Thursday, January 29, 2009


As a child I lacked self confidence about my ability on many levels. I was shy and reserved and I shied away from physical challenges. I believed that I wasnt good at sport and so .... I wasnt good at sport. It was the beginning of my struggles with my weight throughout my life.

As a teenager I continued to be bad at sport because I believed I always would be. I did manage to learn to water ski - but only after my father got in the boat and threatened me with thunderous yelling "to hold onto that rope no matter what" that I held on and yep, I was skiing. My only other form of activity was folk dancing but when you follow that up with a trip out for pizza (as hungry teenagers do) its unlikely to help you to keep your weight down. I believed that I would struggle with my weight and so ..... I struggled with my weight. In my year 7 photo I'm the big girl in the back row wearing a size 14 skirt and blouse, amply filling a C-D cup bra.

Throughout my 20s and 30s I had several periods where I believed that I could lose weight and so .... I lost weight. Oh the joy of being smaller and being able to buy trendy, sexy clothes. The joy of being the same size (or smaller) than my friends and of being attractive to the boys. But each joy was short-lived because I didnt believe that I could maintain my new found slim body. So true to my beliefs every weight loss was followed by a compensating weight gain because I believed thats what would happen. Life was really turning into a roller coaster ride and I wanted to get off.

Hail my 40s and the extra strength and wisdom that come with maturity. I made a decision that I would blow off all my previous doubts, insecurities and fears and I would take on my biggest physical and mental challenge. I believed that I had it in me to transform my overweight, cellulite ridden body to that of a Figure Competitor and so .... I did.

But did I believe that I was ready to live lean and love life? Well if you've followed my blog over the last year you'll know the answer to that. In November 2007 I weighed in at 76+kgs when I embarked on my current journey. (My comp weight had been 55kgs). Speaks for itself doesnt it.

So here I am in 2009 and I have to ask myself what I believe.

Do I believe that I can train hard enough to transform my body once again, or do I find an excuse not to?

Do I believe that my body will respond to the training or do I write it off as "too old" or "the product of too much yoyo dieting"?

Do I believe that I can learn to understand my emotional eating, what triggers it and why, or do I believe that "I've always done it so I dont know any different"?

Do I believe that I can learn strategies and change my thought processes so that I can avoid emotional eating, or do I believe "its just too hard"?

And finally do I believe that I have it in me put all the pieces of the puzzle together and work out how to live lean and love life, or do I sit in my happy comfort zone feeling unhappy?

To be continued .....



Frankie said...

Bloody hell Magda you made me get all teary.

Frankie said...

oops that sounds like I'm taking the piss...

Just really related to it. Ya know what I mean.

Tearose said...

Magda, you can do WHATEVER you believe, you know that, Just choose to believe you can, I believe you can :)Your a huge inspiration to me, I weighed 119.5 kilos when I decided, I have not yet made it to the stage but I will and its because of people like you showing me it can be done :D *hugs*

Anonymous said...

WOW I am 76. something kgs & started to workout in November and very close to my 40th...

I want all this to, esp with 3 kids (youngest 4 yrs) so I want to be around alot longer, so I have decided to do something about it, and boy it's hard stuff...

Looking forward to your next post as this has really struck a cord with me...

any tips???

Thanks Jools

Pip said...

Great post Magda!

As far as the weight fluctuations, that's just like me! I've been anywhere from a size 10,(60kg) to a size 18, (90kg) since I was 17, (now 28). Probably at my worst I hit about 93kg as the time I reached 90 on the scales I'd highly restricted my food for a few days before having the nerve to hop on those metal monsters! I have had too many reads of 89.something since as well after letting myself slide!

I dunno what it is about 90 or why time and time again I've let it get that high and uncomfy but it seems to always be the point where ENOUGH is ENOUGH, - have to take stock! For the past few years once every year I've had a read of 89.something once! Weird! Once when about 22 I let myself slide on 12kg in 2 months from lots of comfort eating and that was when I finally tackled the monsters I was shocked I had hit 90 and how quick that happened, I wasn't surprised but lived in denial too long! Ignoring it a few more weeks keeping up the rate I was going I was sure to hit triples which scared the crap outta me! SO I can't let myself go this year and reach 89.something again!

Sam D-M said...

Hey Magda,

Wow, you where like me in the 14s in primary school! Hurt didnt it?

You can achieve whatever you want to, you are already proof of that.

I think all us figure girls go through the yoyo thing, I am just so glad that I have finally made peace and 'got it right'. But this also means that everyday I still work at it. I have to resist temptation, or sometimes struggle to the odd training session. But, it does get easier right?

Thanks for posting this :)

Magda said...

Yeah FrAnkie, I know what you mean :-)

Hey Tearose you're doing fantastically too and are living proof that you can achieve what you set your mind to. There's no reason at all for you to fail now. You'll make it to the stage because you too believe that you can do it.

Hi Jools and thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Check out today's post for those tips.

Pip, we are so similar, battling with emotional eating, "good-time" eating and just dealing with ingrained bad habits. Hope your leg condition is diagnosed and treated quicksmart. It sounds really nasty.

Hi Sam, yeah how I hated those photos and being that size at that age. I think that a lot of Figure Girls compete to prove they are no longer "the fat girl" but geez the whole comp thing messes with your head and leaves you dealing with a whole new set of issues. Sam you're such an inspiration and I look forward to the day when I too can say "I got it right and I feel at peace" :-)