I needed :-)

Cheers

Magda

MISS TANK said...

Hey Magda :)

Try not to be so hard on yourself! You know that it's a MUST to listen to the body, when your body doesnt wanna go - it wont...that's when injuries and mental torment come into play. Fabulous you recovered and your mind is fresh again.... :)

Michelle said...

Good on you for not quitting! Its great that you found positives when in a negative frame of mind.