Thursday, March 25, 2010


Here's some good stuff:

Tomorrow is my 15th wedding anniversary. Coincidentally I have finally had my engagement ring remodelled into the style I've always wanted. I'm now the lucky owner of a band of diamonds in claw settings with no gold band bordering them. The ring is just stunning and when I'm less of a slack arse I'll take a pic and show it off.

Here's some not so good stuff:

I'm dealing with lots of negative thoughts, emotions and actions again. Slowly as the year has progressed I've felt myself losing my grip and more recently the downward slide has been a lot more obvious. Self analysis and looking within has not helped. I dont understand whats going on. How can I be holding the Holy Grail one minute and reaping all the good that it brings with it and then I've thrown it away.

Half Marathon Training:

I cannot give it my best when my emotional state is so poor. My race number arrived earlier this week and I look at it in fear and wonder how I'll ever make it with my head working against me. Its one thing to power along when all is good but I'm filled with so much self doubt and dread that its like I've written my script to fail.

This is a tough time for me. One I had hoped I wouldnt meet again. I need to find my answers and find my way back to my happy place not just superficially but from my heart, my soul and all my being. It looks like the journey starts up again and continues.



Pip said...

Your diamond ring sounds beautiful Magda, I'd like to see photos!

With the half marathon, - I reckon make sure you DO IT, (unless sickness or injury is a valid reason). It's your first half marathon, don't put undue pressure on yourself to do anything more than complete it! Run/walk if needed on the day. You have done some 2 hour runs so I reckon you will be fine! I wouldn't worry about trying to meet split times and all that on your first go! Go, have some fun! The feeling of completion will be exhilerating!

Kristy said...

Magda, don't worry about whether you can or can't make the half marathon, just trust Pat's training program and know that you can complete it. You don't need to worry about time, but know that you can complete it and will fill really good doing it.

Take care and I think I know the mental things you may be going through as I seem to be going through a similar thing.

If you would like to catch up again for coffee and breakfast one day, just let me know :)

Magda said...

Thanks guys. My fears go deeper than the the HM. Its been a really tough week and I need to seriously regroup and refocus.