Thursday, July 03, 2008

TO POST OR NOT TO POST

I've been umming and aahing as to whether to post about this or not. But in the interests of being open and honest and sharing my journey with my readers I've decided to write about a significant recent incident.

In my last post I mentioned that WH and I would be talking about goals over the last weekend and we did talk about where we wanted to live, what sort of cars we wanted to drive, what we wanted for our BS, future travel ... all the typical materialsitic stuff. Then he asked me what my personal goals were and I (feeling all happy and positive because I'd actually made some positive decisions recently) went into my spiel about what I wanted to achieve in competing.

Thats when it all turned ugly.

I wasnt getting a very positive, encouraging, supportive reaction like one would expect from their nearest and dearest. So going into it further (and somewhat disbelievingly) I questioned whether he thought I could do it, whether he believed in me? And the answer was a firm and definitive "NO".

Well I was shattered. Some of the things said were very hurtful and critical and felt like a stinging slap in the face. I spent the rest of the evening going over and over everything that was said (none of it good!!) and crying.

Sunday was a day of little conversation in our house. I was still hurting badly, crying frequently and going over it all again in my head. But the difference with Sunday was that I came to realise some (more) unpleasant things:

  • Every hurtful thing my WH said was TRUE.
  • I've done NOTHING in the first 6 months of this year to move me towards reaching my goals.
  • I've said I'm going to do X and then I do Y. When I'm doing Y I'm dreaming about X but avoiding it.
  • Nearly all of my choices/actions this year have been either destructive, the easy option, self-sabotaging or just downright WRONG if I indeed want to achieve the things I've set my heart on.

So after crying what seemed like a river of tears and realising what I'd become and how I was perceived by those closest and most important to me, I DECIDED TO TOUGHEN UP. It was like a fire being lit inside of me and my thought pattern changed from "woe is me, I'm hurt and upset, poor me" to "I'll show him. I will NOT take the easy option. I'll do the hard yards. I'll achieve what I've set my heart on."

The switch has been flicked.

Cheers all

Magda

Footnote: In case you're all thinking that I'm married to a heartless bastard LOL I can say a definite I'M NOT!! Its just that my husband doesnt pussy foot around. He calls it as he sees it. He will never falsely give a compliment if he feels its not due just to make me feel better. But when its earned he will be there lavishing praise and singing my praises. What happened on the weekend was like his version of "tough love" (you know that Craig Harper type but times it by 10 and dont hold back). It was probably long overdue.

I'm OK now. The wounds have healed on the surface. But I need the scars to remind me where I've come from and where I dont want to go back to. Oh and I have a new training partner ...... yep my WH has agreed to be my spotter so I can lift heavier and take another step closer to my goal.

10 comments:

Alicia Negrin said...

Sometimes we need the proverbial 'slap in the face' from our other halves. We're very good at self sabotage and sometimes the only way is for the other half to give it to us straight! Chin up and move forward :) If you can prove that you can do it, he will support you all the way xo

Kek said...

Ah, a dose of the old "I'll show him!" for motivation.

:o)

Jewel Jasmine said...

shit hon thats harsh!could he have said it in a nicer way? remember pressure produces diamonds!!!and you WILL shine! dont let others tell you what u can and cant do u KNOW u can do this!

Irene said...

Sounds like what heppens in my house between me and hubby, that's why i've got my head down and tail up atm. You can do it Magda xx

MISS TANK said...

Oh Magda, just keep your chin up and determination going, you (like all of us) are a STRONG WOMAN, keep smiling and keep that motivation going honey x

Magda said...

Yes Alicia there is nothing more effective than a slap from some-one so close and so important. Man it hurt but like I said, it was LONG OVERDUE.

Kek, I will NOT look him in the face and concede defeat. But even more important is that I WANT TO ACHIEVE THIS but I wont do it if I constantly put it off.

JewelJasmine (hello BTW) nicer wasnt working. And if its not nice from his perspective then there aint no way he's going to bullshit that it is. I hated it at the time but the effect its had on me has been great.

Irene you can do it too. The beauty of this sport is that it doesnt require a high physical skill level (like pro golfers or tennis players): lift heavy weights (with correct form), get your heart rate up and follow a clean diet. Most of your success will come from the right mental attitude and effort you apply to the 3 requirements.

Thanks Fern, its nice to HAVE motivation again. Dont know where it went before but it only ever visited briefly. Like you a love a red wine (or two) and good European food but they'll always be there in the off-season. I want to give my goal my BEST shot so that I dont die wondering "what if".

Thanks all for your comments and encouragement :-)

Magda

Hilary said...

Ouch! I can certainly relate - my OH is brutally honest sometimes, and sometimes hearing this stuff is like a big slap in the face!

Good to hear you've got your mojo back and you're raring to go!

Hilary xx

Magda said...

Yes Hilary "brutally honest" lives at this address and whilst I hated it at the time, I know in hindsight it was the best thing that could have happened.

Thanks

Magda

Raechelle said...

Well, we all need a slap in the face once in a while to really get us to get off our arse and get down to business.
Good luck with your goals-you can achieve them if you want to!!!

Magda said...

I couldnt agree more Raechelle :-)

Cheers

Magda