DEALING WITH DOMS - LOOKING INWARDS FOR UNDERSTANDING

DEALING WITH DOMS

Today I have DOMS pain in the legs that measures 8 on the Richter Scale. OMG it all hurts when I move, when I bend over, when I go to sit on the toilet and every minute of my waking day. It started last night and by this morning IT WAS FIERCE :-)

So to alleviate it I chose to go for a run this morning - I mean I couldnt feel any worse than I already did LOL.

I made a grave mistake this morning. I did a killer chest and back workout (before the run) and although my strength wasnt its best, I really pushed it hard and was shattered at the end. So what was my mistake? Doing this on the same day that I was going to scrub my oven clean LOL. That in itself would have been a decent workout I can tell you. Talk about being exhausted not once but twice.

LOOKING INWARDS FOR UNDERSTANDING

So my "no diet" lifestyle continues and as I'm doing it on my own I occassionally have some questions that I'm not sure about or wonder about certain situations. However I'm slowly coming to realise that the answers to those questions are inside me and that is where I must look for understanding. Previously I've turned to others or to diet rules to direct me but this is no longer the case. I tell you its a wierd feeling accepting total responsibility for and control over what I choose to eat, when I choose to eat it and in what quantity. But I'm calm and internally happy (not just on the surface) and thats such a good place to be :-)

Magda

A DAY AT VICTOR AND WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO IN THE LAST 12 WEEKS

A DAY AT VICTOR

My thoughtful husband has been sleeping in the guest bedroom because he has the worst cough after his recent lurgy. This is very considerate as it means I have half a chance of getting a good night's sleep BUT it means that in the morning I cant use the training room as he is sleeping in the next room :-(

So training recently has been lots of walking and a little bit of running. The last time I did weights was last Monday. Until today and I did a leg workout of my choice. YOWSER they were feeling it when I finished. I'm sure there is some serious DOMS coming to visit every soon. Tomorrow being a public holiday here in SA means I'll slip in a chest / back workout and I'm looking good to complete four weights sessions for the week :-)

Our family went to Victor (Harbor - about 80kms south of Adelaide) for the day. We had such a great time. We played mini golf and I took out the wooden spoon. Our son played on the playground, went on the bouncy castle, went on a ride with me and rode the jaunty jalopies. We did a lap of granite island which was a mini workout on its own (a few steep hills) and then had hot cinnamon donuts before heading home. So today's food was lean and clean to start, a little dirty in the middle and lean and clean to finish. No guilt. No regrets. Just pure enjoyment as life should be.

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO IN THE LAST 12 WEEKS

Twelve weeks ago (the same weekend as The All Females) I started working with Hilde from Get Active On Line. I had been floundering on my own (yet again) for some time and could see that I wasnt making any progress with my training. As for my eating, a few sessions with my Sports Psyche helped me immensely on that front so it was time to pull it all together and make some progress.

And make progress I DID.

1. I lost a total of 27.5cms (over 7 sites)
2. I lost 6 kgs (yeah I know I said I wouldnt weigh or measure but I wanted to report my end result to Hilds)
3. I did all this despite enthusiastically celebrating mine, hubbie's and my bestie's birthdays
4. I enjoyed a trip to Melbourne and ate dessert too many times and drank too much wine :-)
5. I trained more regularly than I've trained for a long time and harder too. I love getting a new program and just giving it my best.
6. And yes I did follow an eating plan until the last week or so and ate food that I loved and that made me feel good emotionally and physically.
7. I had my share of slip-ups (but nowhere near as bad as before) and some were tough, but with Hild's help I picked myself up and got going again. The last time was about a week or so ago and it was then that I made the decision to not diet any more.

I will continue to work with Hilde as I like accountabilty with my training but I'm in control of my food and there will be no more weekly weigh ins or measurement taking or checking body fat percentages. This is the best I've looked and felt for a long time and I plan to keep soldiering on MY WAY. I took some dreadful before photos but I dont have any after photos (hubbie is so over doing these for me that I hate to ask now) so I cant provide photographic evidence but thats not important to me anyway. What matters is that I feel great. I'm looking leaner. I'm much happier and I'm feeling quietly confident that my approach will work.

:-) Magda

A FURTHER TWO CENTS WORTH

Well after being rivetted to my computer screen taking in all the "fierce discussion" I smile as I note the following.

1. Tara hit the nail on the head in her comment about words and how they are taken. From where I sit it looks like there has been some misunderstanding of people's (Shelley's) intentions. I was lucky enough to meet Shelley earlier this year when I was in Brisbane. She took the time and trouble to attend Liz's RPM class (not being a regular RPMer at the time) that I was also doing. In fact she sat just in front of me and worked her guts out making me look like an unfit wimp LOL. After the class Liz and I had a PT session and then it was time to relax and chill out. Although she was on her way home, Shelley took the time to come back, join us and have a lovely chat and I was lucky enough to get to know her better.

Since then we have emailed and she has offered some great advice and support when I hit hard times. I dont think she has ever made a negative comment about that fact that one day I would like to compete again. I understand (to some extent) where she is at and where she wants to go.

2. I admire Sue for all she has achieved in her body building career and in her very successful business. When I was a total loner having just moved to Brisbane in 2005 and knowing nobody, it was through Sue's blog that I was introduced to Figure competing. I couldnt wait to log on every night to read of her journey to the comps and those of Lia, Deb (Splice then), Kimmy and others. I was in awe and fascination and my desire to compete was ignited back then. Since then I have enquired about an IBO program and Sue was very helpful and approachable but deep down I knew that a 12 week program was not the answer for me.

So what's my point? (Sorry I tend to ramble). Well we have two beautiful well meaning people but with different perspectives on how to achieve their best life. The written word may not always convey the intention behind it. Sometimes you need to see it, feel it to fully understand it.

Three cheers to Liz for her brilliant analysis of the posts and presenting a different perspective. I have really enjoyed this discussion. And on that note, I'm off to veg in front of the TV after a lovely dinner of atlantic salmon with carrots and asparagus and a glass of red wine :-)

Magda

BLOGGING NEGATIVITY AND MY DISCUSSION

Wow what rivetting reading for a Friday night between Sue and Liz's blog posts. I bet Kristin never suspected her innocent post would attract such a debate.

So here is my 2 cents worth - fierce or not.

Firstly I have enjoyed reading every post that Kristin has blogged during her journey. Having "been there and done that" I could relate to just about all of it and was impressed by her strength and determination to stick to her prep plan. As a contrast I found myself constantly binging due to the very low calorie intake. Shortly after the comps were over I remember feeling just as she feels now and setting the goals ready to go for the next time. BIGGER. LEANER. MORE DETERMINED. Then something called "REBOUND" happened and no matter how hard I tried to stay lean (and I dont mean comp lean), train hard and focus on the next round of comps, my mind and body wouldnt let me. My body demanded refeeding and it was going to get it one way or another.

Fast forward on two years and up to 20 kilos later and I'm tired and fed up with dieting, always striving for a lower number on the scales. Dreading the weigh in or looking forward to the weigh in. Feeling elated because I had a good drop or feeling like sh*t because I didnt. Weighing, measuring, logging, not eating with my family because I want to lose weight, weight loss being the be all and end all.

Striving for an elusive number on the Metal Monster is no longer for me. I've battled with it for 2 years (well just about my whole life actually) and its just made me obsessive and been one of my binging triggers. Other bloggers have had similar experiences or may have very different stories to tell but we are commiting to a different approach. We still value good food and taking care of ourselves with good nutrition but the focus is off ACHIEVE, ACHIEVE, ACHIEVE. Its shifted to "take care of number one in a different way."

I know for me that setting very specific (SMART) long term goals has caused such huge stress and pressure that its been quite unhealthy and I need say no more. But I acknowledge that for other people, goals are what drive them. Ironically I'm far more goal orientated than my other half but that doesnt make him a lesser person. It makes him a different person who is driven by different things.

So the way I see it is that different things drive different people. My idea of being the best I can be and the next person's may be somewhat different and that's fine. (Geez we couldnt have a world full of figure competitors could we??) To get to be that "best person"I travel along Path X, the next person travels along Path Y. Deep down we are all looking at bettering ourselves but in different ways. And I'm sure that nobody is sitting on their couch stuffing down bacon double cheese burgers - although I will confess that I do love them :-) but I choose not to eat them.

Magda

UPS AND DOWNS

After my first post for today my faith in mankind was restored and then destroyed again.

My black pants arrived in the post today. So I trotted to the post office and happily handed over $12 or so for them. Tomorrow I'll trace the email I sent and send it through again with a very big thank you to whoever arranged for them to be sent back.

Then just to let me down again I went to pick up my script for a nasal spray and just about had a heart attack at the price. I hadnt been warned that it was on the pricey side and the shock was a bit embarassing actually.

We have 2 rental applications in for properties we like and are viewing another one tomorrow that we REALLY like and have been invited back to (after being told they wouldnt consider a lease that was less than 12 months and a cat). After things looking very bleak on the rental front dare I say they are now looking up. So fingers are crossed that we get something very nice soon and then the fun of moving starts.

:-) M

PS BTW Mum's pizza was yummy. Was satisfied with 2 pieces (I usually have 3 and feel stuffed) and because we are both feeling cr*ppy, we turned down the wine.

THE CONTENTS OF MY NEGATIVE CR*P BOX

Hmmmm what to blog today?

Well despite feeling considerably better last night I've managed to take a downward turn overnight. At 3am hubbie went to the kitchen and coughed his guts up just so I could wake up and realise that my head was about to explode. Lots of coughing, on my behalf, later I managed to get back to sleep having turned off my alarm for my 5am training session. I doubted whether I'd be going back to work today.

Yep I woke up feeling AWFUL and have been to the doctor (not my regular GP) only to be told that I'm not sick at all. I have a severe case of hay fever and I have an ear inflamation that I've caused. I may be guilty of the latter (yes I do use cotton buds but from now on I'm to keep my ears dry ALL THE TIME to avoid this problem) but the former is laughable.

Its been one of the coldest and wettest spells here in Adelaide recently so what am I allergic to? Pollen? (too wet) Dust mites? (they are around all the time so logic would say I'd be like this all the time) oh and the best one was wait for it ....perfume!! Hmmm so something that I have worn every day for the last 30 years is causing me to have severe hayfever this week. So the doctor's orders were to not wear any fragrance and not have any smelly sprays or incense in my home etc (do I look like the incense burning type?). As for not wearing perfume, she may as well have told me to go to work without my top on.

This morning I finally spoke to somebody from the hotel we stayed at in Melbourne about a pair or nice black pants that I had left behind. I had called and emailed previously only to get no call back or reply. So the nice person who actually took the trouble to follow up my request (tell me how much money you need me to send so you can post them back) informed me that they have no black pants registered as lost property from our room. I told her they would have been hanging in the cupboard and hence I forget them (I didnt hang anything else up) but she was emphatic they had not been "found".

I was gobsmacked. The last time I had my black pants was in Melbourne and when I went to wear them a week later I didnt have them. One cant help but think that a nice pair of dressy Intimo pants with a rolldown waist in a light stretchy fabric (they would fit a lot of people) would look very attractive to somebody who found them. SHIT SHIT SHIT I loved those pants and I'm mighty pissed off now.

Enough said and moving right along as these issues sit in my "negative cr*p box" and I refuse to let them dominate my day.

So on that note I'm getting changed and heading out for some movement. I need fresh air. I need to connect with nature and I need to take action to make me feel better.

Magda

MY PLACE

Today I had cause to do a longish drive by myself which meant I had thinking time :-)

So I looked inwards to"My Place" and this is what I found.

I am calm despite mini crises erupting around me. Last night we got some not so good financial news that impacts on the sale of our house and our settlement. My first reaction was anger and panic until I realised that the matter was out of my control. Its being fixed and the person fixing it will keep us in the loop. Things may not turn out perfectly but I'll just have to accept that and go with the flow.

I have high self worth or self esteem (are they the same thing???). I take care with my appearance choosing clothes that I feel good in and taking time with my hair and make-up EVERY day. I carry myself like I'm proud of myself. I can tackle a difficult situation head on or I can think things through and take time to work them out if I need to. I'm not overwhelmed by life and the curve balls it throws at me.

I am internally happy. This is hard to describe but its like I'm just happy in my skin and in my head. Yes I've got an annoying lurgy and I feel way less than 100%, I'm still on the looking-for-a-rental merry-go-round and living with a very sick and miserable husband, but I'm feeling happy.

When I'm in "My Place" life is balanced and happy and that's just where I want it to be. I've blogged previously about feeling invincible and thought that was just the bees knees but you know what invincible was for me? It was eating to a strict plan, weighing, measuring and logging everything until the macros were just perfect. It meant training twice a day which is also what I was doing at 12 weeks out from competing. It was living like an overstretched rubber band just waiting to snap. And like all overstretched bands I did snap and then OMG the binges were dreadful, shameful, debilitating incidents that left me feeling physically and emotionally like CR*P. So now I say "phooee" to invincible and welcome balance into my life.

Training this week is limited to walking now. Hubbie has taken his coughing-up-my-guts and is sleeping in the guest bedroom so I cant do my early morning weights or cardio on the bike or rower. So I head out for a walk instead because we all know "something is better than nothing".

Oh and tomorrow night we are having home made pizza at mum and dad's for dinner (and I wont be eating green veg and lean protein instead).

Cheers all

Magda

MY NO DIET MENU FOR TODAY

I love not being on a diet.

Breakfsat today was a multigrain muffin with an egg on one half and natural peanut butter on the other half. I'm sick of oats and powder every day so I enjoyed this immensely.

For morning tea today we had a spread to welcome back a colleague. I wasnt overly hungry and had just arrived at work quite late so I grabbed a skim cappuccino and had that. Didnt fancy anything else and definitely didnt feel deprived.

Sometimes I stiil eat "diet food" for lunch just because I really like it. I had leftover stir fried veges from last night (onion, carrot, red capsicum, brocolli, cabbage cooked in chicken stock, Tamari, ginger, lemongrass and chilli) with some peri peri chicken, fresh coriander and Udo's oil.

I love low fat creamed cottage cheese with Splenda and cinnamon and am still having it in the afternoon if I'm hungry and I love hard brown pears so they're staying on the menu too.

But the piece de resistance is Tuesday's dinner. My boys have home cooked crumbed calamari (hubbie has lemon pepper and the kid has plain crumbed) and I've been eating my green veg and lean protein because losing weight was THE most important thing. Well not now. I also had a medium serve of the lemon pepper calamari, tartare sauce and a huge salad. Yummo. I'm satisfied physically, emotionally and I'm in a happy place. This will be regular thing in our household from now on.

Training today was a one hour walk and even then I just about died towards the end. Tomorrow may be a rest day at home so I can shake this annoying lurgy once and for all.

Cheers all

Magda

SOMETIMES THE WIERDEST THINGS HAPPEN.....

So we all know that I ate badly last week. Oh yeah many of my binge foods featured almost daily and dinner out on Thursday night meant I ate way too much salt and pepper squid (yum) and chips. I also slackened off on my training and completed very few of my regular sessions. Yep I was a junk food munching, misery guts, Negative Nelly, lazy slob.

Saturday saw the turn back onto the path I want to follow and being a very busy day meant that I didnt eat as much as usual. Sunday pretty much followed suit. Although there was no dieting, for whatever reason I just didnt eat heaps.

So how on earth do I wake up this morning feeling really lean. I'm not weighing myself (except maybe once a month - thinking about it) but I could just tell. I have a pair of charcoal pants in a size 10. They are an under-70-kilos-pants and I put them on and they were really comfy. Not tight at all. Great sign!! I feel like the whoosh fairy came and dumped a massive whoosh on me and its awesome.

Today I eased off the intensity of my training as this lurgy is trying hard to take me down. It was chest and back and I still worked hard and already have the DOMS as my reward :-) I'm just planning to take each day as it comes until I'm 100% well again. Still planning to train but will modify it accordingly.

The rental hunting is challenging to say the least. Its going to be much harder than we thought but pressing on and following up lots of places. Fingers crossed we get something soon.

Cheers all

Magda

WELCOME BACK MOJO :-)

Even though I'm not feeling 100% on the health front as I battle an annoying lurgy that tries desperately to take me down, my headspace is back where it should be.

I'm ready to tackle the "non-diet approach" to getting my body lean and healthy. I call it the "mind right approach" because that'll be my weapon of choice in this venture.

Matti (SP) showed me how to avoid binging. When I left her I had the tools and I knew how to use them now its just up to me to use them regularly. Practice. Practice. Practice.

Over the coming weeks and months I want to shift my focus from the numbers on the Metal Monster or the numbers on the tape measure to how I feel instead. My goal is to eat nutritious food that I love the taste of but that also leaves me feeling good, both physically and emotionally. Oh and that includes treats. If I meet a friend for a long overdue catch up then I'll have a wine with her. This is me and this is what I love. I will not weigh or measure my food (unless its for a recipe). I will not log on Calking or mentally calculate calories, fat grams etc (I never did anyway - I was an obsessive logger). I will not religiously record everything I eat and drink and what time I had it etc etc. The road ahead may be bumpy and full of twists and turns but I vow to give this a damn good go.

My training goals need some thought but basically I will continue to get up early and train for an hour before the day starts for my family. I'm amazed by people who learn of my training routine and look at me with wide disbelieving eyes and say "how could you possibly do that? I could NEVER do that." Well my answer will be "how could you NOT do it?" If I stop moving for more than a couple of days, I feel lethargic, heavy and like a slob. The choice is pretty clear in my book. But then I've always enjoyed my training or rather that fantastic feeling you get straight after it.

As for the decision about competing again. Well it doesnt have to be made now. My first priority is to get my body to a happy place both in terms of fat levels and muscle tone (I hate that phrase but with my littlies even thats a compliment) using my "mind right approach". I want balance, freedom and a high sense of self worth to dominate my life from here on.

And finally Shelley, when I'm 80 years old and sitting in my comfy armchair sipping a Cointreau on ice with my son, his wife and their children around me I want to be able to tell them that I had a fantastic and happy life. All along I was blessed with a wonderful family, good friends and I hardly ever encountered any hardships (well none that got the better of me anyway). When life threw curve balls my way I found a way to deal with them and I NEVER GAVE UP. And in the spirit of my life's motto "dont die wondering what if" deep down I know I'll give competing another go but not just yet.

Wish me luck folks.

Magda

LIFE AFTER DIETS??

This morning I set out to walk for an hour. It was cold. It was blowing a gale. It rained. It even hailed a little. I grizzled to myself for a good part of the hour before pulling myself up and realising how my negative grizzling would take me back to my black hole. So I directed my thoughts to the dams filling nicely and the farmers being happy and I pressed on even though I wanted to cut it short.

So while walking I had thinking time and I went back over the last week. What happened? Where did I go wrong? Why am I in this confused state? And I came to realise a few things.

What was different about this week? Yes I was stressed and under pressure but I've been there plenty of times lately. But this week I stopped working on keeping my thoughts positive and believing in my ability to stay strong and focussed. I literally spent 2 days just telling myself that I was a failure etc etc. Even though I now know how to avoid binging, I chose to not use any of those skills or that knowledge. I made the mistake of lapsing into old thought patterns and they resulted in old (self sabotaging) behaviours.

As for my confused state. Well let me just say this: how can I think logically and clearly when my body is not nourished with good food, when its crammed full of sweet, salty, processed crap and the mind is screaming "loser failure"? Oh and not to mention the tub of vanilla ice cream I was hugging while blogging about this dilemma. Is that where I thought I'd find my answers LOL??

So today has been great. I ate totally "off plan" after breakfast but when you're rental hunting all afternoon you just go with the flow and I was totally ok with that. Maybe there is a life after diets? Lets see.

Cheers all

Magda

A BETTER DAY

So today was a much better day. Far from perfect but much better.

I had some very simple goals for today. They were:

1. 4-5 meals/snacks with no eating in between. Done. I also avoided sweets today and processed crappy food. However I did have a big dinner which included chips - room for improvement as usual.

2. 30 minutes of exercise of my choice (probably in the afternoon). I actually got up early and went for a walk. Today it was a case of something is better than nothing so happy with my effort.

3. Lots of positive self talk and smiling even if I feel like crap. Boy did this get tested today. I endured a very unpleasant meeting that left me feeling less than good about myself. So the positive self talk was really important if I wasnt going to once again eat my body weight in junk food.

4. Reminding myself of how far I’ve come and that I can and will deal with all this without resorting to previous bad habits. Not a lot of time to ponder this one but it did occur to me when we got home from having dinner out and I thought "ooh I might just have a Ferrero Rocher". And then I thought about it and decided that I didnt really want one and I made the choice to not have one. Thinking right that time!!!

5. I think its best summed up by “ask for what you want and not what you don’t want”. Did a bit of this before going to sleep last night. Affirmations need to be on my menu more often though if they are to be effective.

The rental I looked at probably wont suit as the space for the fridge is not not quite big enough. Shame cause it was a nice place in a great location. Moving on to the next option now.

Well although I have lots more words of wisdom that I could blog, I'm going to sign off as I'm feeling very tired and run down so will make sleep my priority. Hope to be back tomorrow with another "good day" report.

Cheers all

Magda

LOOKING AT THE GLASS HALF FULL

To Liz, Frankie, Sandra and Kristy a big thank you for the lovely and supportive comments about my situation. Its nice to not feel alone. I am getting some other help too and for that I'm also grateful (you know who you are).

I have some work to do to get myself back on track and that will be my focus tonight. Small steps to begin and some small goals for tomorrow. The biggest change has to happen between the ears and thats what I really need to work on.

So to start the process tonight's blog is about positive things and the glass being half full. F*ck the misery guts attitude cause it aint taking me anywhere I want to be.

Our legendary real estate agent has just negotiated for our purchaser to buy most of our furniture. Hallelulia!! We are happy with the price. We have a lot less stuff to move and therefore can consider a wider range of rental properties AND I'll have the best reason ever to buy new furniture for our new house :-)

I've taken action to find a rental property. I'm inspecting one tomorrow afternoon and have an agent calling back on the availability of another for inspection over the next few days. This is progress on just surfing the net and listing "maybes". Our purchaser has indicated that he's ready to settle any time given 3 days notice. F*ck it if we can bring the date forward we will. We are ready to move on :-)

Melbourne was fantastic. On Friday we headed to the Docklands and had a delicious middle eastern lunch at The Mecca Bah. We shared a bottle of sav blanc and sat outside and just enjoyed each other's company. Then it was shopping at Harbour Town before heading back to our hotel in the city. Dinner was at our hotel because the $15 steak night sounded too good to resist and it didnt disappoint. Mind you, how could it after starting with a glass of French champagne and then sharing a bottle of red and churros for dessert. YUMMO!!

On Saturday we walked over 6kms to Amici on Chapel Street for a superb breakfast and then made our way back down Chapel Street for a spot of shopping (again). Rain had us taxi back to the city before we found the Melbourne Museum and checked out the Pompei Exhibition and other galleries at the MM. We walked heaps that day so the decision to not take training gear was a good one in hindsight. On Saturday evening we wandered over to Lygon Street for a few drinks before finding a nice Italian place for dinner and another bottle of red. (Yes our livers are somewhat pickled by now but hey we love our wine). All up a great day.

Despite visiting Melbourne many times before, I'd never been to the Vic Markets so that was on our itinerary for Sunday morning. They failed to impress so it was back into the city and a wander through Melbourne Central where I found my little gem. Scanlan and Theodore were having a closing down sale and I bought a very expensive suit for less than half price. I was like a pig in shit!! We wandered over to the Greek quarter and shared an appetiser platter for lunch. Mind you it had so much food on it that it was more like a main course platter but who's complaining. Aaah our last bottle of sav blanc and just to finish the holiday with a big celebratory bang we each had a greek dessert. Hubbie chose the galactobureko (vanilla custard in filo pasrty) and I had a baklava (walnuts, honey in filo pasrty). I thought I'd died and gone to heaven :-)

Before we knew it, it was over and we were flying home tired but happy from the lovely break. So as well as eating all that yummy food, sharing a few bottles of wine and getting in some shopping, we had some great talks about a whole lot of stuff in a relaxed setting with no work, no domesticity and no pressure hanging over us. BLISS!!! :-) :-)

So my goal from here is to put the last 3 days behind me. Whats happened has happened and cant be changed but I can choose how I deal with it all from here on. Its time to reclaim my power and control and not allow myself to slide further into that black hole. And I'm starting by NOT having any Ferreo Rocher chocolate before bedtime.

Cheers

Magda

OVERWHELMED

The reality of my circumstances is just sinking in.

I dont know where I'll be living in less than 4 weeks time.
I dont know what furniture I'll have.
I dont know who'll be moving us and what we'll be taking and to where.
Irrespective of all of the above I have a lot of packing to do in not a lot of time.
I can lessen my packing work by selling a heap of stuff on eBay. I just wish it'd photograph itself and hop on the website without me having to devote time to it.
To achieve all this in the blink of an eye timeframe that I'm working to, I need to take (even more) time off work.
BUT my boss is away and I'm struggling to stay on top of all the issues I deal with.

Oh any poor hubbie is under so much pressure and stress with his work that I'm flying solo on most of the above and keeping our family life in the happy zone that I like it to be in.

So how am I dealing with all of this? Not so good so I'm taking some time to privately work through this so I can come out the other side a happier and better person than I am right now.

Oh and hopefully not be weighing 4 or 5 kilos more than I do now. Enough said.

Magda

10/10

A very quick post tonight, the eve of our weekend in Melbourne.

I'm due to weigh and measure tomorrow but I'm not stressing about the numbers. They may be down (from last week), they may not. Que sera, sera. Will it upset me, put me in a bad mood, put me in a "bugger it, I'll just eat like there's no tomorrow" mood or ruin my mini holiday? NO WAY!!!

I'm not even sure if the size 11 jeans will fit but taking an educated guess I'd say not. Will test them in the morning. Anyway the size 12s are ready to go.

Since last weekend I've done verything right and thats all I can judge my success on. Well done Magda, you scored a 10/10 this week :-)

Cheers all

PERCEPTIONS AND STANDARDS

This morning my husband and I were having a coffee together before we went to work. I was enjoying my skim cappuccino to which he commented, “oh you’re back on them”.

“Yep I hate black coffee” was my reply as I continued to sip and enjoy.

“Well you must be down to your goal weight already”.

God bless him for making such a wonderful and complimentary comment. I’m actually about 4 or 5 kilos away and although I feel heaps better than I did when I was 70kgs+, I still feel I have a long way to go. I must be looking heaps better though and he does know how much I‘ve been training lately (lots!!) and being quite careful with my diet (most of the time).

Which brings me to the issue of perceptions and standards. How often do we perceive ourselves to be fatter, less fit, less attractive, less competent and less anything than we actually are? Is it human nature or is it the domain of a minority that lack self-esteem or have a poor body image? I know personally that unless I’m sitting at my goal weight or am considerably under it, then I feel fat. A bad hair day or certain clothes will always make me feel less attractive. I read other’s blogs and think “shit they’re lifting THAT much” and I feel like a pissant wimp. The list goes on and on.

For me it takes a considerable effort to focus on the positives and remind myself that fat is a relative term. I may not be single digit body fat lean but compared to many other women in the 40 – 50 year age group, that work in the same industry as me, I’m in good shape. Some say vanity is a curse and I admit I’m a victim of the “I need to feel attractive” trap. But that may not be such a bad thing. Taking pride in your appearance is a virtue. When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good you’re happy and positive. The flow on benefit is positive when viewed that way.

Standards on the other hand are what we expect of others and ourselves. I know I set my standards quite high. There are things I do every day that to me are not negotiable. For many others they aren’t important. I like to achieve, be it in my personal life or in my career. When I set my goal to compete in 2007 I had many a pained discussion with my trainer when things got tough. But at every hurdle and challenge I would tell him “failure was NOT an option”. Of course he would reply by telling me that it certainly was but I would not accept that. As hard as it was to pick myself up from some of the messes I got myself into, I did it and pressed on.

I’ve been in this current (temporary) job for a year now. Its one of the hardest jobs I’ve had because I manage so many different things that all sit under one large banner. I was working on a particular project late last year and there was a significant change in direction meaning there was a LOT of work to do in very little time. So for me it was nose to the grindstone because NOT meeting my deadline was NOT an option. I worked late at night, early in the morning, on weekends and basically every free minute of the day just to get the job done and I succeeded. Little did I realise that by doing so I earned the respect of my boss and bosses higher up by proving just how capable I was. But for me the most important thing was not letting myself down. The rest didn’t really matter.

Maybe life would be easier and simpler if we just coasted along and didn’t set such high standards or such big goals to achieve. There would be less pressure on us and “cushy” could be a daily occurrence instead of a pipe dream. Sound attractive??

I don’t think so. I know I’d rather be celebrating the highs and riding out the lows rather than living my life flat line.

What would you choose?

Cheers

Magda

SHARING MY DREAMS AND PLANS

Having weathered the weekend storm its nice to be sailing on calm seas again. Its times like these that I can think about what I want as opposed to what I dont want (thanks Shelley for a very opportune reminder!!)

I have a little mantra that I repeat when I'm out training (usually on one of my jogs) and the going gets tough. It goes like this:

I am strong.
I am lean.
I am toned.
I look great and I feel fantastic.

And I repeat this over and over forwards, backwards and whateverwards. It really helps to get my headspace right and to keep pushing when I just want to give up. I could also apply this to my weight training and at those times when my Inner Fat Girl is screaming for a feed. I'll be aiming to do this more over the coming weeks.

The other thing that means a lot to me is to achieve a happy balance with my lifestyle including how, what, when I eat etc, how much I train, what my resulting physique looks like, how my energy levels are and most importantly how I feel within myself. There's a lot of elements to this equation and I keep playing around with them until I get it right. I've made a mental list of what I dont want to do but this has been replaced by focussing on behaviours that I do want to incorporate into my every day life. Such as:

1. Eating mindfully. Choosing nutritious food most of the time but having small regular treats without feelings of guilt or shame. Trusting my instincts that will guide me correctly towards fat loss without obsessively weighing every morsel and keeping painful records of it all.

2. Balancing my training time between weights and cardio so as not to burn out in either area. Its no secret that I'm a cardio junkie and could happily do it twice a day on most days but this should not be necessary. I enjoy doing weights but I could be more passionate about them, I know.

3. Ah physique and how it looks. I have my motivation book with a page devoted to describing the physique I'm aiming for. Yes I'm aiming for the stars but you gotta dream big. I'm realistic enough to know that it'll take quite some time but as long as I'm moving towards it then I'm on the right track. I also know that down the track, I'll have to change my plan of attack but not ready just yet.

4. Energy levels are a problem for me. When you eat little and often, gaps in between meals can be longer than planned and then I hit a real energy slump. Thats when my food cravings go through the roof and I also get mega grumpy and irritable. This area needs work thats for sure.

5. Finally the most important thing is how I feel within myself. Before I saw the SP and I was binging regularly, I always felt agitated, stressed, tense and did not believe I could conquer my problem. I lived constantly with feelings of shame, disgust, hopelessness and failure. I was in a negative rut and I could not see a way out. However after a few sessions things changed drastically for the better and a sense of calm and internal happiness came over me. Those are the feelings I want to hold onto and I now know how to manage my thoughts and actions so that I dont go back to my negative place - well I may stick my nose in for a second every now and then but thats the extent of it.

So thats my brain dump on my life, where I'm at, where I want to go and to some extent how I might get there. I dont have all the pieces of the puzzle just yet but its filling out slowly and surely.

Cheers all

Magda

LISTENING TO MY VOICE OF REASON

I have given my "diet" a lot of thought today. I woke up feeling awful (too much wine over the weekend and some over indulgence at hubbie's birthday dinner last night). I suffered through my leg workout and then did my bike intervals. There wasn't much enjoyment there until it was all done LOL.

That's the price you pay for making poor choices with food and wine.

My voice of reason told me that going ultra low carb for however long is not the answer. Yes the number on the scale will drop but its just water weight essentially. I may last 4 days but will probably end up having mad cravings. Plus eating like that just doesn't work for me. I need far more fibre in my diet (and chugging glassfuls of Metamucil makes no difference) and I need my brain working optimally for my job. Fuzzy brain just doesn't cut it for me.

So carbs are in and this in itself makes me a happier person. So over my black coffee this morning (more on that later) I thought about what I wanted and how I wanted to live my life and achieve my goals. Here are my thoughts / decisions:

1. I'm not worried about what I'll weigh going to Melbourne. I'm not fretting about whether the size 11 jeans will fit or not. I'll wash my loose size 12s and wear those and enjoy the weekend.

2. Today I feel calm and rational again but the balance thing still eludes me. I'm over the weekend and I'm not stressing about it, regretting it or worst of all, beating myself up over it. Moving on!!

3. I'm going to relax my approach to my diet and trust my instincts to know what / how / when to eat for fat loss. I've lost fat many times before just by being more mindful and I'm giving this a go. I don't want to obsessively weigh and record everything and I want to be a bit more liberal in the choices I make. I wont go overboard on treats as I still want good results but I need to feel more "normal" so that I don't get to a point where I just become totally obsessed and consumed by what I'm eating or not eating. Hence one reason for my recent poor choices.

4. If I can get my headspace right (and its just about 100% today so things are looking great there) I believe this can work for me. I just have to believe that it will and be mindful of what I ultimately want. And that is to be: strong, lean and toned, to look great and feel fantastic (and I wont achieve that by putting crap into my body). PS This is my mantra / affirmation.

5. Oh and I HATE black coffee and will be having a small skim cappuccino in the mornings again.

So bring on a new approach and a new outlook with a view to achieving a better balance and more consistent inner calm and happiness. I'm smart enough and wise enough to realise that crash diets dont work and if I'm not prepared to do it long term then why waste time on it in the short term. Better to find what works, what makes me happy and then stick to it.

Oh I love feeling like this again :-)

Magda

AWESOME TRAINING AND NOT SO AWESOME EATS

Awesome training this morning. I set out on my 40 minute jog and it was a lovely spring morning albeit a bit windy. I was determined not to check the time and I jogged and jogged and jogged. When I was nearing home I added a little bit extra by doing the outer lap of the oval, then cutting towards home, lapping a cul de sac and then doing one extra block adjacent to home. I pulled into my driveway and looked at the time on my phone. OMG I had been jogging for 55 minutes and I felt ok. I love training sessions like that :-)

Food wise there remains lots of room for improvement. I'm not sure whats going on but for some reason I want to eat anything, everything and lots of it. We had a birthday dinner for my husband tonight and I came away thinking "geez I could have handled that better". Talk about eating like there's no tomorrow. Tomorrow's goal is to reign it back in and get back to the lean and clean or else I'll be squeezing into my size 12 jeans (they're quite loose now) when I go to Melbourne.

Good night all

Magda

I'VE COME TO REALISE .....

1. Sometimes I just need a break from dieting to feel / be normal again.

2. If I choose to eat a toasted foccacia for lunch then so be it. I love them and every now and then I want to eat them.

3. There will be days when I make choices that arent the best but as long as I'm ok with it then the rest doesnt matter.

4. I've achieved a lot in the last 10 or 12 weeks. A small hiccup now will not undo the good that I've chalked up. Keeping it all in perspective is the key.

5. For me slow and steady will win the race. There'll be times when I power along but then I'll stop and smell the roses or stop for a powernap or a bit of refreshment. As long as I pick myself up and stay on my journey, I'll make it to my destination. I'm definitely a turtle and not a hare.

So instead of being in a total flap or being really depressed about a day where I didnt eat to plan, I'm accepting it as a fact of life and keeping it all in perspective and am blogging this with a smile still on my face.

Power to me and may the coming week see me back to my usual ways.

Cheers all

Magda