MY STORY - PART 4

Post comp.

I was completely aware of the pitfalls that many competitors face after the comp season is over. The urge to eat anything and everything. The feelings of being lost with no direction. Maybe feeling tired, moody, emotional. Probably others that I havent listed. So I was prepared for all this. You know, indulge a bit, ease off, keep doing some exercise (but not like comp prep), retain many of the good habits formed over the last year.

So what happened?

The wheels fell off for me some time in November. When the urge to refeed struck, it just took over my life. Having what I hadnt had for so long was heaven when I ate it but hell when I started to gain weight. And boy did I gain weight. And with every kilo gained back, I became less confident, less motivated, less happy and caught in a negative downward spiral.

Over the year I made various attempts to rectify my situation but I just couldnt put my car into gear, get it going and keep it moving for any length of time. I stopped and started so many times that I may as well have just parked the car and not worried about trying to move forward. To rub salt into the wound (or maybe it was sugar and fats LOL) every time my car stopped moving, I would gain a bit more weight. Over and over again.

I have analysed myself the nth degree and here are some of the issues which challenge me at these times:

1. I have a "sin now - pray later" attitude. You know, "a little bit wont hurt" or "never mind, I'll diet tomorrow" or "I'll work this off tomorrow". But for what I ate at times, NO amount of praying was going to stop it from making me fatter.

2. The heavier I got the more my thinking went towards "well I'm fat anyway so having ???? wont make much difference". No it wont Magda, just another kilo and then another. Thats not much difference, is it?

3. And I'm an "all or nothing" person. So a bit of treat food automatically becomes a lot of treat food. And when you add points 1 and 2 into the equation, well the recipe for failure is pretty much set.

4. Finally I must confess that I enjoy a drink, or 3-4. And with those drinks I enjoy "nibbly snack foods" like nuts, chips, cheese and crackers etc. (I'm almost drooling as I write this LOL). Oh and after a long, hard week at work (coz I work in the salt mines you know LOL) I DESERVE them.

You see where I'm coming from....

2008 just wasnt going to be my year. Sometimes your head just isnt in the right place and mine was certainly revelling in "Fat Girl Paradise" where it was determined to eke out a nice existence. My body followed and yep all the hard work of last year was undone. No point crying over spilt milk. There is only one way to fix this broken thing and achieve some of my remaining goals.

To be continued...

Magda