Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Well there's no doubt that my health and fitness journey has travelled a very bumpy road lately. In fact its been bumpy since about 2 months after the October comps in 2007. And in fact, well before then if we look at my weight struggle history.

Sometimes I think I have the answer and I slip into the "zone" and its so damned easy that I wonder what all the fuss and struggle was before. I delight in seeing the number on the MM go down and my expectations rise with every weigh in. I tell myself that they shouldnt but it just happens like an involuntary action that we cant control like our heartbeat.

Then there will always be something that bursts my "zone bubble". It can be anything from a "wrong way dickhead moment" or a "what! I only lost ???? after all the effort I put in" or maybe a "gee I've been soooo good that I now deserve this ..... (insert name of a junky crappy food)" and it all comes crashing down.

Events of the last few days confirm that I need to work on my handling of life outside the zone bubble. You know when your motivation to stick to your healthy eating plan sinks to rock bottom, when you give in to the Feast Beast and when you start convincing yourself that yep its all too hard so you might as well have the ...... (insert name of a junky crappy food).

The sad reality is that I go over this chain of happenings, thoughts, emotions and outcomes over and over again like living the infamous Groundhog Day. The detail may change slightly but the pattern remains exactly the same. You'd think that in my ripe mid 40s I'd have this one worked out and well under control.

Well folks I have a long way to go and right now I'm not even sure which path is right let alone risking that first step. The search continues. Watch this space.



KRISTIN said...

Keep trying Magda. We all have those struggles, I completely hear you. You need to keep searching for those things that will keep you strong when the going gets tough. I'm sure you can do it, you just need to believe in yourself the same way that I'm sure many other people do!


Alicia said...

I swear that I could have written this! I too have been struggling since my last comp in September 2008. I really do think that my metabolism is pretty well screwed up from 2.5 years of dieting. I think I've found the answer though and will share with you in a few weeks. Chin up though hun! I have faith in you xox

Michelle said...

I'm right there with you Magda!

Magda said...

Kristin, Alicia and Michelle,

thanks so much for your supportive comments. They make me feel better about blogging the warts and all.

:-) Magda