PERMISSION TO EXIT NOW

Yesterday the BM claimed victory. Being home with a sick child, yet faced with a heap of work that HAD to be done and being housebound (which meant no cappuccino or the fruit toast I so desperately wanted for breakfast) meant there were way too many trips to the pantry throughout the day. At least I'll have something to report back to the SP from which we can work on (was there ever any question about this??)

I have come to the realisation just recently that I've truly lost my motivation for all things health and fitness related. Although I have managed an hour of training both yesterday and today, getting going was a huge mental battle. Today's session (shoulders + ss cardio on the exercise bike) was quite good and in the main yesterday's was too (back / chest supersetted + ss cardio on the rower) but am I giving 100%? Not even close. What about 80%. Nope. Its more like 70 -75%. I tell myself "something is better than nothing" (thanks Kek) to make myself feel better.

Diet .... well what can I say? Sick of it all. Over it all. Just fed up with it all. Good days followed by bad days over and over again. I know you shouldnt dwell on the negatives / failures but when they're staring at you no matter which way you turn, its hard to look past them. Boy is my head in a crappy place right now and I'm sounding like a total misery guts. Permission to exit now if this negativity pisses you off.

Does anyone else go through the repeated torment of what to eat, when to eat it, how much to have etc etc? I have SO much information about 1000s of different ways to get lean / lose fat / be slimmer / be more toned/muscly etc that my head feels like it'll explode from information overload. No joke, during an average week, I'll drag out 2 or 3 of those 1000 different plans and analyse them to the nth degree (again) looking for "the perfect solution". I'm driving myself crazy.

So there it all is. My honest feelings right now. I could have deleted tonight's post (I hate it coz its so negative) but I've decided to blog it, warts and all. Some of my thoughts arent sensible or rational but hey, its where I'm at right now so I wont pretend otherwise. Cant wait to see my SP again next week. I'm counting down the days.

M

DEALING WITH THE DISAPPOINTMENT

I'd be lying if I said I was ok today. What has "saved me" is a combination of being very busy at work, enjoying a lovely lunch with my friend and work colleague Miss J and focussing on my June goal of clocking up a BFM (Binge Free Month).

I headed off to work earlier than usual today. BS has a virus of some sort and WH took the day off to stay home with him. (Its my turn tomorrow). Going a million miles an hour made the day go very quickly and I even got to enjoy 2 cafe meetings and have my favourite skim cappuccinos. Miss J and I usually have lunch together on Thursdays. Today's catch up was great as it let me get some of the sadness off my chest and we chatted about my future comp prep plans and about her life as the wife of a surgeon. She has some interesting tales to tell!

After lunch I knew I was at geat risk of losing a round to the Binge Monster as my usual negative thoughts started creeping in. A quick refocus on my goals and some stern reminders about how incorrect those thoughts were, managed to keep me on track. Anyway, what did I have to complain about? I'd allowed myself the lunch of my choice (salt and pepper squid with a small serve of chips and salad) so I was hardly deprived. I held it together and was very pleased with my efforts.

So my plan this week has been to eat mainly lean and clean but by no means to aim for "perfection". Sometimes this approach works better to keep the Binge Monster at bay but the trade off is that weight / fat loss doesnt necessarily happen (and right now I want a few kilos off). So I'm weighing up the alternatives:

1. Go "hard core" on a "diet", drop some kilos before we go to Singapore but risk a blow out binge OR
2. Maintain the status quo, go to Singapore feeling fat and frumpy but maybe win the BM war this month.

Geez its like grim and grimmer :-(

M

NOT HAPPY JAN!!!!!! :-(

Its over. I'll reveal all now.

2 weeks ago we spotted a property for sale at a time when we had decided we were going to sell up and build new. (I wont bore you with all the details around why but I'll just say that its taken us years to come to this decision).

This property was awesome. Its in the general area where we live now and the area I grew up in. Its the most beautiful tree lined avenue with a wide median strip that has lots of beautiful full grown trees. The location is about 6kms from the city which is perfect for us as we both work in the CBD. Houses in this street .... sorry, "avenue" are beautiful with a mix of well maintained old houses and quite a few new ones, some of them VERY grand and expensive. Every time we'd drive down this avenue we'd dream about living on it and it always impressed us. It was our ultimate dream.

So here is a property for sale in "our avenue". Its on a big block of land (800m2+) and the house is a wreck (demolition job) which is just what we want. After analysing our finances to the nth degree WH says we can offer X. I immediately decide that we'll offer X + $10K as it has to be our best offer. We delay our offer to await finance approval and in the meantime circumstances allow us to add another $10K. I'm so excited as I truly believe we have a good chance of getting it and I'm well on the way to planning my new life at my dream address. Offers closed yesterday at 2pm and I almost expected a call last night.

It didnt eventuate but the agent rang today to advise that the trustees had accepted another offer. My dream address has gone to somebody else. I'm so sad and so disappointed. This is NOT how its meant to be.

Binge Monster was whispering in my ear that some junk food would make me feel better but I whispered back "FUCK OFF" and hit the computer to do some work. I couldnt control the outcome of that property sale but I can control how I react to it and how I manage my feelings around it.

Cheers

Magda

SPORTS PSYCHE - SECRET UPDATE

I've had a busy few days. Mum's birthday was a lot of fun and Sunday's dinner, while not my best effort to date, was still really nice. The lamb shanks were a hit, yet again and the tiramisu turned out better than expected. Nobody complained about the food.

Monday was taken up with various meetings, phone calls and then my first appointment with the sports psyche. I like her. Whilst I did most of the talking in this sesssion, she was very down to earth and we had a few good laughs together as well. I poured out my life story (in brief) focussing on the particluar challenges I've had over the last 2 or so years. She was able to quickly identify where I was going wrong in my thoughts, behaviours and choices but I'm also doing some CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) to give us something specific to work with. Her question about "what do I see when I look in the mirror" was a very interesting one that I found quite hard to answer, especially as she was posing it from the physical perspective. When I did eventually respond, she said that my body image was "reasonably realistic" so I took some comfort in that. My next appointment is in 2 weeks time but my goal is NOT have any instances that we can analyse through CBT. (I'm to record situations, thoughts and outcomes when I am faced with an urge to binge and when I give in). I'm aiming to make June 2009 my BFM (Binge Free Month).

On my "secret issue" I'm pretty sure that all will be revealed tomorrow which is well before the 9th June deadline I mentioned previously. Things have moved along faster than first anticipated and this has been much easier to deal with. I hate things dragging out forever. If I want something, you can be rest assured that I WANT IT NOW. So tomorrow is THE DAY.

So I'm off to bed as soon as I log off. I've had a horrid headache for 2 days and I'm hoping that a good sleep will relieve it. If not, I'll be suffering through another mega busy day at work. But who knows I might be celebrating tomorrow night, or I might be crying into my chicken and green veg.

Stay tuned.

M

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM

My mum turns 73 tomorrow. The picture above was taken about 5 years ago but I just love it. It shows perfectly how totally selfless and loving my mother is. There is NOTHING she wouldnt do for her grandson. She loves him with all her heart. My mum has always worked hard to make our home a loving and caring place. All her life I've seen her give, give and give some more. She never wants anything in return except our company and to know that we'll be there as she ages.

My mum has never uttered a critical word about me. She alone has been my biggest and number one fan. She has always believed in me, even when I didnt believe in myself. If anyone dared to mention even a slightly bad thing about me, she'd cut them down quick smart. You couldnt ask for a better guardian angel.

So today was "part one of her day". I picked her up mid morning and we headed out for an early lunch together. Then it was off to see a chick flick which had us laughing our heads off. After the movie we went for a coffee and talked and laughed some more. On the way home we checked out "my secret" something that I just loved sharing with her. Of course she could see my passion and enthusiasm and immediately offered to help me and WH achieve what we want so much.

Tomorrow is "part two" when I'm making dinner for our family to further celebrate her day. I've made a tiramisu for dessert (its chilling in the fridge now) and tomorrow it'll be slow cooked lamb shanks at her request. I hope she enjoys it all. I'm sure she will.

So I'm getting in early as tomorrow will be a busy day ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM. I LOVE YOU.

XX M

A TOUGH ADMISSION

Sometimes it takes ages for some things to sink in. It might be denial. It might be that you think you can manage it yourself. It might just be that you don’t realise how much you’ve suffered and struggled and the time you’ve wasted on it all.

At the end of the day all of that is irrelevant once you admit that there are some things in life that you just need help with. No need to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it. No need to feel inferior or inadequate (although this is easier said than done). It takes a big person to admit they have a problem AND then actively do something about it.

I’m at that point in my life.

Don’t get me wrong. In many ways my life is wonderful and I truly have a lot to be thankful for and I am thankful for it all. But unless I can get my mind in order and learn ways to keep it in order and to deal with my trigger situations in a positive way, I’ll forever be on this depressing merry-go-round of battling my Binge Monster and losing too many of the battles.

I’m admitting that I don’t know how to solve this problem. What I do know is how important and powerful the mind is in this regard. But how do I get it working for me instead of me constantly battling with it or just giving in cause its all too hard? I’ve read heaps of books and articles but it hasnt gelled for me. You could say that the penny hasn’t dropped or that I’m still missing pieces of the puzzle.

So I’ve taken a step that I’m hoping is in the right direction. I’m hoping that I get the help I need to learn how to overcome this problem once and for all. On Monday I’m seeing a sports psychologist at The Wakefield Sports Clinic. My mind is open to the possibilities here and let me say “I’m so ready to start believing that some of my longer term goals may just become realities”.

Watch this space folks.

Cheers

Magda

SHORT AND SWEET

Tonight's post is short and sweet.

Work has been very busy this week and it meant working in the evening on Tuesday and having some later than usual nights. Subsequently I'm really tired by late afternoon which presents all sorts of extra challenges.

I skipped training yesterday morning and managed a little extra sleep. Today, despite being really tired, I got up early and did chest, tris and a little cardio. Worked to (almost) failure on some of the chest work, pushed hard on (fatigued) tris but cardio was a bit pissy (steady state on the ex bike).

The melting pot has changed slightly in that one of the things in it will be decided a little before 9 June (if it goes to plan - its out of our control) and the other is up to me. Not ready to post about it just yet though.

Signing off to get an early night.

Cheers

Magda

HAVE YOU EVER WANTED ......

.... something so bad that you didnt want to let yourself want it that bad because of the disappointment you'd feel if you couldnt have it? The melting pot is bubbling away and it should be done on 9th June. My phone will be in my hand until I get the call with the good news .... or not.

M

THE MELTING POT

This weekend has been a big melting pot of exciting opportunities and possibilities. I know I'll have trouble sleeping tonight with this stuff on my mind.

On Friday night WH had made a significant discovery relating to the personal stuff thats on the drawing board for us. Its HUGE!! We talked it over, and over and over. We went from "oh we cant do it" to "we're giving it our best shot". I wont reveal anything yet but all will be known after 9th June. The wait will kill me but in the meantime I must breathe, breathe and breathe some more.

On a personal level, I'm exploring an option that is exciting but scary too. My changed attitude has me thinking positively instead of repeatedly convincing myself that I cant possible do it because ......(insert any one of 1000 excuses). I'm seeking an expert opinion on the matter - and it may come back that "no its not feasible" but I'll be ok with that. At least I've looked into it properly and not just written it off beacuse of a lack of belief in myself.

So with two (major) things up in the air like this, winding down and switching off will be very hard to do. And I need my beauty sleep.

I had breakfast out with a couple of friends this morning and purposely chose the high fat option to cure an extremely bad bout of being clogged up. The ultra low carb approach is NOT a long term option if things dont move for a week - yep you read that right :-( As great as it was for dropping a decent bit of fat over a relatively short time, the morning oats / psyllium husks are back on the daily menu. Fingers crossed that the fat continues to melt off.

Actually how "wrong" is that statement??!! Fat melting off is not a product of good luck coming from crossing your fingers (duuuuh I'll just cross my fingers for the next 5 weeks and I'll be 5 kilos lighter at the end of it).

Consistently eating lean clean food in reasonable quantities + training with intensity and purpose + managing headspace and emotions + repeating those habits over and over = leaner and more toned Magda. Simple really.

And on that note, this genius is off to update CalKing LOL

:-) Magda

DOWN BUT NOT OUT

I usually take Fridays as a rest day but since I missed training on Wednesday and I feel so "on fire" I set my alarm for 4.40am and did chest and tris before heading out for 30 mins of walking / jogging.

My strength wasnt good today and I failed on a few exercises before I made 12 reps. I gave it my all though so I cant ask for more. Then it was time to head out so off I went. About 3/4s of the way through I was running on a footpath (well lit) and stepped onto the kerb to cross the road. My foot got caught on the uneven surface and I went crashing down on my right side. My elbow took the brunt of the fall which of course meant my shoulder got a damn good jolt as did my upper back on the right side. My scrapes are minor as I was well dressed in thick layers. I have too many sore spots to mention and my right arm, and shoulder blade are very sore. Thank God nothing is broken as everything that should move, still does, albeit it not well. I suspect I'm not a candidate for osteoporosis (I drank milk by the gallons when I was young).

I struggled to get ready for work and WH convinced me that a day of rest at home was well deserved today .... and I've obeyed. I'm pottering around and practicing ambidexterity. I refuse to be beaten.

So I was downed this morning but I wont be "struck out". I've had a couple of hours of feeling sorry for myself and now its time to suck it up, remind myself of all the good in my life and put that smile back on my face. I've made a list of what I want to achieve today and its time to get cracking.

Cheers

Magda

A NEW BEGINNING

Sorry, couldnt resist posting one more pic where I'd styled it just a little bit different today. I like my style better as it has a bit more body.

Thank you to all who left such lovely comments on "my chop". I had resisted the cut for so long because I thought the longer hair "looked younger" when in fact it dragged my face down and aged me. As soon as my female work colleague saw me today she was blown away with delight and the first thing she said was "it makes you look younger". I'm happy!!

So today I felt INVINCIBLE. I havent felt this good in a very long time. I've decided to embrace a new attitude, a "CAN DO" attitude and as a result of this I feel so much better about myself. This morning I got out my size 10 DKNY skirt and gave it another go. I last wore it early March when I was about 1kg lighter before I messed up badly again. It was tight but it fit and because the fabric is thicker it didnt show any "sins".

I've re-thought my approach to my diet and training (yes ANOTHER change) and I'll be road testing it over the next few weeks. I'm in a reasonably good place with my weight but the long-term very low carb approach just wont cut it when I need my brain functioning at work. More on my new approach later.

So with this newfound energy (well mental anyway) and enthusiasm I tackled a more traditional weights session again and did a nice leg workout. Not a killer as I need to ease back in but in a few weeks I should be firing on all cylinders again. I followed it up with a 45 minute brisk walk to my favourite lakes and back and recorded 500+ cals burned on my HRM. Great start to the day. Cals and carbs were still low today but tomorrow is a planned re-feed with a treat that I know I'll enjoy.

So here's to a bit of a new beginning with a new attitude and a new outlook. The past is gone and I refuse to waste energy beating myself up over past mistakes. I've learnt many lessons and gathered many valuable tools along my journey. Now its time to put them all to good use.

Bring on tomorrow, I say.

Cheers

Magda

CH CH CH CHANGES

From this

To this

What do you think?

New hairstyle.

New attitude.

New achievements.

Look out. I feel unstoppable.

Magda

SLACKING OFF .... SORT OF

Last night my head was reeling from once again researching a better diet approach. Good results and decent progress are an absolute priority as Singapore is only a tad under 5 weeks away so there’s some serious fat to be melted in that time. Although having said that, I slept so badly last night that I turned off my alarm and tried to get some more sleep instead of going out for my morning cardio. Yeah slack I know but I just dreaded being dead tired AND carb starved.

Today has been really busy at work and I’ve had less time to think about food and diets etc. This has been much better as the last few days were unsettlingly quiet and had me indulging in all sorts of inappropriate thoughts. Tomorrow I’m at a seminar for most of the day so my lifesaver may be a protein bar for morning tea and fingers crossed that they provide something suitable for lunch. No I wont be packing and taking my own food. Cold salad is SO unappetising in this cold weather that its likely to be a binge trigger so I aim to eat moderately of what’s available.

And on that note, its time to sign off and eat my smoked tuna and salad. But at least I have my little heater keeping my tootsies warm LOL. Stay tuned for pics tonight or tomorrow.

Cheers

Magda

CARBS GLORIOUS CARBS

During lunch today I struggled with my Binge Monster who was making a lot of noise and trying to score one against me. I was out of the office for a while and here's what I went through as I had a small wander through the city.

BM: Hmmm it must be time to get something nice to eat. There's pizza and you get 2 slices for $5. Or what about some cake? You know you love cake more than anything else.

Me: But I want to be slim when I'm shopping in Singapore. I want to buy nice clothes. So shut the f*ck up!!

BM: Yeah but just imagine how nice the cake will taste. And it'll make you feel better.

Me: Its not all about the taste and I'll only feel good for 5 minutes and then I'll be disappointed in myself again. F*ck off I tell you!!

BM: Come on, just this one wont hurt.

Me: You know its never "just this one". It always turns into a 5000 calories + blowout and then I'm back at square one over and over again. So shut up, f*ck off and while you're at it go f*ck yourself!!!!

I went back to work still in control (just!!) and started to do my project reports.

Except I stared at my screen forever waiting for my brain to work. It (my brain) was blank. I looked at the writing on the screen and I didnt know what to do with it. My brain had closed for the day but I couldnt afford to be in this position so I made a decision to feed it some carbs and caffeine.

Off I trotted to the health food store where I bought a small vegan blueberry muffin. Then it was off to GJs for a small skim cappuccino. I enjoyed the treats together and I swear I walked out of GJs feeling like a new person. I had energy, I had some vitality, my mood was better, I was warmer and I was laughing and happy again. Back at work I killed the report writing with no probs at all.

But here's the icing on the cake (not that the vegan muffin had any icing LOL). After I had that I felt ok and was still in control and I knew I DIDNT WANT ANYTHING ELSE. No binging urges. No guilty feelings of "oh I've blown it". No regrets. I listened to my body and I gave it some of what it needed (not wanted but needed) and it repaid me with a feeling of contentment and maintained control. Now thats worth even more than winning the earlier battle with my Binge Monster.

Cheers all

Magda

FBS VS DELICATE BALANCE

Well its set in. And its parked itself comfortably in place. Its engaged and fully operational. What is it?

FBS aka FUZZY BRAIN SYNDROME.

My memory, which wasn’t fantastic, to start with just got heaps worse. In the last few days I’ve forgotten:

1. An important appointment that was to be coordinated with my dad and relied on a phone call from a contractor yesterday advising that it was time for that appointment. So I had totally forgotten to tell my Dad about it and when the call came yesterday and I was in a meeting I rejected the mobile call twice before finally answering (having forgotten that I would be getting said call) and realising my stuff up.

2. To pack spare clothes for BS to wear after school at grandma’s house.

3. Dropping BS to school this morning we were half way in when I realised his blazer was still on the back shelf of the car.

But while these are all relatively minor and excusable, it’s the work stuff-ups that are causing concern. I just cant afford to be making stupid mistakes so a re-think of my eating plan is pending. Drawing board here I come or it might just be a tweak of what I’m currently doing.

On a different note I’m really loving my morning cardio but am missing the traditional muscle building weight training. Which all suggests that its time to look for a happier balance, one that will still see me achieving my short-term goal but that also has me working towards my longer term goals. Right now I’m treading water on the long-term stuff and that doesn’t sit too well with me. God knows how easy it is to stop treading for a moment and before you know it, you’re going under.

But as long as my headspace stays positively focussed and in control then I know I can sort this all out and get the delicate balance just right.

Cheers

M

BLOWN AWAY, WIERD DREAMS AND BINGING TRIGGERS

So my week one results are absolutely awesome and a bit mind boggling actually. A NICE drop on the scales and several cms lost too. My black work pants which are normally quite snug but always look ok as the fabric has some stretch, are hanging baggy on my bum and the backs of my legs already. I'm just blown away. Yep the carbs have been LOW and there has been some hunger (when isnt there??!!) but I've eaten 5 times a day (on most days) and enjoyed a bit of a relaxed weekend. All training has been moderate intensity and weights arent "muscle building" but more "muscle maintaining" focussed. This may need tweeking soon but right now I'm basking in a great start t0 getting in good shape for Singapore.

I must share something really funny and I wonder if anybody else has the same thing happen to them. Because I've been dieting and focussing on body fat loss my eating has changed to what I've been doing so far (it needed to). I've been having some really wierd dreams and even nightmares. The other night I dreamt I was eating a muffin and I was just stuffing it in as quickly as I could so nobody would see me have it. I woke up feeling guilty. LOL. Last night my dreams were a bit more nightmarish which wasnt a nice thing to wake up to. I think my stomach is sending "help me" signals to my brain and they're manifesting in wierd dreams.

I realised today that pressure/stress at work is a binging trigger for me. (I've actaully known this for ages but it really hit home today). After a morning out at a site visit / meeting I came back to the office to a number of issues that could have blown into significant problems. Couple that with the horrible task of telling one of your staff that they will be finishing up at the end of their contract and what was my reaction? Yep you guessed it. I WANT FOOD..... NO. I WANT JUNKY FOOD. Its like flicking a switch. All I could think of was what I REALLY wanted to eat.

So time for a self-pep-talk and a reminder of my May/June goal and time to think about how totally crappy I felt 2 weeks ago when I'd given in to similar cravings. Yep I didnt want to go there again and I forced myself to put those thoughts out of my mind. Thats 1 for me and the Binge Monster can just go and F*UCK HIMSELF. hehehehe

:-) Magda

APPLAUDING MYSELF

Its great to read about KatieP, Shelley, Selina and others' competition achievements today. Placing or no placing they are winners for purely sticking with their plans and seeing it through. When times got tough, they got tougher and today they reaped their rewards. Ladies I applaud and respect you all.

But tonight I'm also applauding myself for I can honstly say that this weekend I kept it all under control. No eating frenzy of junky carbs and fats. Wine kept in moderation. And no eating to the point where I'm ready to burst. Its a really good feeling.

The "controlled re-feed" didnt happen as such. I had a bit of a night off on Friday with a couple of reds, some crackers, blue castello and a tiny serve of nuts. When it came to dinner time I wasnt really hungry for it so I left it for having the next day. WH was a bit surprised but I said "I'm full and I dont want to stuff myself" and he let it go. Over the weekend I had a few skim cappuccinos, a Slim Secrets Bar and a (paleo) Thai meal out on Saturday. All good and tomorrow its back into my modified Paleo cutting out the skim Cappuccinos and the wine of course.

Training has been on plan. Yesterday I did the full-body weights session again focussing on moderate weights and higher reps, followed by a brisk walk. It all took well over an hour and I burnt a nice number of calories. Today was purely cardio (brisk walk + ss exercise bike ride) but I added some ab work too. Then the Adelaide Figure Girls met for brunch and a catch up.

WH and I are powering along with our personal plans and life goes from being really exciting to really stressful. The emotional rollercoaster is draining but if we achieve our goal it'll be the best reward. More on that later.

Cheers all

Magda

ROUNDING UP THE WEEK

So I’ve made it to Friday on my modified Paleo eating plan and I feel better than I thought I would. The drop on the scales has been awesome and looking down I’m so much leaner through the abs. Now if my thighs would like to do some catching up I’d be even happier LOL. There have been times when my energy has been low but no lower than when I’m trying to lose weight and I’m eating carbs in the form of oats, fruit, rice cakes – not to mention all the junky carbs that I’d have when I ate off plan. Most of my low energy comes in the afternoon. No matter what I eat for lunch (unless it’s a completely free meal and its potentially high in carbs and fat) I slump in the afternoon and snacks barely pick me up.

I admit my calories have been a bit low and if I were to continue this plan then I’d have to increase them to make it sustainable. The bonus is that I’m going to test having a “controlled re-feed” on the weekend and see what effect it has on me both emotionally and physically. Not sure what it’ll be but we are going to the movies and dinner tomorrow night so it might be a free Thai meal. I’ll see what takes my fancy.

On a completely separate issue my head is reeling from a lot of stuff going on in my “other life”. WH and I are discussing some MAJOR plans for the future. If we go through with this idea it’ll be another dream come true for me. Its so exciting but circumstances are making it a difficult endeavour. On a more personal level I’m still contemplating doing some study starting in the second half of the year. I’m just undecided about which course to do and I’m weighing up the viability at this time in my life. There’s heaps happening here in my temp job too and right now its pretty much up in the air as to what I’ll be doing come August / September. Aaah so many balls in the air and I don’t know where any of them will land. Don’t you love uncertainty?

Cheers

M

COULD IT BE TRUE.....

... that 100mls of red wine has only 2.6g of carbs and of those only .6 are sugars. (Thanks Wikipedia) But what about the 10g (I think) of alcohol? How nasty can that be, if your food is clean? I'm sure the antioxidants in the wine make it an acceptable option and if they dont then my case for having it is based on the Friday night rule*. Hanging out for my first treat this week and it'll be a glass of red with dinner tomorrow.

Arriving at mum and dad's tonight, the smell of pizza had me literally drooling. I'm so glad that I'd rung mum to tell her I would bring my own food because then I felt obliged to have it. Luckily it tasted great and I enjoyed it and no pizza passed my lips. Aaaah the power of the mind and having some determination to stick to the plan.

Cheers all

M

* If there is one time in the week that I'll have alcohol, its Friday night. WH and I share a bottle of wine (I wont be having 1/2 this time around) and have a really good talk. Its therapeutic, relaxing and its our "quality time". Its one of life's pleasures that I'm NOT prepared to give up.

SCORING RUNS ON THE BOARD

This morning the MM delighted me with another small drop. If there’s one thing that’s just about guaranteed to make me feel good its seeing that number go down. Cardio was the usual walk / jog which I’ll stick with for a while, I think. Unless I get bored and then it’ll be time to shake things up.

I had my usual lunch out with my work friends today and was a bit nervous about ordering something that fitted into my eating plan. I needn’t have worried. I quickly ordered a mineral water so as not to be pressured to have wine. When the bread came around, I refused it. A tough decision but worth it. Then I chose quail (which I love) on bruschetta (which I didn’t eat) with red capsicum and olive salad. The serve was tiny but with the oil on the salad and the skin on the quail, it was surprisingly satisfying.

Dinner is at mum and dad’s tonight with home-made pizza on the menu but I’ve packed a serve of protein and veges and will have that with everyone instead.

So once again I’ve gotten myself to my happy, positive, can-do headspace and I can tell you, this is a much better place to be. I'm scoring runs on the board and I like it. My focus is to get my weight down for the trip to Singapore so I can enjoy some retail therapy and then my focus will be to keep any weight loss off so I can wear all the fabulous new clothes I buy there. Simple isn’t it?

But more than that I’m working towards finding a happy weight, a flexible and enjoyable eating plan and a sense of balance and control in my life. When I get there I swear it’ll be like achieving nirvana.

Buddha described nirvana as the perfect peace of the state of mind that is free from craving, anger and other afflictive states. The subject is at peace with the world, has compassion for all and gives up obsessions and fixations. (Thanks Wikipedia)

Cheers all

Magda

BETTER BODY UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Well after 3 full days on my modified Paleo eating plan I feel surprisingly good considering my carbs have been low. This afternoon my herbal fibre supps kicked in and coupled with my magnificent vege/salad intake things really started moving leaving me feeling SO much better. (Enough on that though LOL).

I'm enjoying added good fats to most of my meals as they make lean protein with veg / salad so much more palatable. Has anyone tried the smoke flavoured John West Tempters? There is a tuna and a pink salmon one and they taste SO good. A little higher in calories than plain tuna or salmon but on my plan they're perfect as I need the extra fats. I find I'm not dreading my morning and afternoon snacks of tuna/salmon with salad and thats keeping me going on my merry way.

Tomorrow I face the challenge of having lunch out whilst maintaining this eating plan. I'll choose to skip the wine :-( and hope that the menu has a suitable option for me. Not even sure where we're going but I should research and make the suggestion. If I'm in control I stand a better chance of staying on plan.

Singapore is 46 days away and I have a better body "under construction". Stay tuned for more ....

Cheers

Magda

PS Valley Girl I visited your blog to say thanks for registering as a follower but it wouldnt let me leave a comment ????

FIRSTS

This morning was one of some “firsts”.

Number one was a date with the MM and a nice drop of the bloat leaving the building with 2.7kgs down. I swear just knowing the number is under 70 makes me feel so much better. I have a small spring in my step and am living the saying “results breed motivation”.

Number two was a decision to drag the size 12 skirt out of the recycle bag. It was put there some time ago when my weight was heading down around 66kgs but now that its higher I’m suffering a serious lack of clothes that fit and look good. I’m determined that this a temporary measure until some of my smaller clothes start to fit and I’m not restricted to a few pieces that get worn every couple of days.

Number three was a tough decision. As I’ve mentioned before, one of the things I really love doing is stopping at a café on the way to work, ordering a skim cappuccino and enjoying it while I read the paper. However in my quest to stay low carb and 95% paleo, I’m trying to avoid the skim capp. Now you also need to know that I HATE strong coffee and also HATE black coffee. So what did I do today? I ordered a weak black coffee and drank it “neat” no sugar or sweetener. In all the time I was waiting for it, I kept telling myself “You can enjoy this. You will acquire the taste. It’ll be ok”. Hmm it was ok (just) but I’ve decided to find a nice tea, which I can truly enjoy if I want to enjoy that “me time” before work.

So that’s my news of my “firsts”. Riveting stuff isn’t it. But hey, I’ll blog the good, the bad, the downright ugly and even the boring LOL.

Cheers

M

TAKING ACTION

So what have I been doing the last couple of days when I havent been giving myself the proverbial slap-out-of-this-misery pep talk?

I've been eating modified Paleo. Why modified? Well I'm keeping carbs low so there's been no fruit just lots of veges without necessarily counting their carb content. And in my scrambled egg whites for breakfast, I've added some low fat creamed cottage cheese. Why? Because I have some left over from last week, nobody else here eats it and I dont want to throw it out. My protein intake has been high, my intake of good fats is relatively high and my carbs are low.

But get this ... I've even skipped my morning skim cappuccino on the way to work. Not sure I want this to be permanent or to even go on for a longer time but I've managed 2 days without dying for this favourite experience (I go to a cafe, have my coffee and read the paper before going to work).

I've done about 45 mins of cardio in the morning cranking up to my 1 song walk / 1 song jog combo which was necessary as walking alone wasnt getting my heart rate up enough. I enjoy this combo as its challenging enough to get my HR into the zone but not exhasuting and the constantly changing pace makes the time go quicker than just walking, or dare I say jogging. Weight training is temporarily modified to full body, moderate weights, higher reps, circuit style work.

I'm feeling pretty good physically but I suspect I'm not really depleted yet. Whilst I'd like to keep up this eating regime for some time, I'm mindful just how tough it is so I'm prepared to modify it so as not to risk another binge session because I felt so physically crap.

Emotionally I'm still feeling a bit fragile but that'll pass after a few more days of eating well and putting distance between me and the last over-eating session on the weekend. To be honest, I feel quite internally sad about so many things that result from my behaviour patterns. The fact that I hardly have any clothes that fit me and my stubbornness to not buy new stuff while I'm trying to lose the weight. The embarassment of not making any weight loss progress after telling many people that I was competing again this year. And just looking at my body and feeling so unhappy about how it looks.

But I'll not dwell on all that. I'm taking action and I'm looking forward to seeing some good results. Not just on the scales but also in my headspace and how I ultimately feel.

:-) M

EIGHT STEPS TO GETTING OUT OF THAT RUT

Step One: Stop waiting to be rescued from your situation.

Others might help, encourage, support and even cheer you on (all good things) - but ultimately the only person who can genuinely change your life is you. So stop looking in the wrong place. It's not about finding the right book, program or guru, it's about finding some courage and self control.

Craig is talking to me again. I have shelves full of diet books, training books and self –help / motivational books. Always searching for THE SOLUTION. Every time I fall off the wagon with my diet and/or training program I’m searching for a better diet, different training, ways to fix my headspace. I’m on that luggage pick-up carousel going nowhere.

The answer is in me and yes it boils down to self-control and not giving into the Binge Monster. I’ve read books on it and been helped through PT coaching on it so now its time to DO IT. Apply your knowledge Magda. Find the courage to give it a go. Yep it’ll be hard sometimes but that’s life. There are people out there doing it FAR tougher than me. SUCK IT UP. Life could be worse.

Deep down, most of us know exactly what we need to do; the only problem is... it freaks us out! Take control of your life today; your relationships, your body, your finances, your career and your attitude. Control what you can and don't waste energy on what you can't. Hate to tell you but the Dude with the red boots and the 'S' on his chest; not real. He ain't gonna show. You'll have to rescue yourself.

Control. Who controls my life? I’ve let my Binge Monster control many days convincing myself that I deserved every first bite, that the 100th bite still gave me pleasure and the 1000th bite was a case of “oh I’ve blown it so why bother trying to be good”. Enjoy the food today. Diet tomorrow. Sin now. Pray later.

Attitude. When its good, its great but when its bad its destructive. Sometimes I feel like I’ve accepted this crappy pattern, which frequently makes me miserable. My actions certainly suggest so. But in my heart I know that I don’t want to live my life this way. I want to be a happier person, happier on the inside knowing that I’m living my life to its full potential and not wasting precious energy on repeatedly dragging myself out of this rut.

If I posted a photo now you’d see my palm print on the side of my face. But that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes you need a wake up call and if others are too kind (or in the case of my WH – just under too much pressure and stress at work to deal with my issues) to slap you into action, then its up to you to make it happen.

To be continued ….

Cheers


Magda

THANKS CRAIG

Sometimes life feels like quicksand - unpleasant, messy, exhausting and like you're about to sink at any moment. And all too often it seems like one of those baggage carousels at the airport where you feel like you're getting somewhere for a moment, only to end up in the exact same place on a regular basis. Again and again and again. Groundhog day. If only someone would throw you a rope for the quicksand situation or come and collect you from the carousel. Well, more than likely nobody's gonna show, so you may have to do something about it yourself......

These arent my words of wisdom. They come from none other than the brilliant Craig Harper from a post entitled "Eight Steps to Getting out of that Rut". (Sorry I dont know how to link to it but its listed on the right hand side bar of his blog in the 'popular posts').

Well its time to get me out of my rut. Its time to stop thinking, analysing, considering this option and that option, wondering who / where to turn to for help and just GET THE F*CK ON WITH IT.

And once I've gotten on with it , its time TO STAY WITH IT. Not for a week, or two or three but until I reach my goal. I have honestly lost count of all the times I started gung-ho, motivation sky high, trained like a demon, dieted like a woman possessed only to let the slightest thing upset me and give me a vaild reason to blow it all off (or so I convinced myself), eat junk til I felt sick, ditch the training and then feel sorry for myself because it was all so unfair.

Unfair, my arse!!!! Magda! You know what to do. You know there'll be times when it wont be easy and there'll be times when things dont go perfectly. DEAL WITH IT!!!! And not by stuffing crap down you're throat "to make you feel better". Learn the lesson once and for all woman!!

So on that note I make no further bold statements about competing until I get this part of my life sorted out. The foundations are shaky and need work to make them stronger. Its time to put that work in and it'll take time. I got off to a great start about a month ago and again I'm back at square one but I aint giving up. I refuse to accept that I am 70+ kilos and a prime candidate for middle-aged frumpiness. I'm capable of so much more than that but I have to believe I can do it and then DO IT. Less contemplation. Less talk. More action.

In 7 weeks time we are off to Singapore for a resort holiday. Thats 49 days away. The world famous July Singapore Sales will be on. I have an extra budget allowance to buy clothes that I desperately need (I havent shopped properly for ages as I'm always waiting to lose weight before I buy clothes). But I want to do this for more than the holiday. I want to get lean, stay lean and learn to love life ... I mean REALLY love life.

Thats my vision. Stay tuned for my plan.

:-) Magda

MY MOTHERS DAY

Today I got to indulge my (not so) inner princess. I woke up before BS was up so I lounged in bed reading yesterday's paper knowing that I would be treated to breakfast in bed once BS was up.

Upon his waking I was showered with gifts. Now I dont mean expensive shop bought gifts but ones that he'd made in school. I got a lovely "bag" made of ice cream sticks stuck together with pictures that he'd drawn, cut out and pasted on himself. The Art teacher attached the bag handle from some brightly coloured wire and it looked lovely. I got 2 hand written cards, one in Chinese and the other was a hand written thank you card with all the things I do for him that he's thankful for. I also got a laminated "poster" that reads:

MY MUM MY.
LOVELY
HAPPY
PINK
ME
WORD FINDS
SALAD
PRETTY
I LOVE MY MUM
At the bottom is a picture of mixed lettuce leaves.

This is my favourite gift as it shows what my son thinks of me and what he thinks I like.
Lovely - ahem YES!!
Happy - I always try to be around him.
Pink - wierd!! I'm more of a red lover.
Me - ????
Word Finds - yep I love word puzzles.
Salad - this made me LAUGH!!!!!!
Pretty - oh shucks
I love my mum - I love you too sweetie
And the picture of lettuce leaves just CRACKS ME UP LOL.

Breakfast was croissants - one with ham and cheese and one with berry jam. (Yes it was quite a piggy feast) - eaten in bed and then more reading of the paper. It was 10am when I got up :-)

In the evening my WH cooked dinner for us and my parents. It was a lovely evening. Photos are lacking as I feel a bit fat and ugly so I avoid the camera at these times.

So I sit here tonight feeling a bit stuffed from too much food and more wine than I should have had. But gee I enjoyed today.

Stay tuned for my new plan which kicks off tomorrow.

Cheers all

Magda

PREPARING TO LAY NEW FOUNDATIONS

As I'm now clearly in another one of my "Struggle Street" zones it would be so easy to quit blogging. I mean who wants to put it out there for the world (well the blogging community) to know exactly what our weaknesses and shortcomings are. I mean we put so much energy into convincing people how good we are, reminding people of our brilliant achievements and singing our praises as loudly as we can. You know the saying ..."I'll blow my own trumpet coz no-one else will".

Yet I sit here and openly admit that I have an aspect of my life that I REALLY struggle with. In fact I suck at it and despite (almost) 46 years of experience I still cant do it right.

I did well at school and on leaving school I got a job easily. I've been promoted quickly to a level that I'm proud of and am now in a managerial position and getting great feedback on my performance. I'm doing work (at a managerial level) that I've never done before, which I've had to learn quickly, and I'm doing it well.

I've undergone (and passed) the very rigorous testing and screening which is mandatory if you are adopting a child. Trust me, its not for the faint-hearted ... EVERY aspect of your life is scrutinised to the nth degree. Despite a failed first marriage, I managed an amicable and fair split of which both my ex and I came out of ok. Husband #2 (otherwise known as WH - or Wonderful Husband) is just that. My man has the highest morals and ethics and expects the same from those around him. If somebody doesnt measure up to his (high) standards then he wont seek a friendship with them. Sometimes I wonder how we ended up together but I can also see that we complement each other well. I'm a good wife, a good mother and a good daughter.

I've had a successful sideline as a popular and reliable aerobics instructor. The gym at which I had worked since the early 90s, sadly farewelled me when I moved to Queensland in 2005. Upon my return to SA 2 years later, they happily gave me a job again and my old class members welcomed me back. In Queensland I built my PT business up to a level that I was very happy with. I had some great successes with clients and I really clicked with females of all ages but especially those that were somewhat more mature.

So when I look over all the things I've achieved which all point to the fact that I'm smart, capable, hard working etc I'm left wondering why I cant get something as fundamental and basic as eating right. Or maybe its not that fundamental and basic. Or maybe we lose sight of the forest for all the trees.

At times like these I need to get right back to basics. Peel away the layers of disappointments, self sabotage, self doubt, expectations, bad decisions and poor choices and lay the foundation again. Hoping that this time the engineering is right and its strong enough to ride out the future stresses.

A new approach is in order and it needs some thought. Be back soon.

Magda

LIFE OUTSIDE THE ZONE BUBBLE

Well there's no doubt that my health and fitness journey has travelled a very bumpy road lately. In fact its been bumpy since about 2 months after the October comps in 2007. And in fact, well before then if we look at my weight struggle history.

Sometimes I think I have the answer and I slip into the "zone" and its so damned easy that I wonder what all the fuss and struggle was before. I delight in seeing the number on the MM go down and my expectations rise with every weigh in. I tell myself that they shouldnt but it just happens like an involuntary action that we cant control like our heartbeat.

Then there will always be something that bursts my "zone bubble". It can be anything from a "wrong way dickhead moment" or a "what! I only lost ???? after all the effort I put in" or maybe a "gee I've been soooo good that I now deserve this ..... (insert name of a junky crappy food)" and it all comes crashing down.

Events of the last few days confirm that I need to work on my handling of life outside the zone bubble. You know when your motivation to stick to your healthy eating plan sinks to rock bottom, when you give in to the Feast Beast and when you start convincing yourself that yep its all too hard so you might as well have the ...... (insert name of a junky crappy food).

The sad reality is that I go over this chain of happenings, thoughts, emotions and outcomes over and over again like living the infamous Groundhog Day. The detail may change slightly but the pattern remains exactly the same. You'd think that in my ripe mid 40s I'd have this one worked out and well under control.

Well folks I have a long way to go and right now I'm not even sure which path is right let alone risking that first step. The search continues. Watch this space.

M

BUMPS IN THE ROAD AND GETTING BACK ON TRACK

This morning the Metal Monster didnt play by the rules GRRRRR. I had a classic "wrong way dickhead" moment with a .6 increase for no valid reason. For a moment I wanted to go back to bed, sleep til 10am, eat several slices of buttered fruit toast for breakfast and then veg on the couch all day.

But I was up so I dressed and hit the streets at 5.10am for my morning cardio. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. The day was cruising nicely until after lunch when the MM fallout hit and there were some bumps in the road in the form of some off plan eating. But its behind me and instead of sitting here tonight wondering what else I can stuff down, I've considered all the options and decided that I dont want any of them. I'm officially BACK ON TRACK :-)

I had a lovely lunch out with my friend Miss J today and I was able to talk to her about some of my recent (non training/dieting/fitness related) challenges. As an ex-lawyer she has such a balanced and informed way of looking at things and I find her perspectives really refreshing and enlightening. She's also a "glass half full" person which I love as her positive energy is contagious.

I'm sure that many of you would agree that good girlfriends are like top quality diamonds: rare, highly valuable and if you have one you're very lucky and should never take it for granted. Always be greatful that you have such a precious gift.

Well I'm keeping my post brief tonight but have lots more to share over the next few days. Thanks to everyone who left a comment and welcomed me back. I've commented individually on all your blogs.

Cheers

Magda

INSPIRED TO BLOG AGAIN

Today I read KatieP’s post and its inspired me to blog again.

When I decided to take a break from blogging, I was yet again in a difficult and negative place. I felt like I was repeating my failures over and over again and doing it “in public” made them even worse. I spent 3 late nights sitting up by myself and crying. Then I’d go to bed and cry some more before eventually falling asleep. There was a lot of hopelessness and frustration with myself that needed to be let out.

When some of the heaviness had lifted I reached for “Get the Life You Always Wanted” by Richard Bandler and started reading up on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). I’d delved into this a little before and I was keen to know more. The book was ok (not as earth-shattering as I’d expected) but it did help me re-align my thoughts to a new and improved process. One that was desperately needed and long overdue. I’m not fully into it (the NLP) yet but I see great potential for it in the near future.

So on Good Friday 10 April I stripped my training back to the basics after some weeks of just haphazard bits and pieces. I refused to write up rigid programs where everything was prescribed and monitored to the nth degree. I set some loose training targets and just got on with it. Cardio is brisk or power walking or riding my exercise bike or using our rower. I’m never dreading it so its been consistent. When I do weights I go with the flow and aim to complete a certain number of (effective) sets for each body part. You see, I know how to train hard and I do it instinctively without having it all spelt out. I’m happy to say that I’ve managed some good consistency here too even when my ability to use my exercise room was limited by my MIL’s visit.

Food …… took a change for the better on Easter Monday. Until then I had crumbed seafood on Good Friday night and desert, hot X buns on Saturday, foccaccia and hot donuts on a day out with the family on Sunday and then Easter dinner at my parents’ house with more desert. I didn’t want to spend Easter pining for foods I loved. Since Easter Monday I’ve been eating pretty clean but nowhere near perfect and this is how I want it to be.

At one stage, out of sheer desperation I thought of going straight into a strict comp diet ….. anything to get my weight down FAST. But commonsense prevailed and I realised that my weight would come down without the need to be so strict. There would be time for that down the track. So I enjoy a daily skim cappuccino, sugar free lollies, wine on social occasions, desert if I really feel like it and the rest of my food is pretty much lean, clean and healthy. I even managed the “M” word (moderation) over BS’s birthday celebrations and ended up losing just over a kilo that week.

Finally my headspace has shifted into a more balanced and positive zone. I’ve had some different challenges this last week and they could easily have sent me straight to junk food for comfort but I didn’t crave it. A little while ago I went to wash my lunch dishes in the kitchen at work and was confronted by a platter of cakes: carrot cake, apricot slice, caramel slice, lemon coconut slice, all favourites. They looked delicious but I walked away easily knowing that I was in control and they would not be my downfall.

I love being in this balanced and in-control state but I’m not naïve to think that life will always be like this. Tough times will hit like they do for everybody at some time and in some form and I will slip up and make mistakes again. Its human nature and I’m no superior being. I’ll fall over and stuff up but I’m determined to handle those times differently in future, be kinder to myself and pick up and keep going.

So on that note I’ll wrap this up for today. If I still have your attention I say “thanks for listening” and I’ll be blogging regularly about my continued quest for fitness, fun and figure. More on that soon.

Cheers all

Magda

MY BOY IS 7 NOW

and despite almost a week of socialising, eating out, preparing for and hosting parties, I'm 1.1kgs lighter :-)

And on that note I'm back to my break from blogging.

Cheers all

Magda

TIME OUT

I've decided to take a break from blogging. I admit that I'm quite addicted to reading blogs and on most days I love posting about myself but this hasnt been the case lately. I've been toying with this for some time now and maybe with some pressure off, things will change ... for the better.

I've always been honest about my struggles and I've shared my highs and lows but I now feel there are things I just dont want to put out there. I'm not sure where the next few weeks / months will take me. Although I know where I'd like to go, I'm not confident that I have it in me right now to get myself there.

I feel like I've got a lot of work to do and its best done in private. So on that note I'll sign off until ... whenever.

If your nutrition plan allows it, enjoy some chocolate eggs or hot cross buns in moderation. Get your training in, make the most of the 4 day break and spend some time with your family or good friends. I wish everyone a safe and happy Easter.

Cheers

Magda

BEYOND SYDNEY

Whilst I didnt eat too badly in Sydney I admit that my wine intake was somewhat on the high side. Oh but I do love it :-) However since coming home I've cleaned up my diet again and will be aiming to tighten it up a bit more as I try to eliminate my artificial sweeteners. The bloat has gone down already with 1.1kgs off since yesterday and hopefully a bit more will come off tonight. Nothing to get excited about though as I did gain after those 2 or so weeks of off-plan eating.

Training is limited to brisk walks until the Esater break and then I'll reschedule the weights again. I havent been consistent in this area either and I'm starting to feel cr*ppy for it. It also wont be long before I reintroduce some running as it only takes a few walk sessions and my heart rate just doesnt get into my training zone any more. Gotta burn those cals and build those muscles so I better pull my finger out.

But in all honesty its not the physical stuff that challenges me the most (well maybe the diet side does when my Binge Monster is raging out of control). Deep down I know that if I can change my thoughts and my beliefs about myself and how I react to certain situations then my battle is more than half won. I believe that this is where I need to focus my energies to achieve the change that I so want. After all, we all know that when our minds work with us or for us the rest just seems to fall into place.

:-) Magda

THE GIRLS IN SYDNEY

Miss E and I. She is my bestie and has been for 30 years. Eeegads we are getting old LOL.

Me with Miss S. I've known (and loved) her for almost 20 years. She is my son's godmother and I'm godmother to her son. We too, will be friends forever.

The DIY pic of the 3 of us out on Saturday night. Wine and cheese in Darling Harbour followed by glamming up before drinks at the Opera Bar, Thai dinner back at Darling Harbour and then desert at the Lindt Chocolate Shop. A great time was had by all.

So tonight's post is mainly about fun. Fun on the flight to Sydney where we had a great hostie who gave us extra wine during the flight and then extra again to take back to our apartment. Woohoo we got the holiday off to a great start.

Fun shopping!! I didnt buy much because I want to splurge in Singapore but Miss E is a brilliant shopper. In fact, if shopping was an Olympic sport she would win gold for Australia LOL.

Fun eating out. Fun having wine, more wine and then some more wine again. Did I mention we had a fair bit of wine? Oh the wine was sooooo good.

Fun talking and laughing and mucking around. My friends are not into training or the fitness lifestyle but Miss S did join me on a brisk walk Saturday morning while Miss E slept in.

I may not have worn my size 11 jeans with my still unworn Prada top but I still had a great time. Although I had moments where I was a bit down about losing my motivation and my determination and therefore not reaching my goal, I realised that my friends dont think any less of me and that there is more to life than making a number on the Metal Monster.

Dont get me wrong. Thats not to say that I dont care any more, cause I care more than people realise. Its just that I wasnt going to spend the weekend moping about it. And now its time to draw the line in the sand and acknowledge that enough is enough.

Its time to change.

M

MARCH REPORT

March Report:

In a word.... CR*P. Started good. Finished bad. Acknowledging that I have a LONG way to go before I'm where I want to be :-(

Having said all that I'm taking some advice from Craig Harper. Over the next few days I'm pulling the car into the garage, lifting up the bonnet and giving the engine (mind) a good going over. For some reason (well known to me) it hasnt been running like it should be and its time for an overhaul. It may even be time for a reconditioned motor haha.

Whatever the action (and I have a loose plan/idea/approach) I just know that in order to get where I want to be, I have to change .... my motor (mind/thoughts), my route (diet/training regime) and my overall travel plan. What I'm doing now is clearly NOT working and its time I acknowledged it, accepted it and took action.

Off to Sydney tomorrow with the GFs. Not promising any achievements with diet and training for the next few days but my aim is to come back with a new attitude and my mojo well and truly in tact. (Its been M.I.A. for too long now).

"See" you all in a few days time.

M

CHOICES

Tonight I could whinge and moan or I could rant and rave.

Maybe even cry.

Or I could get off Blogger til I feel better and have something positive to say. I know its not always a bed of roses but right now I feel the less said the better.

M

WIERD PLACE

I'm in a wierd place tonight.

Cant say I'm happy. But not sad either. Certainly not beside myself with anger, frustration and other negative feelings like in the past. But all is not right as I've been grumpy and short-tempered with my BS. Gotta get myself to my "happy place" and be a nicer person to be around.

I have niggling pains in my knees which ring little alarm bells every so often. Because I havent trained for almost two weeks, my muscles feel different, like they're going into hibernation. Must turn that around this week.

OPS11J has not been a success because my "good-time-girl" headset took over. I'll get there, just not in time for Sydney which is just 4 sleeps away.

Well not much else to say so will bid farewell until next time.

M

M.I.(N).A, LIGHTBULB MOMENTS AND LOOKING FORWARD

Hello all,

its been a while since I've been able to blog. Catching up tonight (by candlelight as we observe earth-hour) I read about the sad losses that Sam and Jadey have had recently and my heart goes out to both.

M.I.(N).A

I have truly been Missing In (Non) Action. What do I mean by "non action"? Well I mean "non action towards achieving my fitness and figure goals". (Hanging head in shame). Last weekend the Clipsal 500 came to Adelaide and so did my FIL on the night after my last blog. So we were out to dinner every night and then we'd come home and sit outside drinking coffee (or tea) and eating Tim Tams (yep a few passed my lips). On the Friday I went to the Clipsal as a guest of one of our service providers in their corporate box. OMG its the only way to go!! But it did mean some more off-plan eating as part of the "enjoyment and lets-be-sociable-factor". On the Sunday night all the family were over our place for dinner and I did something I havent done for a VERY VERY LONG time. I had a few wines. And then I had a few more. And then I got stuck into some Baileys Irish Cream. WH just about died of shock as I havent drunk that much in ages.

And did I feel it afterwards?? I had a 3 day hangover. Couldnt work on Monday. Had to go back on Tuesday, despite still feeling seedy and totally out of sorts and I still had the hangover headache on Wednesday morning. WH had a great laugh. All I can say is, now that I've done it and remember what its like, I'm not about to do it again. I'll quite happily go back to my 2 glasses / week or 2 glasses on special social occassions limit. Oh and to make this all worse still, I skipped training on those days except for a few half-hearted walks.

This episode was followed up by some mega busy days at work which meant I was working at home in the evenings (and quite late some nights) and blogging was a distant memory. So to take a phrase from the wise one (Liz) - I've had the paddles out of the water for a while and have drifted backwards. Not where I wanted to be BUT I've had some fun along the way and learnt some more valuable lessons.

LIGHTBULB MOMENTS 1 and 2

On Thursday WH and I had our 14th wedding anniversary. We celebrated last night by staying at a posh hotel in the city and going out for a nice dinner. It was a lovely treat and we both really enjoyed it (well most of it). Read on.

The lift in the hotel was really brightly lit and mirrored on every surface. There was no escaping your reflection from every conceivable angle (10 x worse than any change room nightmare we girls may have experienced in the past). So getting in the lift this morning facing cold, hard, sober reality I was saddened by the reflection looking back at me. I thought I looked ok in stretchy and flowing black pants and a loose jacket worn over a bright T shirt. But what I saw looking back at me was an overweight woman with an express ticket to Frumpsville. I dont mean to put myself down but the reality was that I looked ..... "approaching old and frumpy".

Then in the dining room at breakfast I'm drinking my coffee alone as WH has gone to search for a toilet. My eye is caught by a stunning woman with the BEST LEGS AND GLUTES I've seen in ages. She's wearing a short black dress/skirt (showing them off) and killer black heels. OMG I cant take my eyes off her. But here's the best bit. She's beautifully groomed but looking at her face, she's OLDER than me. I watch her pile her plate with fresh fruit and immediately regret the 2 mini danishes I've just finished (its a buffet and yep I struggle with the "free food" concept). If I felt cr*p after the lift episode, I now feel even cr*ppier. But it gets me thinking .......

1. Having a good physique is not exclusive to the young and gifted. Sure, for some it comes easier than others but we all have the potential to eat well, train hard and do these CONSISTENTLY. Its very easy to make excuses for copping out (just read my post tonight) but in the end we do ourselves no favours.

2. Looking back at me in the lift today was my alter-ego "Sin Now Pray Later Magda". She's the voice in my head going "go on have the cake, biscuits, wine, cheese, etc cause this one wont really matter. You''ll diet it off tomorrow, next week, next month, whenever". And if she is allowed control over me then I'll be Queen of Frumpsville in no time.

I dont want to go there and its a title I dont want to have. Excuse me, I've got some hard paddling to do.

Be back tomorrow.

M

THANKS ....

.... for the comments on my last post. The study has been weighing heavily on my mind and it helped to air it. I have some time before I decide which course to apply for and both courses start later in the year but I like to be mentally prepared and have things sorted in my mind. I guess it comes back to establishing a routine which ultimately makes me happy.

I'm not in the mood to blog more tonight. Its late and I must get to bed. We have a busy few days with Father-In-Law arriving tomorrow for the Clipsal 500. I have a corporate invite for Friday which will be a real treat and the men will be rev-heading all weekend. Then its out for dinners, breakfast, family BBQs and whatever else we can fit in.

Not feeling positive about the Size 11 jeans fitting anytime soon :-(

Magda

HOW MUCH CAN YOU FIT INTO ONE LIFE?

Firstly let me preface by saying that this is not meant to be a whingy, woe is me, I'm-so-busy-and-how-can-I-fit-more-in post. Many bloggers have very busy lives. Some work fulltime in industries removed from health and fitness, some work as PTs, instructors, some work part-time or are full-time mums. We train at all different hours. Some are up and at it at 4am or earlier, or straight into it after work. Maybe you train twice a day or squeeze your training in between clients and classes in the gym. What I'm saying is that nobody I know is cruising through it all with oodles of time just to train and diet and devote 100% effort to maintaining the ideal health and fitness lifestyle.

But lately I've been asking myself "how much can I fit into one life?" Let me elaborate (and digress away from the health and fitness lifestyle for a moment).

Since August last year I've been doing a different job. I was previously a Project Manager for capital works projects in a large government department. I'm now in a small government department in a management position with responsibility for a number of programs and related functions. I'm filling in for somebody on maternity leave so its not a permanent arrangement.

I am loving this job. Its interesting and challenging and I'm lucky to have a great team of staff and a fantastic boss. But it will end in August or September this year. I've contemplated going back to my previous position but WH says I'm a much better person since I've been here and in reality I dont really want to go back. To that end, I'm 99% decided that I'll undertake some study to improve my chances of getting a permanent management position if not where I am now, then elsewhere. I attended an info session for one of my course options on Wednesday evening and came away very inspired (albeit with a few too many hors deuvres in me!!)

This prospect is exciting and scary. Exciting if I get into my preferred course which is very attractive and sounds like it'll meet my needs on a number of levels. Scary?? Oh hell yeah. I havent studied for a LONG time. How will I cope academically? How will I cope from a time managememt perspective? How will I cope with another change to my lifestyle and routine? This is where I'm asking myself "how much can I fit into one life?"

I started the year with a burning desire to compete again. I was determined and focussed to achieve this goal and I have already worked hard towards it. But I'm now battling all sorts of doubts. Especially around whether I can maintain the level of training required to get me to comp standard again and put in the time needed to do well in my studies.

Like most people I find change unsettling. I love routine. I love to know that Saturday is leg day, Monday is sprints, Friday is my day off. I often have the same thing for dinner maybe 4 times a week. I'm happy with that. So, with so much "unknown" looming I'm a bit out of sorts and yes I admit, I'm doubting myself (maybe why Binge Monster has scored a couple of wins recently). Will I have to put the competing goal on the back-burner or can I achieve the elusive Superwoman Status and do it all?

(BTW this was the reason I suffered some major insomnia a few weeks ago and I'm now training on my own as I juggle finances to make this and other stuff around home possible.)

Hmmm maybe I'm needing some love and positive vibes sent my way LOL. Or some words of wisdom from someone not so caught up in it all.

Magda

GLAD THIS WEEK IS OVER ....

.... why??

Well its been less than ideal on the nutrition front.

1. Monday was a public holiday here and after several weekends of it being all about us, this weekend we socialised and had my parents over for a BBQ (SIL + BIL declined their invite - all is not well in their world). I chose to have a wine (or two) that evening and with it came some yummy but not-so-lean-and-clean-nibbles (think brie cheese, crackers and cashews). The BBQ was great and so was the desert I shouldnt have had.

2. On Wednesday night I was out (will post about that soon) and wine was offered and I accepted. WRONG CHOICE!! Cause it was followed up with the yummiest (and therfore what must be the fattiest) hors deuvres. Yep a few too many found their way into my mouth. Damn it!! And I was planning to be good.

3. Thursday - hmmmm perhaps best described as a red light day or "score one for the Binge Monster". At least I'm not following it up with a long self indulgent post about my actions and subsequent feelings. Just thinking things through and trying something different to manage better next time.

So I'm glad that the week ends soon and I have a fresh start tomorrow. You win some. You lose some. You have good weeks. You have not so good weeks. You can fall in a heap and feel like you're worthless cr*p. Or you can accept that you stuffed up, made some poor choices but that you'll put it behind you and make the next day a good one.

WOOHOO its the weekend and THAT is to be relished.

:-) Magda

FOUND: MY TRAINING GROOVE

Since my last post I've knocked off 2 more training sessions.

Yesterday was shoulders and bis which is the end of my "weight training week". Being 2 smaller muscle groups its not a killer session and in fact in all my training I've never had shoulder DOMS despite working to failure on some exercises and clocking up a reasonable amount of sets and reps. Following that I did a short session of steady state cardio on my exercise bike.

Last night I was out for an issue which I'll post about soon. Lots going on inside my head and a big decision looming. Watch this space ....

Today's training started a bit lacklustre so I headed out with "just walk if thats all you want to do". At least it was a warm morning :-) and it wasnt windy :-) :-). After one song I decided that I felt ok to jog a song and proceeded to do so. All good so I decided I could jog a second song and then I'd have a song walking. Hello!! this is one of my fave cardio sessions - 1 song walk / 2 songs jog which I did for about 9 songs (I actually lost count as my thoughts were constantly elsewhere).

At about the half hour mark I decided that I actually wanted to do some sprints so I headed over to my fave sprint track and luckily today it was deserted. I belted out 5 x 100m sprints and felt really good doing so. Then it was time to head home which was a short-medium walk away. Aha one last chance to make a difference here so I did 4 x 20 walking lunges and then on my front lawn (luckily it was still dark) I did 4 x 10 jump squats.

Voila training done for this week. Tomorrow is my rest day and my week starts again on Saturday.

Magda

LOST: MY TRAINING GROOVE

I'm changing the focus of my blogs away from food (for a bit at least) and focussing more on training. So today I had this cracker post planned about an awesome session of cardio / legs that I was going to do. I had it all planned out in my head and was mentally ready to cane it.

Alas my session didnt go according to plan.

I walked to my local oval where there is a great paved track thats about 100m. Its well lit with a very gentle slope and it resembles a true running track. I love to sprint there. But on the way there (and its 5.20am mind you) I see someone walking near my track. I start to jog around the oval looking out for the walker who I've lost sight of. Then I see them sitting on a bench at the covered picnic area right adjacent to my track. BUGGER!! What are they doing just sitting there at this ridiculous time of the day? I change course and run elsewhere but I'm unsettled and annoyed that they upset my plans.

NOTE: I didnt feel in danger at all but I wasnt going to test my luck.

So I came back closer to home and picked a street which looked good for a sprint track and off I went doing my first sprint. A couple of seconds to recover and its into walking lunges. My plan was to do them for the length of the sprint track but I soon realise that's damn near impossible and I settle for 20. A couple of seconds recovery and its into 10 squat jumps. By the 8th rep my legs are screaming and I'm thinking "what was I thinking when I thought I'd repeat this sequence 10 times?"

Anyway it wasnt to be. On the second repeat a big van comes tearing down the street and around the corner of the park there and pulls up to a fast stop. Again I dont like the look of the situation and move elsewhere (another street) for one more repeat of my sequence.

By now I've had enough. I cant find my groove. My legs are screaming and I'm in that pouty "I dont like this" mood. So I stayed close to home and did a mix of jogging and walking to take me up to 6am. I did venture back to the oval when the Step Into Lifers had set up their flood lights and I felt totally safe with it all lit up. But in all it was one of more crappy sessions and I certainly didnt finish it feeling like I had conquered the world. Maybe that'll be next time :-)

Magda

PS My legs were SOOOO tired after this so it must have been somewhat effective even if I didnt achieve what I had set out to do.

CHANGING TASTES AND HIGH EXPECTATIONS

Today I had the good fortune of eating out twice and not just once. This morning the Adelaide Figure Girls (Kerry and Cheryl) and Coach H and I had brunch at the Old Lion Hotel. (Not a patch on The Store which was chockers and we couldnt get a table). After an hour + of cardio before breakfast, I decided to go the carb option instead of the usual protein based meal. I had fig / apricot bread (a small thick slice) with a dollop of yogurt (sweet and spicy) and a little berry compote. It was a tiny serve and Coach H gave me one of his pancakes when he saw my sad face at the size of my meal.

I remember a time when a meal like that (carbs, carbs and more carbs) would send me into raptures. I would salivate at the thought of it and savour every sweet mouthful. I must say that today I thought it was tasty and nice but I would have enjoyed my favourite Store omelette a lot more. How times change??!!

I had dinner out with WH and BS after a brief visit to Womad. I always get excited when I see interesting salads on a menu so the nicoise salad with tommy ruff fillets and the usual nicoise ingredients (boiled egg, olives, green beans, chargrilled capsicum, chat potatoes and cos lettuce with a red vinaigrette dressing) was my inspired choice tonight. Except it was so disappointing. 2 little dry bits of tommy ruff, soggy lettuce, lots of potato (wasted on me) and a couple beans was the offering and it just didnt cut it. Thank God for my glass of wine and 1 slice of garlic bread.

I'm disappointed that tonight's meal was not enjoyable. We dont go out a lot anymore so when we do I really look forward to it. Its a shame to be let down.

Magda

PS I think I have to stop blogging about food so much lately. Its been the topic of my posts just about all week. OOPS.

SPEED SHOPPING AND CHOWING DOWN

Following in the vein of OMG I'm so hungry lately here's a snapshot of my day.

I've trained legs and followed it up with a brief HIIT on the ex bike as time is short. I bolt down breakfast of my oat / egg whites / cottage cheese pancake with banana, SF maple syrup and LSA. Need to hit the shower to get some morning chores done. EXCEPT WH breaks into conversation about a matter I couldnt brush off. BUGGER!! Time is slipping away but this cant be ignored.

Anyway some of the chores are done and I race BS off to his swimming lesson. When we get back its 3 hours since I had breakfast and I'm HUNGRY!! I start to organise WH's lunch before I get mine. Except WH is standing along side the kitchen benchtop with hands on hips waiting for me to get out of the way so he can finish cleaning the floors.

"But I'm starving. I need to eat," I plead.
He rolls his eyes and is about to throw down the mop.
"Oh no," I think, "I'll have to finish cleaning the floors." So I quickly scoot out of the kitchen muttering that I'll have a coffee before I shop and I'll be ok. I know there's a Slim Secrets bar in my bag and that, with a skim cappuccino will tide me over. Out of there I race and off to do the shopping.

Settle into my local coffee shop with a skim cappucino ordered and reach for the bar. BUGGER!! Its in my other bag. Geez the stack of fruit loaf slices looks soooooo appetising and I almost order a serve but decide against it. Instead I do the quickest grocery shop known to man, race home, throw some veges and protein together and chow down like there's no tomorrow.

CHALLENGE FACED. CHALLENGE CONQUERED.

Magda

UNLEASAHING THE HUNGRY TIGER

I'm not happy about the cooler weather which has descended on us. No complaints about the much needed rain but I'm not ready for summer to be over and the weather to be cool so early in autumn. I feel like I've been shortchanged. Winter is SO LONG and the cold weather seems to go on forever and then its finally summer but its over in the blink of an eye. We need more heat!!

But I think what I'm finding the hardest to deal with is my increased appetite in the cold. I had a later than usual breakfast due to a much needed sleep in. So I skipped morning snack and planned to have an earlier lunch. That didnt eventuate as a scheduled meeting started late and lunch ended up being later too. I came out of the meeting starving, only to be bombarded by my staff with issues galore. They know me by now though. I tell them I MUST eat or I'll pass out and they usually leave me alone until I'm fed, human and approachable again. Its that serious!!

But WTF, an hour after lunch my stomach was rumbling again like a wildly hungry tiger had been unleashed inside me. So an hour and a half after lunch I ate my afternoon snack and had a big mug of peppermint tea (hanging out for some Diet Coke, I tell you!!) and prayed it would sustain me. By the time I left work at 5.15 I was really hungry again and I'm sure its the colder weather. Solution I think is more hot food and maybe a little increase in cals.

But to finish on a happy and positive note, at this morning's weigh in I had reached the milestone of 10kgs off since since 1 November. I was so happy about this and I'm finally feeling like I'm a "normal size" and not large or fat. Its a great feeling and I love it. I'm wearing clothes that I havent fitted into for a long time and my fatter clothes are now looking embarassingly baggy. The size 11 jeans havent been tested but I'm sure fitting into them is not far off.

So on that note I'm going to gear up for a fantastic long weekend and hope you all have one too.

:-) Magda

WHEN ONLY A LAKSA WILL DO

Every Thursday my work colleague Miss J and I go out for lunch and have a thai meal thats cheap, cheerful and very tasty. I normally order a chicken + veg dish with various (cleanish) flavours and I leave the huge pile of streamed jasmine rice that it comes with. Its actually quite a small serve so the guilt or sinning factor after consuming it is virtually ZERO.

But today was quite cold and I was feeling it plus I was feeling extra hungry. I knew the piddly little meal I normally have just wasnt going to cut it today and I might be looking for something else afterwards ...something that I shouldnt be having in quantities that would feed a small third world country.

So I ordered a chicken laksa which, true to its name was loaded with chicken breast, some veges, noodles and the usual laksa soup. It was devine. It was tasty. It was filling. It was just what I needed. Accounting for it on CalKing was a challenge so I picked the middle option of laksa meals and stopped fretting over it. I dropped my afternoon snack as I truly didnt need it and I modified my dinner to lower calories and lower fat content (the grilled atlantic salmon was replaced with tuna) and my daily totals were ok. Now if thats not scoring a few home runs, I dont know what is!!

Oh and I did my sprints this morning followed by my favourite walk / jog combo. Only my HRM wasnt turned on so I couldnt record how many calories I'd torched or what my HR was etc. Never mind I know I worked hard despite having another bout of "oh poo, I dont want to do it".

Magda

THE LAZY FITNESS CHICK WITH THE DIET COKE ADDICTION

This morning I almost went back to sleep when my alarm went off at 4.40. Then I remembered it was Shoulder Day and here was my chance to make those babies grow (well as much as you can when you're dieting and cardioing to fit into size 11 jeans) so I dragged myself out of bed and started with little enthusiasm. Lo and behold by the 2nd set I was right into it and lovin' every minute. Then a brief hammering of the bis followed and a bit of cardio to boot. In fact I was planning 20 minutes of cardio and ended up doing 30 instead. Easily done when on the bike and reading a good book (Eat Pray Love by Liz Gilbert - can highly recommend).

I just gotta share this little ditty with you guys. Conversation at work today with colleague Miss C (who, BTW is young enough to be my daughter and a real sweetie).

Me: (holding empty mug and peppermint tea bag at 4.30pm): (sigh) Oh its peppermint tea today instead of my usual Diet Coke.

Miss C: (enthusiastic) Good girl thats great. Well done for ditching the Diet Coke. Its bad for you, you know. You can do it. Just dont have it again.

Me: (sheepish) I've run out of cans of Diet Coke at home and I'm just too lazy to walk to the shops to buy one.

Miss C: (appalled but laughing hysterically) Listen to this, the fitness chick is too lazy to walk to the shops. What hope is there for the rest of us?

I drag myself over to the kitchen to make the cup of tea coz I truly cant face walking to the shops to buy my much loved Diet Coke.

Geez whats a girl gotta do justify her Diet Coke addiction and maintain her "fitness chick" image?

:-) Magda

FEELING LEAN, MEAN AND NOSTALGIC

Today the scale bounced back a little but I'm feeling lean and mean so the numbers are not doing my head in. (I still dont weigh every day but was a bit curious this morning). On Sunday I wore a pair of (largish) size 10 capri pants and they were quite loose. Today the stripy pants got another outing. These are a size 12 and were purchased when I was well over 70kgs last year. They are really loose now and wearing a belt with them is obligatory. I'm definitely feeling smaller and leaner and am pretty happy about it.

At work today I shared my 2007 comp pictures with one of my colleagues. I felt all misty and nostalgic flicking through the pictures from the Asia Pacific Championships held in Sydney. So many memories came flooding back and I felt so proud of what I had achieved that year. Hearing my colleague's "Oh my God you look amazing" reaction certainly made me puff up even prouder than before. I just know in my heart that I'll do it again. I'm training for this year but I have some other factors coming into play which may delay my plans. Time and future developments will tell.

Funny how many other bloggers are recently also contemplating their returns to competing. It seems to be the hot topic of blogs for the retired / semi-retired. So on that note I have a training session to prepare for so that I start as close to 5.40am in the morning as possible. Have a great night all.

Magda

OP S11J

How funny!! This morning the Whoosh Fairy graced me with a nice .5kg loss and I’m now sitting nicely in the 66s thank you very much. I guess last night’s leg session and cardio helped to nudge things down.

A couple of weeks ago we had a casual day at work to raise money for the Victorian Bushfire Appeal. With trepidation I pulled out the only pair of jeans that I thought would fit (yes the fugly ones) and sure enough they are now not only fugly but very baggy and fugly making them ultra fugly. Eegads I went to work in a pair of casual looking stripy pants lamenting that right now, I have no jeans that fit me.

However, in my wardrobe hangs a pair of size 11s that when they fit, look great. I tried them on very recently and they were still way too tight. I have made progress though, as last time I couldn’t even get them up. I’ll probably survive March without them BUT on April 2 I’m off to Sydney for a girls’ weekend and I MUST have jeans for that weekend. So March goal is to fit into those Size 11 jeans by 2 April, hence the OP S11J (Operation Size 11 Jeans)

So on that note I’m cranking the cardio up a bit and will be smacking down that bl**dy Binge Monster when he thinks he’s going to be boss again. 30 days to make a difference and I’m a woman on a mission. If .... NO! When I succeed I’ll have to post a pic as proof of my achievement.

Cheers

Magda

FEBRUARY SUMMARY

Following in the spirit of my January Summary (see 1 Feb post), I thought I'd do the same again and its a bit of an eye opener now that I've looked back.

WEIGHT

I finished January at 68kgs and was roaring along beautifully looking like I'd cruise into the 66s and maybe even the 65s. :-( This morning I was 67 on the dot. More about that later. I have lost a total of 8cms over 5 sites so I better be happy about that.

TRAINING

Feb was a bit of a topsy turvy month and it took me quite a while to find my groove. I trained hard most of the time but I was out of sorts until I was in a routine. I'm still not quite in a routine per se but I'm working towards one and then I'll feel more settled. The reason for my late post tonight is that I trained legs at 8pm and followed up with 20 mins cardio on my exercise bike. I really wanted to get the session done over the weekend and we were out all day today so it had to be tonight.

HEADSPACE

This has been good overall. However the Binge Monster paid a nasty visit in the middle of Feb and sent me into a downward spiral for a few days. Emotions downward. Weight upward. Double whammy. Had it not been for that, I would have made it into the 66s but the past is past and I'll leave it there. I DID have many instances where there was an urge to eat the wrong thing but I stayed strong and I'm pleased that I seem to be improving in this area.

HIGH POINTS

Work has been "normal" instead of really busy and thats a nice change. The other high points have been small ones like making the habit of having breakfast on the way to work on Fridays, enjoying some nice meals out, and completing some killer training sessions. All things that put a smile on my face. Oh and I almost forgot ... in Feb I smashed my 3 week curse and went 4 weeks without binging. Now that was an achievement for me.

LOW POINTS

Visit from Binge Monster and how bad I felt afterwards. End of story.

Next post will be about my March goal. Stay tuned.

Magda