COUCH TIME

I am home today. I'll spare you the boring details about why. I'll just say that my system is not in good working order right now and I look forward to more pleasant days.

So while on the couch today I've pondered this new journey that I've been on since the beginning of July. I have a lot to be happy about. Living binge free feels great. Gone is the internal anguish that accompanies every binge. Gone are the feeling of hopelessness and meaningless vows to "never do it again" only to do it again the next day. Its a vicious circle that is really hard to break and I finally found the way.

For some weeks now I've been following a program thats designed to lean me down and tone me up. Its not a diet. Its more of a lifetsyle change and I feel good about my decision to do this. Progress has been slow but there were celebrations to be enjoyed and I patted myself on the back for handling them well and even losing a small amount of weight in those challenging weeks.

This week I find myself facing the issue of how hard I'm prepared to work for the results I want. I want to be lean and toned and I want to feel good about myself and be happy within myself. All that goes without saying and I'd even place the latter two before the former two as being more important. But I admit I'm struggling with eating on plan for more than say about 70% of the time.

I've typed 4 different sentences to follow this statement but none reflected the real issue. After quite some deliberation I realise that for me the issues are:

What relationship do I want with food?
How can I engineer that relationship so that it helps me to achieve my goals, both physical and emotional?
Finding a way to make it all work with me, for me.

So its back to the couch to think some more. Stay tuned.

M