Saturday, December 13, 2008


I'm navigating some rough seas at the moment and the ship is barely staying afloat.

On Wednesday I had an impromptu treat starting with a bit of a Xmas celebration after work (think wine, cheese, crackers etc) which then turned into dinner out (think more wine, salt and pepper calamari with the yummiest chips ever). However all was good with my headspace and I enjoyed this treat immensely.

The real problem came the next day. I allowed myself to get over-stressed at work and had a mini melt-down (in private) and resorted to the bad old habits that got me fat again and have kept me there. Yep I over-ate and let my headspace get very negative. Once my headspace is in such a bad place, there is no chance of taking positive action. Its just a big downward spiral.

Come Friday morning and I dont want to train but I force myself to get out for the scheduled walk/jog expecting that its just what I need to feel better. And was it?? It was JACK SHIT!! I felt just as bad at the end of it as I did before. There were no feel good endorphins racing through this body. More bad food choices. More of a downward spiral. More feeling like crap.

Luckily I had a breakthrough on the work front on Friday afternoon and there was a small silver lining to the dark clouds and the stress lifted somewhat. Today has been better but not as good as I had planned and as a result of this I still feel like I'm on shaky ground. Whilst I've had a few stumbles since working with Liz, this has been my first major setback and I'm finding it hard to deal with.

So on that note I'll wrap up this post, head off to bed and hopefully wake up feeing a whole lot better tomorrow. God knows I need to clock up a few really good days and work at getting my head back to its happy positive place.




little rene said...

At least you are always 100% honest about how you are feeling and your actions Magda. I think that that is a really positive aspect of your personality and will really help you to eventually overcome these issues.
It is a really tricky time of the year. Just hang in there and do your best and before you know it all of the festivities will be over and you can really knuckle down and begin to achieve your goals without all of the temptations and distractions :)

Anonymous said...

Madga! The way you are feeling is normal, bugger me - i've been out of control with food and drink this week - i nearly went into the old "punishment mode" BUT you know what honey - YOU have control of this situation. Yeah - we f**k up every now and again, BUT what makes you keep on top of the shit headspace is the fact that YOU are the ONLY one that can change and reverse the so called "damage" we think we've done to ourselves. ENJOY this time of year - ENJOY being happy and ENJOY being around your family and friends. Life is too short for regrets, so no more self punishment - just get back on that GOOD head space ride and smile x

Kimmy said...

Hi Magna, I totally agree with Miss Tank. Sometimes I just think we are just too hard on ourselves. Don't forget to look at how far you have come with Liz and so what if you have gone back two steps you are still way ahead of where you started. I agree I think this time of year is where we just need to maintain so we don't have to be to strict. Keep smiling and Live with Passion

Magda said...

Thanks Rene,

I do believe in blogging about the good, bad and ugly. No point in not being honest, even if I'm not proud of my choices / actions. Eventually I'll work this out and posts like like last night's will become less regular.

Hey Fern and Kimmy,

your encouragement is really appreciated and yes I need to forgive myself and move on. Aiming for a better week this week.