TAKING A STEP BACK

Thank you to everyone who left words of support and encouragement on my last post. They all meant a lot to me. Some comments really hit the nail on the head and have got me thinking about doing things differently.

As you can see I have deleted that post. Every time I looked at it, it upset me further. Under the circumstances I wasnt happy to have it out there. There are people out there who are in far more difficult situations than me so I would rather deal with this privately.

Thanks again

Magda

8.1 IN 55

No thats not a mathematical calculation. Its how far I ran today. And judging how I felt at the end of the session I am truly cacking myself that I wont make the 12kms. I was just about dead at the end of 8kms and its only 2/3s of the City 2 Bay distance. AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Funnily enough there was a decent stretch that I thought I ran well. I headed out onto the main roads today and going "public" probably improved my form somewhat. That was until about the 30 minute mark after which I am just struggling along. Week in, week out nothing changes.

My food experiment didnt go to plan so my theory wasnt tested. I'm a bit over it all actually. I guess its time like these when a coach / trainer /mentor would be really great. The only thing keeping me going is my pride and my determination to do all the training and be as best prepared for the race as I can be. I refuse to give in so i'll just suck it up and do it with my sooky lala attitude.

Magda

MY LAST FLEXI DAY

...yes today was the last flexi day that I will have. In my new position I will work a 5 day week. Every week. Irrespective of the hours I work. I'm a bit sad about this because flexitime allows me to take time out to spend with my BS, especially when the school holidays come around. But if I look at the bright side (which I always try to do) then I will at least be in a better routine and of course the pay rise just puts a nice layer of icing on the cake (which I shouldnt be eating LOL). Also with my new work place being a MUCH smaller office, I'm hoping they arent into the Friday morning tea junk food fests that my previous workplace had.

I had a great day off today. But it was over so quickly. I managed a little sleep in so I didnt train this morning. My next weights session is shoulders (hopefully tomorrow) and then a 55 minute :-0 run on Sunday. The City 2 Bay is 4 weeks away. My goodness it has come around quickly.

I talked to a trainer today and was happy with how that went. My first priority is to do the City 2 Bay so we agreed that getting all my running training in is paramount. It was suggested that in the meantime I just weight train my chest, back and shoulders to keep the muscles stimulated (yep good advice) and after the City 2 Bay and the holiday I'm having at the end of September, we will start then. That makes sense but I'd like to drop a few kgs of body fat in the meantime so I'm starting from a better place. I guess up to me.

I think a couple of more conversations in the meantime will have things heading in the right direction :-)

Cheers

Magda

STEPPING OUT OF AN ERA

Today I finished work in my project management job. The day was extremely madly, crazy busy. From the moment I arrived at work, it was meeting after meeting to resolve project issues and hand-over projects. At 11.30 my team and other colleagues converged on me for a small send-off with some nice speeches, flowers and a card. I will miss this great bunch of people where the camaraderie is second to none and its a great place to be.

In the afternoon I attended my final site meeting and REALLY earned my salary with a very difficult meeting with unhappy clients. Why is it that some people just cant be thankful for what they are getting? In my job I plan for and then deliver say a, b and c. And what is people's reaction to that? Well its never "gee thanks, that will make thing so much better for us". No, its always "but we have to have a, b, c AND d,e,f and probably g and h as well". What happened to the old "glass half full" perspective? Not many people I come across share this outlook with me and they piss me off.

OK I'll get off my soapbox now because thats behind me. No doubt I'll have a whole new set of challenges to face next week so they will be a breath of fresh air LOL.

I finished the day feeling completely wiped out. WH and I weakened and had a quick dinner out which was not on my plan but the damage was 1/2 a gourmet seafood pizza (about 4 small-medium pieces) and 1 glass of wine. It could have been a lot worse as I had eaten very little during the day and had managed hardly any water.

But on a more positive note I will brag about my great run these last 2 mornings. Yesterday I did intervals and I pushed harder in the 3 minute steady pace phase and then eased right back in the 3 minute recovery phase. I was happy with my effort and how I felt after the session was over. I knew I'd given it more than at previous sessions. Today I did a 35 minute steady paced run and again felt that my effort was good. As an added bonus, at around the 15 minute mark I actually got into that elusive "runner's zone" and was feeling really good. Love that place. Love that feeling :-)

Oh and Imustnt forget to brag about the wonderful DOMS I have in my chest and triceps :-) Very sore when I started running but then my attention went elsewhere. Will be training shoulders and bi either tomorrow or Saturday so bring it on.

Tomorrow I'm speaking with a trainer about .... well .... training. My mind is open and I hope it goes well.

Well guys I'm knackered so it'll be good-night from me and hope to blog again tomorrow.

Cheers all

Magda

JUST LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS .... ALMOST

Well the DOMS came today as expected and gave me the nice feeling of a bodybuilders high. Whats that you ask. Well its a few things like: DOMS setting in after a hard weights session, cardio done and dusted for the day - you're tired after the effort you put in, food all clean and on plan, drowning in water LOL. I dont use many supps but for those that do, they're another qualifier for the high feeling.

WH cant believe that I have utilised the exercise room two nights in a row. "What is going on?" he says. Oh and the "happy juice" (aka protein shakes) are back on the menu (post training). Its just like the good old days.

Today I talked to my fellow running friend at work to share my experiences with training for the City 2 Bay. On her recommendation I'm going to ramp up my "steady paced" intervals tomorrow to see how I go. 3 minutes steady pace with 3 minutes recovery pace should be manageable. All up, I think its a 40 minute session.

Two days to go before I finish my current job. I'm very busy at work but am crossing things off my To Do list. Bring on Friday when I get a day off.

Cheers all

Magda

REMINISCING

Tonight I weight trained for the first time in several weeks. My arms feel leaden and I know I'll have chest DOMS tomorrow (I always do). Once I got in my exercise room, lay down on my bench and had the bar in my hands all my pleasant memories of last year's comp prep came flooding back.

It was a time I really enjoyed. I learnt so much about body building, about myself, about my WH and about how body building affects other bloggers. I lapped it up and just "lived it" for that year. I loved seeing my body change. I loved having sky high self-confidence not just in my looks but also because I was ACHIEVING a goal I'd set myself. I was no longer a dreamer, a talker, a lurker. I was a doer.

Transforming myself from Fat Girl to Figure Competitor was one of the hardest things I've ever done so my sense of achievement at the end was incredible. More wonderful memories that I'll always cherish.

I loved being accountable to my trainer. Reporting in almost daily with my training results, diet, general chit chat, thoughts and worries I was not alone and the support, encouragement and guidance I got was just what I needed.

I miss all that now. I thought I'd be ok training myself but I'm not, as evidenced by my long absence from my exercise room. I need to be accountable. I want to be lead and showed the way so I'm not standing at a crossroads wondering which way to go. I want to be encouraged and supported and kicked up the backside when I slack off and praised when I achieve a mini goal.

I have some work to do.

Good night all

Magda

THE DREADED SUNDAY RUN ....

.... was tackled again today. Why dreaded? Well the runs are getting longer, therefore harder and I'm getting slower instead of faster but I'm not giving up.

Today was 50 minutes and I automatically run it a bit slower so I'll last the distance. My 5km time increased to 33 minutes today and I covered 7.5kms in the 50 minutes. At that pace, the 12kms will take me about 80 minutes ... so I wont be setting the running world on fire, will I LOL??

But in my "glass half full" outlook I will say this:

1. My goal is to run the 12kms and not have to walk any of it. I'm on track to be able to do this, even if I slow down to make it.
2. Even though each longer run is harder than the one before I press on through and do it regardless. I'm not a quitter.
3. There have been days where I REALLY didnt feel like training but I did it anyway. I want to achieve this goal and I'll do the training thats required.
4. There are many people training much harder than me right now so I'll just pull my head in and get on with it.

I have two more long runs and then I taper ... YIPPEE ... bring on that taper. I have decided to try an experiment with my diet to see if it helps me run a bit faster or if it makes the longer hauls a little easier. I'm putting it into practice tomorrow so maybe by next Sunday there will be some improvement. Fingers crossed.

Funnily enough, I actually look forward to Monday's easy paced run which is just 30 minutes. The other two runs throughout the week are also much easier than Sunday's longer "steady pace" run. I have to laugh though as my "steady pace" is marginally faster than my "recovery pace". However I've resorted to a new "recovery pace" which can otherwise be described as my "crippled Cliff Young shuffle".

Today I also had brunch in North Adelaide with a special friend and then baked gingerbread biscuits which BS then decorated. It was a good day.

I have four days left in my current job, then Friday off work, another busy weekend and then I start my new job. Hmmm and maybe a new chapter in my life.

Cheers all

Magda

ITS UP TO ME

Well I'm happy to report that life has gone back to the ho-hum calm that it was before. I never thought I'd appreciate it so much. I'm still baffled by Thursday's incident but I remind myself to be thankful that it wasnt worse than it was. When I spoke to Mum on Friday she was ok. A little tired but overall she was ok. Today Mum and Dad were over for a few hours in the afternoon and she was her old self .... devoting lots of attention to our BS and getting excited about them buying a new car. This is how I want my life to be.

Thursday's events left me thinking about life, family and health and how we so easily take things for granted.

Take life for instance. If there's one thing I want to embrace, its the attitude of seeing the glass as half full. Its so easy to fall into a miserable, negative rut but why should we? I truly believe that we all have so much to be grateful for. Sure life has its ups and downs and at times the downs we are dealt are pretty tough to handle. But we do handle them and we make it through and life goes on and it can be wonderful again.

I think one of the hardest things I had to face was the realisation that my WH and I could not have a biological child. We tried naturally. We tried IVF. We tried IVF again with a super-healthy organic lifestyle. But despite having a healthy and fit body, I think my reproductive system just said "too old' and there was no pregnancy. So we turned to adoption and we are blessed with a gorgeous boy who makes as happier than words can describe. I still have occassional twinges of wishing I knew what it was like to be pregnant or to give birth but then I remind myself that I have my own unique adoption experience which is as emotional and moving as giving birth would be (or so I choose to believe). So my glass is (more than) half full yet again.

Then there is family. As you may know, I'm an only child so I'm closer than normal to my parents. We're a small family so we get along really well and I'll do anything it takes to keep it that way. I also get along really well with my ILs and once again there have been times when I put the effort in to keep the family relations happy when nobody else would. But thats me just doing what I believe is necessary to keep the family unit together and happy.

And lastly there is health. This is probably not the forum where preaching about good health will fall on deaf ears as most bloggers would be pretty committed to a healthy life-style. But I know that I have been pretty slack in this area this year. I wont beat myself up too much because that is counter-productive but I will admit that some (actually many) of my lifestyle choices are not supportive of me being in optimal health. My weakness for wine, snacky foods, sweets and less than 100% effort in training mean that where I'm at today and where I want to be in terms of weight, body composition and fitness are miles apart.

So is the glass half empty ... eg "poor me, I just cant lose this weight, find time to weight train, give up the yummy things" ....or is it half full .... eg "I can lose this weight. I'll make time to weight train, and I'll limit the yummy things and I'll get to where I want to be".

Its up to me

:-) Magda

NO MORE DRAMAS PLEASE

My phone rang at 1.30 today and it was my dad sounding very incoherent. Mum was having serious chest pains and he'd called an ambulance. After settling my own panic I instructed him to call me back when the ambulance had arrived and they knew what would be happening as he said that the pain was easing. I also instructed him to go with mum in the ambulance and NOT to drive himself as I could tell how upset he was.

Anyway she was taken to the RAH and WH and I left work immediately to meet them there. On the walk down (its about 6-8 blocks) all sorts of thoughts went through my mind including the worst thought possible which left me feeling .... well words just cant describe it. I forced myself to put that out of my mind because everything would be OK.

So after 3 1/2 hours in the emergency department where mum was questioned and tested over and over again they found NOTHING wrong and sent her home. I fail to understand how severe chest pains and an inability to breath can mean there is nothing wrong... ?????

As we finished our dinner (and a bottle of wine) after the event was over I shared my fears and concerns with my WH because it was a good time to talk about things. We had a scare but in the end mum is ok. I know how this incident left me feeling so I can appreciate how much harder things are for Rae and Lia. My heart goes out to you both.

Its nearing the end of the day and I feel like I've been through the wringer. Its time to call it a day and hope for peace and calm tomorrow.

Magda

NOT MUCH TO SAY

I left home at 7.10am for another day of working in the country today.

I got home at 8pm.

I'm tired and I'm sick of these stupidly long days.

Magda

MONDAY MUSINGS

Today's run was an easy paced 25 minutes which was bliss after trying to push myself to run with some speed for 45 minutes yesterday. I was a bit surprised to find my average pulse rate today at 150bpm which is quite high. I didnt feel as though I was working that hard but thats the reading I had. It made me wonder just how aerobically fit I am or am NOT right now. I'm now running 4 x / week with 2 longer runs and 2 shorter. Other aspects of my lifestyle could certainly be better and if I was 5-10kgs lighter than that would be in my favour as well. I'm certainly noticing niggly aches and pains in my legs which I've not had before and the message they're sending is quite explicit.

Yesterday's run was annoyingly slow and I just cant break past the barrier which says "longer runs = slower pace" in order to survive. Lots of thoughts went through my head as to why my running performance was SO ordinary and I think that about 80% of it comes back to diet which is the aspect of my lifestyle that could certainly be better - or at least consistent. Lately I've gotten onto the "celebrating this, celebrating that" merry-go-round again and so fat-loss progress has been zilch.

Which has left me realising that maybe training myself (other than the City 2 Bay training program I'm following) isnt such a good idea. Evidence is showing that I'm not as highly self motivated and dedicated as I thought I was and that guidance, structure, accountability and support from an independent person is critical to my success.

Hmmm food for thought.

Cheers all

Magda

SADNESS ....

... on a few different levels.

This afternoon we had our good friend Mr G around for a BBQ with his kids. So why sadness? Well about 2 years ago Mr G was married to Mrs S and we were like best friends. They are Godparents to our BS and we are Godparents to their BS. Perfect!!

Then they split up.

And tonight Mr G leaves Adelaide to live on the Gold Coast and at the end of September he is remarrying.

Now dont get me wrong. I'm completely happy for him. The break-up was VERY hard on him (it wasnt his wish by any stretch of the imagination) but he met somebody else, fell in love again and is starting a new life. So my sadness is totally selfish. I miss the good old days when the four of us would get together and have the BEST times (evidenced by the photo above taken at my 40th). Life is very different now.

I ran this morning after some internal deliberations around whether to risk the weather or not. Eventually I did and I only got rained on lightly and briefly but it was COLD and windy and I was slow. I started timing myself over 5kms but accidentally turned the stopwatch off when it rained so I have no record for this week but I could tell that I was slower than last week. I'm convinced that I'm not built for speed and my goal is just to run the 12kms and not have to walk any of it.

I was having some interesting conversations with myself during the run too, but I think thats another post in itself. Maybe tomorrow.

Cheers all

Magda

STAYING DRY

Its pouring with rain as I write this tonight and there have been several downpours of hail as well today. Luckily, in the main I have stayed dry as I had no running scheduled for today. But tomorrow is another story and with a 45 minute steady state run (which means no cruisy Cliff Young Shuffle) I'm praying that I dont have to do it in a downpour. I will be timing myself over 5kms again and hope for some improvement.

Yesterday I did my 20 minute steady state run which is comparatively easy as its nice and short. The Conference Day we had for work presented some eating challenges which I still have to learnt to handle better. What is it with free food that makes me think I have to eat as much of it as possible? Especially the junky stuff like the scones and carrot cake slice we had for afternoon tea. Whilst I'm not binging as such, there are still too many treats finding their way past my lips and I need to curb them if I want to be a few kilos lighter for the City 2 Bay fun-run.
Of-course having drinks and nibbles for my bestie's birthday last night also didnt help my cause as once again my resolve wasnt as strong as it could have been.

My saving grace was that I taught 2 classes this morning and kept my breakfast and lunch very lean and clean. I havent filled in at the gym on a Saturday for a long time so it was really nice to see some of my old class members and be given a very warm welcome back. It lifted my spirits and gave me an extra dash of enthusiasm for my teaching and I was rewarded with some nice positive feedback.

So right now I'm focussing on training for the City 2 Bay. I should be doing more (some!!) weight training but life (and excuses) are getting in the way. The more I think about it, the more I'm coming to realise that I'm not very good at training myself and that structure, support and accountability go a long way to achieving success in the goals I've set for myself - other than running the City 2 Bay.

Cheers all

Magda

DITCHING THE B WORD

Well my trip to the country is done and dusted and although I have one more visit next week, it wont be an overnighter. Yippee!! My new job will have little/no country travel I expect.

So before we headed off yesterday (my boss came this time too) I did my 2nd longer / harder run for the week and I did the first 15-20 minutes in light rain. I can remember a time when the slightest bit of moisture would have had me bailing on an outdoor run but that is ancient history now. Rain shmain. Unless its really chucking it down it aint stopping me. I'm ticking off all my training boxes (there arent THAT many) and its a great feeling. Now if I can just apply the same enthusiasm, dedication and consistent effort to my eating I'll be a lean, mean training machine. LOL.

But jokes aside I'm actually doing OK. Not 100% perfect lean and clean but am really focussing on my mindset and my choices/actions in an effort to ditch the binging. This was actually my breakthrough news at the end of July. Despite having lots of treats on holiday and for my birthday celebrations, I actually didnt have any binges (you know the type where you just stuff in a sh*tload of crap , usually secretly, for some really dopey reason). But then I had a few relapses at the end of July and was feeling a bit disheartened hence I didnt write about it. But now I've had another good run (albeit a brief one) so I thought I'd share.

So tomorrow is a shorter run followed by a Planning Day for our unit (where I still am). Then its drinks for my bestie's birthday in the evening. I love Fridays :-)

Cheers all

Magda

CELEBRATING .... AGAIN

Thank you again to everyone who left me messages of congratulations on my last post.

Well despite being back in a bit of the celebration mode, today's eating wasnt too bad. A very busy schedule at work helped somewhat in keeping the cals down through missed snacks - not ideal but better than stuffing food in coz I'm feeling stressed. So tonight we went to a cafe with BS and had a celebratory meal with champagne (for me) and wine (for us). Kept it to 2 glasses in total so all was good and under control.

I'm going bush again tomorrow so I'll be back on Thursday to share more useless trivia about my life :-)

Cheers all

Magda

BREAKING NEWS WITH CONGRATULATIONS TO FOLLOW

Hi all,

Today I was successful in landing myself another job.

I've been looking for a while and I missed out on another one a few weeks ago but this time around I was successful. In about 3 weeks time I will be leaving the government department where I've worked since 1983 (with 2 years break while we lived in Brisbane) in a job I've been in since 2000. I'll be moving over to another government department (much smaller than where I am now) and filling somebody's (a previous friend actually) position while they take maternity leave. The position is a promotion for me as it is a Manager's role.

OMG I beat 15 other applicants and I'm excited but (quietly) terrified. As I spoke to Miss R today (who's job I'm taking over) she mentioned a few times how challenging the role will be. I guess this is my test of how good I am at applying all my previous experience, knowledge and skills, how confident I am in my abilities (or can pretend to be), how tough I am and whether I've got what it takes to succeed.

I guess I could ask myself all these questions in the context of my life in general:

Can I apply all the things I've learnt, the skills and attitudes I've developed from the experiences I've had to have the life I want?

How confident am I that I have what it takes to achieve my goals?

How tough am I to weather the storms, the hard times, the fluctuations in motivation and still keep pushing on?

Do I have what it takes to succeed?

Cheers all

Magda

THE 3 Fs

Well my breakthrough news turned out to be a short-lived flash in the pan which seems like ancient history now. So onto whats been happening in my "Fitness Fun and Figure" life now.

1. FITNESS

City 2 Bay training is going well. You'll note that I've updated my 5km times in my sidebar. Today's training was a 40 minute run (no, not an easy Cliff Young Shuffle, but a RUN). I timed myself at the 5km mark and have recorded it for all to see. But I had to push on for 8 more minutes and that bit was really tough. I had a fierce headwind and I was pooped. It was really tough and at one point I even yelled "F*** OFF" to the wind (Good one Magda. Waste that precious energy!!). I finished the run looking beetroot red and hopped in my car to measure the distance which was 6.3kms. Then I felt really good :-)

2. FUN

Friday night out with the girls was fantastic. Mamma Mia was hilarious. If I wasnt laughing at the movie, I was laughing at Miss R sitting next to me, laughing herself silly. What great therapy at the end of a busy and at times tough week.

3. FIGURE

My goal to compete again is a bit on the back-burner for now. I'm working through some stuff on an emotional level and considering some of the logistics too. I call this my "thinking time" and when I've worked things out it'll be "doing time". Plus my running training is my priority now. I'm quietly determined to tick off all the days and sessions and then see how I go on the day. I still have no idea about what time I want to do it in. My only goal is to run the distance and not have to take a walk break.

Cheers all

Magda