Wednesday, July 29, 2009

TURNING THE CORNER

Hello to anybody who may still be dropping by to see if I'm still on the face of this earth.

Yes I am and I have so much to write about that I think it'll take a few installments. In case you're yawning and ready to flick me off I urge you to stay tuned even if just for a few paragraphs as I believe I have some interesting stuff to report. Now less waffle and let me get on with it.

As you may remember from my earlier blog posts I had reached a point of total desperation and complete lack of belief in myself a couple of months ago. My binge eating was constant and I felt powerless to change it. I just repeated the same destructive behaviours over and over again, never seeing a way to break the cycle. So I bit the bullet and sought help in the form of a Sports Psyche (SP).

After my first visit I had some positive feelings and could start to see a way forward. I had a second visit just before going on holidays and I felt like we really made some inroads after some very frank discussion, realisations, analysis, advice and her just being bloody good at her job. I can honestly say that I left that session feeling different, thinking different and ready to act different. So I was quick to put my new approach to the test and that I did (I'll expand on it later) and by golly IT WORKED.

After my holiday (again I'll expand on it in another post) I went back for my 3rd session and reported on all I had done, not done, thought, felt and believed and it was obvious that I didnt need to see her anymore. I HAVE NOT BINGED FOR SEVERAL WEEKS AND I FEEL LIKE A NEW (AND IMPROVED) PERSON.

So what's different? Now I understand how some of my thoughts and beliefs were setting me up for repeated failure. I was giving myself no choice but to binge and continue my negative cycle. So I had to let go of some of those beliefs, remove some of my self-imposed rules and view things quite differently. I had this conviction that eating off plan or having "treat food" or similar was a disaster. If I ate off plan (which I did regularly), all good was undone and therefore I may as well have a complete free for all. The SP kept drumming it into me that food is just food and I needed to remove the emotion from certain foods. So if I ate a piece of cake I was not to view that as a disaster (which then gave me licence to keep eating cake cause well I'd blown it all anyway). So I ate some cake and was able to stop at one piece. AMAZING. So I did it again and again stopped at one piece. I ate cheese and crackers and stopped without feeling like I wanted to devour the whole lot. I was thinking differently so I could act differently. OMG IT WAS WORKING.

Thats a very simplified version of it all but I dont need to go back to the SP unless I hit a "hiccup" (her words) and I need to refocus. I'm doing ok. Over the last few weeks I've faced several situations which previously would have had me eating out of control, justifying that I deserved it, what-was-the-point-of-trying-to-eat-well, OMG-the-diet-will-start-on-Monday-so-I-better-eat-everything-bad-that-I-can-possibly-get-my-hands-on and I've hardly been tempted to revert to my old ways.

I'm still fat but I'm working on changing that. I have new skills and a new outlook that will help me achieve my goals instead of making it a bloody hard battle to fight. But the biggest difference is that I finally feel happy within and not just on the surface for show. It may sound corny but I honestly feel like a different person and I look to my health and fitness future with hope and happiness in my heart.

:-) Magda

12 comments:

Shar said...

Thats fantastic news Magda!!
Sounds like you are really making some mind changes!
Good luck with your continued journey.
Shar x

Vicki said...

Hey Magda, I am so glad you updaated us...and even happier for you to hear you are overcoming your challenges :) Great work so far and here's to it continuing!!
Vicki x

Fifi Dangerfield said...

Helloooooo Magda! Welcome back :o)

Fantastic that you've had such a big step forward in relation to the dreaded binge. I've had a not disimilar experience myself lately (although hadn't really thought about it til I read your post). My life just doesn't revolve around food or thinking about food anymore - YAYS!

Glad you're back!

Frankie

Esme said...

Magda, it's so good to see you back, and with such a positive tone to your blog. Good on you.

Es

(The old TopEndGirl - Essie, now Esme - due to some trouble on my blog))

LizN said...

Nice to see you back Magda and nice to see you tackling these issues head on...

xox

Kek said...

Seems you had the right path in front of you all along. You just needed someone to give you a map.

Good for you, Magda.

ss2306 said...

Isn't it a great feeling Magda? Congrats on doing the hard yards.

Raechelle said...

Welcome back! and congrads on the new progress and attitude!

Kerry W said...

Congratulations on your breakthrough Magda! Keep on keeping on! :-)

Magda said...

Hey guys, thanks for still dropping by my blog to see how I am and for leaving your lovely supportive comments.

Cheers

Magda

Hilds said...

Wow Magda, amazing post! You've just given hope to so many people out there! Keep up the great positive mindset.

Hope your having a great week!
Hilds

Magda said...

Thanks Hilde. There is more to tell (wink wink)

XX M