TODAY'S LONG RUN: HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE.

I have three words to describe today's long run. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.

Adelaide was the victim of gale force winds this morning and they accompanied me for the entire hour + 20 minutes that I was out. For a lot of the beginning of the run I had a fierce head wind that kept my pace painfully slow and in fact there were times when I was barely moving. At one stage in sheer frustration and misery I mustered up some extra energy and yelled as loud as I could "FUCK OFF" (like that was going to make a difference) - but releasing some negative energy actually made me feel a little better. When I changed direction I had the wind blowing from the side and a few times it nearly blew me into fences and then from behind I had a face full of hair, which is due for a shorter cut.

It was a miserable, miserable time and I was very happy when I arrived home. I guess to my credit I kept plodding on despite wanting more than anything to chuck it in, walk home and tuck into a yummy breakfast. But deep down I knew I wouldnt do that. I'm not a quitter and putting that tick against the training session on my spreadsheet tracking record means a lot to me. Plus I didnt want to email my coach with a pathetic excuse like "oh sorry it was too windy to run today".

House hunting continues to fill our lives with turmoil but I've decided to just go with the flow and keep my fingers crossed that we'll get lucky soon. I'll wait until I can deliver some definite good news rather than blog all the (tedious) ups and downs.

Being the last day of February, I'll be writing my monthly round up early next week. I've just been reflecting over it and thinking how best to sum it all up. Its certainly been an interesting time.

Cheers all

Magda

BRING ON THE BETTER DAYS

Today's run was 40 minutes. It should have been easy peasy but I struggled on every step. My heart felt 10 kilos heavier and I dragged myself through it.

During breakfast I said to Peter "I just want to go back to bed and sleep and when I wake up I want this nightmare to be over and for us to have a lovely home to move in to". He laughed and reminded me that going to sleep would not make the problem go away. I'd wake up and it would still be there.

Not much else to report. Life goes on. Things will pick up. Bring on the better days.

M

ITS OFF

I cant believe it. This is not how my day was meant to be. Its all totally wrong.

We had a building inspection on the dream house in our dream location that was going to be OURS and we found that it comes with a dream dose of active termites.

Contract cancelled. Back to square one. I'll stop there.

M

WE GOT THE HOUSE WE REALLY WANTED

Remember this post from last week?

After a massive emotional rollercoaster ride on another house that we were considering we finally came to an agreement to submit an offer and agreed on price. So our offer went in and I was so sure that we’d be successful. Well I was wrong and now I’m devastated as I really thought this was “the one”. You couldn’t get a better location and the house was lovely but the vendors are holding out for a price well above its real estate industry valuation despite it being on the market for a long time. Right now I feel totally fed up with the whole house hunting bullsh*t and I’m sick of living the whole Groundhog Day thing with it.

Well we caved and counter-offered still well short of what they were asking. The agent was on our side (wanting to make the sale after having it for 3+ months) and resubmitted our offer. It was accepted tonight.

We are absolutely ecstatic, totally over the moon and I have a smile from ear to ear that will stay in place for quite some time.

:-) Magda

VICTIMS OF THE Wii FIT.

I have made peace with the Metal Monster by banishing its twice weekly intrusion into my life. If I choose, I allow it in once a month for interest's sake and nothing more. Life is much better this way and I'm a happier and more balanced person. I can get on with enjoying life, good food and wine without streessing about what the numbers will say.

But its funny how it just cant be avoided to the extent I truly desire. Earlier this year our boy acvhieved something very significant that was very challenging for him and that he'd struggled with for several months. We had promised him a reward of his choice when he achieved this feat and true to our word he was allowed to pick what he wanted.

Well he chose to have a Wii Fit as other family members had recently purchased one and we had all had fun with it together over Christmas. So what does the Wii Fit do? As well as providing some amusing training (some good some total rubbish) it does a "Body Test" where it measures your centre of gravity and weighs you. Yes you enter your data about height, age etc and when you stand on the balance board it weighs you and reports your weight and BMI.

Our son loves it and I admit that it has been educational in terms of what it means to be underweight (nobody has that problem in our family!!), the correct weight, overweight ( we have family in this category) and obese (and in this one too!!). It has made him more aware of the importance of being active and eating healthy food which is a good thing.

So I should just get over the fact that every fortnight we all do our body tests to see where we're at. Our son is "ideal weight / BMI" and so am I (although I've just dipped below my ideal BMI so was scrutinised about that!!) but Peter recorded "overweight" after the Christmas celebrations. Well the issue couldnt be brushed under the carpet as our son fully expects that he will lose weight to achieve a reading in the ideal range.

So a goal had to be set. Peter boldly says "yes I'd like to lose 3 kilos":. Our son records it on the Wii Fit but the new weight still registers in the overweight category. Not good enough dear. Our son keeps adjusting the weight down until it reaches the ideal range. I think it got to 5 or 6 kilos that Peter had to drop to get in his ideal range. 

Peter is appalled. I look at him with wide, innocent eyes and dare him to let our son down by saying or implying that being in your ideal weight range is not important. Nope!! Suck it up baby and start working on those kilos. You want to set a good example for our boy.

:-) Magda

PS He is making good progress though. Steady and slow wins the race for him.

NAILING IT AGAIN

Today was going to be a busy day so both Peter and I were up at 5.45am (thats SO wrong for a Sunday!!). I headed out for my long run (1 hour + 40 mins) at 6.15 and yep it was still dark. I had decided that I would take a different route to avoid that awful hill from last week so I turned off well before the road started to climb upwards. Running comfortably along what felt like a fairly flat road I had a change of heart and decided to tackle the hill from the other direction. So I came to the road leading up it and turned onto the uphill stretch.

It was shorter from this direction but I was also further into my run so the challenge factor was still there. Well I'm proud to say that today I jogged it without any shuffling. I just pressed on and on knowing that I didnt have far before I could coast on the downhill stretch.

Well turning the corner and cruising downhill was just awesome. I had Gwen Stefani telling me that I was a super hot female and the endorphins were coursing through my body. I felt fantastic. My legs were sore. My legs were tired. But all that was secondary to how great I felt.

Home at 8am and starving hungry (my stomach felt like it would digest itself LOL) I knew that whatever I ate I had well and truly earned. It was lovely to catch up with Kerry and Cheryl for breakfast and then mosey on home and get stuck into the domestic bliss. I didnt feel nearly as wiped out as last week so thats a good sign.

This week is a light recovery week which will be very welcome. Who knows what else will be in store?

Cheers all

Magda

REFEEDING

Circumstances this week saw me eating a little leaner than usual with a little less carbs. This is not "planned dieting" or "what I'm allowed to eat" but just the way things worked out. So tonight our boy is sleeping over at his aunty's place and we headed out to one of our local cafes.

I was planning to have a marinara pasta but noticed they did Lebanese food so Peter and I shared a platter for two. Geez it was delicious with almost enough carbs to fuel my long run tomorrow morning. After the platter I was honestly not full so I indulged in an apple and rhubarb cake (gluten free) and a skim cappuccino as well. That was just what I needed (although it could have been a bit fresher) and I know I'll be running with power in my legs and energy to burn .... albeit at a ridiculously early time.

Tomorrow is a big day and it starts early. Kerry, Cheryl and I are meeting for breakfast and its an early one but hell just because its Sunday it doesnt mean I need to sleep in. Looks like I'll be heading out to run in the dark yet again.

:-) Stay tuned for the running report tomorrow!

M

FINISHING THE WEEK IN BETTER BALANCE

Last night I gave myself permission to have today off work if yet again I had a night of poor sleep (think awake from about 2 or 3 am onwards!!). I was prepared to turn off my alarm and just sleep as much as I could if that was the case and work would have to take second place on my list of priorities.

So ironically I slept through til 4.30am which is pretty good. Contemplated blowing off my running training (it was sprint day today) but dismissed the thought immediately and hauled my arse out of bed before I convinced myself otherwise.

To say that today's session was hard is the undertsatement of all time!!! To make it worse, I got confused with my times and I'm not sure I ran the times I was meant to. But give me a break. Its between 5 and 6am, I've had a sleep deprived week, I'm a bit  carb depleted (by circumstance not by choice or prescription), I've just pushed myself to the limits of my aerobic capacity, I'm dreading collapsing on the side of the road in the dark with no ID on me and I'm confused with what my stop watch should be reading. Aaaargh!!!

So to console myself and find the silver lining (its gotta be there somewhere!!) I dream about the beautiful runners legs that I'll have ... for about 10 seconds and then I'm just hurting with my lungs about to leap out of my body and my legs fading fast. The end of today's session marked another achievement that I thought was impossible and while my effort wasnt exemplary, it was my best possible and you cant ask for more.

Oh and on a funny note, today had another "first" in my life. This morning I threw an assortment of food into my workbag: mango stones with the flesh around them, a slice of grainy bread (the last in the bag), slices if triple smoked ham, leftover coleslaw from last night and a lone slice of fruit bread (again the last in the bag). Over the course of the day, these would form my meals and snacks with an added skim cappuccino or two.

Well the end of the day came and I was packing up to leave early to pick my boy up from school and lo and behold what did I find??? The fruit bread was still there. I HAD FORGOTTEN TO EAT IT.

Wonders will never cease. That has NEVER happened to me before LOL!!!

Have a great weekend folks.

M

MY MISERY GUTS DUMP

Well life is moving at lightning speed and this week has certainly had its ups and downs – although come to think of it the downs have outdone the ups so my mood is low right now.



In brief, I recently completed a major project at work and on Monday night we celebrated its opening. The response to the “product’ was fine (don’t you hate that word but it best describes the situation) which was actually a bit disappointing considering the blood that was sweated to get it across the line in record time. Hmm was hoping to feel better about the whole thing but am glad that its finished.



My boy had a cold over the weekend and his bugs are trying to take up residence in me now. All week I’ve had bouts of feeling quite unwell with some nausea and headaches being constant. Couple this with poor sleep on several nights and I’m feeling pretty crappy. Some time to rest and let the immune system do its job would be great but its been so busy with critical meetings that I’ve just pushed on. Hoping that my iron constitution wins out again.



After a massive emotional rollercoaster ride on another house that we were considering we finally came to an agreement to submit an offer and agreed on price. So our offer went in and I was so sure that we’d be successful. Well I was wrong and now I’m devastated as I really thought this was “the one”. You couldn’t get a better location and the house was lovely but the vendors are holding out for a price well above its real estate industry valuation despite it being on the market for a long time. Right now I feel totally fed up with the whole house hunting bullsh*t and I’m sick of living the whole Groundhog Day thing with it.



And on my final note of misery: for every up there is a corresponding down. Sunday’s record long run left me with a nice case of leg DOMS (mainly quads) so I’m very sore and tired too. But unlike body building where you smash a muscle group, get the DOMS and then have a week to recover, I had one day off and was out running 50 minutes the next day and an hour the day after. Thank goodness I have a decent dose of mental toughness and I just did it because blowing it off was almost looking attractive.



So there you have it. My misery guts dump. How does the song go? ….



…”the only way is up baby, the only way is up”. Well I’m ready to be transported.



Magda

MY LONGEST RUN .... EVER

Today I did my longest run ever. I was programmed for 1 hour and 40 minutes and wearing Peter's iPhone with the GPS function my distance was measured at 13.2kms. I realise thats a pretty slow pace but for at least 30 mins of that I was slogging uphill (Glen Osmond Rd towards the freeway for anybody who knows Adelaide) with a headwind. On that stretch the last 500 or so metres was very hard. I was shuffling badly. I started the self talk to keep myself going. "Magda you are strong. You can do this." Over and over again. I wanted to quit and just walk. But I didnt want to quit and just walk. I WAS GOING TO RUN UP THAT F*CKEN HILL NO MATTER HOW HARD IT WAS!!!!

Turning onto Cross Road was like getting a second life. It was downhill with a light breeze and the sun was behind me. My pace quickened and I felt fantastic. Just 50 minutes to go and I knew I could do it. I knew I would do it.

I am a long distance runner now and I love it :-)

M

MY FIRST PISS POOR TRAINING SESSION

On Friday I had my first piss poor hang-my-head-in-shame training session. To say I was unmotivated and nowhere near my zone was an understatement. It just sucked.

I had a work function to attend on Thursday night. I enjoyed a few wines and the gourmet finger food was pretty yummy and I admit I overdid it. Got home and fluffed around blowing off all the normal evening chores and then got to bed late. Yep the writing was on the wall that the next day would not be good. And it wasnt.

Woke up with zero motivation. Jogged to my chosen street to do hill sprints (and it wasnt a true hill but just a street with some undulation in it) and did my distance sprint repeats all the time thinking of what I hadnt got done the night before and needed to do that morning. Did two hill repeats and jogged home. (Should have done 15!!!)

When I was training for the comps in 2007 I rarely missed a session. In my 10-11 months of prep I reckon I missed no more than 5 sessions - sometimes doing a double weights session just to fit it all in. I understand the importance of regular and effective training if you want to be good at something and I'm proud that 99% of the time I apply myself and give it my best shot. I guess Friday was that 1% where I took the easy out and blew it off.

I still love running and I know that I'll look forward to my long run tomorrow but yesterday was woeful. We all have bad days, sad days, days where we think "I just cant be bothered" and luckily I have relatively few so I'm not beating myself up just moving on. Long run...here I come with bells on :-)

M

STARS AND MOON ALIGNING

Last week was a light training week. My long run was only an hour and there was no sprint work just more runs of varying lengths. Easy peasy. I actually eased off my extra walks and used the week as it was intended. I did that knowing that this week would ramp right up again. And it certainly has!!

Tuesday's sprint session was a killer. I know I've said it before but lord they are getting harder and harder and I dont master one before the next is harder still. As I was givng it my best I could feel my leg muscles screaming and two hours after the session was finished an incredible sense of tiredness came over them. However I do enjoy the absolute elation of finishing such a hard session. Pat sets me goals of what to aim for but I get nowhere near achieving them. For a moment I feel like a failure and doubts crowd my mind about my ability to run the 21.1kms. But then I pull myself out of it and remember that Pat has also said that as long as I give it my best thats all he can ask.

Today was an hour run at an easy pace and this meant getting up well before 5am so I could get ready and be on my way by 5 so I'd be finished by 6. All done and dusted but feeling a little tired so will take advantage of tomorrow as a rest day. I have no intention of trying to be Superwoman and pushing myself to exhaustion. I have hill sprints on Friday ( a major dread!!) and I know I'll need to be in good form for those.

Nutrition all good. I've successfully rebalanced and am feeling pretty good both physically and menatlly. My system needs to do a bit of rebalancing as well but that'll come soon I can tell.  I'm close to finishing "If Not Dieting Then What" and have found it an excellent resource. Its helping me to better undestand just what I want my approach to eating to be. It also helps to set my mind at ease at those times when things go a bit pear-shaped. I love it when my stars and the moon all align and I sit comfortably in my "happy place".

:-) Magda

TEN THINGS

I'm a bit late to hop on this bandwagon but I couldnt resist sharing some snippets about myself. So here are ten things I absolutely love, in no particular order:

1. Cuddles and kisses from my son :-)

2. Hot summer mornings. Basically anything summer.

3. Beer o'clock on Friday where Peter and I share a drink, a few nibbles and yarn about life.

4. Wendy's Baileys Scorched Almond ice-cream in a waffle cone.

5. Having a skim cappuccino in my favourite cafe and watching the world go by.

6. Torrential rain on a metal roof when I dont have to go out in it.

7. Fitting into my skinny jeans and finding they are comfortable.

8. A clean and tidy house.

9. Alpacas (if we had a place big enough, I'd have a couple as pets)

10. Running. Running early mornings. Running early mornings on hot summer days.

:-) Magda

CHAPTER 2: BEING MY OWN SP

Chapter 2 in my quest to be my own SP follows. Like I said last night, its been a bit of an eye-opener.

Since deciding and then publicly declaring that I'd run a half marathon this year, I've been stressed in various ways. Firstly it was to do with my eating - enough carbs? too many carbs? am I eating carbs at the right time? You name it, I was stressing about it. But it went deeper than that and yesterday I managed to get to the root of it.

I asked myself what I was really feeling and what was causing me concern. Here are my answers, straight from my heart.

Exhilirated. Passionate. Determined. Quietly confident that I'll do it in a reasonable time. But what if I fail? What if I put back so much weight that running becomes a huge struggle and I end up hating it again?

Then it was time to look at what I could do about it.

1. Complete all my training as prescribed by Pat Carroll. Listen and take on board all his advice. Believe that I will succeed and I will.
2. The weight issue is totally within my control (not in the literal sense). I've learnt how to manage it. I've been doing it successfully for months. I understand me and my issues (or if I dont, I know how to work them out) so I just need to "let it happen". It will be and it will be right.

The final issue is the most significant one, I believe. In my January round-up post I publicly declared that I needed to lose weight  again. I placed an expectation on myself to once again lose weight. And with that came all the sublimal negative messages that spiralled me into my negative state on Monday and Tuesday.

Now what I'm about to say wont ring true for  many people. I understand that many would disagree and live by a different philosophy but this is about me and what works for me and what doesnt.

In asking myself how I honestly felt these are the feelings that came to the surface:

"Oh no, back on the diet merry-go-round again", "I'm not good enough", "I'll be a slave to the Metal Monster", "I shouldnt eat x, y, z and just have lots of lean protein with green veges." "I'm terrified of just losing all control, losing my mind, losing my belief in myself and ending up fat and miserable again".

Wow it was all pretty confronting. But then I assessed what I could do about it and a sense of calm came back over me.

1. Remove the expectation. I DO NOT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. Reinforce this daily.
2. Remind myself that I AM NOT BACK ON A DIET. I eat what I want, when I'm hungry. I stop when I'm full because then next time I'm hungry I will enjoy yummy food again.
3. Accept and love me as I am now. Feel good about myself - positivity breeds positivity.
4. Ignore the Metal Monster. Weigh monthly if I want to. Do not give it (MM) the power to make me feel bad.
5. Remember my commitment to myself that my focus is to nurture and take the best possible care of myself.
6. Believe in myself that I can do this and I'll succeed at managing my weight, my emotions and my expectations.

Weight loss goals do not work for me. The pressure to achieve a certain number by a certain day is almost guaranteed to send me spiralling in the opposite direction. It places me in a negative mindframe. I do not excel under that sort of pressure. Its quite destructive for me as it puts me firmly back on the diet / binge merry-go-round and once you're back there it so hard to break free.

Last year I broke free and this week I almost went right back to that mentality and depressing way of life. I'm so glad that I woke up to myself when I did. You see, you can be your own analyst or SP.

Today we had a morning tea for Miss J my beautuful friend who's leaving our workplace. We followed this up with lunch out. Had this happened on Monday or Tuesday I would have eaten to the point of gorging but I'm rebalanced and refocussed again. I'm back in my happy place and plan to stay here for a long time.

:-) M

BEING MY OWN SP (SPORTS PSYCHE)

I wish I could write that February has gotten off to a roaringly fabulous start but alas that hasnt been the case. Monday wasnt a good day, Tuesday wasnt as bad and today I have refocussed, realigned and have my balance back. Its been tough but I think I've weathered the worst of the storm. Initially I wasnt going to blog any of this but now I'm ok with it and if my sharing my challenges and my way of overcoming them helps somebody else then its all for a good cause. So here goes:

Househunting is proving to be more stressful than I anticipated. After missing out on the auctioned property on Saturday we deliberated over another property and despite having reservations about it, we put in an offer. Well the couple of days leading up to that decision were stressful to say the least for a myriad of reasons that I wont go into. The stress didnt lift until we heard this morning that we missed out on it. It was almost a relief to have the decision about whether that was "the one" taken out of our hands. In the meantime I was facing all sorts of feelings that I wasnt dealing with - or rather I was - by eating them. So while I was in the depths of my despair battling bad old behaviours all sorts of negative thoughts were foremost in my mind. I was in a serious downward spiral.

I even picked up the phone to make a time to see my SP as I felt that this "hiccup" was serious enough to warrant a return visit. OMG I was shocked to be told that she's moved to Melbourne. I felt alone and desperate. Who could I turn to for the help that I felt I so desperately needed?

So that night I picked up "If Not Dieting Then What" by Rick Kausman and read the chapter on setbacks. What a gem that book is. I bought it just after my comps in 2007 when I was badly out of control with my eating. Things were so bad then that I couldnt connect or identify with anything in the book so I read a few pages and gave up. I'm in a totally different place now and I know the book will help me immensely.

Today I spent the time looking inwards and reflecting on what the problem was. I identified it and wrote down how I truly felt. Then I drafted a plan of managing it with simple actions that I could take. I reminded myself of my strengths and my successes and upon finishing that exercise I had some confidence that all would be OK.

Lessons learned from this experience:

1. Trust your gut feel / instincts. If it doesnt feel 100% right then it probably isnt.
2. Setbacks are not failures. They are proof that you're doing really well but have a challenge to face and overcome (like many times before)
3. To move forward you must be kind to yourself and keep it all in perspective.

I have 2 more things I'll share but not tonight. There are lessons in both and one is quite an eye-opener (well it was for me). I have a private journal that I'm writing in daily as I work through my stuff. You could say I'm being my own SP and confirming that all of the answers are inside me so why look any further.

Til next time. Cheers all

Magda