Saturday, June 06, 2009

PERMISSION TO EXIT NOW

Yesterday the BM claimed victory. Being home with a sick child, yet faced with a heap of work that HAD to be done and being housebound (which meant no cappuccino or the fruit toast I so desperately wanted for breakfast) meant there were way too many trips to the pantry throughout the day. At least I'll have something to report back to the SP from which we can work on (was there ever any question about this??)

I have come to the realisation just recently that I've truly lost my motivation for all things health and fitness related. Although I have managed an hour of training both yesterday and today, getting going was a huge mental battle. Today's session (shoulders + ss cardio on the exercise bike) was quite good and in the main yesterday's was too (back / chest supersetted + ss cardio on the rower) but am I giving 100%? Not even close. What about 80%. Nope. Its more like 70 -75%. I tell myself "something is better than nothing" (thanks Kek) to make myself feel better.

Diet .... well what can I say? Sick of it all. Over it all. Just fed up with it all. Good days followed by bad days over and over again. I know you shouldnt dwell on the negatives / failures but when they're staring at you no matter which way you turn, its hard to look past them. Boy is my head in a crappy place right now and I'm sounding like a total misery guts. Permission to exit now if this negativity pisses you off.

Does anyone else go through the repeated torment of what to eat, when to eat it, how much to have etc etc? I have SO much information about 1000s of different ways to get lean / lose fat / be slimmer / be more toned/muscly etc that my head feels like it'll explode from information overload. No joke, during an average week, I'll drag out 2 or 3 of those 1000 different plans and analyse them to the nth degree (again) looking for "the perfect solution". I'm driving myself crazy.

So there it all is. My honest feelings right now. I could have deleted tonight's post (I hate it coz its so negative) but I've decided to blog it, warts and all. Some of my thoughts arent sensible or rational but hey, its where I'm at right now so I wont pretend otherwise. Cant wait to see my SP again next week. I'm counting down the days.

M

9 comments:

Frankie said...

Magda you're not alone. I do the same thing. I'm embarrassed of the number of diet and fitness books I have. I spend so much time analysing the crap out of every single plan that I don't actually end up doing ANY.

I wish I could help but it's something I'm yet to conquer. Even when I know something is working I'll keep looking for something better.

You've had a crappy week with the house thing and a sick child so don't be too hard on yourself :o)

Charlotte Orr said...

I'm guilty of the same thing Magda. Hope your SP is able to help.

ss2306 said...

Been there, done that Magda.

All I can say is keep working with SP and it WILL get better.

Sending positive vibes your way.

MISS TANK said...

Magda,

I dont think anyone has NOT been there done that. Dont let this f**k with your head.
Instead of "dieting" - go back to basics, give your body what it needs, if you want fruit toast, eat it, if you want cake, eat it...the minute you restrict yourself, that is the very minute the f**khead BM comes out to play.

listen to your body (your mind will catch up) we only have one body - need to love it, respect it and give it lots of variety.

eat to live, not live to eat

let go of the guilt, anger and shame.

you are beautiful, you have a gorgeous family, lovely friends who love you for who you are.

f**k the rest

here for you and think you are amazing x

Kek said...

Hey Magda, sense and rationality don't rule our lives, and maybe that's a good thing in some ways. I suspect if everything we did was based on those priciples, the world would be peopled by dull, too-serious automatons. So there IS a good side to being an emotional being...you just have to find a way to swing the balance towards the positive.

You have the right support network in place, and you'll get there - it's just going to take some time.

And I second what Fernie said!

P.S. Remember that you only lost a battle, not the war.

Kerry W said...

Thanks for sharing Magda...it shows just how courageous you are sharing the 'warts and all'.

I'm sending you ***POSITIVE VIBES*** and I hope some ***FEEL GOOD*** vibes too. Sometimes, it's hard when you have plenty of positivity and motivation in your life and then read when someone else is struggling with that, so I hope somehow I can 'telepathically' transmit some of mine to you...here's hoping. :))

I think the work you do with your SP will be vital to help you work stuff out. Sometimes, it's not the stuff in your head that needs to be healed, but the stuff in your heart. Lots of hugs...(((X)))...Kerry :)

Lia Halsall said...

You're not being negative, you just being honest and recognising your emotions. Life is about balance, we can't have good without bad. Just accept these emotions, deal with them best you can and move forward Magda.

I know you can do this, you've done it before. We're all here to support you in any way that we can.

xxx

little rene said...

Hey Magda
Sorry that you are in apretty shitty place at the moment. That sucks!
I second what someone else said. For a hile just try eating things that you like in small amounts. If you want a cappucino and fruit toast for brekkie eat it. Have a nice sandwhich for lunch and something inspiring for dinner.
You will probably be eating less calories by doing this than trying to eat "right" and then binging on top of it.
Maybe also try not to focus on the end result too much. Stop giving yourself deadlines and just take each day at a time.
All of this works for me so I hope you get something out of it?
Thinking of you xxx

Pip said...

Can totally relate to that/those feelings as well Magda!

Maybe to hell with all the diet 'plans', advice etc etc, do what ya want but just some common sense?

I have been liking this myself lately. Then if you want to prep for a certain goal, (like a figure comp or a triathlon etc) you can look at the best ways for you to prepare.

You have had lots on lately, hang in there, the mood will pass :-)