NEWS, NEWS AND EVEN MORE NEWS

I’M OUT

I’ve hinted around it for some time but I’ll make it official now. I have decided that I wont compete this year.

Despite starting my training program with lots of enthusiasm, deep down I just couldn’t get my sh*t together. The reality of my situation is that over the last few months I have had major struggles with emotional eating, binge eating and destructive thought patterns. After the comps were over last year I went into a major re-feeding mode and even though I knew about this and the risks of it happening, I was powerless to stop it. I hated what I was doing to myself but I wasn’t ready to stop it and deal with it like a sensible mature adult. The result is that I gained back a lot of weight and assessing where I am and where I need to be to compete again I knew the road there would be one of virtual starvation, flogging myself with hours of cardio and managing my already delicate emotions. I could only envisage a miserable time ahead and that’s not what I believe such an a amazing process should be about.

Now you may all be thinking “quitter / scared of hard work / with that sort of attitude you’ll never be successful” and yep all those thoughts went through my mind initially. But then I was sensible enough and mature enough to realise that in order for me to successfully compete again, I had to make my healthy-living-lifestyle-foundation much stronger. Think of it this way: I have a very unstable foundation right now and I kept trying to build a skyscraper onto it. Result: every effort came tumbling down around me leaving me staring failure in the face every time it happened. Some very wise words from both Lisa Stokes and Liz Nelson finally sunk in and I’ve changed my focus for this year.

NEW GOALS / NEW DIRECTIONS

After I came to peace with the above decision I started to think about what this year would hold for me. Would I just drift through without a goal just taking life as it came? Would I run the risk of becoming quite slack about my training because I wasn’t working towards anything specific? These were real risks in my eyes.

And then it came to me. My new goal for 2008.

This is the year I will run the City to Bay (Adelaide’s 12km fun run from the city to Glenelg) and I will attempt it in a challenging time. Now some of you might be thinking “big deal, whats 12 kms?” but for a chronic non-runner this will be a big accomplishment. Ok I ran heaps last year and I improved quite a bit but I’ve since lost a lot of that conditioning. Plus I’ve never done a long distance. Several years ago I remember doing a one-of 9km run and it nearly killed me although I was running regularly at the time. So 12kms will be quite a challenge for me.

I’ve already consulted the local running expert at work, the lovely Miss D for some training tips. She has been good enough to invite me to train with her running group as there is a specific form of training I’ll need to do to run the race in the time I’m aiming for. I’ve worked out when I can do this and I’m excited and nervous and raring to go.

THE REVERSE RISK LEVERAGE AGREEMENT

Liz blogged about this last month and she had also brought it up with me when I trained with her at the start of the year. To recap for you its about extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation. Eg does your motivation come from within you or are you motivated by external sources? If you’re motivated by external sources then this is a very effective motivational tool. Here’s how it goes. You set a measurable goal with a clear timeframe. Then you put up something of (significant) value to you that you will forego/lose if you don’t reach your goal. Simple.

Well when I first heard about it I wasn’t at all keen to do it. I think deep down I knew I just wasn’t ready to commit – but I never would have admitted that. Then last month after another big slip up around BS’s birthday I just felt so out of control, so sick of failing over and over again that I realised the RRLA was maybe the only way I’d get on track AND STAY THERE.

I talked to WH about it and after his bewilderment at “gee that’s drastic”, “why cant you just do it on your own?” and a host of other comments we made it official.

MY GOAL: Sub 65kgs by All Females – Friday 11th July

MY PENALTY: $500 of money I’d normally spend selfishly on myself AND no internet access at home (other than checking emails) – eg NO BLOGGING for one month.

So I’m really motivated to eat well and train hard. I don’t put food mindlessly into my mouth. I don’t eat to relieve boredom or to ease frustration or dampen the effects of feeling stressed. I think twice about when I drink alcohol and how much I have. In fact I plan my meals quite diligently and sometimes I ride out the feelings of hunger knowing that a planned meal is not far away. I’m doing ok and I’m feeling SO MUCH BETTER already.

I wish I was the sort of person who is motivated intrinsically but right now I’m not so I’ll work with what life has dealt me now. I’m just glad I bit the bullet and took action when I did rather than waiting for my weight to go up and my self esteem to go down further.

So this year I’m a runner, a figure competitor taking a break (still training weights though) and a lean and clean eater. I will continue to enjoy skim cappuccinos; a couple of alcoholic drinks a week, a relaxed meal out very now and then and will have my favourite cake on my birthday. Life is looking pretty good right now.

Cheers

Magda