Tuesday, June 17, 2008

MY SITUATION

OK I'm a bit embarassed now coz I dont think I've explained things clearly and I'm sending the wrong message out. Here's my dilemma.



Some time ago I enetred into a Reverse Risk Leverage Agreement that went like this: My goal was to get under 65kgs by the All Females. If I didnt achieve my goal then I'd lose $500 of my own money + 1 month's use of the internet. I made this "deal" with my husband as I thought it'd motivate me to finally get serious about losing weight and not just yoyoing up and down from 67 - 70ish kgs. Its like an external motivator and after failing to lose weight for too long (since the beginning of this year) I thought this would be "the answer" for me.



Well I was wrong. I've had good periods. I've even had some GREAT periods but when I lapse I do so badly and take several steps backwards hence my lack of true progress. So at 3 1/2 weeks out I'm now in the position of "too much to lose, too little time". I'm eating well (again) and training too but can I / will I make the big loss that is required? HIGHLY UNLIKELY.



My guess is that I'd have to:

1. Eat virtually no carbs til then and have too low a caloric intake.

2. Do cardio twice a day.

3. Have no cheat meals/treats whatsoever.

4. Probably do a massive dehydrate the night before.

5. God knows what else. I've considered some other stuff but I just wont go there. Never have and never will.



So am I prepared to crash diet myself and flog myself physically to achieve this?





NO I'M NOT. I truly believe I'd do myself more harm than good and its just not worth it. (Weighing myself this morning gave me a definitive amount that I'd need to lose and I realised that it just wasnt feasible).



But having said all that I'm still working towards the sub 65 but I want to achieve it through healthy eating in a way that can be maintained as a lifestyle - not through a drastic crash diet that leaves me feeling like death on 2 legs and at risk of binging even worse than I now. So I may not make it by 11th July but if its week or 2 or a month later then I'll still be happy with my achievement.



As I shared with CG tonight - my utimate goal as I approach 45 is to be at peace with my body, at peace with my eating and at peace with myself. When I achieve that I'll have everything I ever wantedn :-)



So when you meet me at the All Females please dont judge me on my losing the deal with my WH. If I succeed in eating well, training regularly and feeling good about myself between now and then, I'll be considering myself to be a winner.



I havent responded to comments individually tonight as I hope this post does that. Thanks so much to Rae, Shar, Deb, Kek, CG and Pip for taking the time to comment and offer your support. It means a lot to me.

Cheers

Magda

8 comments:

RaeC said...

Ohhhhhhhh... gotcha!! We did get the wrong end of the stick didn't we??? One thing I can say is I doubt anyone will judge you hon... we is not that kind of peeps!! I'm looking forward to meeting you xxx

Magda said...

Thanks Rae. I could tell from people's comments that too many pieces of the puzzle were missing so the picture looked all wrong.
I'm also looking forward to meeting you. Will be cheering loudly from the audience. GO GIRL!!

XX Magda

Shar said...

Oh!! I remember the money thing now you remind me! Sorry 25 days out and not really on the ball with anything, but now I do remember the deal with your hubby.
Oh well magda, that didn't work, but your right, eat clean, train hard from now until then and I'm sure you will feel 100% better at the AF if you do.

Also Please never think I will pass judgement on you, I am exited to meet you and i'm not in the slightest interested in how much you weigh!! :)

Shar xx

Combat Girl said...

Oh Magda,

If anyone judges you because of your weight, well you will need to ask yourself if you really want them in your life!!

I don't think there is one lady here in blog land that will judge you so just relax and think of how much fun you are going to have.

I can't wait (I am hoping nothing comes up from now till then and that I will make it!!). WIll explaian in my blog.

Stop stressing and just get on with the task at hand!!

xx

Kristy said...

Magda I agree with what the others are all saying. Your on a journey of discovery, working out what works and what doesn't work for you and I know no one will judge you for your weight :)

I can understand your worry though as I have had the samethought of meeting everyone in QLD...Will they judge me, but nah everyone I am meeting in the world of fitness seem really friendly.

I agree with Combat Girls comment that if they are judging you on your weight then do you really want to know them? Personality makes a person.

Keep smiling Magda, you haven't given up and your doing great, we are so tough on ourselves sometimes :D

Irene said...

Looking forward to meeting you at All Females Magda, you are very inspiring xx

Antigone said...

Hun if you can go and hold your head up high then so will I :)
I too have had set backs unfortunately things that were not really in my control cropped up so emotional eating or not eating struck hard!

We are not failures hun we are human :)

We can get through it all we will find a way :)
Em:)

Magda said...

Hi Shar, lesson learnt. Moving on. Looking forward to the AFs - even if I wont be sub 65 :-)

Thanks CG. Your kindness and support means a lot to me.

Yes Kristy you know me well too. Always striving to be better, to achieve more. Mind you, with this journey of discovery ... well I'm ready to make the big discovery and just get it right.

Irene, I'm glad you'll be there too. Oh so many bloggers at the one place at the same time. Very exciting!!

Hey Em, sorry to hear that you've had a tough time lately. Looking forward to giving you a big hug when we meet.

Cheers all and thanks again for your understanding, support and patience.

:-)
Magda