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For some time now I've been doing a monthly review as each month has come to its end. Here is my review for March and I invite my readers to stop and think about your own journeys and assess how you're tracking. I'd love to hear from you so we can support and encourage each other.
Interestingly we are now 1/4 of the way through the year. Some people had big hairy arsed goals, some had goals that were more "middle of the road" and some had few if any goals. I remember starting the year with a some fairly non-specific goals with only one absolutely black/white "I will do" goal and that was to not set myself a weight loss "this year I will lose XXkgs" goal. Yes I stopped living my life in a state of always wanting/needing to lose weight and it was liberating indeed!
Now back to the month of March. Wow what a roller coaster ride it was. And not a pleasant one at times.
March is known as "Mad March" in Adelaide as its crammed to the brim and then overflowing with events including artistic, cultural, sporting, community and more. Adelaidians hit party mode and really get into it all. And so we did but to a more moderate extent. One of the spinoffs from this crammed social calendar is that we eat out more, eat with friends more and also drink more. This can and did see the number on the MM creep up a little but life is to be enjoyed and the number will, I know go down again.
Training for the Half Marathon went into overdrive. Long runs became LONG runs and every time I completed one I enjoyed a sense of achievement and genuine elation ... once I got over my extremely tired and sore state. My perception of whats possible when I run has changed immensely. I once thought that a 12km fun run was torture and why would I want to run such a distance again? Having nailed a 17+km training run last Sunday I think back and dream of doing an "easy 12kms" LOL. Without a doubt my training has tested my physical abilities, my mental strength and my belief in myself. All three have at times let me down and it hasnt been a smooth journey of clocking up success after success. But every time I fell down whether it be physically, mentally or in my lack of self belief, I managed to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going. I may have lost some battles but I plan to win the war on race day.
During March I had some bouts where I really struggled with emotional eating. Some of my old demons came back with a vengeance and I was in turmoil for quite a few days. Subsequently my date with MM this morning had me expecting to see a bigger number and yep I was 1.5kgs up from the start of the month (I honestly thought it may even have been more). Funnily enough there was a point during March where I was so motivated to do a smashing HM run that I planned to ramp up my nutrition, get a bit leaner and thereby really improve my performance. That didnt last long and I soon slipped back into living my life in a more relaxed and go-with-the-flow way. It seems to really suit me so I'm learning to harness it and work with it.
So on the eve of April, the month in which I do my Half Marathon (18 sleeps to go!) I feel optimistic, calm, focussed and quietly determined to run a good race. In fact I would also extend that to my approach to life in general. One thing is for sure....there will always be good days, bad days, hard days and "isnt life great" days. The key is to find the good and positive in every situation, to give thanks for all the good in our lives and just be. Be happy. Be confident. Be yourself.
Cheers all
M
To say that my legs are sore is an understatement. Its like a decent case of DOMS after a high intensity or high volume leg session. There is pain everywhere but I feel good knowing its just me pushing my body to new limits. Of course its gonna buck back with a "what on earth do you think you're doing? I'll show you!!" response.
Today I was driving to a meeting and so I had a little "imagine if" time in the car. It went something like this:
Me: wow with all this running and the soreness I feel in my legs, they must be getting tighter and more toned.
Alter-ego: yeah!! Now if you could just tighten your diet right up and lean right down just imagine how awesome your legs could look!
Me: Maybe but what about all the foods I wouldnt be eating because I'd be on a diet (shivering at the thought)
Alter ego: Maybe but imagine how good you would look.
Me: I'm happy with how I look. My legs might not be super lean and toned but my life is balanced and enjoyable. I'll stick with things just as they are. Having super looking legs is not the be all and end all.
And so my day progressed with this feeling of comfort about how I look, how I'm performing and how my life is.
Oh BTW I stuffed up my 3km time trial this morning so I'm giving it another go tomorrow. Sub 18 is the goal!!
Well the business end of my training is certainly on my doorstep now. Race day is Sunday 18th April at 8am. I have no more really long runs but I have some time trials to report back to coach including 3kms tomorrow morning and a 10km fun run on Good Friday. Its not a timed run so I'll be using my HRM to monitor my time. Following the 10km run on Friday, Sunday's long run is one hour. How funny. I dont consider an hour long at all now LOL.
I'm certainly feeling more confident and positive this week having the 2 hours + 10 minutes under my belt. I suspect that some of my grief last week stemmed from my doubts about myself and my ability to achieve the Half Marathon goal. On reflection I realise that I put myself under these pressures by taking on the challenging goals but when the pressure is on, it can have quite a negative effect on me. Anyway I'm not a quitter so its the Greenbelt Half or bust and I feel that I'm well on the home stretch now.
And then after the race I plan to run for enjoyment and pleasure. I love just hitting the road and seeing where it takes me. I love the feel of endorphins coursing through my veins. I love feeling both invincible and balanced ...at peace with me. Its one of my "happy places".
:-) Magda
My mojo is back and I'm grabbing it by the balls and not letting it get away again LOL!!
I'm back to "me" as I want to be. I feel great again. Back in control and going with the flow. Not sure how the change came about but suspect I was just ready for the dark clouds to roll away and for the sun to shine through again. Still focussed on looking forward. The past is the past and thats where it'll stay.
I've also had two awesome training sessions. On Saturday I did Friday's missed session which was sprint training. I always think I perform really badly on the sprints because I never achieve what my coach sets as the training goal. But I give it my best knowing that he has programmed those essions to "take me out of my comfort zone". Well that I certainly am LOL!! Oh and I have to confess that with my anniversary on Friday and the celebrations that night, several glasses of wine and bubbly were consumed so a good run the next day is a rare bonus indeed!
Today I ran my longest training run ever which was 2 hours + 10 minutes. I tackled the G O Road hill again and started it quite slow and feeling a bit "woe is me". Then something clicked and I realised that I had energy in store and some speed in my legs so I cranked it up (even going uphill). Reaching the top and then turning into a downhill stretch saw me firing on all cylinders and from there I maintained quite a good pace for most of the remaining time (a bit over an hour). Sure the last 15 minutes was hard and I was tired but by then I was so "in the zone" that I was gonna see that run through to the very last minute. Getting to my front gate was sheer delight and then enjoying some Burgen muesli and fruit bread with sugar free jam for breakfast just made it all worthwhile.
So clocking up these two successes as well as eating well again has lifted most of my fears and self doubts. I'll probably always have a few buried right down deep (just to keep me somewhat humble) but I'm starting the week feeling pretty good and I'll take that anyday.
:-) Magda
Step 1on the road to recovery was taken today. Sometimes you just need to reach out for help and be told "sounds like you have the foundation of balanced eating well and truly in place, but need some re-focussing at present".
Truer words have never been spoken . I'm so out of focus at the moment that I cant tell if I'm Binging Bertha or Balanced Betty (although I know Binging Bertha is winning right now). I have lived the past week in a state that is just not me. Last year I made a decision to live my life differently and I havent been doing that. I feel crappy both physically and emotionally and I have let my core values slide into nothingness. Its time to get back to "me" how I want "me to be" living a way that makes me happy.
I will make one commitment for tomorrow because right now I cant handle any more rules, goals, or things to strive for.
Tomorrow I will forgive myself and start afresh.
Just making that one small, achievable commitment already makes me feel 100% better.
:-) M
Here's some good stuff:
Tomorrow is my 15th wedding anniversary. Coincidentally I have finally had my engagement ring remodelled into the style I've always wanted. I'm now the lucky owner of a band of diamonds in claw settings with no gold band bordering them. The ring is just stunning and when I'm less of a slack arse I'll take a pic and show it off.
Here's some not so good stuff:
I'm dealing with lots of negative thoughts, emotions and actions again. Slowly as the year has progressed I've felt myself losing my grip and more recently the downward slide has been a lot more obvious. Self analysis and looking within has not helped. I dont understand whats going on. How can I be holding the Holy Grail one minute and reaping all the good that it brings with it and then I've thrown it away.
Half Marathon Training:
I cannot give it my best when my emotional state is so poor. My race number arrived earlier this week and I look at it in fear and wonder how I'll ever make it with my head working against me. Its one thing to power along when all is good but I'm filled with so much self doubt and dread that its like I've written my script to fail.
This is a tough time for me. One I had hoped I wouldnt meet again. I need to find my answers and find my way back to my happy place not just superficially but from my heart, my soul and all my being. It looks like the journey starts up again and continues.
M
Apologies in advance as this is a misery guts dump of a post.
I absolutely hate this period between 2 and 5pm. I’m so tired and so flat at this time of day. I’m just totally unproductive. I’m a morning person and can achieve just about anything before lunch … long runs, organising my boy for school, getting my family to school and work, managing a range of work issues including projects, HR, contracts etc etc. But come the afternoon and all I want to do is sleep … or eat.
Aaah so that’s where I’m heading with this. I cant sleep so I want to eat. Not because I’m hungry (I’ve had a good balanced lunch and a healthy afternoon snack) but I want to take my mind off this crappy feeling. I want distraction. I want oral satisfaction. I want to focus on something other than my crappy emotional state. Oh food glorious food!!
AAAAAAAAARGH I shall breathe and breathe some more until this feeling passes.
:-( M
"I feel like my arse just exploded."
Miss C after indulging in HJs for lunch.
"I'm all out of balance today. Its just been work, work, work."
7 year old son, Friday afternoon after school finished and we're heading out for ice cream and coffee.
Today's run was an hour and a half which was still tough as my legs are almost constantly sore and tired now. I didnt measure my distance but felt that I ran ok. I then had a big day tackling domestic chores which were sadly neglected over the last few weeks. Yep I'm pretty tired tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why I make big public declarations about what I'm going to do and what my goals and plans are. I'm not referring to my decision to run the half marathon which I'm still determined to do no matter how tough the training is. Its about my plan to "take it to the next level". I had all these ideas about doing this, doing that. Not doing this and not doing that all with the intention of nailing a really good effort on race day. Have I followed through? NO.
I think I'm at a stage in my life where I balk at rules, especially self imposed ones. I do follow my training plan almost to the letter but beyond that I enjoy just going with the flow instead of trying to be or do according to a plan. Over the last several months I have come to realise that I achieve more by trusting my instincts and allowing my life to flow in the direction I want rather than mapping it all out and slavishly following the plan. Not sure of this is a good thing or a bad thing but its proving to be how I best operate so I'm going to work with it.
So on that note I will not stress about having a few wines with Peter on the weekends. Nor will I ban myself from the occassional biscuit with my coffee or worry about the scales going down. If I keep eating well, training hard and staying positive and focussed, the rest will take care of itself.
M
......
Wed 10 March: Father-in-law arrived for the Clipsal 500 weekend.
Thurs 11 March: Family BBQ and get-together in the evening
Fri 12 March: sprint training / 1km time trials done with a hang-over and too little sleep :-( Boys all at the Clipsal. In the evening over a 3 hour period we inspected another property, put an offer in for it and were told we had missed out. Kapow number 6 down.
Sat 13 March: Skip weight traing as I cant access my gym equipment. Peter and FIL at the Clipsal. More house hunting. See (ANOTHER) a property we really like. Drink too much coffee and eat too many biscuits and no "real" food. Enjoy Skyshow in the SAFM VIP area. A late night. But a great night.
Sun 14 March: Peter wants to leave early for the Clipsal so no time to do my 2 hour run. My boy and I hang out and make a cake and play his favourite games. BBQ at SIL's place that evening. Oops too much wine and junky, nibbly food.
Mon 15 March: 2 hour run must be done but feel like CRAP. Have a 1 1/2 hour full body massage and feel even worse. No work today as I feel awful. Put an offer in on the property we saw on Saturday. Vendors will accept our offer but we have some work to do before they'll sign on the dotted line. Early bed.
Tues 16 March: Back at work. Feel like total sh*t. Took a rest day from running and absolutely needed it. Legs are ready to throw in the towel.
Wed 17 March: Took another rest day from running. Making decisions about my training based on how I feel rather than just following my program. Doing what we need to do to get the house we want. Cant concentrate on work or much else. But I get a hot new haircut and feel ooh-la-la sexy again :-)
Thurs 18 March: I do a 55 minute run but still not feeling good. The day is spent finalising stuff to get our house purchase over the line. I'm keeping mum until its in the bag. It could still fall over at the 11th or the 11 1/2th hour. By mid afternoon we hear that the contract has been signed by the vendor and ITS OURS. We've already had a mini celebratory lunch but champagne will be on at dinner time with my parents :-)
Fri 19 March: I run for 1 hour and I feel fantastic. My energy is back, there is a spring in my step and I even have a little speed. Aaah this is what I love about running. Getting used to the fact that we just bought a home in a suburb we've always wanted to live in. Its all a bit surreal. I have more champagne at dinner time and instead of planning what opens we'll be going to on the weekend, we're planning what new furniture we'll need.
Ready for bed. Hope to blog more regularly from here on as I blitz the last few weeks of my training and nail the race on the 18th.
Cheers all
M
I wondered if after posting my new plans and aspirations whether I might suffer a bit of the old "oh no I'm back on a diet" mentality. I was wary of how I'd feel today and how I'd handle my slightly different diet.
I neednt have worried as my focus is on improved performance and not just "I need to diet to lose weight". I still approach my nutrition with the mindset that no food is banned and its not "good" or "bad". Its either the right fuel, the wrong fuel or something in between and true to my word it has to taste good for me to eat it. I'm sticking by my decision to NEVER eat plain tinned tuna again. YUK!
So today I made sure that recovery meal 2 was better balanced and at dinner time I held back on mum's crumbed and shallow fried potato gnoccies (and man did they taste GOOOOOD!). Her chicken schnitzel was as superb as ever but again I watched my portion size so that I felt comfortable with how much I ate as opposed to stuffing in as much as I could. Even after all this time of not dieting, I still face challenges with moderating portions of foods that I really love.
Part 2 of my new plan and aspirations is to get a bit leaner by race day. I'm not overweight but I know that for every kilo less that I carry over the 21.1kms I'll feel that much better and be able to run better too. So with just under 6 weeks to go I'd like to shed just over 3kgs to take me to a weight that I really like and feel great at. I can do this if I focus on it and approach it with a sensible mindset which I've pretty much got the hang of now.
So if you're reading this and thinking "Danger! She's back in diet territory" I can safely say "no way." Eating higher carbs, lower fats and moderate protein hardly feels like diet territory. I'm regularly having foods that I love and there are no feelings of deprivation - unlike the comp diet I followed and variations of it afterwards. Geez if I new then what I know now I'd have lived the last two years of my life very differently. Ah the wonder of hindsight.
:-) Magda
I must confess to feeling somewhat invincible since breaking through the 2 hour barrier on my training runs. I feel proud of what I've achieved and like Kerry has said "it will only get better". So on that note I have quietly decided (yeah and I'm announcing it to the entire blogworld) that I want to give this half marathon a REALLY good go.
My initial goal was to complete it running (well probably just jogging) all the way without a walk break. That in itself was going to be my huge achievement. But now I'm thinking and planning to do better than that. I havent set a time goal just yet but I know that Pat and I will do that closer to the race. Watch this space as I will declare what my time goal will be.
I now have just under six weeks to the race and I've been thinking about what I need to do to improve my performance. I had a bad eating week last week and that always makes me feel sluggish and firing on less than optimum cylinders. Alcohol consumption is a bit higher than I'd like. On the other hand, my training is pretty much spot on.
So my plan is to pay closer attention to my nutrition. Gillian asked if I used gels on my long runs. Believe it or not, I run on "empty". What do I mean? Well I do most of my training at 5am so its on an empty stomach and its what I'm used to. On Sunday I run before breakfast and all I have before I go is a large (400ml) glass of warm water with fibre powder and freshly squeezed lemon juice in it. Its my morning staple that I have every day of my life. If its a long run I'll usually have a higher carb meal the night before and maybe even a piece of cake as a treat. Thats worked well for me up to now. For recovery I have Burgen muesli and fruit bread with sugar free jam and a mug of white leaved tea. Thats breakfast.
So nutrition wise I'll be paying closer attention to when I have my carbs and how much I have. I dont need to be "carbed up" for an hour run but I do need it for sprint training and the long runs. Sprint training in a depleted state is just NOT FUN!! I plan to moderate my treats with a view to having mainly clean, good quality food. The better the fuel, the better the performance I believe.
I plan to pay better attention to my recovery meals both straight after training and the next meal after. I've been pretty slack on the second meal so I'm taking some professional advice on board. And like I said earlier there will be evening meals that will purposely be higher carb to fuel the next morning's training. I'm confident that I can make some good improvements this way and then its just a matter of working through the training sessions.
I finally realise and accept that as an endurance athlete (albeit a very green novice one!!) my diet will be quite different to that of a body builder. Its no longer all about getting in large ratios of protein foods, although they will still feature in most of my meals. To run well and to run far its about the fuel and that my friends is my new best friend .... CARBS!!
M
POST SCRIPT: There was a typo in last night's post. Calories burned after the 2 hour run were in excess of 2000 (not 1200 as I mistakenly wrote). Woohoo. Burn baby. Burn!
If you had said to me a year or even six months ago that I'd choose to run a half marathon and complete all the training that goes with it, I'd have said you were totally crazy. In about September last year when Hilde had me incorporate some running back into my training I knew I could do 40 minutes so thats what we went with and I recall often thinking about the City to Bay (12kms) and thinking that I'd never want to run such a long way again.
My how times change. We change how we feel and what we want to do, what we believe we can do.
Today was yet another first. A two hour run. You all know how nervous I've been about this. It was a MAJOR psychological breakthrough for me. A real milestone. I set out feeling less than 100% due to some poor food choices this last week and knowing that I hadnt taken the best possible care of myself. I think it made the run a little harder than it needed to be so I'm hoping that with a good week under my belt this week, I can nail a better 2 hours next Sunday. Here's hoping.
I covered 16.2kms and all I can say is that the last 30 minutes was really hard. My legs were tired and sore. My glutes were aching and then my hammies went out in sympathy. But I kept going on and on and on trying not to focus on the time too much. My first check of the time was at the 1 hour and 22 minute mark and my heart sank a little as I was hoping that I was past the 1 hour 30 mark. Not to be. Just keep going Magda. Just keep going.
I ran in rain (luckily not heavy) and it was a little cooler so the temperature was really comfortable. The elements were on my side after the awful conditions of last weekend. Arriving home I was just TOTALLY buggered. My aerobic fitness was ok but legs were saying "enough". I've now discovered a new degree of "tired" and if I sit for any length of time there is some serious aching when I get up and move around again. Its almost comical.
My HRM recorded a burn of 1200+ calories so it was no wonder that after I had replenished my glycogen levels with a high carb meal (fruit toast with sugar free jam - YUMMO!!) I was famished two hours later. Gotta love it when my system works that well.
Its an early night for me tonight and please pray for me that I can get out of bed tomorrow morning LOL.
Cheers all
Magda
PS And thanks to everyone who leaves me supportive and encouraging comments here and on facebook. They help me to keep going when it gets really tough.
Yesterday wearing the tighter jeans worked a treat. My son had the afternoon off school and I picked him up and we went out for lunch together. I ordered a chicken salad with a Pepsi Max and didnt touch any of his chips. I did have a few wines in the evening but kept the food lighter with a salt and pepper squid salad without dressing. If I stopped to consider having something heavier or fattier then the jeans reminded me not to.
Today has also been a good eating day and I feel lighter and a tiny bit leaner already. I know that things will balance themselves out fairly quickly once I stop shovelling crap in and replace it with healthier food in moderate quantities. Once my head and mind are working right , the rest just follows and it becomes second nature to just eat well.
Peter and I went to a Fringe show last night and our son had a sleep over at grandma's house. This morning in the unusual quietness of our place we managed a sleep in til just after 9am. This is an absolute rarity and we both felt SO good after the extra sleep. I'm not even stressing about the missed weights session as I can make it up on Monday as its a public holiday. Its amazing what a difference a decent sleep can make to how you feel.
So on that note I'm toddling off to have a read in bed before banking some more zzzzzzs. Tomorrow is my first 2 hour run and I'm a little nervous about it so I hope that I manage a restful night.
Cheers all
Magda
This morning my size 11 jeans were tight. I wanted to take them off and wear something else but then decided that having this unpleasant feeling with me all day was probably not a bad thing.
So its time to stop justifying the non-hungry eating (read that "binging"), deal with whats bothering me / stressing me / ???? me (whatever you want to call it) and get back to what was working for me just a short time ago.
I'm not beating up on myself but this attitude has to stop. I dont want to be back at square one, miserable and depressed because I gave my power, control and belief in myself away.
M
It was interesting to see how many other bloggers are also in a bit of a miserable place right now. Not to mention my real life friends and colleagues. I wont go into nauseating detail but its quite sad to be surrounded by people depressed, tired, frustrated and totally worn out.
Are the planets placing us in a "glass half empty mindset" or are we just failing to focus on the good and positive things in our lives? When we look down we see the weeds at our feet and dont look beyond to the beautifully manicured garden. Its there but we are so focussed on whats under our noses that anything in the distance cannot get our attention.
Or maybe the problems go deeper. Are there unresolved issues that we are grappling with or worst yet are avoiding grappling with? Maybe the skeletons in our closets have been disturbed and are rattling to remind us that they havent been satisfactorily dealt with. When does the past suddenly become the present and you look at it and dread it becoming the future?
I've neglected my daily journal but a couple of things hit home today and I realised that at this time in my life I need it more than ever. I may need more but the journal is a good start and as of tomorrow its back in my bag for my daily reflection, reinforcement and redirection. I'll be meeting with it every morning to set myself on the right path for a good day.
M
.......
You walk in to work so your bag for the day is a gym backpack.
You want to wear trousers and the only ones that are the correct length and not designated to be worn tomorrow are also a saggy baggy size 12.
You decide to wear those trousers with a belt but feel 'yuk' in them all day.
Your hair looks feral. You need a cut and restyle and you pray that your hairdresser is back on deck for your next appointment which is still 2 weeks away.
You find out that you've missed out on another property that you loved and thought you'd offered enough to get it (yep number 5 bites the dust)
Your best friend rings because she's in the city and wants to catch up for an impromptu lunch. So you accept the invite looking forward to seeing her and she arrives ......
..... looking stunning in a smart suit, nice bag and with her hair cut in the sassy style you've been longing for.
Today I looked like crap and felt like crap and couldnt wait for the day to be over. Now I just want to have a good cry before bedtime and maybe free myself from these negative emotions.
M
It was with some trepidation that I approached this morning's hill sprints. Three weeks ago this was the session that I blew off as I was mildly dreading it then and was still dreading it today.
I got up nice and early as I wasnt sure how long it would all take (10 minute warm up jog, 8 x 80 m sprints with walk recovery, 15 x hill sprints of approx 30 secs each with a 1 minute recovery between numbers 10 and 11 as well as the walk back to the bottom of the hill on each rep, 10 min jog to return home). All up it took about 55 minutes and it was pretty hard work.
But in hindsight it wasnt quite as hard as I imagined it would be. I live in a pretty flat area and Peter wasnt happy for me to drive somewhere else and do them in the dark in an unfamiliar place so I picked the one street in my suburb that had some undulation to it and ran up that. It was still a tough workout and I pushed as hard as I could because I knew the hill itself wasnt quite steep enough. In the end you can only work with what you've got.
Legs have been a bit sore since and even from Sunday's run but I look at that as a good thing as I visualise them getting leaner and tighter. Oh to one day have nice runner's legs!!
Tomorrow's training is a 1 hour + 10 minute run and I'm planning to sleep in and do it at 6am or when Peter gets back from his run about 20 minutes later as I just cant face getting up at 4.35 to fit it in before 6am. It means I'll get to work later but better that than to be so tired from too little sleep that I struggle to function in the afternoon. I'm loving my training but long runs (an hour +) just dont work for me during the working week.
Cheers all and look forward to reporting back with another session nailed and in the bag.
Magda
Over the last day or so I’ve had some time to ponder over the month of February. I looked for one word to sum it up and couldn’t go past tumultuous. Its certainly been a month of ups and downs, highs and lows. Here is my review:
TRAINING
February saw me achieve a new “first” in running for an hour + 40 minutes not once but twice. Distance clocked was 13kms+ and the first time I did it there was some DOMS to enjoy, as this was the hardest my legs had worked for some time. What an achievement though, one I was very proud of. Earlier in the month I did have a slack day where I blew off my training but fortunately those times are few and far between. Running continues to challenge me, de-stress me, clear my mind to see things logically and make me happy. I’m hooked.
I trained consistently doing upper body weights and ab and core work which was something I wanted to maintain. No strength gains but not letting previous hard work and effort just go to complete waste now. My goal here is just to maintain the muscle tone I have.
NUTRITION
Pretty much a roller coaster ride through February. A shaky start had me re-analysing what I wanted and how I wanted to live my life. Luckily I regrouped quickly and found my balance in eating well and enjoying treats in moderation. All was going well.
But the month didn’t end on a high and late last week there was a lot of non-hungry eating of mainly unhealthy foods. I still have moments of all / nothing thinking and I slid into a bit of a sugar coma where one bite led to a thousand more and I ate and ate to avoid dealing with what was eating at me. More on this later but at least I deal with these episodes in a logical and calm manner now and move on quicker and better than before.
HEADSPACE
I made huge progress in this area when I helped myself out of my early month rut. Without my SP to call on at my most desperate time I had to dig deep and go right within to help myself. Hooray I did it and came out so much better for it. Its empowering to know that I can deal with this issue and whilst I might still slip up (I am human and accept that I’ll make mistakes) I can pick myself, pat myself on my back and keep going. A far cry from when I’d go into a mini meltdown, beat myself up and then put myself on a strict diet to “compensate” and punish myself for my failings.
I still have a way to go before I’m totally comfortable with food and I can leave behind my all / nothing thinking once and for all. But I’m on the road to success and its just a matter of moving along in a forward direction.
BITS AND PIECES
The stress of house-hunting has been hard to deal with. The emotional roller-coaster ride has left me with constant headaches and a sense of being unsettled. I believe that this stress contributed somewhat to my non-hungry eating last week and old behaviours took hold once again. There have been some very high highs and then crashes down to the lows. I’m trying to put a lid on my emotions from now on, mainly as a self-preservation mechanism.
I haven’t met with the MM since the start of the month but a Wii Fit body test from last weekend had my weight at a very nice level and my BMI sitting a smidge under ideal so I’ll ignore the spike (if any) from last week and just get on with eating well and training hard. I might weigh this week if I feel like it.
Finally I may have had a bit of a whinge about a few things in this post but overall my life is fantastic and my problems are relatively minor. If me and all my close friends and family were to throw all of our problems into a pot in the middle and I could pick anybody else’s problems to be my own, I’d quickly grab those that were mine, take them away, deal with them and consider myself lucky.
Cheers all
Magda
