Today I read KatieP’s post and its inspired me to blog again.
When I decided to take a break from blogging, I was yet again in a difficult and negative place. I felt like I was repeating my failures over and over again and doing it “in public” made them even worse. I spent 3 late nights sitting up by myself and crying. Then I’d go to bed and cry some more before eventually falling asleep. There was a lot of hopelessness and frustration with myself that needed to be let out.
When some of the heaviness had lifted I reached for “Get the Life You Always Wanted” by Richard Bandler and started reading up on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). I’d delved into this a little before and I was keen to know more. The book was ok (not as earth-shattering as I’d expected) but it did help me re-align my thoughts to a new and improved process. One that was desperately needed and long overdue. I’m not fully into it (the NLP) yet but I see great potential for it in the near future.
So on Good Friday 10 April I stripped my training back to the basics after some weeks of just haphazard bits and pieces. I refused to write up rigid programs where everything was prescribed and monitored to the nth degree. I set some loose training targets and just got on with it. Cardio is brisk or power walking or riding my exercise bike or using our rower. I’m never dreading it so its been consistent. When I do weights I go with the flow and aim to complete a certain number of (effective) sets for each body part. You see, I know how to train hard and I do it instinctively without having it all spelt out. I’m happy to say that I’ve managed some good consistency here too even when my ability to use my exercise room was limited by my MIL’s visit.
Food …… took a change for the better on Easter Monday. Until then I had crumbed seafood on Good Friday night and desert, hot X buns on Saturday, foccaccia and hot donuts on a day out with the family on Sunday and then Easter dinner at my parents’ house with more desert. I didn’t want to spend Easter pining for foods I loved. Since Easter Monday I’ve been eating pretty clean but nowhere near perfect and this is how I want it to be.
At one stage, out of sheer desperation I thought of going straight into a strict comp diet ….. anything to get my weight down FAST. But commonsense prevailed and I realised that my weight would come down without the need to be so strict. There would be time for that down the track. So I enjoy a daily skim cappuccino, sugar free lollies, wine on social occasions, desert if I really feel like it and the rest of my food is pretty much lean, clean and healthy. I even managed the “M” word (moderation) over BS’s birthday celebrations and ended up losing just over a kilo that week.
Finally my headspace has shifted into a more balanced and positive zone. I’ve had some different challenges this last week and they could easily have sent me straight to junk food for comfort but I didn’t crave it. A little while ago I went to wash my lunch dishes in the kitchen at work and was confronted by a platter of cakes: carrot cake, apricot slice, caramel slice, lemon coconut slice, all favourites. They looked delicious but I walked away easily knowing that I was in control and they would not be my downfall.
I love being in this balanced and in-control state but I’m not naïve to think that life will always be like this. Tough times will hit like they do for everybody at some time and in some form and I will slip up and make mistakes again. Its human nature and I’m no superior being. I’ll fall over and stuff up but I’m determined to handle those times differently in future, be kinder to myself and pick up and keep going.
So on that note I’ll wrap this up for today. If I still have your attention I say “thanks for listening” and I’ll be blogging regularly about my continued quest for fitness, fun and figure. More on that soon.
Cheers all
Magda
